February 29, 2004 Ruth 3:1 – 4:22
“Making marriage work”
INTRODUCTION
A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The groom decided to ask his father for advice. "Dad", he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage. I love my fiancée, very much, but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I’m afraid that my future wife will be put off by them." "No problem," said dad. "All you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed." The bride-to-be took her problem up with her mom. "Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful." "Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the morning." "No, you don’t understand. My morning breath is so bad, I’m afraid that my new husband will not want to sleep in the same room with me." Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you’ve brushed your teeth. Not a word," her mother affirmed.
The loving couple was finally married in a beautiful ceremony. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six months later. Shortly before dawn, the husband woke with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searched the bed. This, of course, woke his bride, who, without thinking, immediately asked, "What on earth are you doing?"
"Oh, no!" he gasped in shock, "You’ve swallowed my sock!" - http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
The issues that this young couple struggled with may not be a problem in your marriage, but every marriage has its own set of struggles – those things that prevent the marriage from being all that God intended it to be. I believe with all my heart that God desires every marriage to be a success. He wants them to be filled with joy. He wants them to be filled with love. He wants them to work. And I believe that He has given us all the resources that we need in order to make our marriages work. The most effective resource that we have for working marriages is the Bible and the truth recorded there. Last week, in chapters 1 and 2 of the book of Ruth, we discovered 4 principles of working marriages.
If you really want your marriage to work, you have to...
1. Meet needs - (1:1- 5)
2. Stick together - (1:6 - 23)
3. Work hard - (2:1- 7)
4. Show appreciation - (2:8 - 23)
At the end of today’s message, you are going to have a chance to put some of these principles into practice before you leave the building. We’re going to have a wedding ceremony today. Every couple here, if you choose to participate, will have the chance to say your vows and commit your love to your spouse all over again. Be thinking about that as we take a look at the second half of the book of Ruth.
5. Seize opportunities - (3:1- 9)
In chapter 1, we met Elimelech, his wife Naomi, and their two sons. The family had moved to the land of Moab in order to meet their needs because there was a famine in Israel. In this foreign land, Naomi’s sons married Moabite women – Ruth and Orpah. And in this foreign land where they had gone to see their needs met, all three men in the family died. The situation was desperate. Naomi and Ruth headed back to Bethlehem when they heard that the famine was over. There in Bethlehem, Ruth met a man named Boaz. He was kind to her and allowed her to work in his fields to harvest the grain that his workers had missed. Ruth continued working in Boaz’s fields for about 6 weeks which is about how long it took for the barley and wheat harvest to be completed. Every day, she would get up early and head to the field. And every night, she would come home late with a basket full of grain. Though the work was hard and the hours long, Naomi never once heard a complaint out of Ruth’s mouth. In fact, there seemed to be a glimmer in her eye every night. Naomi was no dummy. She could see the signs. Ruth was falling in love with Boaz. Ruth had been working hard to meet Naomi’s needs. It was time now for Naomi to help meet Ruth’s needs. It was time for her to play matchmaker. [read 3:1- 4]
How many of you have a matchmaker to thank for bringing you and your spouse together? I do. In my college days, Tammy and I worked at Chick-fil-A. Tammy had her eye on me, but she knew that I was kind of shy when it came to girls. We had a mutual friend – one of the ladies that worked in the kitchen. Her name was Ginny, and Ginny couldn’t keep a secret. Tammy knew that and decided to use that character flaw to her advantage. She told Ginny that she was interested in me knowing that that piece of information would get back to me. It did, we started dating, and 11 months later, we were married. Ginny and Naomi had a lot in common.
One thing that Naomi had on her side that Ginny did not was Jewish law. Last week, we saw that it was Jewish law that provided for the needs of the poor by allowing them to do a kind of second harvest in the fields of the land. Jewish law also provided a way for the needs of widows to be met when they had no sons to meet their needs.
(Deu 25:5-6 NIV) If brothers are living together and one of them dies without a son, his widow must not marry outside the family. Her husband’s brother shall take her and marry her and fulfill the duty of a brother-in-law to her. The first son she bears shall carry on the name of the dead brother so that his name will not be blotted out from Israel.
And you thought that West Virginians invented inter-family marriages. The Jews invented that a long time ago.
