When there is a problem to be solved, we will do everything to solve it except the most obvious and most effective solution. Have you noticed? When something needs to be fixed, we will try all sorts of elaborate, complicated, expensive approaches. But the simplest, most direct, and most effective approach: that we don’t want to try. And there’s a reason.
The reason is we don’t like to admit that we don’t know how to do it, Usually, the simplest, most direct, and most effective approach is to call in an expert, the guy who really does know how to do the job. But we hate to look stupid, and so we don’t call in the expert. We’d rather tinker and fuss with the problem ourselves and hope we don’t look stupid!
A number of years ago the furnace in our house started doing crazy things. The thermostat would call for the furnace to come on, we would hear the blower blowing and the gas hissing, but there would be no heat. Then maybe two minutes later there would be a terrific bang, and the furnace would start to heat. Well, I looked at it the next time that happened, and just about got blown out of my shoes when some built up gas caught fire all at once. But, hey, it did catch fire, didn’t it, and it did work, so, what’s the hurry to do anything about it? Besides, I didn’t quite know what to do.
After that happened a couple more times; and after my wife called me at work to complain about it, I decided that, yes, I would deal with that furnace, so I took it apart, I got the burners out, I gave them all a good cleaning, quite confident that that would solve the problem, and I put it all back together. Well, almost all of it. Anybody need a few extra screws and bolts?
I put it back together, and started it up, and, well, it wasn’t perfect, but it wasn’t as bad as it had been, so I closed it up and put away my tools and hoped for the best. I hoped to get away with dealing with the problem all by myself.
I almost got away with it. Almost. Still confident of one thing, that I was not going to spend my hard-earned on a service call, because it would be some very simple thing, and I would look stupid and pay out too much money besides, I went to work. Except that when I got home I was greeted by one very upset wife and one singed little boy, who had been a little too near the furnace when it had decided to start, and who not only lost a little hair, but also got scared out of his wits! In fact, he hasn’t been quite right since!
What did I do next? Care to guess? What is the phone number of the heating man? Who is the expert and how fast can I get him here? I no longer cared about looking stupid, because my child’s safety and welfare were involved, and nothing takes precedence over that.
What is our problem? What is our issue? That when there is a problem to be solved, we will do everything to solve it except the most obvious and most effective solution. When something needs to be fixed, we will try all sorts of elaborate, complicated, expensive approaches. But the simplest, most direct, and most effective approach: that we don’t want to try, because that usually means calling in the expert, and we don’t want to look stupid in front of the expert.
One day there was a father whose child had a medical problem. The child’s illness was out of control, obviously well beyond the father’s capacity to handle. This child had a brain disorder that caused him to lose control, fall on the ground, foam at the mouth; it was terrible. And not only was it a tremendous physical challenge, it was a tough emotional one, too, because people in that day thought that if you had a diseased child, it was your fault. They thought you made it happen; you were a sinner, and so God had cursed your child. It sounds cruel, but that’s what they thought. So you can imagine how this father felt whenever he took his boy out in public. What if a seizure comes today? What will they think? I will look stupid, I will look foolish, everybody will think it’s my fault! This father had a dilemma.
But he had not yet discovered the partnership of parental prayer. The partnership of parental prayer. In partnership with Jesus Christ, this father would see his son healed, and he would feel healing himself. In partnership with Christ, not only would the problem be handled by an expert, but the man who owned the problem would feel good news for himself as well. All of this through the partnership of parental prayer.
I
I want you to see that the partnership of parental prayer began when this father decided that he was not going to be distracted by side issues, but that he would stay with the main concern, which was: getting his son healed. This father saw that all around him were people who wanted to distract him and divert his attention, but that he would just have to set them aside and keep his eyes on the prize.
Mark tells us that when Jesus came on the scene, he saw an argument in full tilt. Loud, harsh words being spoken. Over here were some guys Jesus recognized, his disciples; and they were saying, "Well, we know we didn’t cure the boy, but we will. We will. We’ll get it right. Just need a little more practice. Give us time and we’ll fix it." The disciples, bungling disciples.
And over there were the teachers of the Law, the priests and the scribes, the religious intelligentsia, defined more by what they did NOT believe than by what they DID believe. They were sniffing and snorting something like, "We told you so. You can’t do this. You are not authorized. You are not properly trained. You are not experts, credentialed like us. You are fumbling amateurs. We told you you would not be able to heal this child."
Over here the disciples; over there the official religious experts; all around them, the crowd of everyday folks, always eager to play the old game, "Let’s you and him fight." And, way, way over there, out of the corner of his eye, Jesus must have seen one lonely father and one miserable boy, the objects of all of this palaver, huddled in a sad heap, all but forgotten. Deeply wounded, profoundly ashamed. Thinking that it was true, if something is wrong with your child, you, the father, are to blame. Feeling it might be right, what these know-it-alls were saying.
But Jesus; and we always have to say, but Jesus; but Jesus cut right through the thick of it all. He wasted no time with the frills. "What are you arguing about with them?" And praise God, this father jumped right in and named the problem.
