I intended last week to launch our summer sermon series, “God, I have a question,” but the Holy Spirit so moved us through Pat’s moving testimony and singing that there was nothing more that could have been said after those moments of heart felt honesty and thankfulness to God for both His faithfulness and Betty’s faithfulness as well. I shared with some of us following the service that I remember a service over 20 years ago in which someone stood to briefly testify as the pastor came to give the morning sermon. He never got to deliver the sermon as others quickly followed to share. At the end of the hour, he said something to the effect of, “I had trouble getting my sermon together for the week and now I know why!”
As I processed last week’s service, I can’t help but feel that we turned some kind of a corner as a church. I am not sure what that means, but I just felt like we grew as a congregation last week. And I thank God for that!
Our summer sermon series is entitled, “God, I have a question” and those questions come as a result of asking us here on Sunday morning and through some e-mails I sent to others, “If you could ask God one question, what would it be?” The responses were varied and deep and, as I reviewed them, I categorized them into the following categories and sermons as follows: (overhead 1)
June 27th – Questions about Children and Family Life
July 11th – Questions about Loving Your Enemy
July 25th – Questions about Beginnings and Endings
August 1st – Questions about Evil and Suffering
August 8th – Questions about Salvation and Christian Maturity
August 22nd – Questions about Purpose
Speaking of purpose, last week I re-read chapter 10, “The Heart of Worship” in Rick Warren’s book, The Purpose Driven Life, and this paragraph stood out to me:
“Another aspect of a fully surrendered life is trust. Abraham followed God’s leading without knowing where it would take him. Hannah waited for God’s perfect timing without knowing when. Mary expected a miracle without knowing how. Joseph trusted God’s purpose without knowing why circumstances happened the way they did.”
Where, when, how, and why are all italicized by Warren in the paragraph and what stuck me was that they are words that we use when we ask questions. These words are in many of the questions that I have received which I will be sharing over the course of this summer.
Another thing that struck me was that Warren makes a connection between trust and questions. My text for last week was 2 Corinthians 5:7, “That is why we live by believing and not by seeing.” In older translations, this reads, “We walk by faith and not by sight.”
Faith requires and uses trust. Questions have the ability to block trust and therefore hinder faith. Questions also have the ability to grow and develop both trust and faith. The difference is in the attitudes and mindset that are behind the questions.
But on this Sunday morning, we are going to set our series aside and look at dads and fathers and why fatherhood is important and necessary.
Now, parenting (motherhood and fatherhood) as a whole has it’s serious as well as it humorous moments. We will look at both this morning but first we need to remember that fatherhood from time to time has a humorous side to it.
This week I found some great reminders of the humorous side of fathering from the National Center for Fathering’s website, fathers.com. With a tip of the hat to David Letterman, they have an archive of Top 10 Lists of things related to fathering and parenting. Here are a three of them. (Overhead 2)
The Top Ten Dinner Dishes
When Mom’s Away and Dad’s "Cooking"
10. Hot dogs with just a hint of Tabasco.
9. "Kids eat free" night at the steak house.
8. Pizza.
7. Broiled bologna benedict on rye.
6. Back-of-the-fridge goulash (with lots of pepper).
5. Chips & salsa.
4. Cocoa Puff surprise.
3. Something old, something blue, something frozen, call it stew.
2. Cold pizza.
1. Whatever’s cooking at Grandma’s.
(Overheads 3 and 4)
The Top Ten Things You Won’t Hear a Father Say
10. "Can you turn up that music? It really calms my nerves."
9. "You can’t finish your peas? Go ahead and throw ’em away."
8. "Here, you take the remote."
7. "Oh no, kids, this sled is TOO FAST!"
6. "No, honey, sit this one out. I really can’t wait to change that diaper."
5. "As a matter of fact, let’s both go get nose rings!"
4. "Hey, kids! Sit down at the table and try my vichyssoise."
3. "Go ahead, take my car-and here’s fifty bucks for gas."
2. "Waiter! More ice cream for the little one!"
1. "Where do babies come from?"
(Overheads 5 and 6)
The Top 10 Father’s New Year Resolutions
10. To publish his best fatherly lectures.
9. To stop saying, "I used to change her diapers" when his daughter’s date comes to pick her up.
8. No pets in the car for this year’s vacation.
7. To buy more yard art.
6. To never ever again go on the screamin’ eagle roller coaster after gorging the kids on pronto pups, mini donuts and orange freezies.
5. To stop and ask directions at least once.
4. To never again agree to pick up feminine products while he’s at the market.
3. To stop making his son drive the 1970 Pacer.
2. To have that "birds and bees" talk with the kids ... well, okay, by the end of next year.
1. To memorize the sentence, "Yes, Dear, we should call a professional to fix that."
(Overhead 7)
Why do we have fathers? Reason number 1: Because God made it so “in the beginning.”
Genesis 1:27 reads, “So God created people in his own image. God patterned them after himself; male and female he created them.”
Genesis 2:18 reads, “And the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion who will help him.” Then in verse 21 and following, we read, “So the LORD God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep. He took one of Adam’s ribs and closed up the place from which he had taken it. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib and brought her to Adam. “At last!” Adam exclaimed. “She is part of my own flesh and bone! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken out of a man. This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”
This is how God intended humanity to exist from the beginning of creation. A man and a woman coming together, (ultimately for life as the historic Christian faith has taught for centuries) and creating children as part of a stable family unit is the basic Bible teaching on family life.
