Many here have heard of a man named Bobby Knight. He’s a famous college basketball coach. Bobby Knight is given to what commentaries on the Old Testament refer to as "ebullitions of wrath." Maybe you’ve seen some of Bobby’s ebullitions on display in television news clips: Coach Knight hurling a molded plastic chair the length of a basketball court; Coach Knight, displeased, putting a straight-arm Darth Vader chokehold on one of his own players. Time and again the question has been asked, “Does this guy need a course in anger management?” I think we know the answer to that one.
And at Texas Tech, where Knight is presently the coach, his sudden outpouring of emotion has reached a new level. Texas Tech chancellor David Smith said he was complimenting Bob Knight when the coach came "charging up behind me furious with fists clenched," during a public confrontation at, of all places, an upscale grocery store.
Chancellor Smith said, "I expressed…that despite some tough losses I especially wanted to commend him on how he handled the last few weeks and in particular the student section at the University of Texas game." "His demeanor…changed drastically. With a red face his response was curt and angry as he responded, ’I always handle things well, and have always handled things well.’ "
Compare Knights track record with an amazing story I read by a sportswriter at the retirement of a university baseball team’s head coach. This coach, while winning 1,466 games, 22 conference championships, and 2 national titles, was never ejected from a game by an umpire. A former player described his coach as "a legend, a winner, but above everything else, he’s a gentleman, on and off the field."
That tribute made me stop and consider my behavior in the game of life. Amid daily pressures and confrontations, how do I react to people at home, at work, or on the highway? Are my words and actions consistent with my profession of faith in Christ?
It’s clear from Scripture that God places great value on self-control: In Prov. 16:32 we read "He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city." A patient person receives greater commendation than a powerful warrior. A person whose temper is under control rates higher marks than a conquering hero.
One fruit of the Holy Spirit listed in Galatians 5:23 is “self-control. That virtue enables us to stay composed when anger flares all around us. And that’s one of the most important victories we could ever win.
The apostle Paul has already given us one lesson on anger. But it seems to be such a crucial issue that he is going to single this vice out as one that needs extra attention and work. And if you are looking for an example of someone who is angry and sins not and who is perfect in love, then look no further than our Father God. For those of us who are followers of Christ, Paul wants us to be just like our Father. But how can we be just like our Father?
1.Being Just Like Our Father Means Getting Rid of Anger (4:31)
Paul’s already mentioned anger in chapter 4:26. Now he’s going to paint a more complete picture by giving us five different aspects of anger.
Get rid of all…
A. Bitterness
The word Paul uses here for bitterness is from the Greek word “pikros” and it was used to describe something that was “pointed” or “sharp.” It was used to describe an arrow that caused sharp, penetrating pain. This word occurs four times in the NT and always describes an underlying attitude of bitterness and resentment from which anger springs. Aristotle portrayed “pikros” as “the attitude that creates a lasting wrath that is hard to reconcile and sustains anger for a long time.” It harbors resentment about the past. It is a spirit of animosity that makes a person sour and venomous.
When we become consumed by bitterness we allow our hurt to become hate. We allow what is eating us to eat us up. When we allow bitterness to furrow deep down into our souls, we in essence stoke and feed and fan the fire of our anger, stirring its flames and reliving our pain.
One person I read this week was talking about growing up as a child in a rural community that specialized in growing tobacco. Their first summer job was to weed the crop, and most of the time he and his fellow workers would walk the seemingly endless rows with a hoe, scuffing out weeds in relative comfort. But sooner or later when they got close to the fence, they ran into thistles—hundreds and hundreds of these little thistles. They looked harmless enough, but you couldn’t scuff them out with a hoe; you had to get down on your knees and pull those prickly little things out by the roots. So many times these workers thought it would be far easier to just those thistles stay there. After all, they weren’t very big. But the wise farmer knew if they left them until harvest time, that whoever reached down to get a handful of tobacco would come away with a palm full of thorns.
