Introduction
There were two men boasting about their army careers. Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days. “Why, my outfit was so well drilled,” declared one, “that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click.” “Very good,” conceded the other, “but when my company presented arms you’d just hear slap, slap, jingle.” “What was the jingle?” asked the first. “Oh,” replied the other offhand, “just our medals.”
Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I’ve won 8 of them!" Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I’ve won 19!!" "Oh that’s good, but in the last 36 races, I’ve won 28!", says another, flicking his tail. At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don’t mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I’ve won 88 of them!" The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."
Love does not boast.
Last week we began a look at 1 Corinthians 13 and the subject of Love. We began by looking at God is love and what this means. Further, that Jesus as God made man, is our ultimate example of this love. This is vital for all the stuff we do. 1 John tells us that we love because God first loved us. God empowers us to love, through the Holy Spirit. And when we do so we are reflecting God and showing the world what God is like. So then we began to look at what it means for us to love. Last week we say that love is patient, love is kind and love is not jealous. This week we are going to look at the next few terms.
But before we do that, I want to remind you of the outline we’re using for considering these characteristics. 1. How did Jesus demonstrate this? 2. How do we demonstrate or not demonstrate it? 3. What do we need to do in future to better show this love? Or what situations are we likely to encounter where we can show this love? As before we’ll cover number 1 and make suggestions for 2 and 3, often drawn from my experience at succeeding and failing at it. But the true work of numbers 2 and 3 is for you to do at home. You might get some ideas from this sermon. Or some ideas while I’m preaching this sermon. But to really make it work you need to go home and think about them, praying over them and asking God to show you where he thinks you need work.
Love is not boastful or proud
The next two on our list of things that love is not in 1 Corinthians 13 are essentially talk about the same thing. Love is not boastful or proud. To be boastful or proud is to take delight in our own accomplishments or positions and flaunt the fact that other people have not done them. This second part is crucial, there is nothing wrong with recognising who we are and what we have done. We’re not asking people to pretend they are something they are not, or pretend they have not accomplished what they have accomplished. We’re talking about flaunting that in the face of those who have not and regarding them as inferior because of it. In fact that is the key, its not about your accomplishments its about seeing those accomplishments as making you more important than everyone else.
Again our ultimate example of this is Jesus himself. Again I return to the passage in Philippians 2:5-8, which I quote so often. Here was Jesus who was God, yet humbled himself to become human on our behalf and died a death of pain and shame for us. Jesus was not acting proud or boastfully when he lived among us. He was the one who took the servants place during the last supper. Jesus and his disciples had gathered together to celebrate the passover. There was no servant there to wash their feet as they came in from the dusty road. We can imagine the disciples looking at each other, well, I’m more important than him, surely you don’t expect me to do it. Look, there’s ..., he should be doing it before me. If so and so, isn’t doing it then I’m not. And then Jesus gets up and washes his disciples feet. They are silenced and rightly shamed. They were acting proudly but Jesus was humble. Love is not proud or boastful. But I hear, the sceptics cry, didn’t Jesus claim to be the only way to God and such stuff like being the way, the truth and the life. Yes, he did. But he did not do so boastfully or proud. He really was the only way to God. He really was the truth and the life. People needed to know this. Jesus did not act boastfully or proud, but because the people he loved needed to hear it to be saved. To be boastful or proud is to consider yourself to be more important than others. This is the exact opposite of Jesus who gave everything he had, his privileges as God, his position, his home, his possessions, his life for the benefit of others.
So how does apply to us. I have been accused of being boastful and proud in the past. It certainly has been true in the past. I hope it is not true now. The word arrogant used to be true of me, I knew I was better than those around me and enjoyed letting others know that I had beaten them in a test or exam. I celebrated when my rivals failed to do as well as they had hoped. Now I enjoy doing well but I rejoice with others when they do as well or better. And if I still take a bit of pleasure in doing better than they, then I’m not perfect yet and I’m still working on it. I have been accused of being arrogant for being assured in what I believe and confidently affirming it. Perhaps there is a bit of pride sometimes. But I believe in truth and when I believe something, I will do my best to pass it on. When I feel uncertain or doubtful or unsure, I will say so and not try to pass it off as truth or as if it was uncontestable. I do learn from others and change my views when I am shown to be wrong. I also admit when I was wrong.