This practice was done to provide for the needs of the widow, but it also provided for the needs of the dead husband. You say, what needs does a dead person have. He has a need to be remembered. And so, the first son born to the couple would be considered the son of the woman’s first husband so that the family name would not die out and so that the land that belonged to the family would not pass out of their hands. In those days, sons paid close attention to who their brothers were marrying. You never knew who you might end up with. The person who would fulfill this role to his brother’s widow became known as the kinsman-redeemer. When there was no brother available, the responsibility fell to the nearest kin.
We aren’t told exactly what family relationship there was between Boaz and Naomi, but he was close enough to meet the requirements of the law. Naomi could have claimed Boaz as her own husband, but since she was past child-bearing years (1:11-12) and since it was obvious that there were feelings between Boaz and Ruth, she passed off that opportunity to Ruth. Ruth had a chance for happiness again, but only if she seized the opportunity that was before her. That’s what Naomi told her to do – to act on the feelings that were so evident.
As we read these verses a few moments ago, I could see some of the expressions on your faces and the elbow jabs that you gave one another. And I’ll admit; Naomi’s words of advice do sound a little risqué. But regardless of what it looks like, Naomi was NOT telling Ruth to go out to the barn and get under the hay with Boaz and sleep with him. Premarital sex is always wrong in any culture at any time for any reason.
Naomi told Ruth to meet Boaz at the threshing floor. The threshing floor was the place that the harvesters took all the grain so that it could be threshed at the end of the day. It was usually located at the top of a hill because they needed wind in order to separate the usable grain from the useless chaff. They would throw the wheat or barley stalks up into the air. The light stalks would be blown away by the wind, and the heavier grain would fall to the ground. As long as there was wind, they would thresh – sometimes very late into the evening. Once the threshing was over, they would have a praise celebration toward God for all the grain that He had provided. The whole family would come to the celebration and spend the night there, so it was a very public place. After the celebration was over, the men would sleep around the pile of grain with their heads pointed toward the grain, and their feet pointed out like spokes on a wheel. They did this to protect the grain from animals and thieves.
This was the perfect opportunity for Ruth to let her feelings toward Boaz be known. Just as she had been instructed, she found Boaz sleeping on the threshing floor, she lay down at his feet – probably with her feet pointed toward his, and then, she pulled his covers off of him and used them to cover herself. All you married people out there know what that it’s like to get the covers pulled off you during the middle of the night. When that happens, you get cold. So you start feeling around to find what happened to your covers. That’s exactly what Boaz did. [read 3:8] Talk about surprises! In the darkness, Boaz couldn’t tell who was at his feet, so Ruth identified herself. And then she told why she was there. [read 3:9] I imagine at that moment, Ruth was terrified – terrified of letting her feelings be known, terrified of her actions being misinterpreted and ruining the reputation that she had gained in the town and probably even more terrified that Boaz would not feel about her the same way that she felt about him. It’s the same way that each of you guys felt when you got down on one knee and proposed to your wife. But in spite of your fear, you seized the opportunity to communicate your true feelings to your true love just like Ruth did.
Almost from that day to this, some of you have failed to seize very many of the opportunities that you have had since then to communicate your feelings to your spouse. Oh sure, you give her flowers and candy on Valentine’s, and you give her a gift at Christmas and her birthday. And you wives remember your husbands on Father’s Day. But tell me this – why do we need a special occasion to tell someone how we feel about them? There’s an old song that used to play on the radio. You won’t find it on your Christian station because it’s by Stevie Wonder, but the message is a very Christian message.
No new years’s day
to celebrate
no chocolate covered candy hearts to give away
no first of spring
no song to sing
in fact here’s just another ordinary day
No April rain
no flowers bloom
no wedding saturday within the month of June
But what it is
Is something true
Made up of these three words that I must say to you
I just called to say I love you
I just called to say how much I care
I just called to say I love you
And I mean it from the bottom of my heart – “I just called to say I love you” by Stevie Wonder
As husbands and wives, we can’t afford to wait for special occasions to tell the people we love how we feel about them. You never know when your last chance is going to be. So take the chance that you have now. Seize opportunities every day to communicate your love.
6. Be generous - (3:10 - 18)
Now, look at how Boaz responded to her. [read 3:10-11b] All of Ruth’s fears were for nothing. Boaz felt the same way about her that she did about him. He was more than willing to fulfill the role of the kinsman redeemer toward her. In fact, it seems that he was ecstatic about the idea. He was very appreciative of Ruth’s generosity toward him in two ways. Ruth was generous toward him in the way that she went about gaining Boaz as her husband. Legally, she had the right to drag him before the elders of the city and claim him as her rightful husband. It’s an Amazon woman kind of thing – “He’s my man; I found him and I claim him!” Can you imagine how embarrassing and degrading that would be? It would be more like an arranged marriage rather than a marriage that grew out of mutual attraction. Ruth didn’t want their marriage to be just a legal contract. She wanted it to be something that produced great joy and satisfaction for both of them. Ruth was also generous toward Boaz in that there were more eligible bachelors – younger, richer bachelors – that she could have gone after. She chose instead to be generous with her love toward Boaz who perhaps considered Ruth beyond his reach. From his perspective, she was too young and too beautiful to be interested in an old guy like him.
