My Mistake, I’m Sorry
GNLCC 2/1/2004 Joshua 22:7-18 James 1:19-21
Text Joshua 22:1-34
Is there anyone here today who has had to say these words or something like this words , “my mistake, I’m sorry” this past week? Is there anybody here, who should have said these words this week, but never got around to doing it and there still a strain in the relationship. Sometimes just saying these words can take a load of our backs, or turn around a situation altogether to allow us to start over.
Our bible study this week will deal with the stress of relationships. For the most part, most of us want to get along with others with whom we live, work or come to be with at church. We want to have a good time. Yet we may discover we spend more time arguing with each other, than enjoying each other. Part of our problem is that many times we want to believe we are psychic. We genuinely believe we can read somebody else’s mind. Have you ever said something like, “I know what you’re thinking.” “I know exactly why you did that.” “I know how your mind works.”
Let me ask you something, If a mother tells her five year old son John, not to eat the cookies on the table and she comes back and the cookies are gone, why did John eat the cookies. 1) John is a bad kid and never listens to anybody. 2) John was hungry, and his mother usually lets him eat when he’s hungry. 3) John knew if he ate the cookies, his mother was going to yell at him, but the cookies were worth the consequences of being yelled at or 4) John did not hear what his mother said because he was watching TV at the time.
Now the only one who really knows why John ate the cookies is John, and John might not even understand it himself. However the relationship between John and his mother is going to have some stress in it. All kinds of things we do, produce stress in others which in turns produces stress in our relationships to them. Which makes us angry with them and they with us. For our youth, stress is that stuff when we feel look grrroooh.
Report card time produces a lot of stress for children and parents. Our children cannot understand why we are so upset over their grades when they intend to make up for it the next quarter. We do not understand how they just don’t care about their future. Doesn’t 3rd grader Cindy know that if she gets a D she will not do well on the SAT’s in 8 years and seriously damage her chance at being a success in life? So we have both children and adults attempting to be psychic about the future.
We forget, the most important thing we have to offer each other is not good grades or good things but rather a good relationship. Jesus said, “this is my commandment that you love one another as I have loved you.” We are all too eager to throw this simple commandment to the wayside and still choose to try to be psychic in dealing with each other when misunderstandings occur. It’s easier for me to guess your motive for what you did, than to actually listen carefully to what you’re tying to tell me.
The reality is, we are all going to do something that’s going to hurt somebody feelings. That means, somebody is going to do something which is going to hurt our feelings. Where there is hurt, anger comes following close behind as an emotion. We can become hurt in our families when we feel misunderstood, ignored, or unloved. We can become hurt at church when we feel unnoticed, overlooked, or unappreciated. We can become hurt at work when we feel slighted, overworked, or harassed. We can be hurt by our friends when we are left out of their plans
The one thing that will surely lead to hurt feelings and on to anger is criticism. Criticism will produce stress in a hurry for most of us. Yet some of us try to motivate people to do better by constantly criticizing them. It does not work for 95% of the people. Now all of us needs a little criticism at some time, but none of us do well with a heavy dose of it all the time. Think about the last person you criticized for a moment. When was the last time you complimented the person. I heard somewhere we should have 3 compliments for every one criticism.
Now in the book of James in the Bible in verses 1:19-20, we are given a three fold plan to help us get along better with each other. He said, “first of all be quick to listen.” Part of this is the idea of listening for God in each situation. The second thing is to be “slow to speak.” Have you ever had your argument all ready to go, so that you were just waiting for the other person to stop talking so that you could set them straight. Well this is a violation of the first principle which is to be quick to listen.
Slow to speak is a warning for us to think about what we are saying, before we say it. Our words can turn a good situation into a disaster in a moment of seconds. Wisdom is not always having something to say. It means thinking and speaking quietly. Our mouths get us into more sin than probably any other part of the body. It’s possible to say the right thing, but to say it at the wrong time. Being slow to speak means we take into consideration the other person’s condition or circumstances before we respond. Otherwise we have to get used to saying, “my mistake, I’m sorry.”