So what about you? Are you proud or boastful? Pride is the attitude that says I am more important than everyone else. They should be sacrificing for me, not me for them. They should be the ones who are serving me, not me serving them. To be boastful, is just to publicly declare this. Love is not boastful, love is not proud. It considers others more important than ourselves. I am the one who should be serving others. I am the one who should be sacrificing for others. We should be the ones who are serving others. We should be the ones who are sacrificing for others. It means not to think so highly of yourself that any job is beneath you or that any person is so low that you cannot serve them. Love is not boastful or proud. Love considers others as more important.
Love is not Rude
The next one says love is not Rude. It has been translated love does not act unbecomingly or even love practices good manners. Isn’t this a bit tame, in the middle of this great chapter of love, we are told, mind your manners. What does it mean? Let me first outline where I think we sometimes go wrong with this one.
The problem is that rudeness is a function of culture. What is rude to you might not be considered rude to someone else. The classic example is burping at a meal. In this country it is considered rude. In Arabic countries it is considered rude not to. It shows appreciation for the meal. The problem for us, is that even within our own country there are many different cultures, even within our own racial and religious groups. Young people have a different culture to older people in many ways. Its why you hear stuff about youth culture. And all of these different cultures have different expressions of what it means to be rude. Older people consider it rude when young people do not automatically give them respect. Young people consider it rude when older people insist on being given respect without first earning it. All cultures consider it rude to ignore someone who is speaking. In our culture this is shown by making eye contact. In oriental cultures it is shown by looking down and not making eye contact.
But being rude is about the way we act. But I want to suggest three ways (borrowed from someone else) about how we act rudely across cultures. Firstly, we can act thoughtlessly. It is acting without thought for other peoples feelings and views, without considering the other person. Secondly we can act carelessly. It is acting without caring what the effect of that is on another person. Lastly it is acting gracelessly. It is acting without remembering that Jesus has forgiven us, so that we might forgive others when they don’t act the best. The source I got for these also turned them around and asked what does it mean for love to act not-rudely. He said love thinks before it speaks. It thinks about the needs and feelings of others. Love cares about the feelings and concerns of others. Love extends grace having received grace. These definitions of love is not rude crosses cultures and boundaries and is about attitudes. Of course when we come to care about others feelings and concerns this means thinking about the other peoples views of what is rude and not our own.
So how was Jesus not rude. He took time for people. He was the one who refused to turn the children away, as his disciples wanted but took time to bless them. He cared what happened to them and did not act thoughtlessly. When Jesus went to the house of Simon the Pharisee and Simon did not provide someone to wash his feet, or give him oil to refresh himself as was the custom for a host to a guest, Jesus was polite and refused to shame his host, showing grace. When the sinful woman came in and broke the perfume on his feet, washed his feet with her tears and wiped his feet with her hair. He valued her feelings and intention and honoured her for her devotion rather than shaming her for her breach of protocol. When Jesus talked with the Samaritan woman at the well, he treated her as an equal, which was remarkable since she was a woman. He treated her as friend rather than an enemy, which was remarkable because she was a Samaritan. When it came to dealing with Thomas Jesus understood his feelings and his doubts and answered them. Jesus was not rude.
So how about us. I have to admit that out of all of the list of 1 Corinthians 13 this is the one I struggle with most. I am afraid that all too often I am rude. For me this is usually for one of two reasons. Either I have not put enough effort into thinking about how the other person will perceive or understand my actions or words or I’m just so caught up in doing whatever it is I am doing that I don’t take time to think at all. So for example when I am discussing an issue I can use language like ridiculous or absolutely not and be very strong in my denials or cutting off someone who is speaking, meaning the I disagree strongly with the idea and don’t think it is Biblical and want people to come to understand the Biblical position. But without considering that not everybody is used to debating ideas and separating the idea from people. So they understand me to be attacking them or putting them down. I need to learn to be more diplomatic about the way I express my ideas sometimes. To remember to consider the way people feel as well as the importance of getting across truth. The sad thing is, I know how to do this and with time and preparation I can be very diplomatic because I do understand where other people are coming from, I just unfortunately sometimes get caught up with the excitement of the moment and forget. Sometimes it thoughtlessness, more often it carelessness but none of them are acceptable. As I said, this is the one I need to work on most. On the other hand I don’t think I fall into the graceless camp. Love is not thoughtless. Love is not careless. Love is not graceless. Love is not rude.