In response to Ruth’s generosity toward him, Boaz was generous toward her. Look at the first phrase of vs. 13 [read 3:13]. That looks a little suspicious until you realize what Boaz was doing by having her stay near him. He was protecting her. The only other option was for her to go back home to where Naomi was staying. As bad as it would be for a young woman to be traveling alone in the middle of the night on our roads today, it would have been even more dangerous back then. Better for Boaz to take a chance that someone question his reputation than that he allow the woman he loves to be put in a place of danger. Boaz was also generous toward her with grain to provide for her needs [read 3:15]. Boaz gave her a generous amount of the grain that he had threshed the night before. That grain provided for her needs for the moment, but it had a longer term significance too. It was Boaz’s way of telling Ruth that he would generously provide for her needs for the rest of her life.
In the actions of this couple toward each other, we find illustrated the ways that we husband and wives are to be generous toward each other. Wives, be generous in your respect for your husband especially while you are in public. Don’t disgrace him, mock him or point out his faults in front of other people. Be generous in your admiration toward him too. I know that we husbands are not getting any better to look at as the years go by. All the hair that used to be on top of our heads seems to be going to other parts of our bodies. So I’m not asking that you admire us for our good looks. But hopefully, the older we get, the stronger our character is becoming and the more we are maturing to be like Jesus. Admire us for that. We’re not asking that you be fair. We’re asking that you be generous.
Husbands, be generous in your protection of your wife. I’m not saying that you need to go out and get a 357 magnum. The danger that your wife faces is not from some mad man that she might face some day but from the mad world that she lives in every day. She’s already being attacked enough by her boss and by the kids and by her parents and just by the stresses of life. She’s in danger of being destroyed. Don’t you attack her too. How many times have you made your wife the brunt of your joke or the punch line of the party? Let your arms be the arms that shield her from the world not the arms that shove her out into oncoming traffic. And guys, be generous in providing for her needs. It’s not her responsibility to bring home the bacon. It’s yours. If you are forcing your wife to work simply because you don’t want to or because you can’t find a job that suits you, shame on you! But also, if you are forcing your wife to work or make her feel like she has to work in order for you to maintain the standard of life that you have grown accustomed to, then maybe there needs to be some reassessment of your family priorities. I recognize that in many situations, it has become necessary for both spouses to work in order to just survive. But guys, if your wife is willing to do that, you had better be generous in your praise toward her, and you had better pick up on some of the responsibilities of the family that would normally fall to her.
7. Overcome obstacles - (4:1- 10)
As desirous as Boaz was to accept Ruth’s invitation for him to take her as his wife, there was a problem. [read 3:12] There was another man who was a relative of Naomi and Ruth, and he was a closer relative. That meant that he had first option when it came to redeeming that land that had belonged to Elimelech and claiming Ruth as his bride. The ethical thing for Boaz to do was for him to offer the land and the woman to this man knowing that he might very well accept the offer which would mean that Boaz would lose the woman that he had fallen in love with. When Ruth arrived home that morning, she told Naomi everything that had happened – she didn’t leave out a single detail. Both of them were so excited. You know how women get when they find out about their daughter or their best friend getting engaged. But then, the excitement drained out of Ruth as she communicated the problem to Naomi. Though it doesn’t say so in the text, I can see Ruth starting to cry and falling into Naomi’s arms. It was then that Naomi said these words [read 3:18]. She was saying that it’s all in Boaz’s hands now. There was nothing that she should do or could do. All she could do was sit back and wait.
Men, that tells me something about our responsibility as husbands. How many of us, when a problem comes along, especially a problem that is really affecting our wives, we sit back and wait for it to resolve itself. Or we turn over the responsibility of fixing the problem to our wives. Guys, the responsibility of overcoming obstacles in a marriage is primarily ours. Yes, both partners have to work on the marriage, but the husband is supposed to be the leader. He is the one that is supposed to identify the problem, come up with a plan for dealing with it and then take the lead in putting that plan into action. We either have to fix it ourselves or arrange for someone else other than our wives to fix the problem. Don’t go sitting in your lazy boy recliner letting her be the one to solve the problems with the kids and the dog and the leaking faucet. That’s your job.
