Drowning in Doubt
It was a hot, humid Mississippi night nearly ten years ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday. I was sitting on the third step of the swimming pool at my apartment complex. I was twenty-six years and had just completed a very difficult seminary program. For nearly three years I had written papers about God, took tests on the Bible, and debated other students on the finer points of theology. Now, sitting in that pool that night, I was drowning in doubt.
My mind was flooded with questions like:
“I know a lot about You God. But do I really know You? Do I have the information without the inspiration?”
“If you are in control, then why is my mother dying?”
“Why do You not answer my prayers?” and “If You know everything anyway, why pray at all?”
“Why, when I need you the most, do you seem most distant?”
The most haunting question of all was:
“How can you use me? If people really knew my doubts, they wouldn’t listen to me. How can I be a minister for Your Kingdom with all these doubts?”
Thoughts of joining the circus seriously entered my mind.
We are in Good Company
I have a question for you this morning. Have you ever felt the same way? Have you ever felt dogged by your doubts? Have you ever asked some of the same questions of God I did? If you have, would you please raise your hands?
Doesn’t it feel good to be honest in church? For those of us who have doubted, be encouraged, we are in very good company.
In his classic book, “Devotions”, Augustine wrote of his desire for certainty: “I wish to be made just as certain of things I could not see, as I was certain that seven and three makes ten”
The great Reformer Martin Luther battled constantly against doubt and depression.
A church in Boston delayed evangelist D.L. Moody’s application to join because his beliefs seemed so uncertain.
The great novelist, Fyodor Dostoevsky, wrote: “It is not as a child that I believe and confess Jesus Christ. My hosanna is born in a furnace of doubt”
Billy Graham tells of a time of desperate prayer in which he wrestled with his doubts about the truth of the Bible.
Philip Yancy, the author of such Christian classics as “Where is God When it Hurts?” and “What’s So Amazing about Grace?” was asked to sign Christianity Today magazine’s statement of faith “without doubt or equivocation.” He refused, writing “I can barely sign my own name without doubt or equivocation.”
Feeling better about yourself yet?
What about the Biblical examples of individuals who doubted but never-the-less remained committed to the cause: Adam, Sarah, Abraham, Jacob, Job, Jeremiah, Jonah, John the Baptist, Martha, Peter, and Thomas.
As Yancey puts it in his book on doubt, “Reaching for the Invisible God,” “God appears far less threatened by doubt than does his church.”
Defining Doubt
Before we move on to our text for this morning, I think it is imperative that we define doubt. Many believe doubt to be the opposite of faith. That is not the case. The opposite of faith is unbelief. Doubt comes from the root word that we get our English word double. James, the brother of Jesus, put it this way:
“He who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.” (James 1:6-8)
Os Guinness gives a helpful definition of doubt: “When you believe, you are in one mind and accept something as true. Unbelief is to be on one mind and reject something to be true. To doubt is to waver between the two, to believe and disbelieve at the same time…there is a Chinese proverb that says ‘Doubt is standing in two boats, with one foot in each.”
It is not a sin to doubt. Perhaps many of you thought it was. Doubt does not show an absence of faith. Listen to the International Standard Bible Encyclopedia: “doubt does not indicate a lack of faith, but a state of ‘qualified faith”: it’s weakness, but not it’s absence.”
To doubt is to seek more information, to seek illumination, and recognize your limited knowledge. As Ian Johnson puts it, “Doubt is the sincere question; unbelief is the unwillingness to hear the answer.”
Doubt is a place I visit from time to time, but it definitely not a place I want to live. So what do we do with doubt?
Let me quote Yancey again: “Doubt is the skeleton in the closet of faith and I know no better way to treat a skeleton than to bring it into the open and expose it for what it is: not something to hide or fear, but a hard structure on which living tissue may grow.”