Praise God, this father got up out of his misery and his self-condemnation, and he told it like it is.
"Teacher, I brought you my son; he has a spirit that makes him unable to speak; and whenever it seizes him, it dashes him down; and he foams and grinds his teeth and becomes rigid; and I asked your disciples to cast it out, but they could not do so."
What is he doing? He is facing the real problem, and not the diversion. He is dealing with what is, and not with the petty theories about it. Quickly, courageously he presented the problem. No prettyfication, no varnishing, just raw human hurt. Graphic. Reality. This father told Jesus exactly what
he problem was, no longer worrying about himself; no longer caring what others thought; no longer afraid that they would think him stupid or sinful or worse. Because, if you are going to enter into partnership with the expert, you have to tell the whole story. You have to be clear what the problem is. You cannot dabble in evasion. You cannot indulge in denial.
You see, we cut ourselves off from help and from healing because we don’t want to name the reality. We don’t want to confess the depth of the issue, We play word games in order to feel better. We will say, "he has a drinking problem", when we should say, "he is an alcoholic, and I am his enabler." We will say, "she has a problem with authority," when we should confess, "she is in full scale rebellion, and I don’t have a clue how to motivate her." We need to learn to name the problem, straight up, and not deny it or look the other way.
The beginning of a partnership that will heal our families is to see the issues for what they are. No side arguments. No diversions. No distractions. Raw reality; that is beginning of the partnership of parental prayer.
II
And when we can name the problem as it really is, Jesus will say, "bring him to me." "Bring him to me."
Now watch what happens. Watch what happens when Jesus gets involved with this family issue. The problem deepens, and it will shake your faith. You will despair, because you don’t see immediate results. Instead you see things getting worse, out of hand, out of control. You think this is beyond repair. I’ve made a mistake in taking my issues to Christ. Your faith gets shaky because for the time being the problem doesn’t get better. It gets worse.
Watch. This is fascinating. Jesus said, "bring him to me."
And they brought the boy to him. When the spirit saw him, immediately it convulsed the boy, and he fell on the ground and rolled about, foaming at the mouth.
Oh, wow, wouldn’t you just know he would do that?! How’s that for acting out? Acting out. Some child in the grocery store, grabbing up the candy bars and pulling at the produce. Mom tries to bring him under control, puts him in the seat up in the cart, and the next thing you know he is wailing and weeping and, foaming at the mouth, and screaming the first two words he ever learned to say: "child abuse". The child of a Washington lawyer does not learn Mama and Dada; his first words are, "child abuse." You could just about die! It’s gotten worse. Acting out.
Well, but Jesus. We always have to say, but Jesus. But Jesus, calmly, without getting upset, without a word of accusation, Jesus just begins to take a case history! "How long has this been happening to him?" Jesus just gathers data and makes a decision about what to do. Look, Jesus is not interested in assigning blame. Jesus is not concerned to make this father feel guilty, Jesus just wants to know what He needs to know in order to solve the problem. But: the child’s behavior and the father’s guilt combine to shake the fathers faith. Listen to that again: the child’s behavior and the father’s guilt combine to shake the father’s faith. He wavers. He worries. What does he say?
"if ... if ... you are able to do anything, have pity on us and help us."
A shaky faith! And Jesus has to remind him,
’if you are able! -- All things can be done for the one who believes.’
Hang in there. All things are possible, only believe.
Now just listen to the father’s response. I like it so much. It is so on target. Immediately the father of the child cried out, "I believe; help my unbelief." "I believe; help my unbelief."
Now what are we talking about? We are talking about entering into partnership with Christ about a family problem. You are afraid that your problem person will act out, and you are probably right. Things have a way of getting worse before they get better. Addicts have to hit rock bottom before they can start back up. And that fear, plus your own gnawing worry that maybe you had something to do with the problem, shakes your faith. "Oh, nothing is going to happen. There isn’t going to be any change here. There is no hope." And, although you might be too polite to say so, you’re not so sure that even Christ can help. "If you are able. If.."
But, I tell you, once we recognize that we don’t have all the answers, that we don’t know it all, but that we can be committed to God’s possibilities, then, I tell you, great things can happen. Miracles can be wrought, and families can be healed. All it takes is a grain of sand faith, a commitment to God’s possibilities instead of resignation to human impossibilities. "Lord, I believe, but won’t you just help me through that lingering unbelief? But I do believe at least a little."
Two or three years ago I got involved in a heavy-duty marriage counseling situation. A young couple, not members of our church, were really at each other’s throats. There were all sorts of issues between them. One of them wanted to stay out all night and party with friends; the other wanted to be at home and be alone as a couple. One of them said that the job required secrecy and sometimes quick travel out of town; the other wanted continuous communication and more time to pIan. We worked hard on these issues. We talked, I tried to listen; like Jesus asking the father in the Bible about how long things had been going on with his son, I did a case history. I gave counsel, I gave each of them assignments to complete. And we prayed. All of us prayed. Other members of their family prayed. Still one day one of them contacted me and said, it’s all over. I cannot live this way. We are going to separate.