So what about you? Is this one you need to work on? It’s not just about speaking truth but about considering the effects that will have on other people. There are ways of speaking truth that are rude, that are thoughtless, careless and graceless. There are ways of speaking truth that are think about others, care for their feelings and show grace. It’s not just about the truth of what you say but about the way you say it as well. Its also not just about the rightness of what you do but about the way you go about it. One of the biggest problems I have with far too many people in the church is that they think their duty is simply to proclaim truth. That as long as they tell people the gospel they have discharged their duty. They don’t take time to think through how the other person will interpret or view what they have said. They don’t consider the views or emotions of the person they are talking to. They just have to say the gospel regardless of the consequences. If they don’t accept it, it’s there fault. But we are not just called to preach, we are called to make disciples. Thus, the way we present the gospel, has to be in a way that will produce a change in lifestyle, or be most likely to bring that person to Christ. Of course conversion is God’s work, but the way we present stuff influences how people receive it. To often we present the gospel rudely and then wonder why people reject it. It is not the gospel which they are reacting negatively to, its our rudeness.
I remember as I was growing up there were certain people who objected to certain things that I did and certain ways that I behaved. Some of these people you could just see they couldn’t keep in their distaste or their scorn and they poured out it out it upon me. But the way that came across to me was not that cared for me or wanted the best for me, but that they just had to say what they felt and couldn’t go by once without saying how bad they thought I was. Now it might not have been their intention but the way I saw it was that they were more interested in what they had to say, than they were in me. This did me absolutely no good what so ever and only served to harden me against not only those people but also for those actions in my life. Other people saw the same things and instead of being judgemental about it and having to say something every time they saw me act this way, most of the time they would just ignore it and then once or twice they would bring it up gently in a way which led me to understand they were more interested in me than they were in saying their bit. Guess which way produced a change in me.
Let me give you some advice from someone who has been on both sides and still remembers the receiving end, very painfully because they drove almost insurmountable wedges between me and people I cared about very deeply. If you are more concerned about saying your bit than the result of what you say. If you feel that it doesn’t matter what effect it has on the person, you just have to say it. If you cannot observe something without commenting on it. If you can’t let it go once, without feeling you have to point out it is wrong. If you can’t overlook it most of the time and pick your time. Or even sometimes leave it to someone else who is in a better position to effect a change. Then you are being rude. You are not considering the other person’s feelings and needs, you are acting gracelessly, you are acting carelessly. You are being rude. And don’t come to me and say but I just feel that I have to have say something ... You are being rude and need to learn to bite your tongue.
Love is thoughtful, love is careful of other’s feelings and needs, love is graceful. Love is not rude. Now don’t get me wrong, sin and evil needs to be challenged and changed. But it needs to be done in a thoughtful, careful, graceful manner that is designed to maximise the chances of change not to discharge our feelings of discomfort. The gospel needs to be preached. But not rudely.
Conclusions
This morning we have learned that love is not boastful or proud. And love is not rude. I have taken you through example in the life of Jesus. I have taken you through examples in my life, shown you were I have problems. Now I urge you to work it through in your own life. Where does this apply to you? Which one do you need to work on this week and in the future? As I said at the start this means going home and praying through the issues and asking God to show us where we need to be changed. Sitting patiently and waiting on God to show us areas we need to work on in our lives. If your ok, on these ones, good for you. I’m sure God has something else to say to you in the coming weeks. Because none of us love, like God loves and that’s the standard.
