INTRO.- ILL.- A young man was visiting his brother and sister-in-law and was surprised to find his young nephew, Timmy, helping them bake the cupcakes. After they were done, his sister-in-law allowed Timmy to put the icing on the cupcakes. When he had finished, he brought them to the table.
"The cupcakes look delicious, Tim,” his uncle said. And he took a bite while looking at the other cupcakes. "Timmy these are so good."
As he finished one and took another he again complimented his little nephew. "The cupcakes look beautiful, Tim," his uncle said. "How did you get them iced so evenly?"
And he took a large bite while waiting for the answer. His nephew replied, "I licked them." Train up a child to frost the cupcakes. Is that like licking your plate clean so it doesn’t have to be washed?
Children need training in both the secular and the sacred areas of life.
ILL.- Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys kneeled down beside their beds to say their prayers. Suddenly, the youngest boy began praying at the top of his lungs, "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE. I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO. I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."
His older brother leaned over, nudged his younger brother, and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn’t deaf." The little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
Train up a child to pray and to pray in the right way. Apparently, that little boy thought his grandma answered his prayers instead of God.
ILL.- A HARRIED HOUSEWIFE spent much of the day preparing dinner for company. That evening as they were ready to eat, she asked her 3-year-old daughter to say the blessing. The little girl was shy and told her mom she didn’t know what to say. Her mother said, "Just say what you’ve heard Mommy say." So the youngster bowed her head and said, "Oh, Lord, why did I invite these people to have supper with us? Amen."
Train up a child. We will train them whether we realize it or not. They will learn things from mom and dad and other people. They are little copycats. They will copy something that they see and hear in us, good or bad.
ILL.- Someone said, “Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.”
ILL.- That’s like the young student of child behavior who frequently delivered a lecture called “Ten Commandments for Parents.” He married and became a father. The title of the lecture was altered to “Ten Hints for Parents.” Another child arrived. The lecture became “Some Suggestions for Parents.” A third child was born. The lecturer stopped lecturing.
Prov. 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”
What about this verse of scripture? On the surface, it sounds pretty good and many parents put their faith in exactly what it says. They hope and pray that their straying children will someday come back to the faith they once knew as a child or as they were taught as a child.
I, too, tend to believe this verse as it is. I want to believe that what we have taught our children about Christ when they were little will always stay with them or come back to them at some point in their lives.
It is my understanding, however, that this is not exactly the meaning of this verse.
ILL,- Preacher Chuck Swindoll in writing about this verse said, “I know any number of rebels who were forced into a restricted, parent-dominated, externally religious lifestyle during their early years in the home. And when they got free of all that, they split the scene and ran wild. I mean, really wild! And they never did stop running. In fact, they didn’t return to the Lord, even when they grew older. I know some, in fact, who died while running from Him.”
Brothers and sisters, I know this is a great concern to us who have tried to train our children in the Lord only to have them leave the church and perhaps Christianity all together.
I think some of this returning to the faith may depend on how they were trained in the first place. In the home that was extremely rigged and restricted with little room for normal behavior and loving discipline, then there is a good possibility those children may never return. However, if the children were raised to believe in the Lord in a very loving home, I am confident this can make a big difference! I tend to believe those children who have gone astray will return to the Lord. I pray they will. I hope they will. I trust the Lord they will. And we all must trust the Lord to work in their lives to bring them back!
PROP.- Let’s examine this verse a bit closer to discover the meaning.
I. TRAIN UP A CHILD IN THE WAY HE SHOULD GO
Many parents might say, “I know the way he should go. After all, I’m the parent. I know what’s right because I am older and more mature. And because I know the way he should go, I’m going to see he goes my way!” This sounds pretty good, but this is not the meaning of the text at all.
I have read that this verse should literally read: TRAIN UP A CHILD ACCORDING TO HIS WAY.
The Amplified Bible reads this way: “Train up a child in the way he should go (and in keeping with his individual gift or bent), and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
This does not mean that a child should be left to himself to do whatever he wants with little or no training at all. WE ALL KNOW THAT DOES NOT WORK. A child left to himself will become totally messed up and mixed up in this crazy world. MAKE NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT: Children do need guidance and training, and in the right direction.
This verse is actually referring to the individual makeup of the child. Every child is different. They all have different abilities, talents, characteristics, etc. They have to be trained in the direction that is best for them.
ILL.- Remember Cain and Abel, the sons of Adam and Eve? Were they alike? Did they have similar interests? NO WAY. Abel was a lover of God. But Cain was stubborn and self-willed, determined to do his own thing.
WHAT ABOUT TWINS? Aren’t they similar in nature and thinking?
