Turn with me to 1 Samuel 18.
Read 1 Samuel 18:1-5.
This is one of the classic passages in the Bible about friendship. The friendship of Jonathan and David reached legendary proportions. The one thing that made their friendship unique is the fact that Jonathan was the heir-apparent to the throne of his father, King Saul, and David had been anointed by the prophet Samuel to be Saul’s successor. At some point in the friendship, Jonathan came to realize that, but it did not hinder their friendship. There are four things to consider in relation to friendship. I call them the four “I’s.” The first is…
I. The INTEREST in friendship.
There seems to be a renewed interest in friendship in our culture these days. Just look at television. Over the past 10-15 years we have seen shows like “Family Ties,” “The Cosby Show,” “Growing Pains,” “Home Improvement,” and others with the main characters being the family disappear. Over that same span of time show like “Seinfeld,” “Friends,” “Just Shoot Me,” “The Drew Carey Show,” and the like take center stage. These shows have main characters who are not related. Sure I know Monica and Ross are brother and sister on “Friends,” but the trend is away from family type shows. The trend is toward friend type shows. Now, I’m not here to preach against these shows, but they do offer us a window into our culture. The question arises: Why the interest in friendship?
How many of you live within 100 miles of where you grew up? One of the big reasons that drive interest in friendship is the increased mobility of our society. We are constantly moving. I have lived in three states and I’m not 30 yet. Years ago, that would have been very unusual, unless it was the result of military service. We are a very mobile society. Jobs take us to different parts of the country. College takes us to different places.
When my mom grew up, she grew up not too far from where her grandparents had farmed. When her and dad married, they lived on the farm with my mom’s parents until they found a house. When they did find a house, it was less than 30 miles away. A few years later they moved about 60 miles away. Then I was born. Fifteen years later, they moved another 350 miles away. Now, I have moved half way across the country.
Increased mobility has taken us away from our families, and put a greater emphasis on friends. I read a statistic the other day that said something like one out of five families move every year. Is it any wonder we are a disconnected society? Mom and dad live in this state, while grandma and grandpa live in another state. Brothers and sisters are scattered across the country. Descendants of my grandmother (who had 5 children that had children) live in 9 different states, as far west as Utah and as far east as North Carolina.
Friendship is important, because we are no longer as close to our families as we used to be. We need relationships. That is how we are made up. We need contact with other humans. Without contact, we despair. Have you ever noticed that someone who goes on a shooting rampage is usually described as a “loner”? We need relationships, and friends are important to fulfill that role.
Notice that in our passage this morning, that David was separated from his family. Verse 2 tells us, “And Saul too him that day and would not let him return to his father’s house.” David was given a prestigious position in service to the king, but he was a great distance from his family. It was important to him to have Jonathan as a friend so he could have that all-important interaction with someone.
The next aspect of friendship is…
II. The INSTITUTION of friendship.
Friendship is an institution. Institutions are things that offer us stability. Marriage is an institution. It offers stability to family life. Schools are institutions. They offer us stability in our education. Hospitals are institutions. They offer us stability with our health.
Friendship offers us stability of relationships. Our world is one of turmoil, and friendships offer us stability in the middle of a constantly shifting society. There are three things that are key to the institution of friendship. The first is…
A. Common GROUND
We have to find common ground with someone who would be our friend. When I graduated from college I began working at a big law firm. After I had been there about six weeks, I was assigned to work on a project where all of the files stored off-site were being transferred to another location. I went to the place where this was taking place. There was an army of temporary employees there. All different kinds of guys were there. I hit it off with Brad. Brad and I where both Christians. We had similar outlooks on life. We shared similar political views. We had common ground.
It is important in friendship that there be some sort of common ground. It is difficult to really have a close relationship with someone with whom you have nothing in common.
We find that David and Jonathan had common ground. Both were brave men who were in the military. They were probably close in age. They had common ground. The next key to the institution of friendship is…
B. Common BOND
David and Jonathan had a common bond. They made a covenant, according to verse 3. Verse 1 also tells us that “the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David.” What a cool picture that is.
Imagine that. I have never been one real big on knitting, but if you consider a sweater. Several strands of yarn are knit together to form a sweater. All that yarn does no good without being knit into something.
David and Jonathan had a common bond.
I remember watching “The Andy Griffith Show.” Opie would find a new friend. They would pinky swear to be friends forever or something like that. They made a bond together.
We may not make formal bonds of friendship, but we do enter into unspoken agreements about friendship. The next key to the institution of friendship is…
C. Common DEFENSE
When a bully picks on someone who has a close friend, he winds up having to deal with both of them. Friendship provides for common defense. Friends stick up for each other.
Jesus told his disciples, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lays down his life for his friends.”
If we were to read on in 1 Samuel, we would find that Jonathan provided defense for his friend David. Remember that God had chosen David to be king of Israel, and Saul knew it. On several occasions, Saul tried to murder David. David knew about the plots, because Jonathan had told him about Saul’s desire to kill him. Jonathan was the heir to the throne. We would expect that Jonathan would do all he could to get rid of David, because he would then be king. No such thing was possible. Jonathan knew that God had selected David to be king, and he saw to it that David would be protected. This meant that Jonathan would never be king. We also need to understand that in a system with a king, the only way for someone outside of the royal family to be king is for all the royal family to be dead. This meant that Jonathan would have to be dead before David could be king.
