God Speaks on Marriage Series
What Would God Say to Ryan and Trista About Marriage?
February 15, 2004 FBC, Chester Mike Fogerson, Speaker
Introduction:
In December of last year, millions of people tuned into the The Bachelorette, Trista Rehn , a 29 year old pediatric physical therapist from Florida, get married to Ryan Sutter, a fireman from Colorado.
A ABC popped the bill for their over the top wedding.
a Married in Rancho Mirage, Palm Springs, CA.
b 30,000 roses were imported from Ecuador. (Over $1 million)
c Trista’s gown $25,000, shoes $50,000
d The reception featured food flown in from 14 different countries, 180 bottles of champagne, 600 bottles of wine, 1,500 pounds of chocolate, 200 lbs. of shrimp, lobster & crab.
e One of the biggest names in country music, Brad Paisley serenaded them.
B What a show! What would God have to say to Ryan & Trista? Text: 1 Cor. 7.3-5
Exegesis:
Paul was writing from Ephesus to the Corinthian believers.
*Corinth was a town that was dwarfed by a mountian called the Acropolis. On top of that mountain was the temple of Aphrodite. Sex was a religion, temple prostitutes.
*In the Roman world, wives were seen as slaved. Men had more than one wife. One would take care of the living area, cook, clean clothes. Sex was secondary because the man went up to the temple where the really good look girls were kept.
1 Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband.
*Paul is actually elevating marriage to its proper genesis, found in Genesis!
*Paul is not anti-marriage! Anti-Sex! There is biblical support that Paul himself was married.
7 Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that.
8 But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I.
1 Cor 7:7-8 (NASB) Great possibility Paul was a widow!!!
10 "And this is just what I did in Jerusalem; not only did I lock up many of the saints in prisons, having received authority from the chief priests, but also when they were being put to death I cast my vote against them. Acts 26:10 (NASB) Paul was a member of the Sanhedrin. ONLY married men could be on the Sanhedrin. Paul had to have been married to vote on the Sanhedrin.
3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Cor 7:1-5 (NASB)
I The first aspect that must be developed in order to build toward having a godly marriage is....relational.
Paul gave two areas of relational responsibilities to those who were married:
A Supportive 3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 1 Cor 7:3 (NASB)
Husband’s Duty
a Sexual faithfulness
b Make her happy
5 "When a man takes a new wife, he shall not go out with the army nor be charged with any duty; he shall be free at home one year and shall give happiness to his wife whom he has taken. Deut 24:5
c Be a godly leader
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. Eph 5:23 (NASB)
d Stay with her
23 The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." 24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. Gen 2:23-24 (NASB)
e Love her
2 That is how husbands should treat their wives, loving them as parts of themselves. For since a man and his wife are now one, a man is really doing himself a favor and loving himself when he loves his wife! Eph 5:28 (TLB)
f Show her honor
7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7 (NASB)
Wife’s duty
a Sexual faithfulness
b Be a helper 20 The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him Gen 2:20 (NASB) Adam needed Eve, Jacob/Rachael, Boaz/Ruth, David/Abigail. Eve was not by his head or feet, but by his side.
c Be a glorious wife 7 For a man ought not to have his head covered, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. 1 Cor 11:7 (NASB) (If the man is the head, the woman is the crown on his head!!)
d Stay with him 22 The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. 23 The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." 24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. Gen 2:20-25 (NASB)
e Be easy to love 9 It is better to live in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman. Prov 21:9 (NASB)
f Respond to him 22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord Eph 5:22 (NASB)
"If you tell her ‘I love you’, she responds back w/ ‘I love you too.’" If she is cold & distant, chances are . . .you’re being cold & distant and your basically saying, "I’m being cold & distant."
B Sexual (v.4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does).
a The husbands at Corinth were not to run up to the temple of Aphrodite (sin). Love and sex took place in the home!
b Love and sex belong exclusively in the biblical marriage, between a husband and his wife.
aa Selfless love (wife is there for husband and vice versa): unconditional, unchangeable, unwavering love
bb Sex (be fruitful and multiply, "Thank you very much God, I believe will:)): only between a husband and wife
c Are most marital problems caused by sexual difficulties? No.
Most sexual difficulties are caused by martial problems.
aa If the supportive aspect is not working, the sexual aspect is usually not happening.
bb Men: clean up Women: pick up, kids clean
C Marriage is a team sport. Think of a basketball team: The coach must spend hours scouting, preparing offensive and defensive strategies, finding out the strengths and weaknesses of his own players, and making a game plan in order to take his players to a game, but unless the players submit to his leadership, they will not win. Neither the coach nor the players can be done without, but neither is more or less important than the other- they are a team. And such is the case with marriage.
TS: In the middle of the passage dealing with marital duties, he stresses the importance of a praying husband and a praying wife. DELICATE BALANCE
2) The second aspect that must be developed in order to build toward having a godly marriage is...spiritual.
Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Cor 7:5 (NASB)
A Paul encouraged 1st century husbands and wives to be in prayer about their marriages.
a If they were going to make their marriages work, they better bring God into it
b "Lest Satan tempt you" Satan wanted those marriages so bad so he could destroy them, and he’d look for any way to do it!
B Our marriages have to have God in them (3rd member)
a Marriage love triangle:
GOD
HUSBAND WIFE
aa. The closer we draw to God, the closer we draw to our spouse
bb. The more I give myself to God, the more of myself I can give to my spouse 27 And he answered, "YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND; AND YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF." Luke 10:27 (NASB)
cc. When we put anything or anyone else at the apex (golf, shopping, money, careers, another person), we’re not building toward a godly marriage.
b This does not mean all marital problems are spiritual
(If you put God at the top of your love triangle, you’ll save yourselves a lot of grief and anxiety and give yourselves a lot of joy and peace).
C One of the most memorable books I have ever read is A Severe Mercy. This is the story of Sheldon Vanauken and his wife Davy, who happened to be friends of C. S. Lewis. This couple was deeply in love and they sought to build the ideal marriage. They would only read books that the other wanted to read, and always tried to do everything together. But then a third person came along and interfered with this perfect relationship. That person was God. Davy began to get to know the Lord, and began to love Him. Sheldon became jealous, in his mind he didn’t want to share his wife with God. It was only after Davy’s premature death that Sheldon realized how foolish his attitude was. He also came to understand that the perfect marriage is not just when both partners love each other, but when both husband and wife love God even more than they love their spouse.
Conclusion:
Paul gave troubled couples at Corinth advice on building godly marriages. Marriage is hard work.
A Let’s look at two aspects of marriage that must be developed in order to build toward having a godly marriage.
a Relational (Supportive & Sexual)
b Spiritual (Love trianlge)
B I want my listeners to know how to build toward having a godly marriage.
a Choices? See your marriage as a uncompromisable union between you and your spouse, you won’t give up, give in, surrender, forsake until the day you day OR options.
b Put God at the apex of your love triangle or SOMETHING or SOMEONE else.
C What aspect of your marriage needs to be worked on the most?
"In many respects the best biological analogy to marriage is the creation of a life. Man and woman each contribute a cell having 23 chromo-somes. The two cells are joined together, and a new human being who has never existed, a unique individual life, is created. In marriage, when two unique individuals, known and loved by God, are given to each other, another sort of life begins. God creates a living thing that never existed before, a unique oneness. And God cares about the life that he calls into being. God made you and me and we matter to him. But if he makes marriages, they also matter to him, and we ought to regard them that way."
God would tell Ryan & Trista exactely what tell you. . .
6 "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." Matt 19:5-6 (NASB)
