Betrayed But Not Bitter
Fortifying the Foundations # 31
John 13:18-38[1]
3-28-04
Intro
Our text this morning in John 13 deals with the issue of betrayal. With a kiss, Judas betrayed Jesus. The thing that makes betrayal so painful is that by its very nature it comes from someone you trust. In fact, the closer you are to the person who betrays you the more painful it is.
David wrote in Psalm 55:12-14 “For it is not an enemy who reproaches me; Then I could bear it. Nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me; Then I could hide from him. 13But it was you, a man my equal, My companion and my acquaintance.
14We took sweet counsel together, And walked to the house of God in the throng.” (NKJV) The Revised Standard Version translates that last verse, “We used to hold sweet converse together; within God’s house we walked in fellowship.” RSV
When deceit and betrayal hit you from an unexpected source it hurts a lot. Many people who have gone through divorce know that. People who have been betrayed by a close friend know that. A couple of years ago I watched a friend/a fellow-pastor go through the pain of being betrayed by his accountability partner. Some of the most painful betrayals I have experienced have come from people that I have helped develop in ministry. I want to add, however, that some of the most rewarding experiences have also come from people I helped develop into ministry. Jesus had invested Himself in Judas. Jesus had trusted Judas with the treasury. And Judas stabbed Him in the back and twisted the handle.
As we talk about betrayal does anyone come to your mind? Have you experienced the pain of betrayal? How did you handle it? Or are you still trying to handle it?
In his book, The Bait of Satan, John Bevere asks some searching questions that can help us identify unresolved hurts in this area. For example:
1. Are you constantly rehearsing a past event that hurt you—trying to make sense of it all, trying to lay it to rest in your own soul—asking again and again, how it could have happened?
2. Are you compelled to tell your side of the story?
3. Do you fight thoughts of suspicion or distrust?[2]
I might expound on that list by asking,
4. Is there anything that has left you cynical about life and about people in general?
It is not easy to walk through a betrayal unscathed. This morning we want to look at betrayal from two perspectives. First, we want to look into the life of Judas and gain some insight on what causes a person to betray. This can help us spot a potential problem before it develops in a relationship. This can help us guard our own hearts so that we do not become the one who betrays another. Second, we want to look at Jesus’ response to Judas’ betrayal so that we can follow His example when that sort of thing happens to us. And by the way, if you live very long it probably will happen.
I. First, what was going on in Judas that led to this betrayal? What are some common dynamics that lead to such a betrayal?
1. Judas most likely entered into his relationship with a Self-serving Agenda. John tells us that Judas was a thief.[3] Here is a man who lived very, very close to Jesus. He ate with Jesus. He carried the moneybag for the team. He was trusted by everyone. No one seems to have questioned the decision to put Judas in charge of the money. Even later when Jesus talked about the pending betrayal, the disciples did not know it was Judas. They were asking, “Is it I?”[4]
Did Jesus know that Judas was that kind of man when He chose him to be one of the disciples? That’s not an easy question to answer. Some would say, “Of course, Jesus is God. He knows everything.” Certainly the Father knew Judas’ heart when he was chosen. I personally don’t believe that Jesus knew that when He chose Judas[5]. During his earthly ministry Jesus was not functioning in His divine prerogatives[6]. Philippians 2 clearly tells us that. He voluntarily placed Himself in human dependence upon the Father as the forerunner of many brothers and sisters. As a man full of the Holy Spirit Jesus knew those things the Father revealed to Him but He did not operate in his omniscience or omnipotence. We do not know exactly when Jesus came to know that Judas was the one who would betray Him. Certainly sometime before this occasion in the upper room in John 13.
But Judas’ problem with covetousness was pretty well hidden for a long time. Occasionally it would manifest itself in subtle ways. For example, when Mary lavished Jesus feet with the expensive ointment, Judas got upset and criticized her for wasting the money. Do you remember how pious his reasoning sounded? John 12:5 “Why was this fragrant oil not sold for three hundred denarii and given to the poor?” NKJV
With 20/20 hindsight John later tells us in his gospel that Judas was not really saying this because he cared for the poor but because he was a thief and would take part of the money for himself.
