An old man was lying on his deathbed. He only had a few hours to live when suddenly he smelled chocolate chip cookies. He loved chocolate chip cookies more than anything else in the world.
With his last bit of energy he pulled himself out of bed, struggled across the floor to the stairs, and headed down the stairs into the kitchen where he found his wife baking those sweet-smelling cookies.
As he reached for one… SMACK! He felt a slap across the back of his hand. His wife scolded, “Leave those alone; they’re for your funeral!”
An elderly man lay in a hospital bed with his wife of 55 years sitting at his bedside. “Is that you, Ethel, at my side again?” he whispered.
“Yes, dear,” she answered.
He softly said to her, “Remember years ago when I was in the Veteran’s Hospital? You were with me then. You were with me when we lost everything in a fire. And Ethel, when we were poor – you stuck with me then too.”
The man sighed and said, “I tell you, Ethel, you’re bad luck.”
The story’s told of an elderly couple who were visiting with their pastor one day. During the visit they mentioned to him that they had a single-room vacation cabin that they had been sharing with another couple for years.
Goading them a bit he asked, “A single-room cabin with two couples? How did that work?”
“Well, Pastor,” the man replied, “we used to put a curtain across the middle, but now we just take off our bifocals.”
For the past month we’ve been spending our time talking about relationships, love and sex. You’ll remember that at the beginning of this series we discovered the fundamental truth that men and women are different. During the two weeks that followed we looked at relationships through the eyes of both sexes and attempted to do more be better men and women and better husbands and wives. Last week Dr. Brittain tackled a difficult topic with you, that of divorce.
My original plan for this morning was to wrap up this series talking about ways that we can make our marriages last a lifetime. In fact even into the middle of this week that was my goal. I interviewed two couples, one from each congregation, who had been married for more than 30 years and asked them questions about their relationship and about advice they might have for younger couples. While that information was very valuable as I dug into scripture this week the Holy Spirit led me in a different direction.
This morning, I do want to challenge you to find the “love of a lifetime,” but what I pray you’ll discover is that every single person who’s listening can find this love, not just those of you who are married. Let us pray…
I want to start out this morning by looking at a passage from a book of the Bible that we seldom discuss. The book is “Ecclesiastes” and it’s a little short book with only 12 chapters that’s found in the Old Testament immediately following the book of Psalms and the book of Proverbs which if you were to open your Bibles to the very center you would find. The book deals with the pleasures and also the sometimes-harsh realities of life. The author draws a grim picture of life but holds fast to the need to revere God. What you hear over and over again in this book is the idea that so many of the things which we try to accomplish in life are in vain, for we’re all going to die alike.
The one passage that you are probably all familiar with which you may not have realized comes from this book is the text from which Peter Seeger wrote his song, “Turn, Turn, Turn.” Remember that? “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, a time to die…”
Within this book is some incredible truth and one passage in particular which you heard read this morning. Let’s look at that one more time: Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 “Two are better than one…” Let’s stop right there for a minute. If you’re following along in your outlines then fill this in: the truth to be gleaned from Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 is that 2 are better than 1. The author of the book goes on to tell us why.
First of all in verse 9 he says “they have a good reward for their toil”. The first reason then is that they can accomplish more together.
We put a new microwave in our kitchen last week. It’s one of those over the stove combination microwave/range hoods. I didn’t think it’d be that big of a job. I took the range hood out and the cupboards down and took them and had them cut down so that we’d have enough room for the microwave. When I finally got the cupboards back and was ready to install the microwave I put the cupboards back in and got the wiring done and the mounting plate attached to the wall. And when I opened the directions to install the microwave it clearly said, “Requires 2 people to install.” I got to tell you, I was certain I could do this by myself, but my wife insisted on helping me. As we lifted the microwave into place I discovered why we needed two people. It was much heavier when you’re trying to hold it in place and screw it up at the same time. It turned out to be more difficult than I first thought. And I couldn’t have done the job by myself. It’s a truth that relates to so many areas of life. We can accomplish so much more when we team up with another person to get a job done.
The second reason why two are better than one is found in verse 10 where the author says, “For if they fall, one will lift up the other; but woe to the one who is alone and falls and does not have another to help.” Two can assist each other in times of need. This is one of the reasons why sometimes more elderly people need to be placed in nursing homes or move in with family members. Because they need someone around to help them when there is a disaster. You all know this can be physical or emotional. There are crisis moments in our lives where we need another to help us and if we have no friend or companion it’s much more difficult to make it through that time.
