THE PASTOR’S POINTS
sermon ministry of
CEDAR LODGE BAPTIST CHURCH
Thomasville, NC
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April 21, 2002
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So far in this series we have addressed the matters of teaching and requiring our children to respect God, and other people. We adopted a working principle for all three messages:
We must raise our children in a Christian atmosphere, so they become Christians who mature in grace and knowledge, and therefore contribute to changing this world in accordance with God’s will.
This week we will investigate teaching our children self respect.
Self respect comes from having strong character. Say whatever you want about what constitutes self respect, but it cannot exist apart from a strong, Godly character. D. L. Moody said Character is what you are in the dark. [1]
America’s folk philosopher Will Rogers had his stab at defining character; he said, So live that you would not mind selling your pet parrot to the town gossip.[2]
Where does character come from? How does it arrive? After all, everyone has character; not everyone’s character is something about which you’d want to boast. Charles Swindoll, in Growing Deep in the Christian Life [3], tells about a man who bought fried chicken dinners for himself and his date late one afternoon. The attendant at the fast food outlet, however, inadvertently gave him the proceeds from the day’s business--a bucket of money (much of it cash) instead of fried chicken. Swindoll writes:
"After driving to their picnic site, the two of them sat down to enjoy some chicken. They discovered a whole lot more than chicken--over $800! But he was unusual. He quickly put the money back in the bag. They got back into the car and drove all the way back. By then, the manager was frantic.
"Mr. Clean got out, walked in, and became an instant hero.” I want you to know I came by to get a couple of chicken dinners and wound up with all this money here.’
"Well, the manager was thrilled to death. He said, ’Let me call the newspaper. I’m gonna have your picture put in the local paper. You’re one of the most honest men I’ve ever heard of.’
"To which the man quickly responded, ’Oh, no. No, no, don’t do that!’ Then he leaned closer and whispered, ’You see, the woman I’m with--she’s, uh, somebody else’s wife.’ "
So, I ask again, Where does strong character come from? I maintain it is in the hands and lives of Mom and Dad (the home), and our society – but mostly it is formed in the home. It happens in the everyday of life.
I believe we can teach our children to have a self-respect that will build a strong Godly character. It is a matter of balancing discipline and instruction with our own daily example, and it is not the impossible dream, even in a society where ethics and character are not required any more – even with presidents.
As always, God’s word, the Bible, has the answers. As the parts and service manual is to the repairman, the Holy Scriptures is to any parent who would teach his children respect for himself.
Here is Ephesians 6.4 in two different translations:
And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath:
but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. (KJV)
4Fathers, don’t make your children bitter about life.
Instead, bring them up in Christian discipline and instruction. (GWT)
The issue of making children bitter about life, is the matter of
…the overbearing or abusive parent who frustrates his child by never allowing him room for growth or mistakes.
…it is also the parent who makes endless rules, then changes them as his own mood changes.
…it is the father or mother that yells, rather than communicates.
…it is the household where children begin to understand they will never be good enough, never meet the parent’s standards.
This is the place of children provoked to wrath, who grow up cynical and angry. It is the perfect medium for the growth of bacteria known as hatred; it winds up in the tragedy of a Columbine High School.
We can do better. There is the second half of that verse, but bring them up in Christian discipline and instruction. That is our mission this morning. Let’s look at six characteristics of CHARACTER-BUILDING parents…
I. Committed enough to the Faith to pass it along.
Only take heed to thyself, and keep thy soul diligently, lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have seen, and lest they depart from thy heart all the days of thy life: but teach them thy sons, and thy sons’ sons; Deuteronomy 4:9 (KJV)
Many people in America attend church, and even Sunday School. Some come every time the doors swing open. That is good. However, it is no replacement for evangelizing your kids.
Our thesis for all these messages is that we must teach and require respect at home and at church. Teaching our children “self-respect” includes at the very base of our faith, that no person can have a healthy understanding of who he is, and the value of his life until he is a born-again child of God.
Our faith teaches the inestimable value of the human soul. Scripture here says to keep [your] soul diligently, meaning to attend to matters of reverence and worship before holy God. It tells us to teach it to our children, and their children. You build the foundation of character in your children by introducing them to the “Chief Cornerstone” (Eph 2.20, 1 Pe 2.6), Jesus Christ. Pass along the faith.
