No one goes through life without experiencing rejection and/or betrayal. Its part of the result of being sinful humans that we reject others and as a result we end up on the receiving end of that rejection as well. In some ways this fear is the foundation for so many others. We’re afraid of what others will think of us so we don’t live within our means we fall prey to the fear of financial insecurity. If others knew the skeleton’s we’ve buried in the closets of our lives we’d be rejected out of hand. Likewise we fear we’ll fail and be rejected by those who expected us to succeed. You start to get the picture?
One of the greatest fears the American public has is that of public speaking. At the root of that fear is the fear of what others will do with us. Will be rejected and hooted down, made fun of for the vocal blocks and places we stumble over our words etc… I know most of you have heard about my call into the ministry. Even as I walked forward in that meeting I told God. “I don’t know what you can do with me because I can’t speak any foreign language [I was thinking missionary] and I AM NOT going to talk in front of people. So strong was that fear of rejection that four years later as a senior at Cal State University, Hayward, I finally took my “performing arts” requirement Speech 1001.
But that’s not the only rejection I felt. I hated sports in grade school because of the quaint tradition of “picking teams”. I knew that I’d be one of the last three chosen. In about 1961 I was part of a Little League team named the Mets, and we lived up to the name in ’61 too. We sucked! We won one game that year. We were the laughing stock, or believed we were, of the rest of the league. I recall the rejection I felt when a girl friend broke up with me and told me that she still wanted to be friends. It took over a decade but we are friends now.
What’s more is that I’ve had it easy. I know others who have felt rejection like nothing I can imagine. I know people who have been betrayed by those they have trusted their lives and futures too. Many of them have found that the answer to their rejection and betrayal came in relying on the love and acceptance of Christ. In John White’s book Unafraid: walking alone along fearful paths has a telling list of common rejections we may hear [pg 58];
I don’t like you.
You’re not what we’re looking for.
I want her on my team (not you).
What! You didn’t make the team?!
I don’t love you anymore.
I never loved you. I wish you’d never been born.
Go away, you bother me.
I’m sorry, I have other plans.
We wanted a boy.
Let’s just be friends.
Your grades are better but…
Than you for your interest in our position but it’s not a ‘good fit’.
No thanks, I’m not interested.
Man, are you stupid.
Sound familiar? Do you have some “pet” rejections that have held you bound up in fear. Maybe they happened when you were 10 or 11 and now as you look forward to retirement you’re realizing you gotta do something about them. Maybe they happened just last year or last month. Whatever your story and whenever it was take a look at Saul, [I use Paul/Saul interchangeably]
Saul’s story in Acts 9 is full of the fear of rejection and betrayal. Paul, blind, sitting and waiting on God has to wonder what’s going to happen. Ananias, is obvious reluctant at best and outright fearful of going to this one who so easily could betray him and arrest him. After all that’s what Saul did. Later, probably a year or more, Paul is betrayed by those who he loved so much and wanted to see saved. The Jews laid a trap for him and he escapes through a window in the wall of the city. And even once he makes it to Jerusalem the reaction of the disciples themselves is one of fear at whether or not Saul has really changed.
Pastor Craig Burton writes about how people deal with the rejection and betrayal in their lives. “Some try to drown their sorrows in alcohol, drugs, or immoral sex. Others continue to abuse, like they’ve been abused in the past. Others try to prove their sense of self-worth through accomplishments and higher achievements.” Christ does something different with Paul though. He moves Paul to become a beacon of salvation not only to those who rejected him [the Jews] but also to those whom he’d rejected by his upbringing [the Gentiles].
But the key for us is to understand how God got Paul there in the first place. He did it through the believers he met like Ananias and Barnabas. Ananias takes his life in his hands when he obeys God and goes meets Saul. He offers food and healing. It is not a great leap of faith to see this old saint as Paul’s gateway into the People of Christ there in Damascus. And as Paul preaches in the synagogues and is met with more rejection it would be those like Ananias who stood with him, trained him and comforted him. And it was their support and help that rescued him from the trap that had been set for him.
In Jerusalem things would be different, right? Not quite. The disciples were scared [phobos] to meet Paul. It is only Barnabas the radical Christ follower who in chapter 4 sells some real estate and gives the money to the church that makes the difference. He comes alongside Paul and introduces him to the others. Barnabas puts his reputation on the line by encouraging the person no one wanted to be around. He “took him” as if rescuing one from the ocean. Other Bibles translate it “took under his wing” The Message; “came to his help” Good News Bible.
Later, even as he and Paul go their separate ways it’s because Barnabas is encouraging Mark while Paul seems to see Mark as a failure.
Our task for this coming week is to become a Barnabas to others. Dealing with our own fear of rejection and betrayal becomes possible when we focus on the love and acceptance that Jesus has for us. But the test isn’t in our feeling better. Look at the application page in your insert. See where it says, “Three times before the 50 days end, be a Barnabas to someone. Make them feel like an insider. Show that you think they’re important by making a phone call, sending a card, offering to pray for them, and so on. As you take the risk to encourage others, you’ll not only show them acceptance, you’ll be facing down your fears of rejection.
As you choose people to encourage, put a check in the first box by their name. When you have been an encourager for someone, check the second box.”
Although Phyllis and my boys have become my best encouragers but when I was dealing with the absolute terror of public speaking two pastors came alongside of me. Before seminary, when I was an intern at my home church in Richmond, Ron McHattie encouraged me as I wrestled with the idea of preaching. Later while in seminary, Jud Wiley who pastored a church in Burbank where I worked, told me he had no qualms about turning the pulpit over to me when he went on vacation. Those were both powerful experiences in the life of one dealing with that fear.
There’s another story to tell about this fear and that’s the rejection and betrayal that Jesus went through. It is a rejection and betrayal that was bearable because He knew His Father loved Him. John tells us that [Jesus] “came to his own and his own did not receive him.” Likewise, on the cross Jesus experienced the ultimate rejection, from God Himself, when he cried, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me.” And that rejection was so that you and I might not ever have to experience that total and eternal rejection. Today, at this table, we celebrate not Jesus’ rejection by God but our acceptance by our Creator and the certainty that in Him we will always find encouragement.
