INTRODUCTION
Whenever God gives us a negative He always has a positive purpose behind it. He always has a reason. His purpose is usually not to cause pain but for your protection. When you play by God’s rules you win.
Our series of messages for the last 6 weeks have been on the Ten Commandments. I have been trying to apply the Commandments to family living. We have now come to the 7th Commandment. In simple language and in 5 words the Commandment says: “You Shall Not Commit Adultery.”
Nothing destroys a family faster than adultery. Even the mention of this word causes some of you pain and memories of shame. The purpose of this message is not to resurrect your past. If you have confessed a sin to God you’ve been forgiven.
I want to focus on the future. God is no kill-joy. God invented sex. Like anything it must be controlled. All God’s gifts have limitations on them. Like Water – You can’t live without it. But, too much of it and you can drown. Fire – it can either warm you or burn you. It’s how you handle it.
God has given you a drive called SEX. Properly controlled and expressed within marriage it’s beautiful and fantastic. But outside of marriage it is destructive and detrimental to your health – emotionally, physically and spiritually.
God wants us to use sex as a tool for building a marriage - not to destroy it.
Hebrews 13:4
4 Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. NKJV
It is easier to get married than to stay married. Today’s world has become very permissive. Sex is everywhere (TV, newspapers, billboards, etc.). Readers Digest did a study and said 50% of all husbands and 35% of all wives have committed adultery. This happens among Christians too.
I want to give you two broad categories today: (1) The prevention to adultery, (2) The pathway back from adultery.
I. THE PREVENTION TO ADULTERY
There are 6 steps I want to give you this morning on how to prevent adultery:
1. Make a commitment to God’s standards.
Regardless of past or present failures, make a commitment today to maintain God’s standards. The Bible says that sex is for marriage only – not before marriage, not outside of marriage.
Psalms 119:9
9 How can a young man cleanse his way?
By taking heed according to Your word.
Adultery should never be an option. There is no justification for it.
Illus.- Joseph could have given in. He could have reasoned: “I’m young, attractive, single, I’m in a foreign country, it’s acceptable in this society, she wants it, I desire it, it might help me in my career, I am emotionally scarred, my brothers hate me, sold me into slavery, my mother died when I was young, I’ve had a terrible life, deprived of love – I DESERVE IT!
Instead Joseph turned and ran. He said, “I will not sin against my God.”
Proverbs says, “Be faithful to your own wife. Give your love to her alone” (5:15). Literally it says, “Drink water from your own cistern, and running water from your own well.” This is an exciting passage (verses 15-20) on sex in marriage, mark it down and read it.
I’m grateful to pastor Rick Warren from where I get much of my material for this series. He said, “I got a card one time from a lady in the church that was suggestive. She is no longer here. When I get that kind of stuff I just hand it over to Kay (his wife) and ask her to answer it. She never wrote again.”
#1, Make a commitment to God’s standards.
2. Magnify the Consequences
Remind yourself of the devastation that is caused by sexual sin. The shame never goes away. The sense of loss to everyone is enormous.
Proverbs 6:26 says, “An adulterer will prey upon a man’s precious life, he will be reduced to a crust of bread.”
Here are three reasons to be faithful to your husband or wife: (1) I love Jesus Christ. He said if you love me keep my commandments, (2) I love my wife (or husband) and kids. The thought of hurting them is unbearable to even think of. (3) I fear the judgment of God. The Bible says, “Adulterers and fornicators God will judge” (Heb.13:4).
Adultery is basically selfishness. The adulterer says, “Forget how it hurts others, I want sexual gratification.” Instead of working to improve your sexual relationship with your wife you seek after the image of sex given by Hollywood or the Internet. One counselor told me that pornography has become so prevalent in the lives of men that it is tearing marriages apart. It creates a sexual addiction.
America is in a mess. Think about our schools. If they taught drug education today like they teach sex education they would be passing out needles and showing our kids how to shoot up. School leaders think that kids are going to be doing sex anyway so we should show them how to do it safely. Kids aren’t that smart. They need to be told what God says is right and wrong.
#1 Make a commitment to God’s standards, #2 Magnify the consequences,
3. Maintain Your Marriage.
A growing relationship with your spouse will reduce the pull and attraction of adultery.