The third step in the plan is to be slow to anger. Anger closes our mind to the spirit of God and God’s word. When anger comes to the forefront, the only thing we can think about it is ourselves and getting what we want. That is why James tell us, rarely does our anger lead to the righteousness of God. We do not make good decisions when we’re angry because we usually do not care about the consequences of the decisions at the time we’re angry. Somehow the more angry we become, the more convinced we are that we can read what’s going on in somebody else’s mind.
I want you to meet 2 and ½ tribes of the twelve tribes of Israel. They were Gad, Rueben and half of the tribe of Manasseh. Now when these 2 /1/2 tribes were under Moses’s leadership, somehow they had accumulated a large flock of animals. Now Moses had led the 12 tribes into a major battle with nations on the east side of the Jordan river. Keep in mind the promised land was on the west side of the Jordan River. In the battles, the nations in the east were defeated and to the victors went the land. Now this land was rich with fertile ground and valleys for grazing large flocks.
Moses was going to abandon the land, because He knew the promised land was on the other side. But the leaders of Gad, Rueben and half of Manassah came to Moses and asked him if they could stay in the land they had conquered, because it was just what they needed for their flocks. It had plenty of water as well.
Now at the time, the book of James had not been written, so Moses did not know that he was to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Moses immediately jumped to conclusions and tried to become psychic by reading their minds. Moses said, “don’t you know if you stay behind with your warriors when there is more fighting to do for us to get the land you will discourage the other tribes.” “
How dare you even think about taking it easy when your brothers will be risking their lives in battle? Why on earth are you trying to turn away from God so quickly. Don’t you know your rebellion will cause God to be mad at all of us? You bunch of cowards ought to be ashamed of yourself. You brood of sinners are going to be the cause of our destruction.”
Have you ever tried telling somebody off without hearing everything they had to say? Moses went straight from listening a little bit to being angry a whole lot, and then shooting out words at record speed to get the maximum impact. Imagine his shock when the 2 ½ tribe leaders said, “We have no intention of disobeying God or discouraging the people. All we want to do is to leave our families and our herds in the land, but all of us warriors will continue to go with the armies, and we will not go back home until every tribe has received the land God intends to give them. We will not ask for any of the land we help to conquer.”
Moses then said, “oh so that’s what you mean.” Have you ever had one of those “oh” moments. Those “oh moments should cause us to humble ourselves and say “my mistake, I’m sorry.” Moses went on to say, “why there’s nothing wrong with your plan at all, as long as you do what you say you’re planning to do. I give you this land on the east side of the Jordan.”
This incident with Moses and the 2 ½ tribes tells us, sometimes we are fighting battles that do not need to be fought. We just see two different ways of getting to the same place. Don’t take it personally that your plan was not chosen this time. If the goal is the same, and the end product is the same, then flow with the plan of others. Even if you had the better plan. It’s called teamwork.
Suppose after Moses had lashed into the leaders he would have said, “I’m the leader here and that’s the end of this discussion.” Can you imagine the stress it would have created. The 2 ½ tribes would have probably crossed over, but the stress and anger would have existed for years.
When Christ is at work in our lives, we think less of ourselves and more of what’s best for everyone concerned in this situation. After Jesus told us to love one another, in John 15:13 he said, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”
Each time we are willing to say, “my mistake, I’m sorry” and change our actions, we are living out a little bit of this verse. These are words of repentance, and repentance means turning and going in the opposite direction. If your behavior is not changing, then you haven’t truly been sorry. Moses went from a full scale blasting of the plan of the 2 and ½ tribes to giving them his full support.
Well, Moses dies and Joshua takes over. It is under Joshua that the children of God cross over the Jordan River and begins to take on the powerful nations in what was to become the promised land on the west side of the River. They run into some tough situations, but ultimately they prevail. The land is divided up among the 10 ½ tribes.