Another thing about friendship is…
III. The IMPORTANCE of friendship
Friendship is important. We have talked a little bit about that already. It offers us relationships. It brings us stability. Friendship is also important because…
A. It is SERIOUS.
When we read in verse 3, “Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul,” we find the seriousness of friendship. The word “covenant” used here is the same as the word that describes God’s relationship with Israel. When God brought Israel out of slavery in Egypt, he made a “covenant” with them. This included the Ten Commandments. That was a serious matter. David and Jonathan were serious about their friendship as well.
I remember a public service announcement that used to run on TV. It said, “Friends don’t let friends drive drunk.” The implication was that friendship is serious, and a true friend will put the other person’s interest ahead of his own.
Friendships are not to be taken lightly. Good friends are not always easy to find. Another thing that is important in friendship is…
B. It is FAITHFUL.
We have already touched on the faithfulness of the friendship of David and Jonathan. When we consider that David stood in the way of Jonathan being king, we realize the faithfulness that existed in this friendship. Despite his father’s jealous tantrums about David, Jonathan remained a faithful friend to David. On any occasion, Jonathan could have used his friendship with David to turn him in to his father. Jonathan chose to be faithful, not only to David, but also to God. God had chosen David to be king, and Jonathan was faithful to God’s will for David and for the nation of Israel.
Sometimes it is difficult to be faithful to a friend when the heat gets turned up. We may be asked by a boss to lie about a friend, with the promise of a promotion. Faithfulness can so easily be thrown out the window for motives other than friendship.
Faithfulness breeds trust, and trust is something that is not cheap. Third part of the importance of friendship is…
C. It is CONSTANT.
It is difficult to maintain constancy in friendships in our day. Brad, whom I mentioned earlier as a friend, lives in Lawrence, Kansas. I haven’t seen him in a long time. I have exchanged a couple e-mails with him over that several months, but we are not nearly as close as we once were.
There is one friendship that can remain constant throughout eternity and that is a friendship with Jesus Christ. He will never leave us. He will never move to another state. He will never lie to the boss about us. Proverbs 18:24 states, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” That friend is Jesus. Jesus’ friendship is permanent. It is constant. As we continue to consider the friendship of Jesus, let look at…
IV. The INITIATIVE in friendship.
When Jesus told his disciples that a friend will lay his life down for a friend, he went on to say, “You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you.”
The initiative in friendship with Jesus comes from Jesus. He is the one who made the first move. There are two things that are cool about a relationship with Jesus. The first is…
A. RECONCILIATION
I had a friend when I was a kid named Dustin. We did almost everything together. We gave the Sunday school teacher a hard time. We ran around together. There were times when we fought. We would say things like, “I’m not your friend anymore!” Then we would make up. We would be reconciled.
Jesus offers us a chance to be reconciled with God. We all need relationships with others. Jesus offers us the chance to have a relationship with God. Jesus is our friend who gives us the avenue to reach God.
We have all walked away from God, and Jesus has made it possible to return to God. Jesus also offers us…
B. RENEWAL
Renewal is an important part of our friendship with Jesus. Sometimes we get to feeling that God is there anymore. We despair because something has happened. Jesus offers us renewal. We may have walked away from our friendship with Jesus. Perhaps is gotten cold and stale. Jesus offers us renewal and refreshment.
The Gospel of Luke tells us of two men who were in utter despair after the crucifixion of Jesus. Apparently they had not heard the news that Jesus had risen from the dead. They were returning to their home, and all of a sudden Jesus was walking next to them. They were depressed. They were so depressed that they did not even realize that it was Jesus walking right next to them. Jesus asked them what was going on. They told about how Jesus had been crucified and how they were down in the dumps about it. Jesus began to explain to them what happened and how it happened. They invited Jesus to stay with them for the night. They still didn’t realize who the stranger was. When Jesus prayed for the meal, their eyes were opened and they realized that it was Jesus. Jesus disappeared, and the two men hustled back to Jerusalem with a renewed hope and spirit. Jesus had met with them and renewed their faith.
Jesus can renew our faith.
Conclusion
Friendships are important. Human friendships are important to us, but they don’t always last. The friends I had as a kid are long gone. The friends I had as a teenager are a distance away. Even many of the friends that I have had as an adult have drifted away. There is one friend who is still with though, and that is Jesus. Even my friendship with my wife will not last forever. One of us will pass away at some point in time, and the other will be alone. But, Jesus will always be there. He is “the friend that sticks closer than a brother.” He is the friend that laid down his life for us. He can be your friend today. The thing is that we have to agree to walk with him. The prophet Amos wrote, “Do two walk together, unless they have agreed to meet?” Have you agreed to meet Jesus yet? In order to walk with him as a friend, we have to agree to meet with him. He has extended the invitation, and all we have to do is accept. He has taken the initiative, and we have to respond to it. Will you respond to Jesus today?