Judas is a man who saw the glory of God like few people see it. Yet all the while he was hardening his heart against God and he was becoming a devil. Think about this for a moment and let it shatter all complacency and religious apathy. Judas saw Jesus heal the sick, cleanse lepers, open blind eyes, and even raise the dead. In fact, Judas himself was used of God in these type miracles. He is specifically listed in Matthew 10:4 as one of the twelve sent out by Jesus to heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out demons, and preach the kingdom of God.
How can a person be used of God in that way and ultimately wind up as a betrayer of Jesus? I don’t think it happened overnight. I think there was a process involved. His theft probably started out small and grew. Maybe at first he was just paying himself a little for doing the extra job others weren’t doing: keeping track of the money. In that atmosphere of God he had opportunity after opportunity to confess his fault to Jesus and ask for prayer. Perhaps he came close to doing that. But the fact is he never did. Instead of dealing with his problem he justified it and it grew. Theft led to lies and deception, which ultimately led to betrayal.
I think most cases of betrayal follow a common pattern and the first stage of that pattern is a self-serving agenda. The person enters the relationship thinking that the other person can be used to help further his agenda. Like other disciples Judas wanted a place of power and influence. He saw Jesus as someone who could help him get that. Do you remember the request John and James’ mother made to Jesus? Matt 20:21 “Grant that one of these two sons of mine may sit at your right and the other at your left in your kingdom." The reaction of the twelve to that request gives us clear insight into their carnal desire for power.
We have to guard our hearts carefully as we enter into a relationship. If we come into a relationship driven by what we can get out of it, we have already taken the first step toward betrayal. Phil. 2:3 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition...” No one should marry another person to simply get what he or she thinks he can get from that other person. Many marriages are headed for divorce the day they tie the knot because the motive for the relationship is wrong to begin with.
When you enter into a relationship in which you are already calculating how you can get more than you give, you have already started out on the wrong foot. That kind of relationship won’t last very long. Relationship must be mutual to survive. There must be giving as well as taking or it won’t be healthy and it won’t last.
It is lethal to enter into a relationship with unrealistic expectations concerning the other person or the relationship itself. In my opinion, Judas started following Jesus for all the wrong reasons and never corrected his selfish agenda (his desire for political power and prestige).
2. Judas became disappointed and disillusioned, as the course of the relationship did not follow his agenda.
He makes his self-serving criticism of Mary for pouring the expensive oil on Jesus’ feet.
And what happens? Jesus corrects him in front of everybody. His pride is wounded and he resents the way Jesus handled the situation. Matthew specifically ties that incident with the betrayal[7].
For Judas and the other disciples, it is becoming more and more evident everyday that Jesus is not going to come into a position of power the way they expected. In fact, Jesus is being sought by the authorities and they plan to arrest Him. Jesus himself is talking more of a cross than a crown[8]. And where does this leave poor Judas? It leaves him frustrated and unfulfilled.
In my dealings with people like this, I have noticed a pattern. At this point they will usually exert some energy to turn the course of the relationship in the direction of their original intent. When they find that they cannot control the other person that way—when they see that they can’t get what they were initially pursuing they will begin to resent it very much. They will not be grateful for what the other person has done for them. On the contrary, they will become very critical of that other person. At that point the ingratitude, the criticism, the resentment will drive them to the final stage of betrayal[9].
3. (The Betrayal) Judas turned on Jesus and sold him out for 30 pieces of silver—not a lot of money[10]. But at that point Judas is trying to salvage what he can from all of this.
A person in that state of mind can become very paranoid. Fear can become a driving force in his mind because he begins to attribute his own unholy motives to the other person. He positions himself defensively and decides to do unto others before they do unto him. Fear and survival become powerful thoughts in this type of situation.
The betrayal can be an overt attack against the power or character of the other person. Or it may manifest itself as an abandonment of the relationship—unfaithfulness to the trust that has been granted to him in the relationship.
We don’t know what Judas said to the priests as he sold Jesus out. But most of the time when people reach this point of betrayal, they have a strong need to criticize the other person and try to get allies for possible conflict.
