HOME BUILDERS:
A WOMAN’S ROLE IN THE HOME
Ephesians 5:21-25
INTRODUCTION:
A. We are continuing our Home Builders series this morning and we will be winding this series up next week
1. Today and next week we are going to take a look at the two key figures in the home–the role of the woman and the man in the home
2. There are a lot of jokes and one-liners about marriage.
a. It’s probably because as beautiful as marriage is it’s also extremely challenging and can be pretty ugly at times.
ILL> Henny Youngman
"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret."
ILL> Rodney Dangerfield, the man who gets no respect, says,
"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."
b. We want to focus on the role of the woman this morning, but don’t fret ladies, because next week we will be taking a look at the role of the man in the household.
c. But to be quite honest with you, they really go hand in hand as is seen in Paul’s letter that we want to study this morning
d. READ: Ephesians 5:21-28
B. If you were asked to describe the ideal marriage, what would you write?
1. Ladies, if you were asked to describe the ideal mate, what would you include?
a. Fellows, if you were asked to describe the ideal wife, what things would be the most important?
ILL> John Maxwell gave his congregation an article entitled, The Ideal Wife. Under the subtitle What every man expects, it said,
"Always beautiful and cheerful...could have married a movie start but wanted only you...beauty that won’t run in a rainstorm...never sick...only allergic to jewelry and fur coats...insists that moving furniture by herself is good for her figure...expert in cooking, cleaning the house, fixing appliances, and keeping quiet. Her favorite hobbies are mowing the lawn and shoveling snow. Her favorite expression is "What can I do for you now, Honey?" She wants you to go out with your buddies so she can stay home and get caught up on the laundry."
Then, under the subtitle: What every man gets, it said,
"She speaks 140 words a minute with occasional gusts of 180. Where there’s smoke...she’s cooking! She lets you know that you have only two faults, what you say and what you do.
2. Realistically, what you expect going into a marriage relationship is usually quite different from the reality
a. Yet, still this unique relationship is the most intimate relationship we can have in this life outside of the relationship we have with our heavenly Father
3. Marriage is a complex relationship, perhaps the most intricate on the face of the earth.
a. Unfortunately, many people don’t realize this when they say, "I do."
b. Some people think that a good marriage just happen, or depend on some mysterious blend of having the "right" people together.
c. When marriages crumble, we often hear people say that they just must have been "wrong" for each other.
d. More often than not, being right or wrong for someone depends not on some mysterious compatibility quotient, but on how willing and able we are to help meet our spouse’s needs.
e. In other words, spouses need to learn how to serve one another.
f. If you want to have the wife of your dreams, then you need to start by being the husband of her dreams.
4. This morning I want to take a look at the what God says concerning the woman’s role in the family
I> THE MATTER (VS 21-22)
A. VS 21
1. It’s important that we pause here because this is the key to the entire passage
a. Ephes. 5:21 (Msg)
Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another.
b. That word "reverent" is a word that we generally associate with God–
Holy and reverend is His name.
God is to be revered–feared and respected
c. Paul says that we are to submit to one another because we respect and love Christ
2. VS 22
a. Col. 3:18
Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
b. 1 Peter 3:1
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,
B. Let’s talk about that word "submit" for a moment
1. It comes from a Greek word that means "to get in order under" or "to yield to authority"
a. From the way the sentence is constructed we can tell that this suggests a willing or voluntary submission
ILL> For example, when you drive within the speed limit, you willingly submit to the laws of the land
ILL> When you’re suppose to be at work by 8:00am and your ready to start when the whistle blows, then you are willingly submitting to the laws of your job
ILL> When your parents tell you to be home by 11:00 and you come home at 10:45, then you are willingly submit to the laws of the home
2. So, Paul says, Wive submit to your husbands as if you are submitting to the Lord
3. To help further put this idea into perspective, consider what Paul said about your attitude toward work
a. Col. 3:23
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men,
4. God does not call wives to obey their husbands in the same way that he instructs slaves to obey their masters
a. Nor is it the same type of relationship that a parent has with a child
b. But rather, it is a relationship where there is mutual submssion
5. In the beginning the woman was created as companionship for the man
a. Genesis 2:18
The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
b. I don’t know who it was, but someone has realized that woman was the only thing in all of His creation that God did not make out of dirt
She is special!