Joshua calls Gad, Reuben and the ½ tribe of Manasseh and tells them, “Fellows you did a great job of keeping your word all these years. You fought valiantly among your brothers. It’s time for you to go back home now that the war is over and celebrate with your wives and children. I give you my blessing.”
I’m sure that soldiers from all the other tribes were hugging and embracing each other as they said goodbye to the 2 and ½ tribes as they returned to cross the Jordan River and be with their families on the east side. The soldiers could barely wait to get home. Many of their kids had now grown up. They had stories to tell of all the great things God had done.
One of the things that’s amazing in life is how something can be going so well in a relationship and out of the blue, things just begin to fall to pieces. Now as the 2 ½ tribes soldiers are marching home, when they get to the Jordan River, they build a massive altar on the west side of the River, and then they cross over to the east side of the river and have a joyous reunion with their families.
Sometimes, we will do things in life, that will cause a lot of stress and anxiety in others that we never intended. The reason being, we will do things and not explain to others why it is we have done them. We leave ourselves open to the misunderstandings of others. This is when we expect them to be psychic and some how know we had good intentions.
Some of the people of God on west side of the Jordan, saw this large imposing altar built by the 2 ½ tribes before they left. Word spread like wildfire, that the 2 ½ tribes had forsaken God. You see God had told the people, to destroy the altars that they found in the land of Canaan. All of them were to offer sacrifices on the same altar in the land of Israel. No one was to build a separate altar for offering sacrifices.
When the people found out the 2 ½ tribes had built this altar, they jumped to conclusions. One look at the big altar and the first thing to come to our mind is, “Oh my goodness, they have started to worship some other God. The land they went to live in is demon possessed. They must get out of that land and come over here and be with us on the west side, or we will have to destroy them all.”
They were not quick to listen, slow to speak or slow to get angry. That got angry first, they did not even bother to talk to the 2 ½ tribes and they spoke so vigorously, the nation was being rearmed to go to war against the very people who had fought side by side with them in battle just a few months earlier.
Changes in relationships can happen so quickly. When we start to question the motives of each other, things simply go down hill because we can no longer communicate. Love involves trusting the motives of what somebody else has done even though you may not understand it.
I remember the Sunday morning of my ordination in Boston. I wanted to call my mother in Ga. since she was not going to be there. It was my way of having her present with me for the rest of the day. When I told my wife, she said, “I think you should wait and we call her after the ceremony.” I got upset that she didn’t want me to talk to my mother. We went back and forth on why I should wait. She said, “well I’ll call them for you. She called, and talked to my brother. She said goodbye before I could say anything.
She said, “Mom and Dad have already left for church.” I was real upset now because I told her, “If you had let me called when I first said it, I could have talked with her.” It was not a very friendly ride to Boston that morning with us in the front seat and Sam in the back seat. All the way to church, I was trying to figure out why my wife didn’t want me to talk to my own mother. What evil motive could she have had. Here she was spoiling one of the big days of my life.
Well I found out her evil motive five right after the service started . To my surprise both of my parents walked into the sanctuary. As a surprise gift, the church had flown my parents to Boston from Ga to celebrate the day with me. It was one of my “oh” moments.
Oh what a fool I had been. It wasn’t her who was destroying my day. I was destroying it by giving her all kind of evil motives that never existed. What an irony, the day I was to become an ordained minister of Christ was the morning I was anything but Christ like. Who are you falsely accusing of having bad motives toward you? Don’t let it destroy your relationship.
Now to be fair to the 10 ½ tribes, they were ready to fight, because in past experience, when one of the twelve tribes disobeyed God, all the other 11 suffered in the punishment. They wanted to bring Gad, Reuben and the ½ tribe of Manassah back in line, before the judgment of God hit them.
