THE CONTENTED FAMILY
EXODUS 20:17 & I TIMOTHY 6:6-10 & 17-20
INTRODUCTION:
A Sunday School teacher told her class of 2nd graders the story found in Luke 16 of the Rich man and Lazarus. How that when they were here upon the earth the rich man had everything that money could buy and poor Lazarus had to beg for mere crumbs. But when they died, the rich man due to his selfishness went to a place of horrible torment while Lazarus went to a place of paradise. In conclusion, the teacher asked her students the question: "Now, which man would you rather be, Lazarus or the rich man?" One little boy’s hand shot up immediately and he said, "Well, while I’m alive I want to live like the rich man, but when I die I want to be like Lazarus."
That’s pretty indicative of the sentiment of much of today’s culture. We want it both ways, everything while living here, no sacrifice or lack of luxury, but when we die we want paradise. There is not much doubt, as you look at our society that we are materialistic. Many people truly believe that the more you have the happier you’ll be. But God has a different idea. He insists that having things does not now nor ever will provide contentment. Instead, God would say to us "Please put less emphasis on external possessions and more emphasis on internal and eternal contentment.” This commandment focus’ directly on our attitude, it gets to the source of the problem: the heart. "Do not Covet." Charles L. Allen writes: "It is fitting that this is the last rule because it brings us to the climax of living, which is contentment. Contentment gives peace and joy in our minds and hearts but it only comes from living God’s way." And this 10th commandment is so important for our families. With all the dissatisfaction we see in marriages, with all the financial pressure many of our families are under, we need to look closely at God’s plan and see what provides true fulfillment, what makes a contented family.
I. COVETOUSNESS IS CONSUMING: (The Definition of coveting)
First, what does it mean to covet and why is it wrong? Maybe it would help to start by seeing what it does not mean. God is not telling us that we can’t desire anything. He is not forbidding ambition, He is not prohibiting success. He’s not saying, "Don’t have any desire whatsoever for possessions." The Bible doesn’t promote laziness. Prov.6:6- "Lazy people should learn a lesson from the way ants live. The have no leader, chief, or ruler, but they store up their food during the summer, getting it ready for winter." (GN) The ant accumulates things that it needs. So, God would say, “I’ve created within you a normal desire for things and it is not wrong to see something and want it badly enough to work for it.” In fact, Paul says in 1 Thess. 3:10 that he gave the early churches a rule that if you don’t have enough ambition at least to work than you should not eat.
So when God says do not covet He is not saying "Do not desire anything." But what He is saying is: "Make sure you maintain a proper balance.” Covet = the uncontrollable desire to acquire. It refers to that consuming need for things, an inordinate want. William Barclay defines it as "the desire for something which we have no right to posses. A need that is driven by selfish ambition." To covet is to be willing to put things over people. To covet means to envy other people’s possessions so much that it results in discontentment; to forsake your relationship with God or ruin your family over your desire for having an abundance of things.
When you look at the categories of coveting that God gives here you see that they pretty much cover all the areas of our life. (1) He says, "Don’t covet your neighbors house." This, of course includes the type of lodging you have. What’s your reaction when you go to the home of a peer and it’s nicer than yours? Are you devastated? Bitter? Do you drive home and say to your wife, "Did you see that house? It’s so elaborate! They’re the same age that we are and yet they have twice the house we do. They must of inherited their money, I can’t believe it! Two acres, a 3 car garage, an entire wall of video & stereo equipment, and did you see that furniture? It goes back to Louis XIV, ours goes back to Sears on the 15th, if we don’t pay it." God says, "don’t be envious of your neighbors house. If he has something nicer than you, compliment him, say, "I’m glad for you, that’s great, enjoy it. I’m just glad I don’t have your payments."
Next, He says, "Don’t covet your neighbors wife." Have you wished you had someone else’s spouse? David did. David was one of Israel’s greatest Kings. He was married and one evening while strolling on his roof he saw Uriah’s wife and he said, "Man, she is beautiful, I’ve got to have her!" That led to adultery, deceit and eventually murder. Have you ever coveted somebody else’s husband or wife? Ever say, "I wish my wife looked like her, what a great body." -or- “I wish my husband was a spiritual leader like him, he’s what I want." -or- "He makes more money, he’s more tender." "She’s more talented." Those thoughts can lead to action. You berate your own mate for not measuring up. You find yourself flirting with the person and even taking covert action to undermine the stability of the other’s marriage and finally taking that mate for yourself. It all began with the wrong attitude of the heart- coveting what didn’t belong to you.
