Summary: We continue looking at how this agape, "built to last" love acts in everyday life from I Corinthians 13. *HANDOUT INCLUDED*

How Love Does (and Doesn’t) Act - Part II

Here’s a question for you:

What do men and women really want from their relationships?

Here’s what DAVE BARRY - Well-known newspaper humor columnist said:

- from his book, “The Complete Guide to Guys”:

WHAT WOMEN WANT: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held.

WHAT MEN WANT: Tickets to the World Series.

It seems that way sometimes, doesn’t it. . . the opposite sex is just as confusing as they can be! But sometimes, I think we make it more complicated than it really is – I think that what men and women BOTH want from their relationships is to really be treated in a way that shows they are LOVED!

Thankfully, God tells us what real love is like in 1 Corinthians 13, the Love Chapter. Let’s continue this morning with looking at what REAL love is like.

LOVE DOES NOT BEHAVE RUDELY:

This is pretty straightforward, isn’t it? Think about your relationships. . . do you ever behave rudely – inappropriately?

LOVE DOES NOT DEMAND IT’S OWN WAY.

At a party: "My husband and I have managed to be happy together for 20 years. I guess this is because we’re both in love with the same man."

Now THIS is a problem for a lot of people today. You know why? Because the basic problem of humans is that we want our own way over anything else. We’re born with it! Listen to Isaiah 53:6, “All of us have gone astray like sheep, every one has turned to HIS OWN WAY!”

Bart Starr, former quarterback of the Green Bay Packers, was describing to a group of businessmen how his coach, Vince Lombardi, held absolute power. He stated that, as you entered Vince’s office, you noticed a huge mahogany desk with an impressive organization chart behind it on the wall. The chart had a small block at the top in which was printed: "Vince Lombardi, Head Coach and General Manager." A line came down from it to a very large block in which was printed: "Everybody Else!"

The problem is that many people structure their families and their marriages this way! If you had an organizational chart for your family up on the wall, how would it read?

Now, I know that the Bible says that the man is the “head of the woman”. In other words, the man is the leader of the home, and it IS important to have a leader. However, remember what the Bible’s definition of a leader is: Jesus said, if you want to be FIRST in the kingdom of God, you must be a SERVANT (Matt. 20:26-27) - By the way, I’m not just talking to the men. If some wives drew up an organizational chart, it would have SELF at the top, and EVERYBODY ELSE under it!

If you know you’ve got this problem, what can you do? There’s only two things that will solve this problem.

1) you’ve got to become a Christian - ask God to forgive you of your sins. This is a critical first step.

2) you’ve got to ask God to change your heart. You were born with that self-centered nature, and the only way to change it is to ask God to change your nature, and make you like him.

3) Cultivate “servant leadership” in yourself.

Matthew 20:27 "Whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your servant...”

LOVE IS NOT IRRITABLE:

Most of you have probably seen the “Andy Griffith Show” at one time or another. In one episode, little Opie calls Barney “sensitive”. Barney responds, “I’m not sensitive! If there’s anything that bothers me, it somebody saying I’m sensitive!”

Well, call it what you want – most of us have DONE that at one time or another! We get really sensitive and irritable. . . usually about something that was pointless in the first place.

Imagine all of the obstacles a person might have to overcome if he were to walk from New York City to San Francisco. One man who accomplished this rare achievement mentioned a rather surprising difficulty when asked to tell of his biggest hurdle. He said that the toughest part of the trip wasn’t traversing the steep slopes of the mountains or crossing hot, dry, barren stretches of desert. Instead, he said, "The thing that came the closest to defeating me was the sand in my shoes." - Chuck Swindoll

There’s something about living together 24 hours a day that causes “sand in your shoes” irritations. For a lot of marriages, it’s not one big thing that takes them down – it’s the accumulation of little irritations.

When those things come up, we have a choice – do we deal with it the “normal” human way, or do we deal with it the way real love does?

Tips for Dealing with Frustration/Irritation:

1. Remember there is nothing to be gained by becoming irritated.

Jas 1:20 “The anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”

2. Decide to develop patience instead of blowing up.

“Trouble develops patience.” Rom. 5:3

3. Ask God to help you be “slow to anger”.

Pr 16:32 “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty...”

4. Keep your mouth closed.

Jas 1:19 “...be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.”

5. If you do get angry, don’t go to be with it.

Ephesians 4:26 “...do not let the sun go down on your anger.”

LOVE KEEPS NO RECORD OF WHEN IT HAS BEEN WRONGED:

Depending on what translation you have, yours might say that “love thinks no evil”.

The reason I’ve translated it this way is because the word translated “thinks” literally means “to keep account of - to take an inventory”. It is used of an accountant making a careful note in a ledger book, so that he won’t forget.