QUOTE> C.H. Spurgeon
"Woman was not taken out of man’s head to be lord over him, or from his feet to be trampled on by him, but from his side to be equal with him, from under his arm to be protected by him, and from near his heart to be loved by him!"
II> THE MISUNDERSTANDING
A. MISCONCEPTION - The reason that so many people have such a problem with submission in marriage is that they have a misconception of the concept
JOKE> A newlywed couple drove up to the hotel on their honeymoon. The bride said, "Let’s not act like newlyweds, let’s act like we’ve been married for a long time." The husband said, "Okay, you carry the luggage."
1. As soon as a lot of people hear that word "submit" they turn a deaf ear to the rest of what the passage is saying
ILL> Many of you will remember Margaret Beck. Once when I preached on this passage she looked at me with the mischievous grin or hers and said, "I never liked that verse much!"
a. We want to be strong, be our own man or woman, do our own thing
We don’t want anyone telling us what to do
We want to be top dog, king of the hill, the guy at the top
b. We think of "submitting" as being something that is negative when God intended it for as a positive thing
B. MISUSE -Some view the idea of submission as the husband spread out in a recliner as the master of his domain while the wife serves as a submissive slave, doing all the work
1. A wife is not to be a personal slave but a helper and companion
C. MISTREAT - Some men have used this to dominate and abuse their wives
1. Some men take joy in the fact that they are the physically stronger sex
a. Some enjoy making their wives cower in submission as a dog cowers before his master
b. If you ever find yourself in a relationship like that then you need to talk with someone
c. There are agencies such as Helpline that specialize in helping people who find themselves in such relationships
D. As unique, and great, and strange, and difficult, and wonderful as the marriage relationship is, we need to understand that God knew exactly what He was doing when He created this special relationship
1. She is to be the perfect compliment to the husband
2. She is the perfect compliment physically
a. woman tend to be more tender and tender hearted
ILL> When I was a kid and got a splinter, I hated it when my dad volunteered to take it out.
3. She is the perfect compliment emotionally - woman tend to be more emotional which at times can create a greater sense of caring while men tend to deal strictly with the facts–they balance each other
ILL> When a child gets a cut. Mom says, "Let Mommy kiss it so it will feel better." Dad says, "You’re not hurt. Be a man."
ILL> Alan getting the tip of his finger cut off.
4. She is the perfect compliment biologically - a man and woman fit together in order to procreate
a. That’s just one of the reasons why gay marriage is not reasonable
It is going to hurt the family and young boys and girls are not going to have any clue as to what their role is in the home or the family
5. She is the perfect compliment spiritually - Because of the special intimacy of the marriage relationship, the husband and wife and are able to encourage one another
a. As the husband and wife are drawn to God, they are naturally drawn closer to each other.
III> THE MOTIVE
A. Ephes. 5:22
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
QUOTE> Life Application Notes
"Submission is rarely a problem in homes where both partners have a strong relationship with Christ and where each is concerned for the happiness of the other."
1. Here is the key - our relationship with God has to be right before our relationship with our spouse will be what it should be
a. When a wife is submitting to her husband then she is also being submissive to God
b. 1 Peter 3:1-2
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, [2] when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.
IV> CONCLUSION:
A. VS 24
1. Our model is Jesus Christ Himself
B. Several stories were shared this past week concerning the life of Ronald Reagan
1. One was shared by his daughter Patti Davis
ILL> Patti Davis recalled how her father presided over the funeral of one of her goldfish when she was a girl and told her the fish would be "swimming in the clear blue waters of heaven–that the fish would be free and could swim on and on."
She went back to the tank and decided that all of her fish should be free so she suggested they kill them, too. He told her that things should happen according to God’s timing and that someday they, too, would someday be free.
2. It was that tremendous place–that dwelling place with God that Jesus Christ left so He could submit to God’s eternal plan
a. Philip. 2:6-8
Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, [7] but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. [8] And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death--even death on a cross!
