A Father’s Failure
Scripture Reading: 2 Samuel 18:24-33
Text: 2 Samuel 18:33
Sermon Idea: Are you a father or a daddy?
The May 4, 1999 issue of Sports Illustrated has a very telling cover. On the cover it talks about the NBA playoffs, the NHL playoffs but the cover picture and story caption tell it all. The picture of Khalid Minor, son of Boston Celtic, star guard Greg Minor holding a basketball and staring into the camera. The caption reads "Where’s Daddy?"
Professional athletes have fathered a staggering amount of children out-of-wedlock. One NBA star has had seven children by six women. Paternity cases have not only disrupted teams they have also disrupted careers. What’s going on and what does it mean for the children who are left behind. Fathering children out-of-wedlock has not only become common place among professional athletes it has also become common place in society. Those who have fathered children out-of-wedlock have become oblivious to the legal, financial and emotional consequences.
Agents now spend more time settling paternity cases than contract problems. We know this would not be an epidemic if players were only abstinent however they can’t blame this problem on ignorance. All of the respective leagues hold informational seminars. In light of this it is crazy for these guys to be behaving like this. Before every season a rookie orientation is held (which the league makes mandatory) that is designed to help the players understand and avoid the hazards they may face. The topics included are investing, media relations and interpersonal relationships with women. These seminars stress to athletes that they can easily protect themselves. There are 15 NFL teams that sponsor a seminar with the U. S. Department of Child Services to promote involvement by fathers in their children’s lives.
During last years Super Bowl one professional athlete for the Atlanta Falcons who had received an award for being an outstanding father was picked up for solicitation of a prostitute the night before the game.
The Detroit Lions have put out a public announcement that says: "Whether you’re married, divorced, or single, fatherhood is forever."
(READ 2 SAMUEL 18:33)
Here is a bitter cry. It tends to make our blood run cold after all these years. There are tears upon it that have never been dried by the hot suns of the centuries gone by. This is not the wail of a woman, but a man; not a mother, but of a father. It is a king weeping over his greatest failure. The king finally realized that fatherhood was forever.
I. David was inactive. (v. 24)
By many standards’ David was a very successful man. He began as a mere shepherd boy and for all he knew that was to be his life. He defended his sheep against bears, lions and whatever else came to get them. He had great courage. He was a winner. Wasn’t it he who stood against the Philistine Goliath when no one else could be found? He played the harp for kings, and he grew into a great soldier and politician. He even wrote poetry.
Here David is sitting at the gate awaiting the outcome of the battle to be brought to him. He allowed his commanders and soldiers to talk him out of going with them so he was sitting at the gate once again being inactive. David had been inactive on a number of occasions when his children needed him. His daughter needed him to come to her aid when she was raped. His sons needed him there when one was plotting to kill the other for what he had done. Yet David was no where to be found. David never saw himself as a father and because of this he failed his children.
He failed because his sons did not become Benaiahs (Jehovah has built), he failed because they did not become Abners (the father is a lamp), he failed because his daughters were not Bethuels (abode of God), he failed because they were not Abigails (father is rejoicing). David failed because he did not see his children as the gifts from God that they truly were. David was a great light for his country, he had brought the nation together, his abode was in his God and in his heavenly father he rejoiced. However, David never gave his children a chance to develop a relationship with him. David didn’t build his sons up in the Lord and make them Jehovah’s buildings. He didn’t provide them with the light they needed. His daughters never felt safe in his care and could not rejoice in his fatherhood. Because of this, David’s heart was broken.
Brennan Manning in his book Lion and Lamb tells of a professor he had who told him about his father. The professor tells of how one day he had come in from playing. He needed a drink, as he was drinking he could hear his father and a friend talking. He stood with his ear plastered to the door separating the kitchen and dining room. The man had asked the professors’ dad which of his thirteen children was his favorite. The professor’s dad answered his friend, "That’s easy;" he then began to name each one of his thirteen children and some of the problems they were going through. Mary had just gotten braces and was feeling awkward and embarrassed, Peter was going through a break up, Michael the youngest was clumsy and uncoordinated and Susan was in the throes of an alcohol problem. The professor told Brennan that what he learned that day was that his father loved each of his children the same. It was also the one who was having the troubles at the time that needed to be loved the most. "God doesn’t wait until we have our moral life in order before he starts loving us." In his brokenness the king finally realized that fatherhood was forever.
II. David thought he had more time. (v. 33a)
David’s heart was broken because he knew he had failed. The late singer songwriter Harry Chapin wrote a song about fatherhood. “The Cat’s in the Cradle.” It goes like this. (Play Song).
Procrastination is Satan’s best tool. He used it very well against David because after Absalom was dead he could not do any of the things he had not done with or for him.
Thom Hunter is a writer and he knows first hand about growing up without a father. His goal in life was to grow to be, a daddy not just a father. He would tell himself that the most important task of a daddy is to be there. He told himself he would be at the great and small events of his children.
As we all know life creeps up on us and we get bogged down in our schedules. As he was bogged down in his schedule, he could hear the small voice, asking him if he was going to be there. "Of course, I wouldn’t miss it."