But, as some of us here know, the experience of a family split, through divorce, domestic violence, adoption, and even death makes the idea of family life a distant and painful one. But, God in His grace gives us opportunities to experience family, still imperfectly, as He decided from the start.
As we go through the Bible, the importance of fathering is reinforced in several different places. We hear it in Moses’ statements to the Israelites in passages such as Deuteronomy 6:4-7:
“Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are away on a journey, when you are lying down and when you are getting up again.”
We read it in the very last verse of the Old Testament, Malachi 4:6, which links a renewed commitment to family to a renewed commitment to God. His preaching will turn the hearts of parents to their children, and the hearts of children to their parents.” And we heard it the verse that was read a few moments ago, Ephesians 6:4.
Fathering (in fact parenting as a whole) is a critical issue in God’s eyes and this leads us to our second reason of why dads are important. Reason number 2: Good fathering enables God’s work in helping to raise and develop honest, God following, and responsible adults.
Michelle Bates Deakin in a recent article, “Dads Make A Difference” quoted a 1997 study by the National Center for Education Statistics that found, “that children in two-parent families in which the father is highly involved get better grades, enjoy school more, and are less likely to repeat a grade, compared with kids from families in which only mothers are highly involved.” In addition, the study found that “children do better in school when their fathers take an active role even if their fathers do not live with them.”
Fathers matter to kids. They are key influencers and shapers of a child and their absence as well as their presence makes a major difference in a child’s life.
Our main text for this morning gives us some clues as to this importance “And now a word to you fathers. Don’t make your children angry by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction approved by the Lord.”
There are some important assumptions made in this verse as it relates to helping children become responsible and caring adults as well as followers of the Lord.
First, this verse implies that dad’s are physically and emotionally present for their kids. In other words, they are around their kids and they are aware of what is going on in their kid’s lives. Recent research by the National Fatherhood Initiative that appears in their newest addition of Father Facts supports this presence with two contrasting but equally important findings:
1. “Children who live absent [from] their biological fathers are, on average, at least two to three times more likely (I’m summarizing here) [to experience a lower quality of life, educationally, emotionally, behaviorally, and financially] than their peers who live with their married, biological (or adoptive) parents.”
2. “Children with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely to do well in school, have healthy self-esteem, exhibit empathy and pro-social behavior, and avoid high-risk behaviors such as drug use, truancy, and criminal activity compared to children who have uninvolved fathers.”
Another Bible version of this verse translates the statement, “Don’t make your children angry by the way you treat them,” as “Fathers, don’t exasperate your children for if you do, they may get discouraged and give up.” The assumption here is to enable our kids to master important skills, encourage them to keep trying in spite of failure, and empower them to become responsible people now rather than later, rather than inhibiting and discouraging them by mistreating them to the extent that they simply give up and quit trying.
Why did Paul make this statement to dads and not moms? Because there is something about maleness that is powerful and overwhelming to people. Men have an authority that is to protect, care for, and guide others.
The research in recent years about father absence and father presence proves that a dad’s influence makes a great difference in kids’ lives. Deakin’s article referred to earlier makes this clear, “One of the best predictors of whether kids succeed academically is the father’s involvement,” says James A. Levine, director of the The Fatherhood Project at the Families and Work Institute in New York City.”
“First, says Levine, when a father shows an interest in a child’s schoolwork, the father’s values are clearly communicated to his child. And second, teachers take notice when fathers show up, he says. “The whole support system around the child gets more engaged. Mom is engaged, Dad is engaged, and so is the teacher. Dad acts as a trigger for the whole system.”
She goes on to say, “Though Levine bases his opinions on decades of research, his findings come as no surprise to a father of a third-grade daughter and vice president of the Northwest Elementary School PTO in Pflugerville, Texas. “Children feel more important when their dads are around,” he says, one of two men involved in his PTO. He says when he walks through the school, children frequently tell him, “I wish I had a dad like you.”
Fatherhood is important. Dad’s influence is strong and deep no matter what the situation. Father absence and father presence are major issues in our day. Ephesians 6:4 has been, and continues to be, illustrated positively and negatively in our time through stories and through research.
Last week Mitch Daniels, the Republican candidate for Governor here in Indiana wrote a tribute to Ronald Reagan a few days after his death earlier this month. He began, “arriving back late at the White House, I was observing my usual respectful silence when Ronald Reagan asked, "Going straight home, Mitch?" I said that only a couple of my four daughters would still be awake, so I thought I’d go back to the West Wing and finish a few chores. "Bad idea," the President said. "Get on home. Soon enough, you’ll be waiting up for them."
Dad’s, our work is very, very important. A former President thought so and so does the Lord.
We are going to conclude this morning with a time of prayer. Men, as you feel led to do so, please join me at the altar for a time of prayer as we conclude the service in a few moments.
Be assured, dad, that the Lord’s place for you is backed by His power and that with His help, your fathering will be good fathering so that we will truly fulfill the truth of Ephesians 6:4 no matter how old or where are children are at this point in our lives and in theirs as well. Amen.
(The Top Ten archives appear at www.fathers.com. The Deakin article appears at www.ptotoday.com. The Father Facts appear at www.fatherhood.org. The Mitch Daniels article, “A Remembrance of Ronald Reagan,” appears at www.allencountygop.com. Overheads of this sermon are available by e-mail at pastorjim46755@yahoo.com. Please ask for svgs for 062004)