"Don’t covet your neighbors manservant or maidservant." I think that could apply today to another’s employee. Don’t be envious over someone else’s good worker.
"Don’t covet your neighbors ox or donkey." Don’t covet his mode of transportation. When a friend pulls up in his new car, or his great RV do pangs of jealousy sweep over you? Don’t covet anything that belongs to your neighbor: Not his TV, or his RV, or his ATV, or his DVD, or his BMW, nothing.
Now, as clear as this is, we also know that is a very difficult command to obey. It’s always been hard because we are physical beings and we like to have physical things. But the problem is that we often find it difficult to keep the proper balance in our desire to possess things. The reason it is so wrong to covet is because it consumes us. Remember God wants us to have the best life so He forbids coveting because He knows that:
II. COVETING DESTROYS CONTENTMENT: (The Dangers of coveting)
God knows that a sure formula for unhappiness is to be consumed with a desire for more and more things. So, let’s see five dangers that coveting presents to us.
(1) Coveting drains you physically.. it brings fatigue. In our push to get more we over work, we take on second jobs, even the teens are involved in the "material rat race." If your teenager works, do yourself and them a favor and ask yourself why. Does any of that money go to the families needs? Or are they simply learning early that you work in order to get, get, get. But we work our heads off and we grow tired as a result. Prov. 23:4- "Don’t wear yourself out trying to get rich; be wise enough to control yourself."(NCV) Fatigue.
(2) Coveting devastates budgets.. it brings debt. Ecc. 5:11- "The more money you have.. the more money you spend."(LB) Anybody identify with that? We think the reason we are under financial stress is because we don’t make enough money. We say, "If I just made 10% more I’d have it made." But that’s not the real problem for most of us. The real reason that most of us are under financial stress is not because we don’t have enough money, it’s because we want too much. A lot of things we think are "needs" are really "greeds." I heard the other day that the average American owes $1300 in credit for every $1000 that they make. Folks, it won’t work that way. It always costs more to have more. We want and buy more than we can afford. We spend more than we make. Listen, when you combine our philosophy that things bring you happiness with easy credit card buying it can devastate your budget.
(3) Coveting dispels fulfillment.. it brings worry. Jesus gave an entire sermon on Matt. 6 on worry. He said, "Don’t do it.. it’s wrong. Because when you want more and worry about why you don’t have it, then you haven’t trusted God." He ends His message by saying "So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries.."(Mt. 6:34 NLT) In other words, be content with what you have because the more you have, the more you have to worry about. “How am I going to protect it, how am I going to invest it, how am I going to save it, how am I going to avoid paying taxes on it, how am I going to keep from losing it?” There is a study out that shows that insomnia increases with income. Ecc. 5:12- “..the rich are always worrying and seldom get a good night’s sleep..."(NLT) You’re tossing and turning over your bills, you’re laying awake wondering about the next project. Most marriage problems do not come when they first start out and are just meeting their needs but dissatisfaction comes after they’ve had several years of promotions, raises, bills and are caught up in the battle for things. So coveting destroys contentment by bringing on fatigue, debt, worry.. and when you add those three together you’ll get the 4th danger..
(4) Coveting destroys relationship. it brings conflict. James 4:1-2- "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Aren’t they caused by the selfish desires that fight to control you? You want what you don’t have, so you commit murder. You’re determined to have things, but you can’t get what you want. You quarrel and fight."(GN) God says our conflict comes from our always wanting more. One of the greatest obstacles in a marriage is financial tension.. We buy what we cannot afford and it causes arguments. How many times have you seen parents leave an inheritance and then watch siblings bicker over that inheritance and end up not even talking to each other? God says, "Don’t covet anything that someone else has.. not their house, their spouse, car.. It destroys relationships.”
(5) But the primary reason that God forbids coveting is that coveting dims the spiritual.. it brings dissatisfaction. Ecc. 5:10b (GN) "If you love money, you will never be satisfied; if you long to be rich, you will never get all that you want." Do you believe that? Let’s be honest.. Things can bring happiness.. for a while. The thrill wears off.. and the initial excitement goes away. Why? Because things, they don’t get newer, but they do wear out. I like computers but one thing about computers that will drive you crazy is that there is always something newer and better coming out. A year and a half ago I got a Pentium III 500 mhz (fastest at the time) and I was thrilled. But now that’s old hat compared to the new Pentium IV with 3 times the speed. And I could buy a new computer with a monitor and a printer for the same amount I bought my 500 for 18 months ago! Things never bring lasting happiness. I wonder... How many of you are still thrilled with last years Christmas gift?
