The Making of a Man.
I. Introduction
As we look to Mother’s day, we find it in the Bible that not only is the wife to honor the husband, but the husband must also do the same for his wife.
(Ephesians 5:33) However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
In Genesis 23, we are presented with some very good counsel and advice by the patriarch Abraham. And, as Abraham has done before, he does again in these scriptures by providing us an example of good counsel and advice through actions, rather than words. For some of us, this counsel and advice will pierce right to our hearts if we are not doing them on behalf of our wives.
Relationships are a two-way street. And on a two way road there is traffic going both ways. Not only do you have traffic coming in, but there is traffic going out as well. A relationship is no different. You must have traffic going both ways for a relationship to exist. A one way relationship will only go in one direction!
Before we get into The Making of a Man I would like to compare two sets of scripture. When we put these side by side we are merely comparing and looking at the stark contrasts that they present.
Our first set of scripture:
(Ephesians 5:25-30) “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church--30 for we are members of his body.
Our second set of scripture:
(1 John 2:9-11) “Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness. 10 Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble. 11 But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness; he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him.”
Love is kind and is a supreme benefit of being a Christian. Without love, how can we say that we are Christians? Without love how can we even get married, much less have children.
The science books say that the universe is slowly running out of steam and that it will all end or disappear someday. That is highly probable, since it says so in scripture. But, as Christians, I believe that is the least of our worries. Closer to home, closer to our own existence from day to day, I believe we have an even bigger problem. I believe that love is slowly trickling out of the world, like the air slowly leaking from an old balloon. And, like the deflated balloon, there is nothing to replace the air. There are too many physical relationships and not enough relationships based upon Ephesians 5:25-30. It has become too easy for married couples to separate or to divorce one another for the slightest of reasons.
I believe that with love trickling out of the world, that people are, like it says in 1 John, walking around in the darkness and groping from one relationship to another.
As we mentioned before, our scripture passages for today indicate that Abraham was a man of action. He demonstrates before us in these passages, The Making of a Man of God.
A true man of God will:
• Provide Comfort
• Provide Love
• Provide Intercession
• Provide Respect
• Provide Security
• Provide a Name
All of these, in turn, will formulate a loving and amiable relationship with your wife, which will then produce an environment favorable to raising children of God.
II. The Message
A. Provides Comfort
23:1 “Sarah lived to be a hundred and twenty-seven years old. 2 She died at Kiriath Arba (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan…”
When a man establishes a house apart from his parents to begin his family, he is, in a sense, establishing a refuge, a sanctuary, where comfort should exist more than discomfort or distress. It not only should be a place where he can’t wait to get to, but, it should also be a place that he shouldn’t want to leave, or run away from.
Our scripture tells us that Sarah lived to be a hundred and twenty-seven years old! How can a spouse that is uncomfortable, or distressed live very long? They can’t! If someone is always living under the dictatorship, the thumb or the rule of someone else, life becomes painful and unbearable. They begin to experience health issues, both physically and mentally. But, remember, though, you can’t contribute all health issues to an abusive, belligerent spouse, just most of them.
In preparation for this message, I did a little internet surfing to see what the secular world says about living a long life. I was presented with hundreds of web pages that offered every opportunity to live a long life through diet, drugs, and exercise. One person said that one banana a day has enabled her to live to be over 100 years old, though, banana imports to the U.S. were not in full swing until the late twenties, which would have put this person in their twenties by the time they started either eating a banana a day, or even being able to afford eating a banana which was as expensive as caviar until the mid 30’s. But, that’s not the issue, really. The issue is presenting a home life where there is no fear, no anxiety, no intense worry, but where comfort abounds. Diet, exercise, sleep habits, hygiene, Bible studies, do all help you live a long life. However, where comfort supplements the diet, the exercise, the sleep habits, the hygiene habits, the studies, and the housework, long life will surely be attained.
It tells us in the Bible:
Ephesians 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 "Honor your father and mother"--which is the first commandment with a promise--3 "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."