Judas is a warning for each and every one of us. When I began to think about the subject of betrayal it was very easy—a little too easy—for me to remember times when I was betrayed. I had to search my heart more diligently to remember times when I exercised a measure of betrayal toward someone else. We don’t like to think of ourselves as a betrayer. We can psychologically handle having been the victim of a betrayal. But here is a statistical certainty. For every time a person is betrayed another person did the betraying.
So on this side of the issue we want to guard our hearts from the onset of any relationship. Am I selfishly entering this relationship to take? Or am I pursuing a win/win[11] relationship with the other person? Start right and correct your course if you get off course. But by all means, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”[12]
That is one side of the issue. But handling the other side is just as important. What did Jesus know and do that enabled him to not become offended by the betrayal. Could Jesus have become offended by this betrayal? He didn’t but the possibility was there. He was human (fully human) and he felt the pain of Judas’ treachery just as you and I would[13]. Please do not rob Jesus of his humanity as you read this story. This betrayal was part of his sufferings. He understands the pain you have experienced through being betrayed. Heb 4:15 “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are-yet was without sin.”
As we transition to this other side of the issue I invite you to watch this clip from the movie, Les Meserables[14] (Scene at the beginning when the bishop is betrayed by the convict). Watch how the bishop responds to betrayal.
II. How are we to respond to betrayal? How did Jesus deal with betrayal?
1. Rather than live in a Polly Anna world of unrealistic expectations, Jesus recognized the possibility of it happening (Realistic Expectations).
The surest way I know to become disillusioned with life and people is to start out thinking that everything is going to go your way and everybody is going to put you on a pedestal and serve your agenda. That’s why parents do a gross disservice to their kids when they shield them from every measure of disappointment and injustice and make sure that kid always has the preeminence and advantage. There is something in all of us that would like to do that for our kids. But if we do, they will not learn how to deal with life as it really is in the real world where they will one day be living.
In John 2 we are told that the crowds were pursuing Jesus in mass. With the miracles he was doing his popularity was off the charts. And then John makes an important comment. The Living Bible puts it this way. John 2:24, “But Jesus didn’t trust them, for he knew mankind to the core. No one needed to tell him how changeable human nature is!” TLB
Was Jesus cynical about people? No, He was realistic. As a general statement, ever since the fall of Adam and Eve people are basically selfish. It takes an awesome work of the Holy Spirit to rid us of that self-centered mindset. And even Christians have it if they are walking in the flesh rather than in the Spirit[15].
So how can I know that and, at the same time, not become cynical? I have to say honestly, “It’s not easy.” We have to continually remind ourselves of God’s heart toward people and His redemptive plans for us all and allow Him to pour out His love in our hearts.
With that basic understanding about human nature, Jesus was not taken by surprise because of their unfaithfulness to Him. And more specifically when the right time came the Father showed Jesus exactly what was in the heart of Judas. As early as John 6:70 Jesus was saying to the disciples, "Have I not chosen you, the Twelve? Yet one of you is a devil!" John specifically tells us He was talking about Judas when He said that.
So Jesus recognized that Judas was moving toward betrayal.
2. (Faith in God) Jesus also recognized that regardless of what His betrayer and anybody else might do, God was ultimately in control of the events of His life.
Judas made his own moral choices and is accountable for them. God never violated Judas’ free will. But at the same time in His wisdom God allowed that betrayal to come into Jesus’ life. That’s pretty easy for us to accept. But can you accept the fact that God also has allowed the betrayals that have come into your life? There have been a few times in my life when I slapped my forehead and said to myself, “How could I have not seen that was coming?” Or “Why, God, did you allow that to happen to me?”
Have you had some of those experiences that left you asking why?
The answer is simpler than you may think. God did not put you and me on this world to shield us from human experiences. He uses a great variety of experiences to shape us and prepare us for eternity. Here is God’s agenda for you in a nutshell. Rom 8:28-29 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 29For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.” The problem is that I can very easily lose sight of that purpose and substitute the agenda of my own comfort and temporal happiness in its place.
Joseph’s life is a great study in responding to betrayal. He was betrayed by his brothers because of envy. He was betrayed by Potifher’s wife and served an unjust jail sentence.