Boaz recognized that and got right to. He didn’t procrastinate. That same day, Boaz went to the gate of the city and sat down there because that’s where all the legal transactions of the city took place. It was like the town meeting hall of the past and the courtroom of today. Since everyone passed that way, he knew that the man he was looking for would eventually show. And sure enough, he did. [read 4:1] Everyone was gathered there – Boaz, the other relative and ten of the city elders who acted as witnesses for the legal transaction that was getting ready to take place. Boaz laid out the issue that needed immediate action. [read 4:3-4] Did you notice that “although he is primarily interested in Ruth, he doesn’t even mention her at first”? Sometimes it is best to confront problems in marriage from the side door, instead of head on.
In the book, The Five Love Languages, (p. 41-42) a book that I would highly recommend for couples, Gary Chapman tells the story about a lady who came to him with a problem. She said that for nine months, she had been trying to get her husband to paint their bedroom. Every time that there was a nice day – the kind that would be perfect for painting – he would do some other chore around the house like washing the car. She would remind him, complain to him and continually nag him. Based on her situation, Dr. Chapman gave this advice: “I have two suggestions. One, don’t ever mention painting the bedroom again. ... He knows that you want the bedroom painted. You don’t have to tell him anymore. ... The second suggestion I have is that the next time your husband does anything good, give him a verbal compliment. If he takes the garbage out, say, ‘Bob, I want you to know that I really appreciate your taking the garbage out.’ Don’t say, ‘About time you took the garbage out. The flies were going to carry it out for you.’ If you see him paying the electric bill, put your hand on his shoulder and say, ‘Bob, I really appreciate your paying the electric bill. I hear there are husbands who don’t do that, and I want you to know how much I appreciate it.’ Every time he does anything good, give him a verbal compliment.” Though she didn’t see how this strategy was going to get her bedroom painted, she left and gave it a try. Three weeks later, she returned and reported that her bedroom was now painted. She had learned that verbal compliments work much better at overcoming obstacles than nagging words do. She had also learned that sometimes you have to attack a problem from a side angle rather than head on.
Boaz’s approach to his marital obstacle almost ended in disaster. His heart must have sunk when he heard the words of his relative: “I will redeem it.” (vs. 4) But Boaz wasn’t willing to give up so easily. It was then that he told the other man that whoever redeemed the land also had to take Ruth as his wife. Look at his reaction to that. [read 4:6] If Ruth, being a Moabitess, presented a potential property problem for this man, it makes sense to me that she presented a potential property problem to Boaz too. There was a difference between how Boaz and his relative dealt with obstacles. For this man, Ruth was a problem that wasn’t worth it. For Boaz, Ruth was a prize worth any struggle and any price.
Ladies and gentleman, when you entered into marriage, you may have fooled yourself into thinking that marriage was easy and that you weren’t going to have any problems. When the preacher said “in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer”, you thought he was just quoting poetry not being prophetic. Let me be a little prophetic here. Problems are going to come to every marriage, and there will be a lot of them. This problem that Boaz was dealing with here, it was not the only obstacle that needed to be overcome. This was the second marriage for Ruth, and those of you who are in a second marriage know that creates its own obstacles. Ruth and Boaz were very different from one another, and differences can create obstacles to intimacy. Someone has said that marriage is when you agree to spend the rest of your life sleeping in a room that’s too warm, beside someone who’s sleeping in a room that’s too cold. There was a large age difference between Ruth and Boaz. There were major differences in culture, in heritage and in upbringing. All of these were huge obstacles, and they weren’t even married yet! They went into this marriage with the odds stacked against them. But perhaps the greatest obstacle for them and for many marriages today is that there was a major religious difference.
The book A Severe Mercy tells the story of a couple who were deeply in love and who sought to build the ideal marriage. They would only read books that the other wanted to read, and always tried to do everything together. But then a third person came along and interfered with this perfect relationship. That person was God. Davy began to get to know the Lord, and began to love Him. Sheldon became jealous, in his mind he didn’t want to share his wife with God. It was only after Davy’s premature death that Sheldon realized how foolish his attitude was. He also came to understand that the perfect marriage is not just when both partners love each other, but when both husband and wife love God even more than they love their spouse.