I can tell you from first hand experience that the grief journey can be a very lonely journey. But one of the things that saved our marriage and our family when we lost our son was being able to be supported by others, friends and family who came along side of us to assist us in our time of need.
The third reason why two are better than one is that they can meet each other’s physical needs. The author says two can keep each other warm. You’ve probably seen movies where this was played out by two people who are lost in the wilderness or on a cold mountain and stay warm by snuggling together. This is one of the biggest needs that’s met in marriage. But every one of us whether we’re married or not has a need to have physical needs met by another. When I go into a nursing home or hospital one of the things that I’m very sensitive to is the power of touch. It’s something that can be abused or neglected. Some of the people in these nursing homes haven’t been touched in weeks or even months. And just the touch of my hand as I pray for them is an amazing thing.
The final reason the author says that two are better than one is in verse 12 where he says that two will withstand one. Two create great strength. This is a principle we learned on the playground or in the locker room. You don’t want to be alone corner when Billy and his buddies come over to start teasing you. Two create great strength together.
Before we move on, I’ve got to say this passage could easily be taken and applied to marriage. Every single one of these reasons that the author has given for 2 being better than 1 applies to marriage. I don’t need to spend time spelling these ideas out and how they relate to marriage. If you’re married you can draw your own conclusions.
What I was challenged with this week was the fact that as I read and studied this passage I discovered that the author is not referring exclusively, or even primarily to marriage. When the author wrote this passage he was talking about companionship vs. solidarity. Not marriage vs. singleness. The idea is that if we go through this life trying to accomplish everything on our own and never teaming up with those around us or placing value on friendships then all we do is in vain.
With that said I want to spend a few moments talking with those of you who are single whether never having been married or whether you’ve been widowed because we’ve spent a lot of time focusing on marriage and relationships over the past few weeks and while I’ve touched on some topics that can help you I haven’t really addressed you specifically.
There’s a book that I came across a few weeks ago as I was wandering through the Christian bookstore, it’s one that I’d recommend for any single person. It’s called, “Joyfully Single in a Couple’s World.” In that book Harold Sala, says that singles have three basic needs. I would go even further to say that these are three needs that are shared by every human being.
The first is our need to give and receive love. The late psychiatrist Karl Menninger said, “Love is the medicine for the sickness of the world” and psychologist Eric Fromm believes that loneliness and the inability to love are the underlying causes of both psychic and emotional disorders. Joshua Liebman in his book Peace of Mind wrote, “There comes a time in the development of every person when he must love his neighbor or become a twisted, stunted personality.”
God has built within each of us a need to give and receive love. This is one of the greatest reasons why we marry. Because we have this need. And this is one of the things that brings the most pain to single people, not having this need met.
The second need that we find common to both singles and marrieds is the need to feel worthwhile. There are those of you sitting right here in this room today who struggle with your own self image. Some of you may have come from homes where you were told that you were no good. You may have been abused or neglected. Or maybe as a result of a physical attribute you were made fun of. As children we are very impressionable. And while we learn as adults that we are important in God’s sight, the messages we receive growing up shape us into the people we will become. As adults we spend so much of our time trying to prove that we are worthwhile. We do it by working hard in our careers, attempting to be successful. We do it by dieting and attempting to feel worthwhile by the way we look. Some people try to find their worth in relationships and so they end up in a marriage in which they’re attempting to get their self-worth boosted by their spouse, and when their spouse fails it only does more to demean them as a person. All of us have the need to feel worth-while.
The final need that is common to all of us is to have the security that comes from a relationship. There’s something about being in a happy marriage that brings security to our lives; it’s something that is often missing these days as divorce has become an easy out. I’m going to give a challenge to those of you who are married as we close in a couple of minutes but to those of you who are single let me say this: each of these needs: to give and receive love, to feel worthwhile, and to have the security that comes from a relationship can be met without being married or without even being in a relationship with a man or woman.