Providing comfort to our wife and family is one way of honoring our father and mother. If we are not providing the comfort to our family that we should, that could very well be construed as not honoring our father and mother, since they are, in fact, the ones that raised us into what we are now and how we currently behave, or treat our wife. By honoring them, through obeying what they have taught us, we will enjoy long life on this earth, as well as our wife enjoying a long life on this earth as well.
A man will be esteemed and well thought of by those around him by how he comforts his wife. Comforting someone doesn’t always just include: flowers, poems, or the occasional evening walks, but begins with the one that transcends relationships, Jesus Christ. Without His comfort being expressed through the husband, there is no easy and open spiritual relationship, a relationship that would be mentally exhausting and severely limiting while it was being covertly carried out.
Comforting your wife allows her the presence of mind to keep the family in order and to teach the children the ways of the Bible. The man of God provides comfort, and comfort provides long life to his wife and honors his father and mother.
B. Provides Love
The rest of verse 2 tells us of the great love that Abraham had for his wife Sarah:
“… Abraham went to mourn for Sarah and to weep over her.”
Though we cannot possibly know how much Sarah was loved by Abraham, it can be said that a man that does not mourn the loss of his wife or a loved one, has no love. All people, everyone on this earth, are capable of love, and all will feel the loss of a passing loved one, except those that have no love within them and have been given over to their sins.
Not hearing or feeling love expressed through words and emotions in a relationship will widen the gap between you and that person. Relationships need love to grow into better relationships. If there is no love expressed by your spouse, whether it be your husband or wife, the gap in your relationship will widen until the distance is so great that there could be days between your conversations and then probably only arguments.
We all know the so-called love chapter found in 1 Corinthians 13. Starting in verse four of that chapter:
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12 Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
If you were to take out the word love, and substitute your name into its place, would those verses still be true?
C. Provides Intercession
Let’s read the next set of verses:
3 Then Abraham rose from beside his dead wife and spoke to the Hittites. He said, 4 "I am an alien and a stranger among you. Sell me some property for a burial site here so I can bury my dead." 5 The Hittites replied to Abraham, 6 "Sir, listen to us. You are a mighty prince among us. Bury your dead in the choicest of our tombs. None of us will refuse you his tomb for burying your dead." 7 Then Abraham rose and bowed down before the people of the land, the Hittites. 8 He said to them, "If you are willing to let me bury my dead, then listen to me and intercede with Ephron son of Zohar on my behalf 9 so he will sell me the cave of Machpelah, which belongs to him and is at the end of his field. Ask him to sell it to me for the full price as a burial site among you."
In establishing a family, a man needs to follow the example of the Great Intercessor, Jesus Christ. A man should and must intercede on behalf of his wife and family, both spiritually and physically.
As a man, physical intercession is speaking up for someone because that is your position in the marriage. Abraham had some trouble with physical intercession during his marriage to Sarah. He twice asked her to tell other people that she was his sister, because Abraham was afraid for his life.
Though he had intercessory troubles earlier in his marriage, he seems to have worked them out as evidenced by these verses. It tells us that he went forward on behalf of his wife, to intercede for her in death, to find a burial location for her in a foreign land.
As Christians we may be called upon from time to time to ‘physically intercede’ on behalf of someone. We may be asked to stick up for someone, to stand behind them, or to support them, and not to waver. We must be willing, like Abraham to stand up and speak out when the opportunity presents itself. We must be willing to speak up for our family and not cower, run away or faint.
D. Provides Respect
10 Ephron the Hittite was sitting among his people and he replied to Abraham in the hearing of all the Hittites who had come to the gate of his city. 11 "No, my lord," he said. "Listen to me; I give you the field, and I give you the cave that is in it. I give it to you in the presence of my people. Bury your dead." 12 Again Abraham bowed down before the people of the land 13 and he said to Ephron in their hearing, "Listen to me, if you will. I will pay the price of the field. Accept it from me so I can bury my dead there."