1 Corinthians 7:3
3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. NKJV
His Needs, Her Needs by Dr. Willard Harley gives the 5 top needs of most men and the 5 top needs of most women:
MEN:
1. Sexual Fulfillment
2. Recreational Companionship
3. An Attractive Spouse
4. Domestic Support
5. Admiration
WOMEN:
1. Affection
2. Conversation
3. Honesty and Openness
4. Financial Support
5. Family Commitment
Any similarities? NO! Solution – Find out what your spouse needs and set out to meet them. When you said, “I Do” you thought your spouse would meet these important needs in your life. Unfortunately, many men and women feel cheated and begin to look outside marriage to satisfy these needs.
One of the biggest problems in marriages today is the physical relationship.
1 Corinthians 7:5
5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. NKJV
One “scientific” study was done to discover what days men like to make love. They discovered that they like days that begin with the letter “T”. Tuesday, Thursday, Today, Tomorrow, Tatursday, Tunday, etc.
Here’s a decision we should make: “If my mate is going to have a good lover in his/her life, I’m going to be it.”
Another thing, a great goal in marriage is to become best friends. Mary Alda (wife of actor, Alan Alda) said, “It’s real easy to leave your spouse. It’s not easy to leave your best friend.” Talk together, walk together, be together.
#1 Make a commitment to God’s standards, #2 Magnify the consequences, #3 Maintain your marriage:
4. Manage My Mind
Immorality is a process. There is no such thing as a “one night stand.” You are not a moral, upright person one day and the next day an adulterer.
Matthew 5:27-28
27 "You have heard that it was said to those of old, ’You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. NKJV
>Thoughts>Feelings>Actions>Adultery
James 1:14-15
14 But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. 15 Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death. NKJV
Here’s how it goes:
Step 1 – Accepting sinful thoughts in your mind
Step 2 – Emotional non-physical involvement (talk about needs with him/her)
Step 3 – Physical involvement. Once this happens it’s really hard to break away. It takes everything you have and the grace of God. The passion and power involved in adultery is very strong.
Step 4 – Rationalizing the affair.
Jeremiah 17:9
9 "The heart is deceitful above all things,
And desperately wicked;
Who can know it?
Here’s how it goes:
“If only my husband/wife met my needs, I wouldn’t be doing this.”
“We love each other.”
“God loves us no matter what we do.”
“God will forgive.”
But, you presume on the grace of God. Paul said, “Should we sin that grace may abound? God forbid!”
#1 Make a commitment to God’s standards, #2 Magnify the consequences, #3 Maintain your marriage, #4 Manage your mind:
5. Maintain Proper Relationships
Most affairs occur between close personal friends, co-workers or family members. How should we maintain proper relationships?
(1) Don’t listen to a member of the opposite sex tell you about his/her marriage problems. Steer them to a counselor.
(2) Women, don’t go fishing for compliments. Your husband may not notice if you die your hair green but that doesn’t mean you should look outside marriage for those deep emotional needs. Husbands, watch out what you say to women. If you are not sure what to say, better to say nothing than risk being misunderstood in giving a compliment.
(3) Avoid a prolonged stare. It’s OK for singles to flirt but not married people.
(4) Avoid a lingering touch. Except for family and some senior adults (Mary Davis) I don’t hug. Prolonged touching can be a signal.
Ephesians 5:3
3 But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; NKJV
Finally, #6:
6. Minimize the Opportunity
If you don’t want to get stung stay away from the bees. Make sure your friends are as committed to their marriage as you are. Be careful in the workplace. Everybody looks good at work. Dressed well. Make-up on. No curlers, best behavior, etc. You don’t see them at their worst as you see your spouse.
II. THE PATHWAY BACK FROM ADULTERY
There’s still hope if you are willing. Adultery does not have to kill a marriage. Three steps:
1. Acknowledge the Sin
See David’s prayer in Psalm 51 when he committed adultery.
2. End the Relationship Immediately.
“Today, if you hear God’s voice don’t harden your heart.”
3. Avoid Contact with that Person from now on.
You can’t be friends after you’ve become lovers. No letters, cards, calls, visits. You may need to put in for a transfer.
CLOSING
God thought up sex. It’s His idea. Marriage can be most exciting when each person seeks to meet the needs of the spouse. It is a beautiful picture of Christ and the church. God has established the rules. We win when we follow them.
Maybe you have realized that there are problems in your marriage. Maybe your thought life is straying. Maybe there is already an emotional attachment to a person outside of your marriage. You need to give it to God. Nip it in the bud. Even if you’re already in an adulterous relationship you and your marriage can be repaired. You need to come to God.