ILL.- In Scripture we have the twin sons of Isaac and Rebekah. Jacob and Esau. Surely, they were similar? NO WAY. Esau was rugged, strong and masculine. He was a hunter. He was even hairy. And how his dad loved him! What about Jacob? He hung around the kitchen with mom. He liked to cook more than hunt.
Gen. 25:28 “Isaac, who had a taste for wild game, loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob.”
While Isaac favored Esau, Jacob was his mom’s favorite. When you have a child like you, it’s easy to make them your favorite. Not necessarily good, but it happens.
ILL.- WHAT ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN? Suppose you have two children. One of them wants to go to college and become a doctor. Your other child may not even want to go to college. That child may have found his or her delight out in the blue collar working world. EACH CHILD IS DIFFERENT.
No one should be forced into a place and position where life is not good for them or where they cannot enjoy a certain amount of pleasure from their life’s work.
ILL.- My mother, bless her heart, wanted me to be an artist. I entered one of those DRAW ME contests and of course, didn’t win. But they sent a salesman to our house and mom bought the art course for me. It didn’t work. I liked drawing but not that much. Mother wanted me to be something that I was not or perhaps could not be. WELL-MEANING PARENTS DO THAT AT TIMES.
In the past when people were not always able to go to college they just had to do whatever kind of work they could find.
ILL.- My dad spent most of his life driving a truck, hauling livestock. Why did he choose that and not something else? I don’t really know but I have an idea. That work was available, but dad was also good at it. He was a very good truck driver. He could back those long trailers into very narrow loading chutes and seldom would he have to pull back out and take another try. He was good driver on the road too. I was amazed at how he could shift through all those gears with that two-speed axle. He seemed to never miss a gear.
Mom was a housewife until we children got older and then she went to school to become a nurse, an LPN. Why did she choose to be a nurse? Again, I don’t know for sure, but I have an idea. Mom loved people. She cared about people. She had a heart for people and she wanted to help them. Nursing seemed to be a good fit for her. And she was a good nurse.
Even in her dying hours she wanted to help someone else. I remember Jill Smith who was with mother those last hours telling about another lady in the same room who was crying for help and mother said, “Jill, go help her.”
My older brother Larry and I both started out in the grocery business. He stayed with it all his life. He’s now been in that business 47 years. My twin sister works for the University of Texas at Arlington. She was always great with clerical type work and that’s what she does. Of course, Sharon was good at whatever she did and a hard worker.
Why did my brother Larry stay in the grocery business and not me? He was good at that work. He liked it. He moved up quickly. It seemed to suit him well. He liked people as well. And the retail business is very much a people business.
Why did I choose preaching and not grocery work? When I was converted to Christ I had a strong impression and conviction that all people needed Christ as their Savior. Consequently, I felt compelled to do whatever I could to lead people to Christ. Preaching seemed to be the logical thing to do.
Brothers and sisters, we all are different critters. We all have different ideas, hopes, dreams, interests, abilities, etc. and the Lord wants us to please Him through these.
And this is also true of every child that is born into this world. Each child is different and must be trained in the way he or she should go.
Yes, the child should be trained in the ways of the Lord. There is no question about that. GOD PUT US HERE TO KNOW HIM, TO LOVE HIM AND SERVE HIM. And this starts in the home, when our children are little.
Eph. 6:4 “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
We parents need to do our best to train our children in the ways of right living and to know the Lord. This won’t happen without work, hard work, discipline, positive affirmation and a tremendous amount of love.
II. TRAIN UP A CHILD WITH LOVING DISCIPLINE
ILL.- The Vancouver Province reports the story of a New York “mad mother.” Mrs. William Morris paid a $55 traffic fine for her 18-year-old son, then drew back her right hand and gave him a resounding smack.
Magistrate Charles Solomon appeared startled at first, but quickly recovered himself and broke into a grin. “Madam,” he said, “that calls, for a $10 reduction in the fine.” “That’s nothing,” replied Mrs. Morris, “wait till I get him home.”
Not many mothers or fathers will smack their 18 year-old for wrongdoing. I believe that discipline starts much earlier in life. In fact, if it doesn’t start early on, it’s almost a lost cause and you will have to deal with the pain of a lost child.
ILL.- There was a farmer who sold a mule to another person down the road. He explained carefully: “This old mule is a good mule, but you must be gentle with him, ever so gentle.”
The next day about ten o’clock, the purchaser appeared at the door of the seller, most irate, demanding his money back. “What’s wrong?” the seller asked. “That mule is sitting in the middle of the barn and will not move. I have been ever so gentle...” “Oh, let me help you.”