To those of you that are going to get married one day, can I give this piece of advice. Only date and marry someone who holds the same beliefs and practices the same faith as you do. When Christians marry non-Christians, it creates conflict. When Protestants marry Catholics, or even when Baptists marry Methodists, it will put a strain on your relationship. I know it’s not very romantic to talk about your faith – especially on your first date – but it will help to keep the romance there if you date someone who holds the same beliefs as you do. Don’t go into your marriage already having some pretty big obstacles to overcome. Enough will come along through the years.
Boaz was very creative in his approach to overcoming obstacles, and sometimes, a little creativity is all it takes. A woman lost her mate several years ago and recently developed a friendship with a man who had also lost his spouse. They seemed a perfect match, and all their children agreed they should get married. While they were excited about the upcoming wedding, they didn’t need more crystal vases, blenders, toasters, etc. So this was their invitation:
Phil, Richard, Karen and Allison and John, Matt and Steve request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their Mother and Father. Because they are combining two households, they already have at least two of everything. So please, no presents! Reception and garage sale immediately following the ceremony. - By Del Chesser from Chicken Soup for the Golden Soul
8. Enjoy the rewards - (4:11- 22)
If you read the remainder of the chapter – something that we don’t have time to do this morning, you will discover that the marriage of Ruth and Boaz created great joy in Bethlehem. It brought great rewards to the couple and to all who interacted with them.
What would you say are the rewards of a marriage that works?
Satisfaction; the joy that a working relationship brings
Children (Ps. 127:3-5 – “quiver full”; Mal. 2:13-15 – “godly offspring”) Rachel and Leah (vs. 11) had many sons (the sign of God’s blessing from their perspective) that started the nation of Israel. Perez (vs. 12) was a son who came out of a bad situation but didn’t allow that bad situation to establish the destiny of his life. He broke through the obstacles that stood in his way and established a legacy of beating the odds for his great-great-great-great grandson Boaz.
Reputation – “famous in Bethlehem”; marriages that work are the oddity today. When people see a marriage that works, they will take notice. They will come to you for advice. You will also be famous with God (Mal. 3:16-18).
The opportunity to impact the world – Boaz and Ruth were the ancestors of David, the greatest king of Israel, and Jesus, the King of kings and Lord of lords. Your greatest opportunity to impact the world is through your children. Your children are also your greatest contribution and your greatest responsibility.
CONCLUSION
Ruth’s story is included in Scripture for two reasons. First, it pictures God’s redemptive love toward us. God loves you and is willing to break through any obstacle in order to bring you into a relationship with Himself. And that’s the second reason that the history of Ruth is included. It gives us part of the family line of Jesus, the gift that God gave to show His love and make it possible for us to receive forgiveness for our sin.
The book of Ruth begins with sorrow and unmet needs and ends with joy and rewards. Some of you right now are at the sorrow and unmet needs part of the story. You feel like you’ve got no rewards to enjoy. That can change. You can get to the joy part of the story. Your joy can begin today by seeking the forgiveness of God and the forgiveness of your spouse and by you making a renewed commitment to your spouse here in the presence of this company. If you would like to do that today, then guys, I want you to get down on one knee in front of your wife, and repeat after me.
“Tammy, I confess to you that I have not done everything that I needed to do to make our marriage work. Will you forgive me of my past sins and choose to join with me as we recommit our lives to one another? Will you marry me again?”
CEREMONY
“As monogamists we think we only marry one mate, but the fact is we all marry a number of people because our mates keep changing, and we have to adjust to these changes and learn to love a different person than the one we married. Through the years all mates change, and sometimes it can be hard to adjust, for your mate may not be the person now that you expected them to be for life. You have to fall in love again with a new person. Those who cannot adjust to changes in their mate often get divorced. All couples go through what is called divorce periods where they are in the process of deciding if they love the new and different people they have become.
This is where love is again the power that keeps them together. If love is allowed to fade, and there is no effort to rekindle the flame of passion, there is a danger that they will part. Those who make it through these periods do so because they work at rekindling the flame. Those who neglect love and just drift tend to drift apart completely. Divorce is a refusal to remarry the new person your mate has become. Long-range marriage is a commitment to keep on marrying the mate you have no matter how often they change.” - source: The celebration of love by Pastor Glenn Pease. http://www.intohisword.net/penta/genesis14.shtml
[go through marriage ceremony followed by reception]
NOTE: Most of the background material and all quotes unless otherwise noted are from work done by J. Vernon McGee, Thru the Bible Vol. 2
