HOW TO HONOR PARENTS
EXODUS 20:12 & EPHESIANS 6:1-3
INTRODUCTION:
Minister Dave Gable tells the story of Jill, their 6-year-old, who was “helping” him in the front yard of the parsonage. She chattered away about her Sunday school lesson on Adam and Eve. Dave thought he’d test her. “Did you know Adam and Eve sinned?” “Yep.” “What did God do to them as a punishment?” Her answer was immediate and matter-of-fact, without even looking up she said: “He made them have kids.”
Sometimes marriage and parenting puts us in peril of such pain, risk, and loss of control that sometimes it seems like punishment for our sins! So, I suspect God gave us the 5th commandment, "honor your Father and Mother," because He knew how hard it would be for parents to raise their children properly and how easy it would be for children to develop a disrespectful attitude toward Dad & Mom. As children, we’re basically selfish; we want everything to go our way. The baby’s national anthem is, "I want, what I want, when I want it." As teens, we think our parents are hopelessly ignorant and "behind the times." As young adults, we are consumed with the responsibilities of work & family. And, as middle-aged adults, we view our aged parents sometimes as wearisome burdens that infringe on our hard earned freedom.
This commandment tells us differently. I believe that the process of restoring our homes to God’s ideal begins with this pivotal 5th commandment. We need to honor our parents and notice God gives no age limit here. He says, "It doesn’t matter whether you’re a young child, a teen still living with your parents, or whether you’re older and living on our own, you must honor your parents.” So today let’s talk about our responsibility to parents and so doing see what we should be expecting from our children.
I. HONOR: UNDERSTANDING THE COMMANDMENT
Let’s begin by making sure we understand the meaning of this commandment. Why do you think God put this in His top ten? I believe He gave this command for at least two reasons. (1) So we would honor the position of parenthood. Obviously, there are no perfect parents. Even the very best parents have sinned and as a result there is a tendency to emphasize their imperfections and thus treat them incorrectly. Does that mean if your parents abused you or mistreated you in some way that you are to ignore the pain? No. God is simply saying.. "You are to honor the position no matter how the individual may dishonor it." We understand that principle. For example, when you go into a courtroom you address the judge by, "Your Honor." You’re not making a value judgement on his or her character. Personally they may be jerks, but you show respect for the position. And God placed the parental position as one of authority in the home and we are to honor it because He placed it there.
(2) How I relate to my parents will affect my other relationships in life. "Psychology Today," stated that the #1 goal of modern parents is to teach their children to be independent, assertive and self-reliant. 40 years ago the #1 goal of most parents was to impart moral values to their children. But now, moral and spiritual values are not nearly as important. That philosophy has not only reeked havoc on our families but on our entire society as well. Ours is an independent generation; we are not big on submission to authority. There really isn’t much respect for police officers, school teachers, Church leaders. You just don’t hear a whole lot of people today, when they’re disciplined or corrected say, "Yes, sir, you’re the boss," or "Yes, ma’am, I’ll do it right away." Instead of a humble attitude or a teachable spirit our society now stands with a defiant expression saying, "Nobody tells me what to do!" If you question that you probably haven’t visited a classroom lately or reprimanded an employee or tried to tell someone who is living in sin, about Biblical expectations. One of the reasons God gave us this very pivotal command is because He knows that the place where we must first learn respect for authority, is in the home. When one learns submission in the home he will know how to respond to others with authority; police officers, ministers, teachers, Elders, law makers, etc. Parents, if your child gets away with rebelling against your authority what chance do you think a teacher will have? Why should they listen to a police officer who says, "Don’t drink and drive, don’t do drugs." If a child grows up getting his way by pouting, hitting, manipulating, he’s liable to make that a part of any relationship. What chance does that give the child’s marriage? For respect to once again be a part of our culture, it must begin in the family structure.
