The Missing Link
Introduction: A Kid’s Eye View
When I was a kid, I discovered among my parents’ books an ornately illustrated volume of the 10 Commandments. It looked like it was probably a reproduction of an illuminated manuscript that had been painstakingly created by medieval monks. The writing was big and old fashioned; the language was King James.
Something about that book drew me to it, although it wasn’t exactly because I liked it. Taken together, the words & the pictures & the “THOU SHALT NOT’s effectively conveyed a solemn warning about transgressing God’s commandments.
And the scariest one for me was the seventh commandment, “THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY.” You wouldn’t think that would be scary to a little kid, but it was. The reason it was scary was because I had no idea what adultery was. I knew it HAD to be serious, because it was stuck right between “THOU SHALT NOT KILL” and “THOU SHALT NOT STEAL.” I knew what those two meant and I knew they were both REALLY bad.
So I knew adultery was something really bad, but I had no idea what it was. I was afraid I might accidentally commit adultery and never know it.
So I put my reasoning skills to work. I used my best trick for figuring out words, which was to relate the word I didn’t know to words I did know.
Say, I came across the verb “liquefy.” Well, I knew what the word “liquid” meant, and I could tell this was a verb, so it must mean “to make something liquid” – sort of like what I liked to do to my hard ice cream.
The only word I could relate it to “adultery” was “adult.” So I thought adultery must mean, “to act like an adult.” I figured that it must be ok for adults to act like adults, so this commandment HAD TO mean that kids shouldn’t act like adults. I didn’t know WHY God would make such a big deal of kids who acted like adults, but who was I to understand God’s ways, right? Obviously GOD was VERY serious about it.
Just to make sure, I decided I would NEVER act like an adult. And lo, I have kept that resolution ever since.
When I preached about murder, I said the reason it was wrong was because it was a violation of a principle of creation, that is, that human beings have been made in the image of God
Because human beings have been made in the image of God, human life is more sacred than animal or plant life.
Adultery is wrong because it violates another principle of creation:
Genesis tells us that after God created Adam, He recognized that it was < not good for man to be alone >
And while Adam had all kinds of little and big creatures around for company, God knew that’s not what he needed.
So God created Eve to be a suitable companion for him
Just as a brief side road, the most familiar version – the King James – translated the words “a help meet.”
In contemporary English “help meet” doesn’t make any sense, so it has slid into “help mate,” which we understand better, but isn’t accurate.
And older use of the word “meet” was “suitable” or “proper” – which is a whole lot more like the Hebrew word, which means, “comparable to” or parallel to.
When we say “helper” we think of a subordinate, someone who gets you coffee or serves in some rather lowly capacity.
But again, that’s not what the Hebrew means.
The Hebrew word used here almost always refers to God.
And when I say, “God is my HELP,” I don’t mean, “God is my assistant; God gets me coffee.”
I mean, “Because God is stronger and more powerful than I am, He is able to help me.”
When you take the words together, a “help meet” is neither a weaker, subordinate little helper, nor a bigger, stronger, superior being.
“A help, meet to him” is an equal, a suitable colleague, companion and co-worker for the work God gave Adam to do.
God created Eve as a suitable companion and co-worker for Adam
Genesis 2:24 says, For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
We’ve heard that often enough, but what does it mean?
The Scripture doesn’t say they become one PERSON, and it’s pretty obvious that people don’t lose their individuality or their personalities when they marry.
But they become fused together.
Like these two pieces of paper, glued together.
Separate personalities
Held together by love and trust – and a covenant made with and before God
If they’re torn apart after being made one, well, it looks something like this.
Neither one comes out of it quite whole.
Our society has come to think of adultery as kind of a “victimless crime.”
For many, it’s not really seen as a crime at all.
In fact, there are even books being published on how to conduct yourself when you’re in an adulterous relationship.
In 1999, Cameron Barnes’ published a book called, Affair! How to Manage Every Aspect of Your Extramarital Relationship with Passion, Discretion, and Dignity.
The publisher described it as "a thoughtful, detailed discussion of every aspect of considering, preparing for, beginning, and conducting a successful and emotionally fulfilling extramarital affair."
Judith E. Brandt has written a book called The 50-Mile Rule: Your Guide to Infidelity and Extramarital Etiquette
An interview with the Chicago Tribune included this interchange:
Q: You say [in your book], don’t feel guilty. That doesn’t seem realistic.
Ms. Brandt: Guilt is basically something built into society to keep you in line. If you are going about your business in a discreet way and you are continuing to take care of your wife and, most importantly, your children, there is no reason to feel guilt.
"’Miss Manners’ of Adultery,"
Sorry Ms. Brandt, but there’s plenty of reason to feel guilt.
Because a those who commit adultery have broken the promise to “forsake all others”
They have failed to fulfill the covenant of faithfulness that they took before God and their family and friends.
And they have ripped themselves out of the one flesh relationship they have with their spouse and have bonded to someone else.
And any children involved, who should have been protected in the middle of this “one flesh” relationship, are also ripped apart.
It’s devastating to everyone involved.
Sometimes people talk as if sex was something humans invented and it took God totally by surprise.
As if God looked down one day and said, “Oh my goodness, what are they DOING??”
God invented sex. He knows how powerful it is. The seventh commandment was not given because God is a prude.
