Compiled by: Herman Abrahams (Pastor), Cornerstone Faith Ministries, P.O. Box 740, Westridge 7802, Rep. of South Africa.
E-Mail: Mentorship2003@yahoo.co.uk
Note to the reader:
If you have been blessed with this sermon compilation, I would be honoured to receive an e-mail from you merely telling me where in the world you are based- I do not need any other information. This is merely so that I can have the pleasure of giving thanks to Almighty God that all over the globe the ministry which he has entrusted to me, is blessing the body of Christ and helping to extend the Kingdom of God. Thank you. Herman Abrahams, Cape Town, South Africa.
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A CHRISTIAN INTERPRETATION OF SEX IN MARRIAGE (PART 2)
(A) THE NEW TESTAMENT ON LOVEMAKING
1 Cor 7: 2-5 (NIV) 2 But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
There are three central principles taught in this passage concerning lovemaking. Bible teachers have called them: the principle of NEED; the principle of AUTHORITY; and the principle of HABIT.
1. THE PRINCIPLE OF NEED
Both husband and wife have sexual needs and drives that should be fulfilled in marriage. Scripture tell us, not as a suggestion but as a command, to meet our mate’s sexual needs. When husband and wife take hold of this concept and unselfishly begin to do everything they can to meet their partner’s need, they are sure to develop an exciting relationship. Husband and wife have a DUTY to meet one another’s sexual needs.
2. THE PRINCIPLE OF AUTHORITY
When we marry, we relinquish the sole right to our body. ‘Both husband and wife have conjugal rights and exclusive possession of the other in this area’ (NIV Study Bible Notes, electronic ed.). After the wedding day the partners quickly learn that one of the easiest ways to hurt our mate is to withhold our physical affection. We do not have this right! The wife’s body no longer belongs to her alone but also to her husband and the husband’s body no longer belongs to him alone but also to his wife (vs 4). This means that we must love our mate’s body and care for it as our own. With this understanding in mind we will appreciate the fact that we cannot make unreasonable demands on our partner.
3. THE PRINCIPLE OF HABIT
Both partners are forbidden to deprive the mate by abstaining from the habit of sex, except by mutual consent for a brief period of time (vs 5). If we break this command of God and defraud our partner by withholding habitual sexual lovemaking, we will surely open our marriage to satanic temptations (vs 5). God knows this and that is why He tells us to participate actively and regularly in sex with our own mate (vs 2-3). This is an inherent part of the love-life of marriage.
Eugene H. Petersen in “The Message” describes it as follows:
‘It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality – the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting – but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it’.
(B) A LANGUAGE TO BE LEARNED
Is there such a thing as working at sex? I believe there is. Sex is not doing what comes naturally. That may be true of animals. But we are concerned not with the mere releasing of tension but with a means of communication in which each partner has the duty to fulfill the sexual desire of the other. This requires sensitivity and skill in the art of lovemaking. It is a language to be learnt.
In order for partners to fulfill their sexual duties towards each other, they must have some understanding of each other’s expectations. Partners need to communicate with each other, tell what they like and what they don’t like, what excites them and what leaves them cold. Men and women differ significantly in their sexual responses. We need to help one another understand what we are experiencing in the sexual relationship - what enhances and what detracts from our enjoyment.
The more fully we share with one another, the more adequately we can fulfill each other’s needs. N.B.- No two married couples are exactly alike. A technique which brings enjoyment to one couple may hinder the mutual satisfaction of others.
Newlyweds should not feel that they have failed should they not get it right the first time. They must recognize that they “learn by doing”. Isn’t that one of the primary purposes of a honeymoon - for two lovebirds to get away to a romantic spot and learn about each other and their sexual natures? God, in giving the law to Moses, recognized the need for newlyweds to have time alone to get to know each other. He instructed that a man was to be exempt from military service and all other duties for one year after his marriage (Deut 24:5) in order that he may bring happiness to his wife. At a time when their sex drives were strongest the couple was afforded circumstances that would allow ample opportunity for experimentation and enjoyment. A one year honeymoon!!
(C) INTERCOURSE IS THERAPY
Sexual intercourse in marriage is more that the uniting of two physical bodies. Becoming “one flesh” (Gen 2:24) involves a couple being joined physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Intercourse is therapy. It completes persons, consoles them and unites them to one another. The Bible suggests that this is one of the purposes of sexual intimacy. “Isaac brought her (Rebecca) into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death” (Gen 24:67 NIV). Jack Dominion in “Marital Breakdown” (Pelican, 1971), p81 says, “when self-esteem is low and confidence lacking, the sexual act becomes more than a reassurance, it becomes an urgent therapy, perhaps one of the most powerful forms of treatment the spouses can carry out for one another. This therapeutic dimension of sexual intercourse is a great mystery and a great wonder. The writer of the Song of Solomon pinpoints this wonder in the intimacies a man and his bride enjoyed. He speaks of the delight of sexuality (eg 2:3 ; 8:10).
SS 2:3 Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste.
SS 8:10 I am a wall, and my breasts are like towers. Thus I have become in his eyes like one bringing contentment.
There is a sense of ecstasy and joy in the poem and the pain of separation when the loved one is absent.
Intimacy is LIBERATING!*