So God says, "Honor.." What does that mean? To honor means "to pay tribute to." Why use the word honor instead of saying: "Children, love or appreciate your parents." Once again it is because honor has to do with respect for position. And when you respect the position there is a benefit that occurs. In Eph. 6:2 (printed)- Paul says that this is the "First commandment with a promise." The promise is in vs: 3- "..that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." Now, I don’t think that’s an individual promise. I don’t think God is saying, “If you obey your Father and Mother when you’re young, that you will live to be 100.” I know some pretty compliant children that died young and some pretty rebellious ones that grew up to be crusty old, old people. I believe that when God gave the 10 Commandments to Moses that this was a National promise. He was saying to the Israelite people, "If you learn to establish respect for authority in the home, your nation will be strong and it will live long. But if your children don’t respect authority, your nation in time, will grow weak because the foundations will crumble.” This promise is now true in any country in which God’s new chosen people, Christians, live. It’s essential for the well being of any culture, that there be respect for authority, beginning in the home. And although I don’t see this as an individual promise I do think He’s stating an individual principle here. Author Warren Weirsbe writes, "When children obey their parents in the Lord, they will escape a good deal of sin and danger and thus avoid the things that could threaten or shorten their lives."
God wants us to understand that honoring our parents is beneficial for our lives and for our society. That’s why 19th century English philosopher & author John Ruskin said, "The history of the world is not based on the record of our wars, but the well-being of our households." Since this is a Biblical requirement and such a pivotal command, what can we do to honor our parents at different stages of life? Let’s look at....
II. HONOR: WHILE INSIDE THE NEST:
I want to take a few moment to talk to the younger children and especially the teenagers for a moment. So, if you are not presently living under your parent’s roof you have my permission to relax for a few minutes. (Not too long because we’ll talk about "outside the nest”next.) Young people, or anyone for that matter that is still living under your parents direct authority in the home, you’re biggest responsibility is to demonstrate an inward attitude of respect toward your parents. The Bible repeatedly tells us that the mind and the heart are the inward source of our outward actions. So you need to understand that God is asking you to respect the fact that your parents brought you into this world and have sacrificed many things to keep you here. When you do not respect your parents you discredit and hurt God. God says it is a shame and disgrace to be disrespectful. Pro. 19:26 "A child who robs his father or mother of respect is full of shame and disgrace."(GN) Make sure you demonstrate the inward attitude of respect for your parents who Almighty God has placed over you.
Then out of the overflow of inward respect you will be able to demonstrate outward actions of obedience. Our printed passage from Eph.6:1says: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." Let’s take that sentence and expand on it seeing some characteristics of Godly obedience. How does He want us to obey?
Well, notice God does not say, “Children obey your parents only if you agree with them or only when you think it’s fair.” No, it just says, “..obey your parents.” So, here’s the first characteristic, you are to obey willingly, understanding that when you obey your parents you’re in a real way obeying God. Now, there is a disclaimer here.. You are to obey them "in the Lord." There maybe rare occasions that a child is asked to do something contrary to God’s will. If a parent asks the child to lie about his age so they can get into the theater more cheaply, the child ought to say, "Mom, Dad, God doesn’t want me lie." If the child is asked to cheat, swear, or be sexually promiscuous, then they ought to resist. Jesus is superior to all other authority and if a parent’s command clearly and flagrantly breaks God’s word (not because you’ve found some “loophole”) you have the right to disobey. That refusal doesn’t break God’s instructions here.
Now, let’s acknowledge that doesn’t happen very often and also understand that to honor your parents in the area of obedience is more than grudgingly giving in. To honor your parents is to obey on the first command. The 2nd characteristic.. Honor is to obey immediately. When your mother asks you grade schoolers or teenagers to go do your homework, how long does it take you to respond? When Dad says, "Get off the phone and set the table." Do you do it right away? Or do they have to nag, raise their voice and threaten before you respond? If you want to honor your parents the next time they say, "Please go mow the grass." or "It’s time for bed," just do it immediately. 3rdly, to honor parents means to obey pleasantly, i.e., without complaining or grumbling. Phil. 2:14- "Do everything without complaining or grumbling." Isn’t that a great verse parents? Young people to do everything without complaining or arguing means that when Dad says, "You’re to be home by midnight," you don’t begin to moan and say, "nobody else has to be home that early." Or if Mom says, "I don’t want you to wear those earrings because they are six feet long and dangle on the ground when you walk," you don’t stomp to your room and sit in there and pout or threaten to take your own life or something. Now, I’m not saying you can’t ask legitimate questions, but after the explanation, don’t go off on Dad or Mom. You obey pleasantly as you would obey the Lord. And notice the promise that is here in Ephesians. If you honor your parents with obedience, vs:3 says, "it will go well with you." Young people so often you hold the key to peace in the home. If you will obey willingly, immediately & pleasantly, it will go well with you. But if you are rebellious, sarcastic, and difficult your life will be most likely miserable because you reap what you sow.