II. Creative enough to arouse curiosity towards God.
And when thy son asketh thee in time to come, saying, What mean the testimonies, and the statutes, and the judgments, which the LORD our God hath commanded you? Deuteronomy 6:20 (KJV)
This passage is from the promises God gave to Israel when they first became a nation under Moses. They were being reminded that they were to be very creative in teaching their young ones about God.
What do you think your children think? I like the cartoon which shows a dad with a deep frown, looking at his son’s rather sub-par report card. Junior says, "So, dad, do you think it is because of environment, or heredity?"[4]
When it comes to respect for self, most kids don’t have a clue that always trying to pass the blame for their own errors or sins is the very thing that makes having a Godly character impossible.
This passage says the kids will ask about God and what all the worship stuff is about. Do your kids ask you? If not, perhaps it is because that worship stuff isn’t the center of your life as it is supposed to be. Do you talk creatively about worship?
III. Consistent enough to weave holiness into all of life.
And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. Deuteronomy 11:19 (KJV)
This passage is at the end of Moses’ rehearsal of the Ten Commandments. Moses is at the end of his leadership time (and his life), and he is preparing Israel to get along without him. (Incidentally, that is a very good description of a parent’s job, that is – to work himself out of a job!).
What Moses said in the preceding several chapters is, live a consistent holy life before God, and your land will be blessed. That has grand implications for raising children too. If you will live a holy life before God and your children, your children will be a blessing. Consistent Godly behavior instills respect.
I broke my own rule last week. On Monday I watched 10 minutes of “Fear Factor”. If you haven’t seen the show, don’t worry – you haven’t missed much worth seeing. On this particular show, there were four contestants. In order to progress to the next level towards winning $50,000, they each had to spend 3 minutes totally naked on a stage runway in front of the studio audience.
Of course the networks blurred the vital areas. (If they could have gotten past the censors without editing I’m certain they would have shown it in a heartbeat.)
We are thinking today of self-respect. I want to tell you I felt dirty just watching the edited part of that show. I wondered about the contestants and the audience. In craving fame or attention, the exhibitionist contestants were egged-on by a cheering mob to flaunt their nakedness. Now, although the audience was applauding and cheering loudly, was there a single bit of admiration in the house? That audience was looking on with mocking and derision – and, if they would admit it, revulsion at the lack of self-respect the contestants had for themselves.
I am certain there was at least one common thought factor among the, “reasonably sane” in the audience – “I’m glad it’s not me up there.” Now, this show is a highly rated popular show. Is it any wonder it is getting impossible to watch TV with your family any more?
“You’re a prude, Pastor.” No – I don’t think that’s it at all. I just have more respect for my soul, and what I will be able to discuss with my children and grandchildren, than to watch degrading filth like that.
IV. Positive enough to acknowledge God’s goodness with praise.
We will not hide them from their children, showing to the generation to come the praises of the LORD, and his strength, and his wonderful works that he hath done. Psalm 78:4 (KJV)
This Psalm is an answer to Deuteronomy 4.9 (teach your sons diligently), written hundreds of years later. God was true to his word, and Israel was blessed when faithful, judged when they chased other Gods. Praise is more than a few words uttered; it is a lifestyle, an attitude.
Question: Are you a positive person? What would your children say about your answer?
Question: How are you with praise? Does it embarrass you to lift up your hands and praise Him? If you are so easily intimidated by a simple act like that, what do you think that communicates to your children?
Appropriate respect towards oneself begins with an appropriate attitude of respect and praise toward God. In Luke 19.40, Jesus told the bystanders that if there was a lack of praise for God by people, the very stones would cry out [in praise]. Have you ever been in a worship service where you stood and sang 12 songs in a row, melded together in a medley of praise?
We should do that here as a sacrifice of praise to God. I guarantee you the air would be sweeter and fresher when you left the building. The grass would be greener, and your life would make more sense if we praised more. The reason is that respecting God by sacrificially standing and singing his praises until you are hoarse and dry in the throat builds a kind of self-respect for having done what pleases the Father.
V. Loving enough to confront inappropriate behavior.
Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying. Proverbs 19:18 (KJV)
We have spent much time in the previous two messages on correcting bad behavior. However, we simply mention it to stay consistent. Teaching your child to have self-respect cannot be done without discipline.