The Apostle Paul had some surprising things to say on a lot of topics. One of those areas is on the topic of singleness. We don’t have time to read what he wrote this morning but let me give you the gist of it: he says, if you’re single stay that way, unless you can’t control your sexual desires, then marry. But he makes it clear that this is his “opinion” not the word of the Lord. In order to understand why he’s saying what he saying you’ve got to understand his frame of thinking and the view of the church of his day. They believed Christ’s second coming was imminent. They believed it would happen within their lifetime. And so Paul says, there’s no point in getting married, Christ is coming back, just focus on living for him. Those of you who are single, here’s the most relevant piece of information that you can glean from this entire passage, it’s at the bottom of the first page of the outline: the benefit of singleness is unhindered devotion to God. As a single person you can focus on serving God to an extent that those of us who are married are not able. That’s why the Catholic Church has for so long insisted on celibacy.
But pastor you say, you don’t understand my loneliness. No, you’re right I don’t. But let me suggest to you that the concept of a “Love of a Lifetime” is not just for married people.” And those of you who are married sit up and take note, because what I’m going to say next can make all the difference in your marriage.
Flip your outlines over… Our first love should be Jesus Christ. Whether you’re single or married your first love should be Jesus Christ. That’s why the Bible says that Christians aren’t supposed to marry non-Christians. Because as a Christian the very center of our being should be our love for Jesus Christ. And if you’re married then your spouse should understand that he/she is not your first love, and they should feel the same way. It’s crucial that we be whole individuals through our relationships with Jesus Christ before we can give ourselves to another person. And those of you who are single, hear me: you don’t need another person to be whole. Your relationship with Jesus Christ can meet the needs that are most dear to you.
So can your needs be met? I believe the answer is yes… and let me share with you the plan I believe God has for meeting those needs. If you’re following along in your outlines, “God’s vessel for meeting the needs of singles is the church.” Think about it. Look around you. Do you know how many singles and widows and widowers there are in the church? Do you think that’s a coincidence? No. The church provides the companionship that Ecclesiastes talked about. The church provides an opportunity to form relationships and friendships that are fundamental to our existence. I believe one of God’s intentions for the church was to meet those needs. So if you’re single… you’re in the right place. Because it’s here that you can learn first of all how to get in touch with your first love and then can enter into relationships which can bring the companionship in this life that you need.
As we prepare to wrap up this morning I want to share a word with both those of you who are single and those of you who are married. It’s a passage taken out of Ephesians 5:1-2. Listen to Paul’s words: “Be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”
Whether you’re single or married there two truths which if you’ll pursue will fulfill you as a person, will help you discover the love of your lifetime, and if you’re married will strengthen the relationship that you’ve been gifted with. Here they are:
1. Become like God. Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought, “I’ve become my father/mother”? Or perhaps you’ve discovered behaviors or mannerisms that are just like those of your parents. Why? Because as children we imitate our parents. Paul says, “imitate God like children imitate their parents.”
A few weeks ago I had a message on the sign out front of the church (in Belfast) that read “Jesus became what we are so that we can become what he is.” That’s powerful. Our life’s goal should be to become like Jesus. That’s what the big WWJD movement was about. Thinking “What Would Jesus Do?” and then living like that. Did you know that the term Christian actually means “Little Christ”? Are you a little Christ? When others look at you, husbands and wives, when your spouse looks at you, do they see Jesus? That’s what living the Christian life is all about. That’s what discipleship is all about. That’s what our church is all about. Making disciples. Because being a disciple is becoming like God.
2. The second piece of advice that I would give to you this morning is this: Live Love. As a teenager there was a song that was popular by a group called DC Talk. The chorus said, “Love is a Verb.” We need to have our understanding of love transformed from believing that love is a noun, something we feel, to understanding that love is something we live. It’s something we do. It’s no coincidence that Jesus said the two greatest commandments are these: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart” (did you catch that? God’s our first love, not a spouse,) and the second is “Love your neighbor as yourself.” When we make love a way of life our lives will be transformed.
As we close this morning let me give a word of encouragement to those of you who are single. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be in your shoes. I haven’t experienced your loneliness. But I do know this, God cares. God wants to be your first love and to help you find peace and fulfillment in life. God wants you to find completion in him. My prayer for you is that you’ll find wholeness in the one who died because of his love for you.
And those of you who are married let me give you this challenge. Marriage is no longer taken seriously. It’s time that we as the church, keep that in mind, you’re the church, it’s time that we stand up and show by example that we are the children of God. Unless our marriages are different, unless our homes are different, people aren’t going to see Jesus Christ.
Let us pray…