You know, bitterness is a lot like those little thistles. We can push away hurts and pains, but the only way to get rid of bitterness is to fall to our knees and root it out through prayerful dependence on God. That’s where the real hard work is done, but if you and I leave a little bitterness in our hearts, it grows until it does real damage to someone. (Citation: Alan Beck, Souris, Preaching Today)
So get rid of bitterness. Second, Paul tells us to be like our Father we must get rid of all…
B. Rage
This is the Greek word, “thumos” and is an anger that boils up. This word has to do with wild rage, the passion of the moment. This is a violent outburst of temper. This word is really synonymous with the third aspect of inappropriate anger that that Paul says we must get rid of and that is the word…
C. Anger
This is the Greek word “orga” and if there is any difference between what the NIV translates rage and the word anger it is that “orga” is a more internal smoldering, a subtle and deep feeling. It is a more settled and abiding form of anger. Now interestingly, both of these words that are translated rage and anger are words that are used in multiple passages of Scripture to describe God’s anger. For instance, Romans 1:18, “The wrath of God (the “orga” of God) is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness.”
Remember Paul says in Ephesians 4:26 to “be angry and sin not.” Again, this is a reminder that it is possible to be angry at the things God gets angry at and do so in the right way. But the very fact that Paul is coming back again to this issue of anger I think indicates that you and I have a tough time not only being angry at the right things, but expressing that anger in the right way. So often our anger is not positive anger, but poisonous. So Paul moves on and says get rid of all…
D. Brawling
Interesting word, because this is the only time it’s used in the NT in a negative way. It’s translated in other NT passages as “shouting” that announces good news (Matt. 25:6; Luke 1:42). It was used in a negative way in the Greek world to describe someone who was screaming and showed a lack of restraint. And in this present context it can illustrate abusive language, even cursing. This is a shout or outcry that reveals a loss of control.
And the last word that Paul uses in reference to our anger is the word…
E. Slander
This word is the Greek word “blasphamia” from which we get our word “blasphemy”, and means the ongoing defamation of someone, through lies or gossip, that comes from a bitter heart.
Paul then puts the word malice, the general term for evil that is the root of all vices.
These are the kind of sins that break fellowship and destroy relationships. This poisonous anger weakens the church and spoils its testimony before the world. When an unbeliever sees Christians acting just like the rest of society, the church is stained in their eyes and he can so easily engage in self-justification as to why they want nothing to do with this God or Church business.
If we are going to be like our heavenly Father, we must get rid of all types of unacceptable anger. But so often why I think we struggle with anger is because we get this implicit message, “Just stop it” and we try to remove it, but we never replace it with something good. But not only does being like our Father mean getting rid of anger…
2. Being Just Like Our Father Means Practicing Love (4:32-5:2)
So, stop practicing bitterness, rage, anger, brawling and slander. But don’t just stop doing these things, start practicing…
A. Kindness – Being unconditionally kind characterizes the Lord, as Luke 6:35 (b) shows: “For he himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men.” Paul speaks of the “riches of his kindness . . . that leads to repentance” in Romans 2:4. And we are called to be kind to others. But unlike our Father, this does not come naturally and can’t be produced from our own strength. It is a fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22) and will only come from a life that is yielded to God and His agenda. If want to live lives of love, we must be kind people because love is not communicated in the big event but in the small acts of kindness. I agree with William Barclay when he wrote “More people have been brought into the church by the kindness of real Christian love than by all the theological arguments in the world, and more people have been driven from the church by the hardness and ugliness of so-called Christianity than by all the doubts in the world.” (Citation: William Barclay, Leadership, Vol. 9, no. 3.)
Transition: Another word that Paul uses to describe the love we are to practice is the word…
B. Compassion ~ This word carries the idea of being tender-hearted, and reflects a feeling deep in the bottom of our stomach, a sort of empathetic pain connected to someone else’s need.
C. Forgiveness ~ This is not the normal word used in the NT for forgiveness. But this word that Paul uses is so rich because it highlights the gracious delivery of something that is not deserved.