Some thought a pre-emptive strike would be best. Let’s go and get them right now before they can even prepare for battle. Somebody however did think, maybe this would be a good to time to listen to the 2 ½ tribes, be slow to speak, and slow to get angry. They reached a compromise between the groups. Look, we will not launch a war until after we have told them what their options are.
The 10 ½ tribes sent Phinehas the priest and 10 other men who were leaders of the tribes to speak with the leaders of Gad, Reuben and the ½ tribe of Manassah. But Phinehas almost blew the conference before it got started. Instead of listening to the 2 ½ tribe be began pointing out their failures. Phinehas followed right in the footsteps of Moses.
Phinehas said, “how could you turn your backs on God and break faith with Him and with all the other tribes. You built this altar in rebellion to God. You know how God punished us all when one of us chose to sin. Now look, if the land you have chosen is defiled with wickedness, you can pack your bags and move over to the other side of the river with us. Just don’t rebel against the Lord or against us by building an altar for yourselves.”
Now how many of you would have responded well to Phinehas? Imagine someone walking up to you and saying, “Look here you no good backslider. What you have done is just plain and simple rebellion and sin. We think living in the house you live in has messed up your mind, and we think there might be demonic forces working on you that you do not know about. You either pack your bags and move out or face God’s judgment at our hands.”
Most of us would have told Phinehas off and blamed the whole thing on his rotten stinking attitude. But the reality is, the 2 ½ tribes had as much to do with this misunderstanding as did the 10. The building of the altar was not a good idea in view of God’s word regardless of what their motive was.
To their credit, they responded, “God Almighty knows what our motives were. He alone is to be praised. If we have done what you said we have done, then we deserve God’s punishment and more. But we did not do what you have said. We did not build this altar to sacrifice on it, or to worship another God. We built this altar simply as a witness.
We were afraid that in many years to come, your children might tell our children, you have no part in worshipping God, because the Lord has made the Jordan River a boundary between us. We want our children to be able to say, “See that altar on the other side of the river. Our fathers put it there as a witness to indicate that we all worship the same God and come from one people even though the river divides us. We built that altar to remind our future generations to be true to God. The last thing on our minds is turn away from God.”
All of sudden Phineas and the 10 men had an “Oh” moment. Here a nation is preparing to go to war, and all that was necessary to prevent it was a ten minute conversation. Just as quickly as the relationship had disintegrated it was restored by both accepting the sincerity of each other’s motives in this situation.
What a tragedy it would have been for the 2 ½ tribes to have said, “we know we haven’t done anything and we know what our motives are, and we don’t have to explain anything to you. When we love each other, we really do have to explain our motives and we have to be willing to accept the motives of others. This is at the heart of communication. If you find yourself saying, “I don’t have to explain myself, there’s a good chance you’re walking outside of the will of God for your life, and you’re choosing to destroy the relationship.”
Both groups needed to have said, “My mistake, I’m sorry.” You see rarely are our strains in our relationships are as completed one sided as we want to believe. We do need to ask the question, “God how have I contributed to this present situation, and what should I do to change?
As we share the Lord’s table this morning, we are reminded of the cost Jesus paid to remove the stress out of broken relationship with God. Jesus said, His body was broken and His blood was shed on our behalf. Allowing Christ to live through us involves being willing to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry. In the midst of our disagreements, let us not tire of saying “My, mistake, I’m sorry for my part in this situation.” It is in becoming more like Christ, that we find the peace in relationships that He desires for us to have.
Sermon Outline By Pastor Rick
My Mistake, I’m Sorry GNLCC 2/1/04
Joshua 22:7-18 James 1:19-21
Main Text Joshua 22:1-34
A. The Stress Of Relationships
1. Who Has Said, My Mistake I’m……
2. Taking A Load Off Our Backs
3. We Really Do Want To Get Along
4. The Problem Of Being Psychic
5. I Know What You’re Thinking
6. John & The Cookies
7. Who Knows Why He Did It
B. The Cycle Of Stressful Times
1. They Produce It, We Respond
2. From Anger To GRRRRRRR
3. The Stress Of Report Cards
4. Cindy’s Flunking College In 3rd
5. Relationships Are Important
6. Jesus Has More Than Opinion
John 15:12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.