Well, I was devastated. I felt a real failure. I felt like this father. "If, oh Lord, you are able ... but I guess you are not." I wrote them off. But guess what? Just the other day I ran into his same couple. They are back together! They are doing
well! They even expect to be fruitful and multiply before long! And as nearly as I can find out what happened, somebody in hat family took the little tiny grain of faith, and they just kept on laying that before the Lord. Somebody believed, just a
little, and asked the Lord to help them in their unbelief. And in the partnership of prayer they are getting their answer.
Men and women, I beg you this morning never to give up on each other, never to give up on those family problems. Your faith may be shaky. We now know why. It’s a result of that person who just won’t quit tearing his life to shreds, plus your own lingering worry over how much you contributed to the problem. All right. So there it is. But let’s not wallow in it. Don’t flop around in the mud-hole. Believe that in partnership with Christ, there is going to be an answer, and the answer will come, in God’s own way and in God’s own time. For, "all things can be done for the one who believes."
That son who has turned to illegal activity to support his habits: let us believe that God will not throw him away. But help our unbelief, because we are afraid we drove him to it by our legalism.
That daughter who sells her body like some cheap trash: let us believe that the Christ who lifted up Mary Magdalene will lift her up too. But help our unbelief, because we wonder if we told her that women get ahead only by pleasing men.
That father whose best friend is Jack Daniels and whose boon companion is Bud Weiser: let us believe that someday he will be intoxicated with the Spirit of the living God. But help our unbelief, because we suggested too many times that we did not respect him, and he found it better to forget his failures with the bottle.
Lord, we believe that our families can be healed, in partnership with you. Now help heal our unbelief.
III
Just listen to Jesus’ response:
And Jesus rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, "You spirit that keeps this boy from speaking and healing, I command you, come out of him, and never enter him again!"
Never again. He will heal. He will heal fully. He will heal. But it has to be done in a partnership. You and I have to participate. He will not be able to heal all by himself. It has to be done in a partnership. That partnership is a partnership of prayer.
It is in prayer that we partner with Christ for the redemption of others. It is in prayer that fathers give themselves best to their children. It is in prayer that children commit the most to their parents. It is in prayer that we are able to love each other in the most effective way. It is in a partnership of prayer that we
confess our limitations and we call in the real expert, Jesus Christ, to do the work that He does best. All the good wishes in the world will not do what prayer will do. Nor will all the professional care, as good and needed as it is; neither law enforcement nor psychiatry nor social work nor pastoral counseling nor any other good thing - and I do not put down any of it. It is vital and it is necessary -- but without prayer it is sound and fury signifying nothing. We must have the partnership of parental prayer.
Look at the disciples. They had tried, on their own, to heal the child. But they had failed and had become the butt of arguments. They found out they didn’t know as much as they thought they knew. And so they asked Jesus why. "Why
could we not cast [this spirit] out?" "Why couldn’t we heal the boy? We’ve seen you do it lots of times, and we just did what you did, Jesus, so why didn’t it work?
Oh, hear the word of the Lord to them and for us, "This kind can come out only through prayer." Only through prayer. Some of you live with situations too complex for any human power; this kind can come out only through prayer. There are people so perverse, so hardened, that no mind, no matter how powerful, can persuade them; this kind can come out only through prayer. There are addictions so gripping, so deadly, that the demands of the body for satisfaction far outstrip the intention of the will to go cold turkey; this kind can come out only through prayer.
Learn today, on this Fathers Day, the partnership of parental prayer. Let us pray for our children, not only for their own benefit, but also for ours. We sang it, "Oh, what peace we often forfeit; oh, what needless pain we bear; all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer." The partnership of parental prayer.
Learn today, on this Scholarship Sunday, when we are justifiably proud of the positive accomplishments of our young people, that they didn’t do it alone. They did it because they were supported by a partnership of parental prayer. We need to keep it up for them, now that they are launched into other pursuits. We need to make prayer our priority. "Ere you left your room this morning, did you think to pray? In the name of Christ our Savior, did you sue for loving favor, as a shield today?" A partnership of parental prayer.
When you’ve tried everything, and you’re halfway ashamed to try anything else, because you think you may be part of the problem; when you’re defeated and discouraged and riddled by doubt, pray anyway. "Lord, I belief, help my unbelief." "All things are possible, only believe".
We think we ought to be able to fix everything ourselves. We will try everything else but the most direct, most effective solution, because we are so proud. We think we are going to look stupid. We cannot bring ourselves to call in the experts because we might be shown up as not too capable.
But, you know, when the factory-trained furnace mechanic came, and found and fixed the problem, he didn’t ridicule me. He did charge me a hundred dollars, ten dollars, he said, for the parts, and ninety dollars for knowing what parts to put in. And the thing worked!
It’s time to take that family problem to the factory-trained people mechanic, whose name is Jesus. He won’t ridicule us either. He’ll only ask us to join him in a partnership of parental prayer. "Can we find a friend so faithful, who will all our sorrows share? Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer."