That evening in the pool, I dealt with my doubts and it changed me and the way I approach ministry. Those who doubt most, and yet strive to overcome their doubts, turn out to be some of Christ’s strongest disciples. Let’s meet one those disciples this morning by turning in your copy of God’s Word to John 20:24.
Short Bio
We know very little about our subject today, Thomas. We know that the name Thomas was Aramaic and that his nick name was “Didymus.” Both Thomas and Didymus meant “twin.” It is obvious that Thomas was a twin. Now, my wife is a twin and we know that twins are very unique. Have you ever wondered why Jesus picked Thomas and not his brother? We know that Jesus prayed all night before choosing his closest associates (Luke 6:12-16). He was the seventh apostle called, he was a fisherman, and probably knew the other disciples. We know very little about his background, his physical appearance, and the gifts that he brought to this group of rag-tag followers.
One thing that is for certain, only Judas Iscariot has been criticized more. We do know a little bit about his personality. He tended to be pessimistic and emotional. In the deeply spiritual “Winnie the Pooh Personality Test” Thomas scored high on the Eeyore chart. This was a “glass half empty” guy.
He also was prone to ask hard questions and demand proof. For that he has earned the unfortunate nickname, “doubting Thomas.” By the end of this message, I hope to show you from Scripture that his nickname is not only unfair but does not describe the heart of this great disciple.
There are three texts we will cover this morning. The first two, we will take a jog through. The third we will stroll through, learning some valuable lessons along the way. Keep your place in John 20 and turn to John 11:1.
Thomas Was Willing to Die for Christ
Jesus loved people and invested in individuals from a wide range of social, political, and economic standing. One of the families He befriended over the course of His ministry were two sisters, Mary and Martha, and their brother Lazarus. In fact, it was more than friendship. Mary had worshiped at Jesus feet and Martha had learned to relax in His presence. But Lazarus was called “the one you love.” Jesus and Lazarus were close friends.
The news was bad. Lazarus was very ill. But Jesus does curious thing. He delayed going to see his friend for two days. He also said something the disciples could not understand.
“Yet when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days. Then he said to his disciples, "Let us go back to Judea." (John 11:5-7)
The disciples did not want to go back to Judea. The wilderness ministry was booming. The Jewish leaders wanted to kill Jesus. There was a bounty on his head. The disciples thought it best not to tempt fate.
"But Rabbi," they said, "a short while ago the Jews tried to stone you, and yet you are going back there?" (John 11:8)
Jesus told them that He had to go back. He would not skulk about in the dark but go in broad daylight. He had a mission. He had to give a friend a “wake up call.” This would give the dense disciples another “opportunity to believe.”
The group stared at each other. Going back meant the possibility of arrest and execution. Verse 16 tells us of Thomas’ reaction:
Then Thomas (called Didymus) said to the rest of the disciples, "Let us also go, that we may die with him." (John 11:16)
John McArthur writes: “Thomas could see nothing but danger ahead. He was convinced that Jesus was headed straight for a stoning. But if that is what the Lord was determined to do, Thomas grimly determined to go and die with Him.”
This was courageous leadership. The rest of the disciples followed Thomas’ lead and accompanied Jesus back to Bethany. There they witnessed one of Jesus’ most spectacular miracles, the raising of Lazarus back to life.
Thomas loved Jesus enough to be willing to die for Him. Do you have that kind of passion? Is your commitment to Christ that strong?
I read a story some time ago of a church in China that was surrounded by armed men. After barging through the door and threatening the congregation, they told each member how they could save their lives. One of the soldiers put a Bible on the floor and told the group that if they would renounce Jesus and spit on the Bible they would be set free. There was silence and then, one by one, men and women, approach the altar and spit on the Bible. An eleven year old girl walked defiantly up the stairs, knelt down, and began to wipe the spit of the Bible with her long hair. The sacred silence of the moment was broken by a gun shot. Her blood spilled on to the Bible, her body draped over it. The Jesus she refused to renounce welcomed her with a compliment, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”
Thomas is an example to us all. If called on, would you be ready to die for Jesus? Here is the more relevant question to our culture. If called on, are you willing to live for Him?
