Submitted By Dr. Bobby J. Touchton
Ashland, Kentucky
INTRODUCTION. Let me begin by reading an email, entitled, "What My Mother Taught Me,"
My other taught me RELIGION: When I spilled grape juice on the carpet, she instructed, "You better pray the stain will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me LOGIC: From her decisive words, "Because I said so, that’s why."
My mother taught me FORESIGHT: "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY: "Keep laughing, and I’ll give you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about STAMINA: "You’ll sit there ’til all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER: "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION: "Stop acting like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY: "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have a wonderful Mom like you do!"
Thanks, Mom!
Happy Mother’s Day, everybody! I realize that no one in this room, including myself, has endured childbirth. So, in an attempt to offer everyone something this morning, and Mothers in particular, we will look at "How to Become an Encourager."
In Susan Yates’ book, And Then I Had Children, she includes the following in her list of common challenges to mothers:
1) Low self-esteem
2) Monotony and loneliness
3) Stress from too many demands
4) Lack of time with husband
5) Confusion about discipline6) Home atmosphere
7) Need for outside role models
8) Training of children
These are only some of the many reasons why Mothers need encouragement.
ILLUSTRATION: A cartoon showed a psychologist talking to a mother: "Let’s see," he said, "You spend 50 percent of your energy on your job, 50 percent on your husband and 50 percent on your children. I think I see your problem."
If you asked me why I picked the book of Philemon to preach on encouragement, I would tell you it’s because Moms sometimes feel like slaves, and they want to run away. If you’re not familiar with the book of Philemon from the New Testament, it is just before the book of Hebrews.
The author of the book is the Apostle Paul, a dedicated follower of Jesus Christ and mentor to Timothy. The recipients of this letter are Philemon and Apphia, and a house church leader named Archippus. Paul was writing from a prison cell, and he was imprisoned for his religious faith, not for a civil or criminal violation.
Paul is writing on behalf of Onesimus, a runaway slave. Onesimus apparently met Paul and was converted to Christianity. Paul sends this letter with Onesimus back to Philemon, the slave’s master. Paul is not affirming slavery, but in fact asks Philemon to return worth and dignity to Onesimus, even as a brother.
Paul writes in verses 15-17, "... that you [Philemon] might have him [Onesimus] back for good -- no longer as a slave, but better than a slave, as a dear brother. He is very dear to me but even dearer to you, both as a man and as a brother in the Lord. So if you consider me a partner, welcome him as you would welcome me." The Bible never endorsed mistreatment of others; rather, the Bible endorses the equality of human worth under God.
Paul was certainly an encouragement to Onesimus, the slave, but Paul was also an encouragement to Philemon, the slave master. We need to understand that an encourager is not an amoral "good feeling dispenser." There is a distinct difference between encouragement and comlpiments. Unearned compliments, compliments that aren’t sincere can ring hollow. Paul was concerned about feelings, but he was more concerned about living according to God’s ways.
Let me define an encourager as the Bible would have us understand. A biblical encourager helps others to have the courage to be and to do what God wants them to be and to do. Let me say it again, "A biblical encourager helps others to have the courage to be and to do what God wants them to be and to do."
Everyone needs an encourager, especially Moms. Classmates need encouragers. Co-workers need encouragers. Family members need encouragers. Christians need encouragers, and non-Christians need encouragers.
ILLUSTRATION: A group of frogs were traveling through the woods when two of them fell into a deep pit. All the other frogs gathered around the pit and when they saw how deep it was they told the two frogs that they were as good as dead. The two frogs ignored the comments and tried to jump out of the pit with all their might. The other frogs kept telling them : “STOP – it’s no use, you’re as good as dead.” Finally one of the frogs took heed of what the other frogs were saying and gave up. He fell down and died. The other frog however continued to jump as hard as he could. Once again the crowd of frogs yelled at him to stop the pain and just die. “What’s the point of going on”, they cried out to him. In response the frog in the pit jumped even harder and harder and finally made it out. When he got out of the pit the other frogs said to him “Didn’t you hear us? We were shouting at you – Give up – you’re as good as dead” In response the frog said to them “Oh is that what you were saying. I’m profoundly deaf. I thought you were shouting out encouragement to me all the time!”