The issue is not whether we will get betrayed. Jesus said in Luke 17:1 "It is impossible that no offenses should come...” NKJV That is a very real part of human experience. But what determines my future is how I respond to those offenses.
How did Joseph respond? He responded with forgiveness and mercy. How could he do that? He understood the redemptive workings of God in his life. Gen 50:20 “But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.” NKJV
That same confidence in the sovereignty of God was in Jesus. Listen to how John counters Judas’ betrayal with Jesus confidence in the Father’s ability to bring His plan to pass. John 13:2-3 “The evening meal was being served, and the devil had already prompted Judas Iscariot, son of Simon, to betray Jesus. 3Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; NIV
The devil was at work prompting Judas to betray. But above and beyond all that God was bringing His plan to pass. A revelation of the sovereignty of God is a powerful stabilizer in our lives.
3. (No Retaliation) Jesus never retaliated to his betrayer in like kind[16]. Even though he knew Judas was in the process of betraying him he kept reaching out to Judas in love. He kept showing kindness to Judas. He gave Judas every opportunity imaginable to change his mind and repent.
“Love covers a multitude of faults.”[17] Jesus could love His enemies because He was fully submitted to the Holy Spirit. And it is possible for you and me to love our enemies.
It is not possible for us to do that in our own strength. But it is possible for the Holy Spirit to do that through us.
Undeserved kindness is a powerful influence. There is Judas in the upper room with Jesus. He has already bargained with the priests to betray Jesus. And Jesus, knowing all that, sits Judas in an honored place next to himself[18]. Every word Jesus says about His pending betrayal is an arrow of love into the hardened conscience of Judas, calling him to repentance. Jesus kept reaching out to Judas in love. In that final act of grace Jesus handed Judas the bread (sop). It was like someone in our culture lifting a glass of wine in a toast and saying to a friend, “I drink to you.” It was an extension of friendship.[19] Judas’ acceptance of that without coming clean about his intentions was his final decision to not repent. At that moment he used up all his opportunities and opened his soul to Satan fully. But he did that in the face of opportunity after opportunity to repent.
Can you imagine what thoughts must have gone through Judas’ mind as Jesus bowed there before him and washed his feet? Can you was your enemies’ feet? Most of us can’t even humble ourselves enough to wash our friends’ feet. But here is the higher ground. Here is the way to overcome evil with good. Here is the way to not be embittered by betrayal from others.
What happens when we don’t respond the way Jesus responded to betrayal? We are taken captive by the offense. Instead of living in the positive purpose of God for our lives, our focus becomes the offense. And we begin to filter all of life’s events through the lens of that offense[20]. Instead of reaching out to others and forming new relationships, we withdraw and hunker down in a fetal position—trying to not get hurt again. But we are being robbed of life as it is to be lived.
The German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer compared the human race to a bunch of porcupines huddling together on a cold winter’s night. He said, "The colder it gets outside, the more we huddle together for warmth; but the closer we get to one another, the more we hurt one another with our sharp quills. And in the lonely night of earth’s winter eventually we begin to drift apart and wander out on our own and freeze to death in our loneliness."[21]
What a tragedy it is, when a person responds to betrayal in that way. That’s not the abundant life that Jesus has for us. Don’t allow the quills of others’ humanity to drive you into isolation[22]. God has better than that for you and me.
Conclusion
Maybe at this point in your life there are painful experiences that are robbing you of God’s best. What can be done about it? We can make a choice to forgive the offense and put it into God’s hands. We can trust the wisdom of God to redeem even that injustice and work it together for our good.
But forgiveness is a choice. And trust is a choice. Will you risk life? Will you trust God as your protector? That option is open to us today. And that choice will free us from the lingering damage of the betrayal. If you want to make that choice or affirm it this morning, invite you pray with me.
Text: John 13:18-38
18"I am not referring to all of you; I know those I have chosen. But this is to fulfill the scripture: `He who shares my bread has lifted up his heel against me.’
19"I am telling you now before it happens, so that when it does happen you will believe that I am He. 20I tell you the truth, whoever accepts anyone I send accepts me; and whoever accepts me accepts the one who sent me."