Thomas was Willing to Ask the Hard Questions
We see the next picture of Thomas in John 14. Follow along as I read:
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going." (John 14:1-4)
Jesus’ ministry was in full swing. The disciples have witnessed the raising of the dead, the healing of the deaf and blind, and feeding of the five thousand. They are on a roll and Rome better be worried. But then Jesus shifts gears and begins talking about His imminent departure. He tells the disciples of his plans to “go away to prepare a place for you.” The disciples were dumbfounded. “Where could he be going?” they whispered quietly to each other.
Finally, Thomas spoke and asked the question that everyone wanted to:
“Thomas said to him, "Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?" (John 14:5)
In seminary, I had a professor who had two Ph.D.s and is probably the most intelligent human being I have ever known. He would lecture with his back to us writing on the chalk board. As he taught, usually without notes, the students in the room would begin looking at each other in confusion. Finally, my friend Rick spoke and asked the question everyone wanted to – “What in the world are you talking about?” Our professor would smile and go back over the material slowly making sure everyone understood. Rick, unlike me, was not afraid to ask the hard questions.
This is what Thomas did. In essence, he said, “Everything was going great but now you are talking about leaving. Why in the world would you leave? Where are You going? I don’t understand this at all. If you don’t give us a map, how can we know the way? I am confused. I love you. I have left everything to follow you. My heart is breaking. Please tell me the way.”
Jesus did not rebuke him or make light of his confusion. Because Thomas asked for clarification, Jesus gave one of the most memorable responses in all of Scripture:
“Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6)
Maybe you have some questions this morning. Maybe they are hard questions. That does not necessarily mean that you are doubting God. Thomas just needed more information, clarity, and light shed on his fuzzy understanding.
Pastor Rob Bell states, “A question implies that there are things I don’t know. So bringing questions and doubts are a form of respect for God.”
I talked recently to a student who had walked away from his Christian beliefs because he had too many questions. I encouraged him to seek answers. Christianity can stand up to his scrutiny. I heard just recently that he had recommitted himself to the Ultimate Answer, Jesus Christ. Does he have all his questions answered? No, but he is seeking.
Jeremiah wrote:
“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:13)
Two excellent book resources are:
Evidence that Demands a Verdict by Josh McDowell. This book is a classic and looks at questions that have been asked by skeptics over the centuries.
“Now that’s a Good Question” by R.C. Sproul. In this easy to read book, Dr. Sproul answers three hundred questions about life and faith.
Both of these books are in our church library.
Also, the Billy Graham Association website (billygraham.org) has hundreds of “Questions and Answers” sent in by readers just like you and me.
Seeing is Believing
Now we have reached our main text for this morning. Please turn with me to John 20.
Last week, Pastor Brian walked us through verses 19-23. The disciples were hiding in an upper room, afraid of the Jewish leaders. They were consumed with fear. Their Master and Commander was dead. They had heard the rumors about Jesus being alive and they wanted to believe it. But they didn’t. They were afraid and hiding. Jesus walked through a wall, and the disciples went from fear to freaked out to faith. There was one disciple missing though. Where was Thomas?
Thomas was probably off by himself, serving as MC at his own private pity party. I’m sure that the other disciples encouraged him to hide with them. But Thomas just wanted to left alone. His Lord was dead and his heart was paralyzed with grief.
“Now Thomas (called Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord!" (John 20:24-25)
The Greek tense for the word “told” means the other disciples kept telling him again and again. Can’t you just imagine Andrew running as fast as he can to where Thomas is and telling him the good news? Can’t you imagine Thomas’ reaction?