We see here in these verses an excellent example of the uprightness of Abraham. And, we should follow this model and ourselves be an example of uprightness in our families. Every man of God should be unwavering and steadfast on issues that may involve questionable activity or morals. Every man of God is called upon to not only properly and respectably represent himself in front of others, but to also properly and respectably represent his wife as well.
Abraham fashions the mold for us when he talks with ‘Ephron the Hittite’ concerning obtaining a burial place for his wife. Ephron, obviously seeing the love and respect that Abraham had for Sarah, wanted to give the land to Abraham, yet Abraham would not hear of it. Abraham’s respect for and memory of Sarah was worth more than that, he was determined to buy the land.
A good man of God is respected by even his non-Christian neighbors for his uprightness, manners, morals, and how he treats his family. Ephron noticed this in Abraham. Can the same be said about you? Do the people around you, both the Christian and non-Christian, notice good things in your treatment of your wife and family? Something to think about.
E. Provides Security
14 Ephron answered Abraham, 15 "Listen to me, my lord; the land is worth four hundred shekels of silver, but what is that between me and you? Bury your dead." 16 Abraham agreed to Ephron’s terms and weighed out for him the price he had named in the hearing of the Hittites: four hundred shekels of silver, according to the weight current among the merchants. 17 So Ephron’s field in Machpelah near Mamre--both the field and the cave in it, and all the trees within the borders of the field--was deeded 18 to Abraham as his property in the presence of all the Hittites who had come to the gate of the city.
In life today, security or being secure both in providing for a family and keeping them safe from all harm, is becoming harder and harder to accomplish. Three hundred years ago you could take your family and, if you were not bothered by barbarians, pirates, thugs, killers, or thieves, you could basically go anywhere you wanted and live off of the land around you. Security in providing the basic necessities was essentially very easy.
Additionally, Christian and secular historians tell us there were not that many wars that took place during Abraham’s time. However, for a woman during this time, it does tell us that it was very difficult to have security or to be secure in an “all men world.” Women, more often than not, were treated as possessions to be traded if one desired. So, this ‘buying of a burial place for Sarah’ is actually totally out of place.
If Abraham was willing to go through this in Sarah’s death, might he also have been an equally abundant provider of security during her life? We, also, need to ensure that we are seeking security for our spouses and families. We need to ensure, like Abraham, spiritual security, health security, and financial security for our wives and family.
F. Provides a Name
19 Afterward Abraham buried his wife Sarah in the cave in the field of Machpelah near Mamre (which is at Hebron) in the land of Canaan. 20 So the field and the cave in it were deeded to Abraham by the Hittites as a burial site.
The deal was done and the land was sold to Abraham. Abraham, in obtaining this land for his wife’s burial plot, was in fact ensuring the longevity of his and Sarah’s name. For many years after that, people walking by would refer to that place as, that’s the place where Sarah, Abraham’s wife, is buried.
Names are important to people. The Bible is filled with names, sometimes going on for one or two columns. God told Moses, when Moses asked, Whom shall I say sent me?, and God said, tell them the ‘I am’ sent you.
Abraham provided Sarah with a name when he married her, and he maintained that name in her death. It was a name that she was not afraid to hold up in life.
What about us? What kind of name for ourselves have we created? Are our wives willing to hold our name up before others, or do they hang their heads in shame because of something dumb we’ve done or continue to do over and over and over.
Proverbs 22:1, “A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.”
III. Summary
The Bible tells us that the scripture, especially the old testament scriptures, were written to give us examples and encouragement.
As a matter of fact in (Romans 15:4) it says, “For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.”
The scriptures are laid out before as a reminder of how we can live before God. In Genesis, Abraham has set before us a goal to improve ourselves. He is the one that has set the mark that all others are to be measured by. It is a good mark, a tough mark, but not an unattainable goal. We have the opportunity, through Bible study, prayer, church attendance and fellowship to become true men of God. And, as true men of God, we will provide for our wives and families.
A true man of God will:
• Provide Comfort
• Provide Love
• Provide Intercession
• Provide Respect
• Provide Security
• Provide a Name