They went down to the mule, the seller got a big stick and hit the mule as hard as he could on its rear and the mule got up. “But I thought you said to be ever so gentle.” “Yes, but first you got to get his attention.”
Does this tell you anything about training children?
ILL.- Homer Phillips said, “The time to start correcting the children is before they start correcting you.” Scripture is clear on this subject.
Prov. 13:24 “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.”
Prov. 19:18 “Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.”
Prov. 22:15 “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.”
Prov. 23:13-14 “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.”
Prov. 29:15, 17 “The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.”
17 “Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.”
ILL.- According to Dr. James Dobson, it’s best to start disciplining your children when they’re young, approximately 14 months of age. Youngsters are more pliable until they’re around 4 years old. After that, the concrete hardens a little and you have to work harder at breaking it up.
Dr. Dobson summarizes discipline like this: At a football game when a guy jumps off sides, what does the referee do? He doesn’t get red-faced and begin screaming about the virtues of keeping the rule. He drops the flag and he steps off the penalty. In the same way, when your child messes up, don’t break the peace of your home. You step off the penalty –– and you do it consistently. Don’t reason with the little guy. Discipline him.
When our kids are little, we can get tears in our eyes from taking a paddle and smiting their bottoms with it. But after the tears dry, hold your child on your lap and tell him you love him — and why. I agree.
Discipline is a must, but it must also be loving.
III. TRAIN UP A CHILD WITH LOVING AFFIRMATION
Children need both loving discipline and loving affirmation.
If a child lives with criticism,
He learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
He learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
He learns to be shy.
If a child lives with tolerance,
He learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement,
He learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise,
He learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness,
He learns justice.
If a child lives with security,
He learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval,
He learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
He learns to find love.
ILL.- Benjamin West, British artist, first became aware of his own artistic skills one day when his mother went out, leaving him to baby-sit his sister, Sally. In her absence he discovered some bottles of colored ink. To amuse Sally, he began to paint her portrait. In doing so, he made a real mess of things. When his mother returned, she deliberately looked beyond the mess, picked up the piece of paper, and smiling, looked deep into his eyes and said, "Why, it’s Sally!" Benjamin West would say for the rest of his life, "My mother’s kiss made me an artist."
That’s loving affirmation. We can never love our children too much in that way.
ILL.- One preacher wrote, “When my sons learned to mow the grass I found myself saying, "You missed over there." While we were alone one day, my wife said to me, "When are you going to learn, honey, you have them mowing the grass for you? You could go over there and do that quick little spot. They’re mowing most of the yard!" She was right. I got to where I would say instead, "What a great job! Terrific!"
That’s positive affirmation, but we are often slow to give it. We are much quicker to criticize than to commend. Children need commendation and affirmation just like everybody else and perhaps more.
ILL.- Another writer put it this way: Catch your children doing something right and praise them for it. Emphasize their positive qualities and behaviors. Be specific with your praise: “I appreciate you because …”, “I was pleased to see you …”, “Thank you for …”
Your verbal praise will raise your child’s self-esteem. Likewise, constant criticism will lower it.
Console and Comfort your children. Please wake up to the possibility that your child may be experiencing some intense emotional battles because of situations at school or with friends. Children face these challenges differently. Some slough them off; others are deeply hurt.
You can help them by:
- Keeping the lines of communication open.
- Being a good listener.
- Acknowledging emotional pain.
- Saying “I love you.”
- Physically touching them — a back rub, a hug or an arm around the shoulders.
- Praying out loud so they can hear you praying for them.
You parents greatly influence children’s self-esteem! In general, parents with a good self-esteem raise children who view themselves positively. It takes time and effort, but it’s worth it. The more positive your children’s self-esteem, the easier they will resist peer pressure.
CONCLUSION----------------------------------
Train up a child in the way he should go with loving discipline and loving affirmation. And when he is old he will not turn away from it.
ILL.- A guy said, “One church I used to go to years ago had a little blue-eyed grandma with white curly hair. Her name was Lucille, but we all called her Granny. This woman had a gift of life: She could hug you, love you, look in your eyes and say, ‘I love you,’ like no one else.
“At the time I was going to this church, a number of big greasy football players like myself were attending. All of us defensive ends, quarterbacks, tackles and centers would go over to this little lady’s house and she would make pork chops, cucumber salad and sweetened ice tea for us.
“I remember on Sundays seeing her surrounded by athletes and bikers at church –– and they would have their arms around Granny. They flocked to her because she loved them.”
Brothers and sisters, what that Granny had is what we all need to get. A loving heart full of loving looks and loving hugs. Our children desperately this kind of love in order to make it in this tough world. Train up a child.