That means that love doesn’t keep account of the evil that it has received. Let’s apply that.

Ladies, I’ve been kind of hard on the men in some of these areas. . . because I admit that we’re not always the best at showing our love. But here, I’ve got to say, that women seem to me to be better at keeping a record of wrongs.

DETOUR:

Someone once asked me about keeping track of things for a court case. Let me say this: when the civil authorities are involved, and you have to testify about something, so that justice is done, I don’t believe THAT is what the Bible is talking about. The Bible makes it clear that civil authorities are there to make sure that wrongdoing is punished – God put them in place for that reason! In fact, the Bible specifically has commands against giving “false testimony” – and that’s what it would be if you said that no wrong had been done, when it had been!

Let me give an illustration to tell you what I’m thinking of.

It is said that in the Polynesian Islands, it is customary to keep something to remind yourself that you were wronged. People will hang something up on their wall or up next to the door of their house, so that they will always be reminded of the hurt that they experienced.

Now, I know that when your husband forgets to buy you something for Valentine’s day, you don’t literally hang a sign on the wall of your house. But have you ever made a notation in the book of your mind, that you can bring back up and share with him or others at a moment’s notice?

I’ve met husbands and wives who (if you would stand and listen) could talk for an hour, regurgitating the things their wife/husband did that made them angry back in 1992. . .

Tips for conquering unforgiveness.

1. Choose to forgive.

Luke 17:4 "And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, ’I repent,’ you shall forgive him."

2. Begin to reprogram your patterns of thinking.

Rom. 12:2 “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind...”

3. Never “remind” your spouse.

Ephesians 4:32 “...forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.”

God will never deliberately remind you about your past. As far as he is concerned, it will never be remembered against you any more.

NOT GLAD ABOUT INJUSTICE – REJOICES WHEN THE TRUTH WINS OUT.

Once when President Franklin D. Roosevelt was preparing a speech, he needed some economic statistics to back up a point he was trying to make. His advisers said it would take six months to get accurate figures. "In that case, I’ll just use these rough estimates," FDR said, and he wrote down some numbers in his text. "They’re reasonable figures and they support my point.

"Besides," he added as an afterthought, "it will keep my critics busy for at least six month just to prove me wrong."

Sounds like he was more concerned with winning the argument than finding the truth.

Husbands and wives are always going to have disagreements. Lizzy and I disagree at times, and we can’t both be right!

Let me illustrate it like this: If you were at a red light, and disagreed about which way to turn – would you rather find the truth, or win the argument?

Tips for being glad when the truth wins out:

1. Value the truth.

Proverbs 23:23 “Buy the truth, and sell it not...”

2. Decide that it’s OK to be wrong at times.

HANDOUT

_____________________________

♥ Built to Last - Part II ♥

How True Love Does (and Doesn’t) Act - Part 11 Corinthians 13:5-6 “Love does not behave rudely. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.”

LOVE DOES NOT BEHAVE ________________.

This is pretty straightforward, isn’t it?

LOVE DOES NOT DEMAND IT’S ___________ ___________.

If you had an organizational chart for your family up on the wall, how would it read?

Tips for dealing with demanding your own way:

1. Become a Christian - ask God to ___________ you of your sins.

2. Ask God to change your heart.

Isaiah 53:6 “All we like sheep have gone astray; We have turned, every one, to his own way;”

3. Cultivate “___________ leadership” in yourself.

Matthew 20:27 "Whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your servant...”

LOVE IS NOT _________________:

Tips for Dealing with Frustration/Irritation:

1. Remember there is nothing to be __________ by becoming irritated.

James 1:20 “The anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”

2. Decide to develop _______________ instead of blowing up.

“Trouble develops patience.” Rom. 5:3

3. Ask God to help you be “________ _____ _________.”

Pr 16:32 “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty...”

4. Keep your mouth _____________.

Jas 1:19 “...be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.”

5. If you do get angry, don’t go to ________ with it..

Ephesians 4:26 “...do not let the sun go down on your anger.”

LOVE KEEPS NO _____________ OF WHEN IT HAS BEEN ____________:

Tips for conquering unforgiveness.

1. ______________ to forgive.

Luke 17:4 "And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, ’I repent,’ you shall forgive him."

2. Begin to _______________ your patterns of thinking.

Rom. 12:2 “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind...”

3. Never “_______________” your spouse.

Ephesians 4:32 “...forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.” God won’t remind you about your past.

LOVE IS NOT GLAD ABOUT _____________, BUT REJOICES WHEN THE ___________ WINS OUT.

Are you more concerned with winning the argument or finding the truth?

Tips for being glad when the truth wins out:

1. ____________ the truth.

Proverbs 23:23 “Buy the truth, and sell it not...”

2. Realize it’s OK to be __________ at times.