I’ve used this before but I think it pulls together how children “in the nest” are to obey willingly, immediately and pleasantly. Let’s use an all too typical scene in a home with a teen-ager. Schools out and the parents are going out or to work, but before they do Mom says to her teen, "I want your room cleaned up today! I don’t know how you can live in such filth. I’ve told you time and time again. Before I get home, I want that room cleaned up, do you understand?" Dad’s standing there nodding. The parents leave. The child goes back to bed. They finally get up, watch a little TV, talk on the phone, eat a snack, watch a little more tube. Then they hear a door slam, look out the window and see that Mom’s home and they haven’t even started on the room. They dash in and start giving it a once over and mother comes in and she is very unhappy. "What is wrong with you? I ask you to do one simple task. When are you going to learn some responsibility?" Mom tells Dad when he gets home and there is big-time strife.
Then later on, that evening, the teen says, "Dad and Mom, a group of kids are going to Junction Saturday to a concert and to Chili’s afterwards, could I go? And they need transportation so could I drive? And I need about $50 okay?" Dad blows his stack. "How can you expect us to give you $50? Do you think money grows on trees? You get an allowance. And no you cannot drive, you cannot even clean up your own room. I’ll tell you where you will be this Saturday- cleaning up your room!" And there is strife and tears and it is not going well with you. Now, think of what a difference it would make in that home if the teen-ager would honor the parents by obeying willfully, immediately, and pleasantly.
"I want that room cleaned up before I get back from work." And you go in there and you take all morning long to straighten things up. You do the bed exactly right, you put everything back in it’s proper drawer, you clean out your closet. And when you get done you clean the bathroom, then you go and work in the garage for awhile. When your parents get home they are ecstatic, they know you are the greatest child in the world. They praise you and bless you. Later on you say, "Dad & Mom, a bunch of us want to go to the Junction to a concert and to Chili’s Saturday. Could I drive and I need about 50 bucks?". And your parents say, "Why certainly you can go. And don’t take your old chevy, take Dad’s new SUV, your so responsible. And I don’t know how you make your allowance stretch as far as you do, here’s $100 instead of 50. Have a great time!”
Now, I take it by your reaction you think that’s a little unrealistic. But did you ever notice how much better things go in the home when you have a compliant, obedient spirit, when you do a little more than expected? Young people, let me encourage you to obey the W.I.P. way.. (I guarantee if you’ll obey this way you won’t get whipped) Obey willingly, immediately & pleasantly. It will transform your home, your parents will become a whole lot more understanding and it will go well with you.
III. HONOR: OUTSIDE THE NEST:
Now, as we mature and leave home, obedience gives way to I think, at least three majors ways to honor parents. (1) Accept your parents. Now, acceptance doesn’t mean ignoring their mistakes but it does mean a couple of things. First, that you accept their God given role in your life. God gave your parents a role that regardless of their parenting skills you cannot debate or overlook. They gave you your life. It is because of them you exist, you owe them your life. Prov. 23:22- "Listen to your Father who gave you life and do not forget your mother.." (NCV) Accept this fact.. You would not be here without your Father and Mother. (b) Accept their mistakes. And, acceptance includes forgiveness. Listen, whenever you live with other individuals over a long period of time like in a family, you are going to experience hurt. That is why it is essential that families are built on forgiveness. And today, it is not so popular to honor your parents as it is to go lie on a couch and blame your parents. God doesn’t want you to honor their sins but He wants you to handle your reaction to their sins in a non-sinful way! You honor your parents when you choose to forgive them where they did wrong and focus on the things they did right. Accept your parents.
(2) Appreciate your parents. Have you ever noticed how much smarter your parents got between the ages of say, 16 and 26? And if you’re a parent now, maybe you can begin to understand just how much your parents have done for you. Honor means appreciation. Prov. 3:27 says, “Do not withhold good from those who deserve it.”(NLT) And your parents deserve it. Have you ever considered how much easier your parent’s life would of been if they had not had you? It is amazing now having 3 children of my own how I appreciate what my parents went through. From the time you are conceived, your parents sacrificed for you repeatedly. Do you think your Mom enjoyed allowing her body to become disfigured while she carried you? There is no innate quality that gives great delight to any parent at a 3am feeding when you have to work the next day. Have you ever slaved over a hot stove juggling all kinds of things only to have the family come in, gulp it down in 15 minutes, and disappear? No “Thank-you,”just dishes to clean up. There should come a time when we mature enough to begin to appreciate what our parents have done. Somebody said that a Father is someone who keeps pictures where his money used to be. Have you sent them a note recently, or bragged about them to somebody else, or giving them a special night? To honor our parents means to be appreciative. And if your parents taught you to know the Lord, you can be most grateful. I’m so thankful for a Father & Mother who took time to teach me Bible stories when I was little. Parents who insisted I be in Church whether I wanted to or not. I’m so thankful for parents who, when I rebelled as a teen, took the time to sit on the edge of my bed and through tears, refused to yield to my selfish ways. If you’ve come to know the Lord through Godly parents, you’ve received the greatest gift God could give. Be appreciative.
