INTRODUCTION
During the rehearsal for a wedding the bride was nervous and had trouble getting the details right on how to walk down the aisle. Her pastor took her aside to give her some advice. He told her when you enter the church tomorrow, you will be will be walking down the same aisle you’ve walked many times before. Concentrate on the aisle. And when you get half way down the aisle, concentrate on the altar. And when you reach the end of the aisle, your groom, Jim will be waiting for you. First concentrate on the aisle, then the altar, then Jim. Got it? That seemed to help.
The next day, the beautiful but nervous bride began down the aisle at the appropriate time. But the people along the aisle were surprised to hear her whisper with each step, “Aisle, Altar, Jim.” “Aisle, Altar, Jim.” “I’ll alter Jim.”
I’m not sure how much success she had at changing Jim, but there were probably several wives wishing her well that day. Today’s topic gets real practical this morning. I want to talk about relationships that work. Today’s text begins at 3:18 and goes through 4:1. But as we read I want to begin with verse 17. Notice how it sets the stage. “Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus.”
There are three things I want to mention about relationships before we move into the text:
1. Relationships are to be routine. This is about home life and work life. Our faith must work in the everyday affairs of living and there’s nothing more routine than family life and work life.
2. Relationships have different roles. We are talking roles not rulers. Everyone has a defined role: Husbands and wives, Parents and children, employers and employees. But, everyone is of equal rank. Look back to Colossians 3:11 and, adding to Paul’s list from Galatians 3:28, Paul equates male and female. We are all equal in God’s eyes but life works best when we follow His roles for us.
3. Relationships are to be reciprocal. Husbands and wives reciprocate, or react to the actions of the other. Parents and children and employers and employees reciprocate. What Paul was writing in the first century was radical. Wives, children and slaves (for our discussion, employees) were looked down upon in society. But, Christianity elevated women, valued children and set things in motion to sabotage slavery. In our relationships we are to be loving, kind and fair. We will look at these pairs together as Paul gave them to us, as they are to relate to one another in everyday life.
I. GOD’S MODEL FOR MARRIAGE (18-19)
Ladies first, let’s get the hard part over with:
A. Wife, Submit to Your Husband (18)
1. The Requirement of Submission
What does it mean to submit? Submit does not mean to obey. Children are to obey. Slaves (employees) are to obey. But, nowhere in Scripture does it say wives are to obey their husbands but it is clear that wives must submit to their husbands.
Submission in the Bible does not mean slavery and does not imply inferiority. “Submit” literally means “to arrange one’s self under a delegated authority.” It comes from the military word where soldiers were to be in order under the direction of their officer. Wives are to be submissive to their husbands for the sake of living productive, harmonious and successful lives.
2. The Reason for Submission
“as is fitting in the in the Lord” (18b)
Another translation has it: “This is what the Lord planned for you”
You are fighting against the nature God placed inside of you when you refuse to be submissive. Are you happy in your relationship with your husband? If not, it could be the problem has to do with your lack of submission.
B. Husband, Sacrifice for Your Wife (19)
A. The Requirement
Men, it’s time for you to take a hit. Notice the verse says “Love” but what I said is “Sacrifice.” Why? Because the word used here for love is “Agape.” Agape love is not romantic (though wives wish they had more of this), it’s not sexual (eros), it’s not brotherly (philia), it is sacrificial.
1 Corinthians 13:4-5
4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; NKJV
The word, “Husband” originally meant “one who holds the house together.” Another image is that of a gardener who cultivates the soil and keeps the weeds out.
Ephesians 5, a parallel passage, gives twice the space on a man’s responsibilities as a husband as it does on women’s responsibilities as wife. Bad marriages are usually the result of the husband’s failure to love his wife rather than her failure to be submissive. Most women are willing to follow the leadership of her husband when he loves her unconditionally.
Illus.- I heard about a husband who took his wife for counseling. She was hurt and upset and when she began to talk to the counselor she broke down and started crying. The sensitive counselor realized what the problem was, slid over next to her and hugged her and said, “Now, now everything is going to be all right.” A change came over her face. She softened and her eyes lit up. The counselor said to the husband, “see that’s all she needs.”
“Great,” said the husband. “I’ll bring her by here every Tuesday and Thursday.”
II. GOD’S PRINCIPLES FOR PARENTING (20-21)
A. Children, Obey Your Parents (20)
1. When? “In all things” Many problems we have in society stems from children growing up without respect for authority. It begins in the home.
2. Why? “This is well pleasing to the Lord” See Eph.6:3
Ephesians 6:3
3 "that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth." This comes from the 5th of the Ten Commandments.
B. Parents, Encourage Your Children (21)
The word for “father” here can be translated “parent” as it is in Heb.11:23.
Four things a parent can do to discourage a child:
1. Ignore them. A father with no time for his children is raising them with deep-seated resentment.
2. Indulge them. Give them everything they want, spoil them. They feel like the world owes them.
3. Insult them. Overly critical. They grow up feeling like they are worthless.
4. Intimidate them. Threats and unfair expectations can break their self-esteem.
Illus.- One man coached a little league baseball team. His best player was his son, the short stop. In a game his son made an error and the dad called a time out, moved his son to right field and made him sit against the fence the rest of the inning. That’s intimidation.
III. GOD’S WAY IN THE WORKPLACE (3:22-4:1)
Paul uses the term “slaves” or “bondservants.” Then about 50% of the Roman Empire were slaves or indentured servants. It was not a racial issue like it was in America. Paul did not call for an overthrow of slavery but his writing helped to bring about a change from the inside.
Our best application today is employees to employers.
A. Employees Responsibilities
1. Work Submissively (“obey in all things” verse 22)
Even when you don’t like the tasks. Illus.- When I worked at East Tenn. Packing Co. be cause I was a part-time helper, they saved the “good” jobs for me, such as when the gut hasher broke or the blood dryer messed up. I can’t say I worked submissively.
2. Work Sincerely (“in sincerity of heart” v.22b)
Illus.- A missionary was put in charge of supervising a group of natives on a work detail. He was frustrated because they were lazy and worked only while he was watching them. When he left they would sit around and not work. The missionary had a glass eye so he decided he would try something. He took his glass eye out and sat it on a fence post and told the natives he would be watching them even when he was away. The missionary was thrilled until one day he came back and saw them sitting around again. He looked over to the fence post and saw that someone had put a hat over the eye.
3. Work Spiritually (23-25)
Jesus is the boss (23)
Payday is coming (24-25)
B. Employer’s Response (4:1)
Be fair and just. You have a boss too.
CLOSING
In our passage the word “Lord” is used eight times. When the Lord is over you, you don’t “lord it” over them, whether a husband, parent, or employer. These are practical lessons. What roles do you need to work on?
Are you in the family of God? Do you have a church family?