“Andrew, you and I have been friends for a long time. I care about you. But, I want you to listen to me. Jesus is dead. Dead, you hear me?! It’s over. It’s all over. All our dreams are dead, just like Jesus. You can say you have seen Him. Sure you have seen Him. He and Elvis are working at a Burger King somewhere. I don’t care what the women say. They are emotional women. I thought I knew you better than this, Andrew; Jesus is the only person who ever picked me for anything. I miss Him. When He died a part of my soul died too. Just leave me alone.”
He then adds, rather caustically:
"Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it." (Luke 20:25b)
Before we are too hard on Thomas, let’s remember an important thing. First, the other disciples did not believe until they had seen. The empty tomb, the women’s reports, the Emmaus disciple’s stories had fallen on deaf ears.
In Luke’s telling of this account, Jesus appears to the disciples and sensing their uneasiness asks, “Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your mind?” (Luke 24:38). He knew that doubts that are unattended to leads to the rise of unbelief.
John McArthur states, “What set Thomas apart from the other ten was not that his doubt was greater, but that his sorrow was greater.”
The story does not end here though.
“A week later his disciples were in the house again and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!" Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe." (John 20:26-27)
There are several important lessons to learn from these verses.
* The first time that Jesus appeared, Thomas had been noticeably absent. Thomas missed Jesus because he missed the meeting! The writer of Hebrews cautions:
“Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another-and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:25)
In the student ministry, we are trying to teach the students to have a “holy anticipation” of what God is going to do in our midst on Sundays as we meet together. God speaks every time His Word is open and His name is praised. The problem is that it is very hard to hear God speak through Pastor Brian when you have decided to attend “bedside Baptist,” “mattress Methodist,” “lazy-boy Lutheran,” or “Our Lady of the Sheets.” As we learned during the 40 Days of Purpose Journey, we were created for community. Jesus said in Matthew 18:20:
“For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."
Make a commitment to be here every Sunday, with your ears open to what God has to say.
* “Thomas was with them.” It is a week after the first appearance to the disciples and they gather again in the upper room to pray. This time though Thomas is present. Maybe he was sick of them nagging him. Maybe the initial shock of the crucifixion had worn off and he needed to be back around his friends. What we do know is that the disciples accepted him, doubts and all. At Pontiac Bible Church, you do not have to have all the answers to be a part of our family. Bring your questions and your doubts, you are welcome.
* “Though the doors were locked.” Although the disciples had seen the risen Lord, they still had the doors locked. They are so human. They still were controlled more by fear than by faith.
* “Peace be with you.” I believe this was said for Thomas’ benefit alone. The other disciples had already had this experience. Now it was Thomas’ turn to freak out.
* Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here, see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side.” Thomas couldn’t believe what he was seeing. His Lord was alive! He also couldn’t believe what he was hearing. How did Jesus know about his demands for proof? He started to feel small and ashamed.
“Stop doubting and believe.” Jesus challenges Thomas to act on his belief in spite of his doubts. Jesus is gentle though. He doesn’t belittle him or attack him for his doubts. Just as in the case of Peter’s betrayal, Jesus gently restores Thomas. Jesus moves Thomas from unbelief to faith. Belief does not imply perfection, but a continual trust. This event changed Thomas forever. Tradition teaches that Thomas took the Gospel to Babylon (modern day Iraq), Persia, and then into India. Most of the churches in southern India can trace their heritage back to Thomas who is said to be buried near Madras where he died as a martyr in AD 72.
Remedies for Doubt
How do we deal with doubt? Pastor Steve Kilson lists five “reasons and remedies for doubt.”