The good news is that everyone can become an encourager, even at times when you may not intend to be. This morning, we will learn from the Apostle Paul, how to become a biblical encourager. Let’s look together.
I. First, a biblical encourager affirms the person’s acceptance by God and usefulness to God. We see this in verses 4-7.
I thank my God always, making mention of thee in my prayers, hearing of thy love, and of the faith which thou hast toward the Lord Jesus, and toward all the saints; that the fellowship of thy faith may become effectual, in the knowledge of every good thing which is in you, unto Christ. For I had much joy and comfort in thy love, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through thee, brother.
Paul affirmed Philemon’s faith in and service to God. But God is the Greatest Encourager. In fact, God’s Spirit is called, "the one who comes alongside." In a world that we’ve messed up, God encourages us by not abandoning us. He has always showed us His acceptance.
When Adam and Eve disobeyed God as recorded in Genesis, chapter 3, Adam and Eve went into hiding. Because of their disobedience, they felt they lost their acceptance and usefulness to God.
God found them and clothed them with animal skin. God shed the blood of animals to cover up mankind’s sin and sense of unacceptability before God. But that was only a temporary solution, for animals could never pay the penalty that mankind deserves.
So God sent His own Son, Jesus Christ, in the form of man, to die on the cross to pay the full and final payment for sin. On the cross, God demonstrated His acceptance of us despite our sins. The Bible tells us that by trusting in what God has done through Jesus Christ, our relationship and our usefulness can be restored to God.
Romans 5:8 tells us, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." That’s unconditional acceptance.
Ephesians 2:8-9 says, "For it is by God’s favor you have been saved, through trust --and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God -- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." That’s usefulness to God.
All of us want to feel accepted, useful and important. Discouragement comes when we don’t feel accepted, useful or important. As modeled by Paul, a biblical encourager affirms the person’s acceptance by God and usefulness to God.
Maybe you’ve done some horrible things without anyone knowing what they are, but you know God knows. You wonder if He accepts you. He does, and you don’t have to wait until you are good to go to Him. He took the first step in having Jesus Christ pay for your sins. Go to God. He accepts you. He’s been waiting for you.
Maybe you feel inadequate to be used by God. He wants to remind you that His power can overcome our weaknesses. God uses imperfect people only, because He has no other kind of people to choose from. We are all imperfect, but God can and does use us in significant ways.
ILLUSTRATION: After President Nixon was removed from the Presidency, he was so disgraced and emotionally disturbed that he wanted to take his own life. He and his wife were in the hospital room with the curtains closed. Then a nurse came in and asked permission to open up the curtains. When the curtains were opened, Nixon saw an airplane flying back and forth outside his widow, with a banner that read, "God loves you, Mr. Nixon."
When Nixon saw that word of encouragement, he regained hope. Who was the biblical encourager behind this? Ruth Graham, Billy Graham’s wife, had given orders to the pilot to keep flying that sign until Nixon opened the curtains.
A biblical encourager reminds and affirms the discouraged and troubled people in life that God accepts them and can use them.
II. Second, a biblical encourager appeals to the person on the basis of love. We see this in verses 8-14.
Wherefore, though I have all boldness in Christ to enjoin thee that which is befitting, yet for love’s sake I rather beseech, being such a one as Paul the aged, and now a prisoner also of Christ Jesus: I beseech thee for my child, whom I have begotten in my bonds, Onesimus, who once was unprofitable to thee, but now is profitable to thee and to me: whom I have sent back to thee in his own person, that is, my very heart: whom I would fain have kept with me, that in thy behalf he might minister unto me in the bonds of the gospel: but without thy mind I would do nothing; that thy goodness should not be as of necessity, but of free will.