7. Guessing Easier Than Listening
C. Let’s Count On Being Hurt
1. We Will Hurt, Others Will Hurt Us
2. Home—Misunderstood
3. Church—Unappreciated
4. Job—Overworked
5. Friends—Left Us Out
6. Criticism & Hurt Feelings
7. Not A Good Motivator
8. Think Compliments 3:1
D. James Provides Help For Stress
James 1:19-20 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.
1. Quick To Listen To God & Others
2. Slow To Speak—Hold That
Thought –Think First
3. Consider The Other Person’s
Situation
4. Slow To Anger---Think Of Others
5. Bad Time To Make Decisions
E. The Tribes Gad, Reuben ½ Manasseh
1. Conflict With Moses Over Land
2. Jordan River East & West
3. Can We Stay Behind
4. Moses Goes Off At The Mouth
5. Moses The Psychic Fails
6. Calling Names Doesn’t Help
7. The Shock From The 2 ½ Tribes
8. We Will Do Our Share
9. Moses Has An “oh” Moment
10. Your Plan Is Absolutely Fine
11. Do We Really Need This Fight
12. Don’t Take It Personally
13. Moses Could Have Made It
Worse—End Of Discussion
F. Christ Call—Less Of Us More Of
Others
John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
1. Dying With “My Mistake,…..”
2. Repentance—Going The Other
Way
3. Moses Offers Support
G. The 2 ½ Tribes Keep Their Promise
1. The Battle Is Long & Hard
2. Joshua Commends Gad, Reuben
and ½ Manasseh
3. Soldiers Leave Each Other In Joy
4. An Altar Is Built On The West
Bank
5. Causing Stress Unintentionally
6. Leaving Ourselves Open To
Misunderstanding
H. When A Good Rumor Gets Going
1. The Altar Spreads Fear Abroad
2. Why Have They Forsaken God
Deut. 12:13-14 Be careful not to sacrifice your burnt offerings anywhere you please. 14Offer them only at the place the LORD will choose in one of your tribes, and there observe everything I command you.
3. Altar—Act Of Disobedience
4. Jumping To The Wrong Conclusion
5. They Must Be Stopped
6. Not Quick To Hear Or Slow To
Speak, Or Slow To Anger
I. Relationships Can Change Quickly
1. Dangerous To Guess Others’ Motives
2. Love—Trusting When I Don’t
Understand
3. Pastor Rick’s Ordination
4. What Evil Motive Does She Have
5. Being A Fool And Not Knowing It
6. Stop Assigning Evil Motives Before
You Destroy The Relationship
J. The Tribes Are Ready To Go To War
1. Let’s Launch A Preemptive Strike
2. Let’s Sit Down & Talk First
3. Let’s Compromise
4. The Phinehas Delegation Goes Out
5. Phinehas Follow Moses Error
6. Why Have You Forsaken God
7. Your Land Is Defiled
8. Come Be With Us Or Else
9. Not A Good Way To Handle
Conflict
K. Neither Party Is 100% Innocent
1. Who Would Have Told Phinehas
Off
2. Gad, Reueben ½ Manassah Were
Wrong
3. Responding With Humility
4. Acknowledging The Lord
5. We Were Only Trying To Save Our
Children
6. This Is For A Witness Not
Sacrifices
7. Phinehas & The 10 Have “OH”
Moment
8. A Restored Relationship
L. The Choice To Humble Ourselves
1. I Do Need To Explain Myself
2. Listening To Them Completely
3. Arguments Not One Sided
4. How Did I Help Get Into This
M. The Lord’s Table
1. Jesus Paid The Cost To Help
Us Say, “My Mistake, I’m Sorry”
2. Letting Christ Live In Us
3. Finding Peace In Relationships