Be patient with the slow heart. Some people have doubts because they lack information. They do not know the facts that could help them believe. Two weeks ago Pastor Brian introduced us to two disciples walking the road to Emmaus. Jesus said to them, “How foolish you are and slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken.” (Luke 24:25)
Pray for the troubled heart. There are some who doubt because they are simply overwhelmed with confusion. David asked a question that many of us at one time has asked: “Why are you down cast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?” (Psalm 42:5) Paul wrote to the church at Corinth: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
Refresh the faint of heart. Often doubts can arise from being tired or emotionally exhausted. In I Kings 19, Elijah wins a show down with eight hundred and fifty false prophets. The next scene we find Elijah hiding in the desert, depressed, asking God to kill him. God responds to his doubt by directing him to eat dinner and take a nap. John the Baptist was languishing in prison when he sent some men to ask Jesus if He was really the Messiah or should they expect someone else. Jesus answers them, "Go back and report to John what you have seen and heard: The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is preached to the poor. Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me." (Luke 7:23)
Encourage the fearful heart. A lot of us doubt because of self-esteem issues. Moses tried to turn down God’s proposal to lead the Israelites out of Egypt because he stuttered (see Exodus 4:10-13). Jeremiah thought he was too young (see Jeremiah 1:6-8). God had to encourage Joshua again and again to be “strong and courageous” (Joshua 1:9). Each time Jesus appeared to the disciples He had to calm them down by saying “Peace to you.” As we learned last week, Jesus offered the disciples peace in the midst of their fear. He still does the same today.
Love the Wounded Heart. My mother rarely went to church in the last years of her life. She had a saying that I still hear in the back of my mind, “If you want to get your heart broken and your back stabbed, just join a church.” My mother had a wounded heart. I believe most people’s doubts fit into this category. While some of us have serious questions about doctrine and theology, many people simply are disillusioned. They have been let down by another Christian or a church leader. They put up walls to protect themselves from further pain. What is the answer for such people? Jude, the brother of Jesus, tells us, “Be merciful to those who doubt.” (Jude 22) Do you know someone who has been hurt by the church? Love them! In Jesus name, love them! In time, your acceptance of them may open the door to a relationship with Jesus.
Thomas Worships
Jesus offers his hands and side as evidence for Thomas. Interestingly, Thomas disobeys Jesus. He is told to reach out and touch. He does neither. He bows and worships.
“Thomas said to him, "My Lord and my God!" (John 20:28)
First, Thomas calls Jesus “my Lord” or, in the Greek, “kyrios.” It was a way of saying “I surrender to You completely…you are the Lord of my life…you are the leader of my heart.” Then he says something that was incredible for a good Jewish boy to say. He calls Jesus “Theos.” He calls Jesus “God.” Thomas, who we call the “doubter”, understood the resurrection better than all of the other disciples. Jesus is raised. He is Lord. He is God. Thomas assigns two of the Old Testament names for God to Jesus. This would have been considered blasphemous and punishable by death.
Communion
When Thomas looked at Jesus’ hands and the scars on his body I wonder if his mind did not immediately go back to a small upper room. They are finishing dinner and Jesus takes the bread, breaks it and says, “This is my body, broken for you.”
As children of an invisible God, we interact with a God that we can not see or hear or touch. We have no pictures of God, or idols set up to worship. God knows our propensity to doubt and that is why He gave us a word picture called communion. In communion, the bread represents Jesus’ body broken and battered for you and me. It is a physical symbol of an invisible reality. The grape juice represents the blood that was shed on the cross, as He died in our place to pay for our sins. This table represents the sacrifice of Jesus. Our response should be that of Thomas when we approach the elements: “my Lord and my God.”
Paul states adamantly that we must examine ourselves before participating in this act of worship (I Corinthians 11:27-29). Are you right with God this morning? Are there any relational ruptures that you need to take care of today? If you need to pull someone into one of the empty rooms, do it.
[Silent reflection]
“And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, "This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me." (Luke 22:19)
[Together] My Lord and My God.
“In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, "This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me." For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes. (I Corinthians 11:25-26)
[Together] My Lord and My God.
We will be taking the mercy fund in just a few minutes. First, let me give you some action points.
Action points
Be honest about your doubts. There are some people who think that they have to have all the questions answered before they will come to Christ. Not true. In fact, if you wait to have all your questions answered, you will never come to faith.