Illustration: Psychologists are studying what makes people happy. "Materialism is toxic for happiness," says University of Illinois psychologist Ed Diener. Even rich materialists aren’t as happy as those who care less about getting and spending. The article also quoted University of Michigan psychologist Christopher Peterson, who indicated forgiveness is the trait most strongly linked to happiness. Peterson said, "It’s the queen of all virtues, and probably the hardest to come by." (Citation: Marilyn Elias, "Psychologists now know what makes people happy," USA Today (12-9-02)
It’s hard to come by because it is not our natural inclination to forgive and we also misunderstand what forgiveness really is. To help us understand the nature of true forgiveness, let’s clear up some common misunderstandings about forgiveness. Perhaps we can find out more about what forgiveness is by explaining what it is not. Forgiveness is not…
*Forgetting ~ We can’t deny our pain and hope that it will go away with the passing of time. Deep hurts can rarely be wiped out of one’s awareness.
* Condoning ~ We can’t say, “Nothing that bad happened” or “It was only this one time. It won’t happen again.”
* Excusing ~ To forgive does not mean I have the attitude, “The person did this because...it wasn’t really their responsibility.” We must take the offence seriously and not think it just inconsequential or insignificant. Never whitewash wrong. Nothing that whitewashes evil can be right.
* Reconciliation ~ This takes two people, but a person who has been wronged can forgive an offender without reconciliation. Forgiveness does lay the groundwork for and creates the opportunity for the reunion of two people, but it is not synonymous with reconciliation.
* Pardoning ~ Forgiveness is not a legal transaction that releases the offender from the penalty of their sin. Rather it is a personal transaction that releases the offended from the offense.
What is forgiveness? Strong, healthful and effective forgiveness requires six steps.
* Acknowledge and Admit Your Hurts ~ You need to have a clear picture of exactly what should be forgiven. You need to grieve the pain you have experienced and ask to experience a fresh dose of God’s sufficient grace.
* Commit to Forgiveness ~ Forgiveness must be maintained against the intrusions of the past. Don’t wait to “feel” forgiving because with every hour you wait, bitterness is festering.
* Be Prepared to Yield ~ Forgiving is not forgetting, but it does mean yielding your right to lash back. “Vengeance is mine,” says the Lord. In part, that’s because God’s much better at it than we could ever be.
* Be Open To Relationship ~ Don’t carry a grudge. It is right to seek appropriate reconciliation with the offender. But remember, reconciliation is a two way street.
* Confess and Confront ~ When contact is possible, it is beneficial to sit down and work through the issues by recognizing your anger, grieving the losses and forgiving.
* Put it Behind ~ As hard as it is, you must relinquish your bitterness. The anger may not be resolved and certainly not forgotten, but an issue forgiven is an issue at rest.
There’s a story about a traveler making his way with a guide through the jungles of Burma. They came to a shallow but wide river and waded through it to the other side. When the traveler came out of the river, numerous leeches had attached to his torso and legs. His first instinct was to grab them and pull them off.
This guide stopped him, warning that pulling the leeches off would only leave tiny pieces of them under the skin. Eventually, infection would set in. The best way to rid the body of the leeches, the guide advised, was to bathe in a warm balsam bath for several minutes. This would soak the leeches, and soon they would release their hold on the man’s body.
When another person has significantly injured me, I cannot simply yank the injury from myself and expect that all bitterness, malice, and emotion will be gone. Resentment still hides under the surface. The only way to become truly free of the offense and to forgive others is to bathe in the soothing bath of God’s forgiveness of me. When I finally fathom the extent of God’s love in Jesus Christ, forgiveness of others is a natural outflow. (Citation: Gary Preston, Character Forged from Conflict - Bethany, 1999)
Transition: That’s why Paul tells us at the end of v.32 that we are to forgive just as in Christ God forgave (us). So here is the highest motivation for this command to love. What God has done “in Christ” for us provides both the model and the basis of our obedience. So, what happens as a result of our practicing love through kindness, compassion and forgiveness?
