What is a Family?
This will begin a sermon series on what is a marriage and what is a family. This topic is too lengthy to cover in one sermon so it will be broken down into a series. We will first discuss the male partner and then the female partner. Pay close attention here. I purposely avoided the use of husband and wife. You see a marriage is more than that. A marriage is a union of two people becoming one. It is a union that will, most times, grow to a family union. We will start with looking at the man’s role both as a husband and as a father. Then we will look at the woman’s role both as a wife and a mother. We will look at what is love and how to love each other. Then we will look at the family union and how to keep the family united. We will be discussing this topic in detail. Today I am going to touch on several issues of marriage and family. This topic will not be easy for some and may at times seem harsh. However, God has laid this series on my heart and I will be delivering His message.
First lets look at what is a Husband? A husband is, as defined by Merriam Webster,
1: a male partner in a marriage
2: British: MANAGER, STEWARD
3: a frugal manager
Many people through out time have misinterpreted what a marriage consists of. So many of decided that it is a dictatorship and the husband is the dictator. Many have believed that no matter what the husband was in control and the wife was to be seen not heard. Often we see many issues where women have even stated that they stayed in abusive and adulterous relationships because this is how they were raised. They were not to question the husband and, no matter what, divorce was not an option.
Let’s get into the role of the man, the husband, in a marriage. First, he is the head of the wife.
I Cor 11:3
But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God
Eph 5:23
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
The man is the head as just as Christ is the head of the church. So does this mean the man is the dictator? Absolutely not. This means that the man is the leader, he is the one accountable,just as Christ is accountable for us. Christ laid his life down for us. He was crucified for our sins. So the hsband, the man,is accountable for the family. It is the husband who must lead the family. This is not an iron-fisted approach which says that it is my way or no way. It is merely a role of leadership which leads by means of example and Christian living. It also is a leadership based off of love and submission. I will get more into the love in a relationship in a later sermon. The important message here is that you lead by example and that Christ gives the example. You lead through love and sacrifice. It is up to the husband to, through example, teach the Word of God and to follow in the footsteps of Christ as laid out in God’s Word.
Next we need to talk about the role of submission.
Eph 5
21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. 22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Here we are told to submit to one another not just the wife submitting to the husband. There is a difference between worldly submission and Godly submission. Godly submission is that of being accountable, one that is serving and caring. Just as Christ is accountable for the church, so the man is accountable. This means that just as Christ submits to the church so must man submit to Christ, and woman submits to man. Man is not the dictator, he is a leader. This by no means is stating that the woman is beneath the man, that she is to be dominated, nor that she is to be seen and not heard. This puts a huge responsibility on the man. It puts the role of leadership and accountability upon him. It is a fine line that we walk. Men have to understand their role and understand the responsibility placed upon them.
You first have to understand we were all, male and female, made in God’s image. We are two different sexes with different parts. This also meant that God made us equally responsible for populating the world. He made male and then female. He created them equal with different tasks. He did not make man more intelligent then woman or vice versa, He did not make woman inferior to man, no, He made them equal. He did not condemn woman alone for the sins of Adam and Eve. He condemns all mankind. Adam could have made the choice not to eat the apple. But this is for another sermon.
A leader is one whom people follow willingly due to their ability to lead by example and to lead with care and concern. Christ is a true leader who leads by example. He led through serving others. He washed the disciple’s feet. He led the flock by his example. He led through serving just as we are to do. We are to be servants to one another. We are to serve others as Christ served us. He did not ever lead through fear and intimidation. Oh, trust me, He could have scared any one into following Him. Christ was not a bully who bullied and beat people into living life correctly. No, He did no such thing. He never had to coerce people or threaten them into submission. He did not take away free will. He did not take away your ability to make choices, wrong or right. You still have the ability to make choices and you are accountable for those choices. Man is made in God’s image; we are to strive to be like Christ in all things. Men let me lay this right out on the line.
In Eph 5
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
First I need to point out that the Husband is being ctold to love their wives. The word love is used in 334 scriptures in the bible. In two places is it used to the wife. First in Proverbs 5
19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. Which is not asying to the wives to love the husband but merely stateing that indeed you are ravaged with her love. This is saying that she does love you, it is not assuming any different nor is it a command for her to love you. Second time it is used is in Titus 2
4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
Here it is saying that the women is taught to love their husbands as a young women. Again I must say that they are not be commanded to love their husbands nor is it being implied that they would ever not love their husbands. However we have been commanded as men that we must love our wives. It goes into detail explaining how you are to love her. This will be covered a little more in detail when we get to the sermon on love.
We are told to be willing, as Christ did, to give yourself for your wife. This means that you are to be willing to give up your own existence for the existence of the wife. You have to be willing to lay down your life for her. Do you think we are only being taught that we must be willing to die for our wife? I think not. You must be willing in all things to put yourself behind the wife. You may ask what this means. Well lets try to answer this as easy as I can. Our needs will be met by meeting the needs of those we love. First and foremost should be the needs of your wife. This means that you must not put your own selfish agenda at work. You must look for what is the best service to the wife. This goes into the family as well. Our needs should not be first, our needs should encompass the needs of woman and revolve around them as such. Do not get me wrong here, there is a difference between needs and wants. We are not even going to discuss wants, as that would be much to lengthy at this time. We are merely talking needs here. We all have certain needs that must be sustained. For example, but by no means limited to these things, is the fact that we need clothing. This is in the means of cloth to cover ourselves. We need nourishment, both physical and spiritual. We need water to drink and we need to be needed. I know this all seems to be going no where, however, believe me it is not.
We need nourishment; this is laid upon the responsibility of the man not just by means of bringing food into the home, it is also his responsibility to bring in the nourishment of the gospel. It is the man’s role to set the tone of spirituality within the home. If he were one of non-belief, then the family will most likely be the same. If he were one that leads his family to church and Christian fellowship, then they shall follow. I always look at it this way; we are a team who plays better together than individually. The family is just as a team is no matter what sport you play. The team is made up of individuals with different talents and different degrees of ability. The family is the same. The Father is the leader or the coach, he is held accountable for what happens. The wife or mother is the captain of the team. She is responsible for controlling the action while the game is played. She is to rally the troops and keep them focused. She is to guide them on the field and call the plays sent in from the side lines, ETC. The children are the remaining team members. They are the ones who win or lose the game. It is the coache’s responsibility to train, teach, and develop the team. The captain takes the coache’s input and guides the team on the field. And the team begins to grow and gain more knowledge and experience.
God has laid it on my heart that in the world today with the very sanctity of marriage being destroyed through same sex marriages, abusive and violent marriages, adultrous unions and so forth, it is time that some one taught the true meaning on many issues with regard to marriage. Some may be harder to see than others, however, it is important that we have a full understanding of the term marriage. We should try to gain a full understanding of a husband and wife relationship. And we need to have a full understanding of what a family means.
Pastor David Azbell