Paul understood that the motivation of a true encourager comes from a position of love and not of force. If your desire to change a person is motivated by love for the person, the person will feel encouraged, not rejected by your effort. But if you simply want to change the person to suit your own needs and demands, you will be met with resistance at best or even a broken relationship.
Someone took a traditional Native American saying and twisted it a bit. It suggested, "Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes."
One psychologist noted, "No one has the power to reform another person, but by liking the other person as he is, you give him the power to change...." God did more than like us as we are; He loves us as we are, and He demonstrated that love on the cross, even before we showed any sign of improvement.
When you vowed to love the one you married, you had great potential for encouraging your spouse. As husbands, you vowed to take her to be your wife, for better or for worse. Have you lived up to this commitment? You vowed to take her for richer or for poorer. Have you lived up to this commitment?
ILLUSTRATION: My parents never fussed at me much about grades. I was always too hard on myself. But one man told me he remembered his Dad was dissatisfied with anything less than an A on his report card. Each time he looked at his report card, his displeasure only discouraged him. In middle school, from As and Bs, his report cards went to Cs and Ds. Then one day, on the recommendation of his brother, the boy’s Uncle, his Dad told him that he would not ask for his report cards anymore. He simply encouraged him to learn and do well in school. The boy began to learn and do well in school.
Encouragement is not telling someone you love him or her and then asking him or her to change. Encouragement is voicing the desired change and then demonstrating your unconditional love for the person even if the person doesn’t change. A biblical encourager appeals to the person on the basis of love, not on the basis of result.
III. Finally, a biblical encourager addresses the person’s fears with belief in the person. We see this in verses 15-21.
For perhaps he was therefore parted from thee for a season, that thou shouldest have him for ever; no longer as a servant, but more than a servant, a brother beloved, specially to me, but how much rather to thee, both in the flesh and in the Lord. If then thou countest me a partner, receive him as myself. But if he hath wronged the at all, or oweth thee aught, put that to mine account; I Paul write it with mine own hand, I will repay it: that I say not unto thee that thou owest to me even thine own self besides. Yea, brother, let me have joy of thee in the Lord: refresh my heart in Christ. Having confidence in thine obedience I write unto thee, knowing that thou wilt do even beyond what I say.
Paul understood that Philemon might be afraid of the pressure from other slave masters, or Philemon might be afraid to absorb the losses, if he should take Onesimus back, not only without subjecting Onesimus to the usual punishment for runaway slaves, but to treat him now as a brother. So Paul addressed Philemon’s fears and verbalized his belief in advance that Philemon would do what is right in God’s eyes.
But Paul had not always been the kind of encourager we find him to be toward Philemon. In Acts 9, it was Barnabas who saw potential in Saul after his dramatic conversion on the road to Damascus. Other people wanted to write Saul off because of his violent persecution and cruelty to Christians in the past. They were somewhat suspicious of Saul’s conversion experience and questioned whether it was genuine or just a fake conversion so that he could get access to the inside of the church.
In contrast to popular opinion Barnabas saw what others couldn’t / wouldn’t see. He looked at Saul with the eyes of God and saw potential. We might want to say that Barnabas’ God was big enough to be able to turn around the most violent non-Christian. He believed in what Saul could become. He believed in what a mighty man of God Saul could to become in the future. We know him this man whom Barnabas believed in as the Apostle Paul and the author of a large chunk of the New Testament.
To become an encourager like Paul was to Philemon or like Barnabas was, is to have eyes of perception that see what others cannot see – particularly when it comes to potential. Another example of this was in Acts 15 where Barnabas stood up for his cousin John Mark. Mark had been part of Barnabas’ and Paul’s traveling ministry team, but at one point had abandoned them. When the going got tough, Mark got going! He let them down, wimped out. As far as Paul was concerned that was it. Mark was no longer of any value to the cause. However, Barnabas saw potential beyond the failure. He was willing to give someone who had messed up a second chance. Barnabas was a blessing to be around. He was known as someone who took an interest in people and was prepared to give people a second chance even when they had messed up in the past. This aspect of Barnabas’ character actually cost him his partnership with Paul. They may have reconciled some time later but over the issue of John Mark. But here Paul and Barnabas go their separate ways. There is no record of them ministering together at any later stage. However, there is evidence of John Mark being later accepted by Paul. Paul writes about him in some of his later letters as being a faithful member of his ministry team – and all because Barnabas was willing to give a failure a second chance.