Norman Vincent Peale: Sex is just about the most powerful and explosive force that is built into us. Every instinct and every bit of counseling experience I have had tells me it is too dangerous a commodity to be handed over to people with no strings attached.
[Norman Vincent Peale, Christian Reader, Vol. 33, no. 1.]
The reason God has some pretty strong rules about sex is the same reason you don’t give matches to a three year old. Because a fire in the fireplace is a great thing. It brings warmth and comfort and even joy. But a fire on the kitchen table can destroy and even kill.
In its rightful place, sex is a wonderful gift from God. But let loose, it is destructive to individuals and to families. Adultery rips like a bullet through the heart of a family. And God wanted to protect us from it.
In saying all of this, what I am NOT saying is that adultery is an UNFORGIVABLE sin. It is possible to be forgiven. It is possible for ripped up lives to be healed. It’s even possible for marriages to stay together after unfaithfulness has occurred.
But it is a horrific assault on the trust, the intimacy of a relationship
When we talked about the fifth commandment (Honor your father & mother) we saw that it had to do with our attitude not just toward our parents, BUT ALSO toward authority in general.
But if we never learned to respect and honor our parents, then it’s a pretty sure bet we don’t respect and honor anybody else in authority.
The 7th commandment is also focused on a FAMILY relationship – this time between husband & wife.
But there is an underlying principle that affects all our other relationships.
That is, God wants us to be FAITHFUL PEOPLE
As we sang before the sermon, one of the great characteristics of our awesome God is that He is FAITHFUL
He is DEPENDABLE,
He is RELIABLE,
He is LOYAL
He continues to love us even when we have failed to love Him.
And if we can’t be faithful to our spouse – the most significant human relationship a person can have – we’re not going to be faithful to anybody.
That’s why it amazes me that people – without batting an eye – will vote for a political leader who has been unfaithful to his spouse.
I figure, “If he’ll lie to and cheat on his wife, why do I think he’ll treat his constituents any better!”
Not all relationships require the exclusivity that marriage does, but all good relationships require faithfulness
Whether it’s parents and children
Brothers and sisters
Friends, family
If we can’t trust the other person, we really can’t have a relationship with them.
God is faithful, and he desires that His people demonstrate faithfulness in ALL of our relationships
The Old Testament prophet Hosea is told by God to marry a prostitute
I don’t believe that God just randomly told Hosea to go out and find a prostitute and marry her.
But Hosea had fallen in love with a woman who was a prostitute and God said, “Go ahead, Hosea. Go ahead and marry her, and I’ll use your pain to help my people understand My pain.”
Hosea’s prophecy is filled with the anguish of a man whose life has been ripped apart by an unfaithful woman
Time & time again he takes her in, and time & time again, his wife betrays him.
And through Hosea’s broken heart, God exposes His own broken heart
Hosea’s suffering is caused by an unfaithful wife
God’s suffering is caused by His unfaithful people.
Throughout the Bible idolatry and unfaithfulness to God is equated with adultery
The reason for that is that our relationship with God is intended to be a deeply intimate, committed, exclusive relationship.
NIV Mark 12:30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’
God is supposed to be our greatest love
Conclusion
Wilt Chamberlain
Wilt Chamberlain was one of the greatest basketball players who ever lived. He racked up statistics like nobody before or since. But the number he will probably be remembered for most is 20,000. In his autobiography that’s the number of women the never-married Chamberlain claimed to have slept with.
What’s interesting, though, is the fact that, along with that boast, Chamberlain went on to say “that he would have traded all 20,000 for the one woman he wanted to stay with for keeps.”
[Clarence Page, "Remembering the Big Dipper’s other statistics," Chicago Tribune (10-17-99).]
But while Chamberlain claims he wanted that “one woman… to stay with for keeps,” he was apparently never willing to pay the price. Because having the ONE means forsaking the other 19,999. There is no real intimacy apart from faithfulness.
Chamberlain’s “missing link” was faithfulness. He wouldn’t be faithful to only one woman, and so he settled for sex without love; physical intimacy without relationship.
There’s a story of two men who grew up best friends:
Though Jim was just a little older than Phillip and often assumed the role of leader, they did everything together. They went to high school and college together.
After college they decided to join the Marines. By a unique series of circumstances they were sent to Germany together where they fought side by side in one of history’s ugliest wars.
One sweltering day during a fierce battle, amid heavy gunfire, bombing, and close-quarters combat, they were given the command to retreat. As the men were running back, Jim noticed that Phillip had not returned with the others. Panic gripped his heart. Jim knew if Phillip was not back in another minute or two, then he wouldn’t make it.
Jim begged his commanding officer to let him go after his friend, but the officer forbade the request, saying it would be suicide.
Risking his own life, Jim disobeyed and went after Phillip. His heart pounding, he ran into the gunfire, calling out for Phillip. A short time later, his platoon saw him hobbling across the field carrying a limp body in his arms.
Jim’s commanding officer was furious, and shouting that it was a foolish waste of time and an outrageous risk. "Your friend is dead," he added, "and there was nothing you could do."
"No sir, you’re wrong," Jim replied. "I got there just in time. Before he died, his last words were ’I knew you would come.’"
[John C. Maxwell and Dan Reiland, The Treasure of a Friend, pp. 27-28]
That’s faithfulness. And that’s the missing link that makes all the difference in every relationship.
May we be men & women who exhibit great faithfulness, just as God has demonstrated His Great Faithfulness to us.