21After he had said this, Jesus was troubled in spirit and testified, "I tell you the truth, one of you is going to betray me."
22His disciples stared at one another, at a loss to know which of them he meant. 23One of them, the disciple whom Jesus loved, was reclining next to him. 24Simon Peter motioned to this disciple and said, "Ask him which one he means."
25Leaning back against Jesus, he asked him, "Lord, who is it?"
26Jesus answered, "It is the one to whom I will give this piece of bread when I have dipped it in the dish." Then, dipping the piece of bread, he gave it to Judas Iscariot, son of Simon. 27As soon as Judas took the bread, Satan entered into him.
"What you are about to do, do quickly," Jesus told him, 28but no one at the meal understood why Jesus said this to him. 29Since Judas had charge of the money, some thought Jesus was telling him to buy what was needed for the Feast, or to give something to the poor. 30As soon as Judas had taken the bread, he went out. And it was night.
31When he was gone, Jesus said, "Now is the Son of Man glorified and God is glorified in him. 32If God is glorified in him, God will glorify the Son in himself, and will glorify him at once.
33"My children, I will be with you only a little longer. You will look for me, and just as I told the Jews, so I tell you now: Where I am going, you cannot come.
34"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."
36Simon Peter asked him, "Lord, where are you going?"
Jesus replied, "Where I am going, you cannot follow now, but you will follow later."
37Peter asked, "Lord, why can’t I follow you now? I will lay down my life for you."
38Then Jesus answered, "Will you really lay down your life for me? I tell you the truth, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times! NIV
Richard Tow
Grace Chapel Foursquare Church
Springfield, MO
www.gracechapelchurch.org
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[1] Text was presented earlier in the service using DVD from Visual Bible International (www.gospelofjohnthefilm.com ). Text is provided at the end of this message for easy reference. All quotes are from the New International Version unless otherwise noted.
[2] John Bevere, The Bait of Satan (Lake Mary, FL: Charisma House, 1997) Back Cover
[3] John 12:6
[4] Matthew 26:22
[5] Some interpret John 18:4 as an indication Jesus was operating in omniscience. See JUDAS ISCARIOT
(from International Standard Bible Encyclopaedia, Electronic Database Copyright (c)1996 by Biblesoft) for a discussion of this issue.
[6] Alfred Edersheim, The Life and Times of Jesus the Messiah, Vol. II (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1984) p. 503
[7] Matthew 26:16
[8] John 5:15; John 11:57; Luke 9:20-26
[9] John Bevere (The Bait of Satan p. 16) refers to Matthew 24:10 while expounding on the progression of an offense to betrayal. The disillusionment I am addressing at this stage might well be referred to as an offense.
[10] Matt 26:14-16 Probably shekels (from The Wycliffe Bible Commentary, Electronic Database. Copyright (c) 1962 by Moody Press)
[11] See Steven Covey’s book entitled The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.
[12] Matthew 7:12
[13] In John 13:18 where Jesus quotes Psalm 41:9 to lift up the heel against someone may be taken from the action of a horse as it prepares to kick. See Leon Morris, Reflections of the Gospel of John (Peabody, MA: Hendrickson, 2000) p. 476
[14] Les Miserables (Columbia Pictures, 1998), directed by Bille Agust. In our other morning service issues and questions arising from the scene were discussed.
[15] Galatians 5:13-21
[16] 1 Peter 2:21-23
[17] 1 Peter 4:8
[18] Alfred Edersheim, p. 506 (Edershemim deals extensively about the seating or more accurately the relining arrangement at the meal.
[19] G. Campbell Morgan, The Gospel According to John (Los Angeles: Revell) p. 237.
[20] Bill Gothard, Institute of Basic Youth Conflicts (1981) (p. 86-88) talks about how this unhealthy focus negatively affects one’s character. http://www.billgothard.com/
[21] Ed Allen, “Forgiveness-The Key to Handling Hurt and Betrayal” preached 9-5-99 at Gateway Community Church in South Riding, VA http://www.gatewaychurch.org/resources.html
[22] God also wants to de-quill us, so that we are safe to get close to.