And then as we begin to mature in years, to honor means thirdly, to affirm our parents. Lev. 19:32 - "Show respect to the elderly, and honor older people. In this way you show respect for your God."(GW) As our parents age, we honor them by affirming them. That means calling them regularly, visiting them frequently, even if your kids say, "it’s boring." It means to be there when there is a serious operation, or serious sickness even if it means postponing your own plans. To care for your parents means to provide oversight if they are feeble of mind or body. When Jesus was dying on the cross, He saw to it that His mother would be provided for in her older years by having His disciple John take over her care. I am so proud of several of our folks who have taken their parents into their home or who have selected the best nursing homes, and visit regularly and care for them lovingly. Do not abandon your aged parents. Prov. 23:22b- "..do not forget your mother when she is old." (NLT)
And our family knows from experience that when your parents suffer from alzheimers or their memories begin to lapse, that it takes extra patience because they become almost child like. Isn’t it strange? As you get older the roles begin to reverse. You care for your parents as they once cared for you. Erma Bombeck writes in one of her books, "When did I become the mother and the mother become the child? Does it begin one night when you are asleep and your mother is restless? And you go in her room and tuck the blanket around her bare arms? Does it appear one afternoon when, in a moment of irritation, you snap, "How can I give you a home permanent if you won’t sit still?" Or did it come the rainy afternoon when you were driving home from the store and you slammed on your brakes, and your arms sprang protectively between her and the windshield... and your eyes met with a knowing, sad look. The transition comes slowly, as it began between her and her mother. The changing of power, the transferring of responsibility, the passing down of duty. Suddenly you are spewing out the familiar phrases learned at the knee of your mother. "Of coarse, you’re sick. Don’t you think I know when you’re not feeling well? "So where’s your sweater? You know how cold the stores get with the A/C." "You look very nice today. Didn’t I tell you’d like that dress?" "Did you take your nap this morning." And on the parents part rebellion.. "I’ll thank you to let me make my own decisions. I know when I’m tired! Stop treating me like some kind of child." But that’s exactly what has happened. Slowly, almost imperceptibly. So you bathe and pat dry the body that once housed you. You spoon feed the lips that once kissed your cuts and bruises and made them "all better." You never really thought it would be like this. Then one day while riding with your daughter, she slams on her brakes and her arm flies out instinctively in front of you. My..... so soon. That’s the love cycle of the family Don’t despise your parents when they are older.. accept, appreciate & affirm them. Honor your Mother and Father.
And then Ephesians 6:4 addresses by saying if you want to be honored, be honorable. Eph. 6:4- "And now a word to you parents. Don’t keep on scolding and nagging your children, making them angry and resentful. Rather, bring them up with the loving discipline of Lord himself.."(LB) Paul’s saying, "Don’t drive your kid nuts by being too harsh.” Don’t try to make them another you.. one’s enough in this world. The key is that last phrase.. "..bring them up with loving discipline." Some versions say, “in the training and instruction of the Lord.” That’s the key to successful parenting. You can make sure they’re educated, you can make sure they’re healthy but your #1 goal in parenting is to make sure they know Jesus Christ as their personal Savior. If they have everything else, but do not have that.. they have nothing and you have failed because you have not provided for their soul. Can you say.. "If I died today, I know that I would see all my children in heaven." The best potential for being able to say that is if you have brought them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
The commandment is Honor - that means respect & obedience while in the home, loving care once outside it. One day they’ll not be with you any longer and you will have no more chances to honor them, this side of heaven. So, why not communicate your love- today. That’s what we ask you to do for the God that gave this command. To communicate to your heavenly Father that you love Him. He’s the only perfect parent. You can honor Him best today by giving Him yourself.. willingly, pleasantly and yes immediately.. right now.
PRAYER