But there is something that you count on to be unchanging but brings ultimate satisfaction..Your relationship to God. He provides forgiveness, growth and eternal life. Paul wrote Phil. 3:19 that those whose mind is on earthly things are headed for disappointment and ultimately destruction, so he encourages us to set our hearts on the spiritual because he goes on to say.. "But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives." You see we are just passing through this world to the next, so why are we concentrating so much on the things of this world? Do we really believe this world is not our home? If that’s the case some of us are spending an awful lot of time getting real comfortable in a place that is only a temporary stop over. Luke 12:15- "A man’s life does not consist in what he possess." Beloved, God wants you to concentrate on the spiritual, He wants you to invest in more lasting commodities.
Look at our text from 1 Tim. 6:6 Paul says.. "Godliness with contentment is great gain." I’m afraid American Christian’s have turned that around to read.. "Godliness with great gain provides contentment." If you have fallen into the trap of trying to build your own kingdom instead of God’s, if you’ve neglected your spiritual life and been concentrating on the physical, then it’s time to get your priorities back in order. Knofel Staton said, "The wisest investors are those who invest in what outlasts life."
III. CEASING TO COVET: (The Delineation of Coveting)
Well, since coveting is a dangerous disease, what is the antidote? What’s the secret to the delineation of coveting? Paul gives the antidote in Phil 4:12.. He said.. "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation.." Catch that very important word there.. "I’ve learned.." to be content. Ceasing to covet and thus producing lasting contentment, does not come naturally, it must be learned. I’m not, by nature, a contented person, and neither are you. It’s not automatic, it must be learned. How can we do that? One way is to understand the dangers, the negatives that come from coveting.. the five things we just went through. But there are some positive practical things we can do. It’s a difficult task in this materialistic society but it can be done. Let me suggest 4 things that all of us can do as we close this morning.
(1) Resist comparing myself to others. Because comparing always lead to coveting. Remember wicked Queen in Snow White? She’d ask the mirror every day, "Whose the fairest of them all?" The mirror would reply, "You are, Oh Queen!" One day the mirror said, "You’re the runner-up, Snow White is the fairest of them all." And suddenly she was miserable. No matter how good you have it, coveting can make you feel inferior. There is always somebody prettier, richer, funnier, more talented.
How do you react when you see someone with a better car, house, job? We can be perfectly content until we start comparing ourselves with somebody else. 1 Tim. 6:9- "People who want to get rich fall into temptation.." And if your primary love is things, you’re going to be tempted to compare what you have with what others have. We need to learn this very important lesson.. "Learn to admire without having to acquire." Why do we compare? Because we’ve fallen in the trap set by our culture. They say, "net worth = self-worth." We should say, NOT! What we have has never equaled who we are. You can be a millionaire and a jerk or be penniless & be a great person. I can learn contentment by resisting the temptation to compare myself to others.
(2) Rejoice in what I do have. Ecc. 6:9 "Enjoy what you have rather than desiring what you don’t have."(NLT) In other words, we need to open our eyes and see how God has blessed us. Don’t be always focusing on what you don’t have, remind yourself of what you do have. We often fall into the trap of "When and Then:" thinking. When and then thinking says, "When I get ___ then I’ll be happy. When I get married.. When I get a better paying job.. When I get my kids in college.. When I get... then I’ll be happy.” No you won’t. Because things don’t give lasting contentment. Let me ask you.. What are you waiting for to make you happy? “When I get married.. When I get out of this marriage.. When I get that job, that car..” You are as happy as you choose to be. It’s time to stop whining, repent of our ungrateful hearts & enjoy what we do have. Like this poem says: "God, forgive me when I whine."
Today, upon a bus, I saw a lovely maid with golden hair.
I envied her, she seemed so gay, and oh I wished I was as fair.
When suddenly she rose to leave, I saw her hobbled down the aisle.
She had one foot and wore a crutch. But as she passed, a smile.
Oh God, forgive me when I whine. I have 2 legs, the world is mine
And when I stopped to buy some sweets. The lad who served me had such charm.
I talked with him, his manner was so very kind and warm.
And as I left, he said to me, "I thank you, you’ve been so kind.