Bring your doubts to God and seek answers. Remember, it is not a sin to doubt. Max Lucado writes, “Disbelief is a sin, but questioning – sincerely seeking – is acceptable to God, because in the presence of God you may ask any question you want.” He goes on to say, “God never turns his back on those who ask honest questions. He never did in the Old Testament; He never did in the New Testament. So if you are asking honest questions of God, He will not turn away from you.” Isaiah said: “Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near.” (Isaiah 55:6)
Remember the equation Faith=Doubt + Belief. Faith is put into motion when I chose to act on the belief in spite of the doubts. Ray Pritchard colorfully describes doubt as “the ants in the pants of faith.” The writer of Hebrews writes of the importance of faith: “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” (Hebrews 11:6).
Even when you do not see God or understand His plan, trust Him. Solomon says in Proverbs 3:5, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding” Let me end with another Lucado quote: “Perhaps the reason that God does not always give us the answer to the whys of our existence is that he knows we haven’t got the capacity to understand the answer. In learning to depend on God, we must accept that we may not know all the answers, but we know who knows the answers.”
Mercy Fund
Jeremy Camp is a new contemporary Christian artist/worship leader. Wednesday night he took home two Dove Awards, one for best new artist of the year and the other for best male vocalist of the year. Jeremy lost his wife of five months to ovarian cancer. Melissa was only twenty years old.
During her sickness, Melissa shared a unique perspective with Jeremy. She told him if she ended up dying from her disease that as long as her death led one person to Christ that it would all be worth it.
During their honeymoon, Melissa started having stomach problems and when they returned the doctor delivered the news they dreaded. She had mere months to live. On Feb. 5, 2001, Melissa went to be with the Lord. As she took her last breath, Jeremy stood with her family and began worshipping God singing the same songs they had played so often for Melissa during her hospital stays. “I didn’t want to do it,” he says, “but I knew I was learning something about obedience.”
Melissa’s life and death changed Jeremy’s perspective on the music he makes. “Watching Melissa go to Heaven made me realize what’s important. Music is not my life. Christ is my life. The only thing that really matters is what we do for Jesus on this Earth, and as a result of what I’ve been through, I express even more the goodness of God and how faithful He is.”
One of those songs that reflects that perspective is “I Still Believe,” the first song Camp wrote after Melissa’s death, a declaration of faith from one who has walked through the fire.
In the very moments when he could have doubted God the most, Jeremy wrote these words:
“I still believe in your faithfulness/I still believe in your truth/I still believe in your Holy Word/even when I don’t see You I still believe.”
Jesus responded to Thomas’ spontaneous act of worship with a blessing, for him and for us:
“Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." (John 20:29)
That’s us, folks. Jesus is blessing the billions that would follow in Thomas’ footsteps. Sincere seekers who choose belief, in spite of doubt.
We are going to play Jeremy Camp’s song, “I Still Believe”, and the words will be on the screen. Kara and Leigh will sign the words as well. As the music plays, some of us need to surrender our right to know all the answers. Some of us need to surrender our lives to Christ. Some just need to be encouraged to trust even when we are drowning in doubt.
Scattered words and empty thoughts
Seem to pour from my heart
I’ve never felt so torn before
Seems I don’t know where to start
But its now I feel your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain
I still believe in your faithfulness
I still believe in your truth
I still believe in your holy word
Even when I don’t see I still believe
Though the questions still fog up my mind
With promises I still seem to bear
Even when answers slowly unwind
It’s my heart I see you prepare
But its now that I feel your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain
I still believe in your faithfulness
I still believe in your truth
I still believe in your holy word
Even when I don’t see I still believe
The only place I can go is into your arms
Where I throw to you my feeble prayers in brokenness
I can see that this is your will for me
Help me to know you are near
- Jeremy Camp, from the CD “Stay”