To be an encourager is to be willing to go out on a limb for someone in whom you see potential. People have probably done that for us; who are we doing it for today? At work, at home, at school, within the church, are there people of immense potential that we are willing to mentor and believe in and defend in front of others – whose natural inclination might be to write them off? The God of the Christians believes in broken people, and as we become more like Jesus we begin to see people as God sees them.
A true encourager works to understand the fears of the one needing encouragement and believes in the person even when the person doesn’t believe in himself or herself. If you want to encourage your mom or your wife this Mother’s Day, begin by understanding her fears. Then verbalize your belief in her. But if you’ve been a source of discouragement to your mom or wife, ask for forgiveness first.
When Trina was pregnant with our children, she gained a lot of pounds (I won’t tell you how many, she wouldn’t tell me how many), and I gained about 22 pounds. We recognized that both our waistlines underwent some enlargement. A line I came up with to assure her of my continued love was, "That’s alright. There is just more of you to love now." I understood her fear of rejection, and I verbalized my commitment to love her. It was old and corny, but it worked.
One lady wrote, "I wish I were a bear. If I were a bear, I would get to hibernate. I would do nothing but sleep for six months. I could get used to that. And another thing: before I hibernate, I’m supposed to eat myself stupid. That wouldn’t bother me either. If I were a mama bear, everyone knows I mean business; I could swat anyone who bothers me or my cubs. If my cubs get out of line, I would swat them, too. My husband would expect me to growl when I wake up. He would expect me to have hairy legs and excess body fat. He would like it! I wish I were a bear."
This lady needs someone to believe in her and to be committed to her despite her unsavory sleeping and eating habits, her appearance and her low self-worth. A biblical encourager would affirm her acceptance and usefulness by God. The encourager would also love her enough to help her change and love her even if she doesn’t change. Finally, the encourager would address her fears with his belief in her worth.
Let me close with the words of G. K. Chesterton regarding the responsibility of a Mother:
"Babies need not to be taught a trade, but to be introduced to a world. To put the matter shortly, a woman is generally shut up in a house with a human being at the time when he asks all the questions that there are, and some that there aren’t...
Our race has thought it worth while to cast this burden on women in order to keep common-sense in the world... But when people begin to talk about this domestic duty as not merely difficult but trivial and dreary, I simply give up the question. For I cannot with the utmost energy of imagination conceive what they mean...
If drudgery only means dreadfully hard work, I admit the woman drudges in the home, as a man might drudge (at his work)... But if it means that the hard work is more heavy because it is trifling, colorless, and of small import to the soul, then I say give it up...
How can it be an (important) career to tell other people’s children about mathematics, and a small career to tell one’s own children about the universe? ... A woman’s function is laborious... not because it is minute, but because it is gigantic."
CONCLUSION.
I realize our mothers and grandmothers made mistakes. God accepts them despite the mistakes they may have made in life and in parenting. If we will let Him, God will continue to use us and them to influence the future of the church, community, country and even our world through their children and grandchildren. While you may not have had the mother that you wanted, or your mother was not who God wanted her to be, He loves you and her and believes in you both.
Despite your loneliness, despite the insufficient amount of appreciation from your spouse, children or our society, despite your exhaustion, despite whatever fear you have, God and His church believe in you, your worth and your potential as an encourager.
Submitted By Rev. Bobby J. Touchton, D.Min.
Ashland, Kentucky
This message may be used freely by others in any manner that promotes the Gospel of Christ. Over the years, I have relied heavily on other sermons, as well as, those from SermonCentral.com; this sermon is no exception.