It’s nice to talk with folks like you. You see," he said, "I’m blind."
Oh God, forgive me when I whine. I have 2 eyes, the world is mine.
Then when walking down the street, I saw a child with eyes so blue.
He stood and watched the others play. It seemed he knew not what to do.
I stopped a moment, then I said, "Why don’t you join the others, dear?"
He looked ahead without a word. And then I knew, he couldn’t hear.
Oh God, forgive me when I whine. I have 2 ears, the world is mine.
With feet to take me where I’d go. With eyes to see the sunset’s glow. With ears to hear what I should know. Oh God, forgive me when I whine. I’m blessed indeed, the world is mine.
(3) Release what I have to help others. God has not blessed you for your own benefit. 1 Tim 6:17-19. "Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life." Now, to make this point let’s go through those verses and I’ll ask you to circle a few words. 1st, whose he talking to? "..those who are rich.."(circle) "rich." That’s us in this room. If you are an American you are rich. Those American’s on welfare are still in the top 2-4% of the world’s population. Now, since that’s the case is it possible to be wealthy and not materialistic? Yes. You can be poor and still greedy. Materialism is an attitude. So how can I be "rich" which is who he is talking to, and not be materialistic.. just follow the four precautions in this verse. (1) Don’t be.. circle.. Arrogant. i.e., Don’t be proud of your possessions. (2) Don’t put your.. circle.. hope.. in wealth. i.e., Don’t put your trust in money. You’re security is not in your bank account. Money can disappear in 100 ways! Put your hope and trust in God. (3) Then vs:18 - Do.. circle.. Good.. and be rich in circle.. Good deeds.. i.e. Use your money to do good. i.e. Don’t waste your money.. make sure your money pays more dividends than just making more money. What spiritual dividends does your money pay. Listen, God is watching how and what you use your money for. (4) Be circle.. "generous and willing to share." The one sure cure for coveting in this world is to give generously of what you have. Why? Because the opposite of getting is giving. Every time I give.. to someone else, to the church.. I’m breaking the grip of covetousness. Because every time I’m generous I am in effect, saying, "I can get along without this."
And God says, "Do these 4 things and you get a benefit.” Vs:19- "In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age.." We know that we can’t take it with us but this verse implies that you but you can send it on ahead! Every time you’re generous God takes account of it and builds for the coming age. Now I don’t think our reward in heaven will be material but this does say if we are generous we are laying up treasure in heaven. And the most contented people I know are those who are not concerned about accumulating. They enjoy life because they have found the way to keep their possessions in perspective & they’re generous.
(4) Refocus on what is going to last. Give your attention to permanent values, reorganize your life so that eternal priorities are first in your life. 2 Cor. 4:18- "For we fix our attention, no on things that are seen, but on things that are unseen. What can be seen lasts only for a time, but what cannot be seen lasts forever." You see, the most important thing to do along with opening up your eyes and hands is to open up your heart. Maybe you’ve had your heart closed against God. And one of the reasons you’ve sealed your heart against Him or His church is because you think it’s just another gimmick to get your money. I want you to know that Jesus doesn’t want or need your money, but He wants you. And when He has you, your heart, you’ll realize that He has given everything for you and you’ll find yourself wanting to give to Him. Jesus Christ stands at the door of your heart knocking, but like this picture where there is not door knob, He will not force Himself in. But He knocks asking you to let Him in and put Him ahead of your job, your possessions and your ambitions. In return, if you open your heart to Him, He’ll give you contentment and eternal life. Now, that does not mean that He’ll take away all your problems or trials but He will give you a reason to persevere. A purpose to live.
Oh, please understand.. Wealth doesn’t give you so much to live for, only so much to live on... what are you living for? You want to be content? Want a contented family? Then "..put your hope in God who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment."
PRAYER - “God, so many times we’ve gotten confused.. we’ve listened to this temporary world’s philosophy and somehow thought that things could provide happiness.. Not realizing in thinking that way that we’ve crowded out the very One who provides the contentment we want and need. And yet You’re still patient, You’re still ready to forgive, You’re still knocking.. Help us to release our fists, our tight hold on this life and open our heart to you. For in doing so we find that you have provided real life, real love, real purpose. I pray especially for those who have never trusted you enough to open the door of their hearts and invited you in as Savior and Lord - also for those who have done that and yet somehow have missed the personal relationship that you offer. Help us right now to just reach out and open our hearts to you. Jesus Name, Amen.”