The writer of Proverbs knew to say let not thy soul spare for his crying. He means, if you don’t follow through on the discipline, the boy will know he’s got a wimp for a parent. I have actually had tears in my eyes over the crying of one of my children during a spanking. But, if I stopped, the discipline would be lost.
This is one of the reasons I find it hard to keep my mouth shut when I hear a Mom or Dad constantly threaten to punish, but never following-through. When you say, “Child, quit that, or I will have to punish you.” – and the child doesn’t quit – what is the next step; another warning? I think not.
If that’s what you do, you have (at the least) proven you won’t ever discipline him the first time, and he can always disobey at least a few times. At the worst you have lied to your child, promising discipline, and delivering a bail-out. If there is one thing that creates respect for you (and therefore creates respect within the child) it is when Daddy or Mommy takes all their promises seriously – even those promises to discipline.
VI. Patient enough to correct for the long haul.
Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul. Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he. Proverbs 29:17-18 (KJV)
Vision is not just for politicians, preachers and artists. Vision is what it takes to get your family through. It is the vision of knowing God is in it, and you, for the long haul.
Creating an atmosphere and learning ground of self-respect for your children means seeing the long picture. It means teaching all of God’s counsel to the little ones and living it before them, day-in, day=out. It means not expecting to get patted on the back for doing what you should do, but plodding on, doing right, even when it costs. That is what builds character.
The February 2 issue of WORLD magazine reports that Sherron Watkins never aspired to be a hero. And she certainly never imagined that there would be T-shirts reading "Thanks, Sherron Watkins, Our Hero." Watkins was an Enron vice-president who worked for the company’s chief financial officer. It was there that she became aware of the questionable accounting practices that Enron used to hide the extent of its losses and the lie about its bottom line figures.
Watkins was initially afraid to confront senior management about the irregularities. But after talking to a friend and her mother, Watkins drafted a six-page memo to Enron CEO Kenneth Lay. In it she expressed her concern that the company "will implode in a wave of accounting scandals." She went further calling Enron a "crooked company" whose profits were "nothing but an elaborate hoax." She expected to be fired and was surprised when she wasn’t.
Watkins not only had the courage to risk her job, she -- unlike other Enron executives -- refused to use her insider knowledge for personal gain. Despite seeing the company coming apart, Watkins never sold her stock.
Now, why, in the midst of what TIME magazine called "a failure of character," did Watkins stick her neck out? Would it surprise you to learn that she’s a Christian? As her mother told WORLD magazine, Watkins’ "strong Christian background" made her want to do the right thing in situations like the one she confronted at Enron. And to discern what the right thing was, she didn’t turn inward or to business ethicists. Instead she sought the counsel of her pastor and the people in her Bible study group.
Watkins’ behavior has made her, in the LONDON GUARDIAN’s words, "the toast of America." But as her Sunday school teacher told WORLD magazine, her Christian friends sometimes wonder what the big deal is. After all, she was only doing what a Christian should do.
Sherron Watkins was acting out of character forged over years of decisions for right. Integrity does not come cheap. [5]
What is the “payoff” for all that effort? The payoff for the parents who exhibit these qualities is children who live Psalms 1:
1Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. 2But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. 3And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper. 4The ungodly are not so: but are like the chaff which the wind driveth away. 5Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous. 6For the LORD knoweth the way of the righteous: but the way of the ungodly shall perish. Psalm 1:1-6 (KJV)
Planted, producing and plentiful – three words that describe children who have had self respect taught by committed, creative, consistent, positive, loving and patient parents. They have seen self respect lived out by those parents. And they have learned to respect.
And then, because they have been around respect all their lives, it is the most natural thing for them to emulate. They were planted in it, they grew in it, and now when they are grown and maturing, there is fruit. That’s the payoff.
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ENDNOTES
1] Dwight Lyman Moody (1837-1899)
2] Will Rogers (1879-1935)
3] Phillip Gunter, Fresh Illustrations for Preaching & Teaching (Baker), from the editors of Leadership
4] Dan Ericson in a sermon, SermonCentral.com
5] BreakPoint with Charles Colson Commentary #020205 - 02/05/2002