This was 1984, one of the busiest of Thom Hunter’s life. He almost did miss that picnic. When he got there his son Zachary told him, he was afraid he would miss the gold bug. As Zach and Thom played, children would drift by and ask in whispers if this was his dad. To which Zach would reply "he sure is."
After Thom and Zach were home and Zach was settling into bed he began to ask Thom questions. He asked him if his dad ever lifted him up to look inside a bird’s nest. Thom couldn’t give him an answer. After Thom tucked Zach in for the night and sat there rubbing his back until he closed his eyes. It wasn’t until he got up to leave that he realized Zach had been acting like he was asleep, he shouted, "Goodnight, Daddy!"
Thom has often thought about the times he has been there for his children. When Zachary’s children ask him if his daddy ever lifted him up to see inside a bird’s nest he will be able to give them an answer. The king finally realized that fatherhood was forever.
III. David didn’t train his children. (v. 33b)
Proverbs 22:6 tell us this, "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it" (NIV). Absalom was not born a traitor or a murderer. He was simply not trained right. David failed because he had shifted his responsibility.
In verse five David tells his commanders to be gentle with Absalom to bring him back safely. It is here that we find David sitting between the gates waiting. Proverbs 13:24 gives a different view of child rearing, "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him" (NIV). David was so busy watching over his kingdom he neglected his boy and in that neglect David was always too gentle and as a result he lost his son. And broke his heart. Another reason he lost his son is that he was a bad example. He had taken another man’s wife. Then he had the man murdered. His oldest son raped his daughter and Absalom killed him. David’s response to these events was outrage and inaction. Bloodshed had been a frequent visitor to David’s family.
L. A. Parker tells of the time he and his sons went on a weekend trip. They went to the mountains of the beautiful Northwest. It was during the summer and the Parker men were going to be sliding down glaciers and jumping streams.
L. A. wanted to get his sons not to be so destination oriented. It was a challenge that was not quite accomplished because they ran up and down the trails at a very quick pace. His son Nate was determined to be the winner. He would shout back to his dad and ask him, "Which way do we go, Dad?" L. A. could only stretch out his arm and point. He says as that simple question hit him it almost buckled his knees with its weight. The question lived out not only between sons and fathers but also daughters and fathers over a lifetime. "Which way do we go, Dad?" L. A. Parker relates the enormity of this task to his sons and himself, but I must relate it to both sons and daughters as do some here. And yet still some must relate it to daughters. This "lucid picture" of our responsibility and the honor that we have of walking with our children and showing them, the way must never leave us.
"Our sons are calling on us to affirm their maleness;" others have daughters calling us to show them their femaleness. Yet still others must show them both. Both must be shown "their gifts, who they are, what they do well." We must "show them the way!" The king finally realized fatherhood was forever.
Let’s go back to the picture of Khalid Minor on the cover of Sport’s Illustrated with the caption "Where’s Daddy?" They say a picture can say a thousand words. Now take a look at a picture of a father who has not failed. Once again through the medium of song. This one written by Mike Curtis and Lenny Le Blanc “Father Knows Best.”
Wasn’t David a good man? Yes. Wasn’t he a man after God’s own heart? Yes. Didn’t he repent and God forgives him? Yes. David came back, but his influence was never the same. The man who never went to church for years, later was saved, but his children never came back. (Play song).
As we heard in the lyrics of "Father Knows Best," when a father takes the time to remember that fatherhood is forever. He doesn’t have to worry about weeping and wonder about what could have been. When fathers’ are inactive, when they think they always have tomorrow, when they don’t train their children, they will end up weeping. That doesn’t have to be the legacy of fatherhood. We don’t have to weep.
Today, I would like you to avoid these three pitfalls of parenting to become active in the lives of your children if you aren’t already. Attend their sporting events. Take off from work early and pick them up from school if you can. Just sit and talk to them. Parent like today could be the last day. Spend time playing Playstation, Nintendo Sixty Four or X-box. Listen to their music, even if it’s painful. They listen to yours. Train up your children so they will follow the path of righteousness. Read the Bible to them. Find out the answers to their questions together. Most of all realize that fatherhood is forever.
As we sing the chorus "Change my heart, O God" I invite you to respond into the new place of parenting that God is leading you in.
Works Cited
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Church, Leslie F. ed. Commentary On The Whole Bible by Matthew Henry. One Volume Edition Genesis To Revelation. Grand Rapids, Zondervan, 1998.
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Gray, Al. & Alice Gray. Stories for a man’s Heart. Sisters: Multnomah, 1999.
McGee, J. Vernon, "Joshua-Psalms." Thru the Bible with J. Vernon McGee. 5 vols. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1997.
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Payne, J. Barton. "David." New International Bible Dictionary Eds. J. D. Douglas and Merrill C. Tenney,. Revised ed. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1987.
Russell, Emmet, and J. A. Motyer. "Absalom." New International Bible Dictionary. Revised ed. J. D. Douglas, and Merrill C. Tenney, eds. Grand Rapids: Zondervan 1987.
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