The word that is used here for imitators ("mimatas") is the term from which we get mimic, someone who copies specific characteristics of another person. They say that imitation is the highest form of flattery, but in this case, imitation of God is the highest form of allegiance and love. As imitators of God, we are to imitate God’s characteristics, and above all his love.
How can I pull that off? Well, first of all, we can’t love in the way God does unless we are secure in our relationship with Him. There is no coincidence that Paul, when he says, Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children uses the word “agahpata.” In classical times, this word “beloved” was used in reference to contented children, particularly to an only child to whom parents had devoted all of their love. In other words, because that only child had received so much love, that child had this amazing security of being loved and was thus real secure in that relationship. God loves you and God loves me as if there was only one of us to love. That’s how powerful His love is and I believe that our ability to be kind and compassionate and forgiving is directly related to our relationship with our Papa, our Father God.
How do I love others with such security? That is when we go back to the truth of Ephesians 3:16, 19 - - we need “to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in the inner man” in order to “be filled up to all the fullness of God”. The only way we can become imitators of God is for the Lord Jesus Christ to live his perfect life through us. We are totally dependent on his Spirit to become like him. We must daily submit to the controlling influence of the Spirit.
Think with me just how powerful this love is that we are called to imitate. We’ve already learned that it’s a forgiving love, but notice also that it is a giving love. This is the God who has given us all things. But it’s one thing to give us things; it’s entirely something else to give us himself. God gave us His own Son as a sacrifice for our sins.
I’ve seen marriages that we on the rocks when a husband begins to give his grocery list of things he’s done for a wife that can never be satisfied. I’ve given you everything a woman could ever ask for - - a nice house, beautiful cars, nice vacations, trendy clothes” and on the list goes. But how painful is it when the wife says, “Yes, you’ve given me a lot of nice things, but you’ve never given me yourself.”
Our Father God, through giving us His unique, precious Son Jesus, shows us that what people are most drawn to is giving of ourselves to others. But what holds us back so much is that we are standing, with our arms crossed, waiting for someone else to give to us first. God is calling for us to rest secure in His deep love for us so that we are able to give to others without demanding they ever give back in return.
But that’s not like the love of Christ here in v.2. He gave himself up - - Christ is the One who took the initiative in handing over his life. He freely obeyed the Fathers’ will and went to the cross as a willing victim on our behalf.
And this was no ordinary sacrifice, friends. Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. ~ These two terms, offering and sacrifice include all kinds of sacrifices that were offered in the OT, sacrifices like the grain offering and animal offering. This offering and sacrifice would fulfill all the sacrifices in the OT. And this once-for-all sacrifice was a fragrant aroma; it was well pleasing to God because Christ willingly offered himself up the Father on our behalf.
Friends, this is the wonderful life of love that God has called us to. And you and I will thrive on this earth only as we live a life of love on this earth. The answer is love. We are made for love because God is love. When he created us in his own image, he gave us the capacity to love and to be loved. So human beings find their destiny in loving God and in loving their neighbors.
But here’s the dilemma - - to truly love (to live a life of compassion and kindness and forgiveness) is a real risk, and some of you today get sick to your stomach just thinking about jumping out of your little bowl, your little world that revolves around you and a safe relationship or two - - and diving into the ocean of Christlike, sacrificial love. What is your choice? Well, I can’t say it any better than C.S. Lewis does in “The Four Loves.”
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to be sure of keeping your heart intact—you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries, avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safely in the casket of your selfishness. And in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will not change, it will not be broken. It will become unbreakable, impenetrable and irredeemable. The only place outside of heaven where you can be perfectly safe from the dangers of love is hell." (C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves)
And I believe the most powerful question that I can ask each of us today is, “Are you and I really willing to stop just talking about loving each other and make the sacrifices God is calling us to in order to really love each other?
May the Spirit search our hearts and draw us so gently to our Father God as we live lives of love that are fragrant offerings and sacrifices to Him.
