WHEN THE CORD IS TORN
Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Joined basically means "cling to" or "stick to," the same word is used in Deuteronomy 11:22 when the Jews were commanded to "stick to" or "hold fast to" the Lord. This was part of their covenant with God.
God is a covenant God – no relationship can reach its full potential until the possibility of betrayal, rejection or separation has been eliminated – the more we fear these areas the less we will give ourselves to “Building Relationships”
There are four basic levels of relationship we are seen in different types of relationship:
Different types of relationship
Friends - Family - Marriage - Church
Four basic levels of relationship
Carnally Based – to fulfill a carnal desire – finance, sex, promotion or other self-benefit
Consumer Minded – has an outward appearance of being more committed but the thought is as long as the benefit is available I’m willing to pay a price for it
Conditionally Committed – has an appearance of being committed but there spoken or unspoken conditions of abandonment
Covenant – total assuming the flesh has been cut away
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
The Cord = a twisted fiber used to bind or secure – to interlace – to pledge – Isaiah 33:20
The place were we see the symbolism of the scarlet cord the clearest was in the tabernacle. If you remember what the tabernacle looked like, you might remember that throughout the tabernacle, its walls, its curtains, its embroidered cherubim, its clothing for the priests - throughout it all, there was interwoven scarlet thread. To the Israelites, the scarlet thread interwoven throughout the tabernacle, along with the repeated ceremonies of sacrifice were for them symbols of covenant, of their agreement with God, sealed through the shedding of blood that their sins were forgiven and they were God’s very own people.
It was for good reason that the spies in Joshua, who were about to be let down by a scarlet rope to escape from the city, insisted that the sign of their covenant agreement with Rahab, to save her and her family, would be the sign of that scarlet rope hanging out of her window. They were giving what Rahab had demanded, a sure sign, the covenant was sealed. Having made the agreement with the spies, Rahab quickly tied the rope so that it hung out of her window, a visible witness to an agreement made. She would have to trust that rope, that it would secure her future because of that agreement.
• CORDS SPEAK OF TRUST THROUGH COVENANT Joshua 2:15 Then she let them down by a cord through the window: for her house was upon the town wall, and she dwelt upon the wall.
• CORDS ARE A COVENANT OF LOVE Hosea 11:4 I drew them with gentle cords, with bands of love, and I was to them as those who take the yoke from their neck. I stooped and fed them.
• CORDS SPEAK OF A BINDING COVENANT THROUGH SACRIFICE Psalm 118:27 God is the LORD, And He has given us light; Bind the sacrifice with cords to the horns of the altar.
• CORDS LENGTHENED ARE THE COVENANT OF GOD RECEIVED BY FAITH Isaiah 54:2 “Enlarge the place of your tent, and let them stretch out the curtains of your dwellings; Do not spare; Lengthen your cords, and strengthen your stakes.
• CORDS DESCRIBE THE EVERLASTING COVENANT Isaiah 33:20 Look upon Zion, the city of our appointed feasts; your eyes will see Jerusalem, a quiet home, a tabernacle that will not be taken down; not one of its stakes will ever be removed, nor will any of its cords be broken.
The Benefits of Covenant Relationship
FRUITFULNESS Ecclesiastes 4:9 Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.
CARING Ecclesiastes 4:10 For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.
SECURITY Ecclesiastes 4:11 Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone?
Dark nights and cold winds will still blow regardless of how close and harmonious you are as a family, so you need to draw near to one another when times of crisis come. Crisis usually will serve to draw families together or push them apart, all depending upon the degree to which they have learned that they are loved and can find comfort together.
STRENGTH Ecclesiastes 4:12 And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.
People that stand together against the constant threats of society and the attacks of the enemy are far less likely to be overpowered. Christ has promised that where two or three gather together in His name, He will be there in their midst.
RELATIONSHIPS SATAN”S GREATEST ATTACK
Genesis 3:7-10 Sin produced guilt, shame, fear and blame – resulting in mistrust of others and broken relationships
Schedules: The trend of the past 20-30 years has been for each member of the family to run off in different directions, by having a high rate of two income families; daycare centers abound for preschoolers and after school care; extra-curricular activities send parents scurrying to maintain the frantic schedules of their kids; many high school kids have their own cars and jobs...and everyone is constantly on the run!
Compartmentalized Living: People separate what they do from what they believe with increasing regularity.
Cultural Indoctrination: With the media advocating a non-Christian worldview and an educational establishment that promotes the same, is it any wonder that the biblical perspective on life is losing ground.
WHEN THE CORD IS TORN THERE IS
FUTILITY Ecclesiastes 4:9 Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.
In contrast, if they are not together, their labor becomes futile instead of producing a good return. Relationships that struggle fail to generate any good return for their labors and end up negating the labors of one another as they compete and fight against each other...they nullify the work of each other.
LONELINESS Ecclesiastes 4:10 For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.
When there is no one there to pick you up when you fall, when people have drifted apart and allowed apathy and indifference to separate one from another, the result is a loneliness How tragic to be alone in the midst of a family, knowing that no one cares about what you are dealing with, how you are hurting, or even what gives you joy!
ANXIETY Ecclesiastes 4:11 Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? (NASB)
How harsh life can be when there is no one who loves you enough to draw you close and warm you with genuine affection until the storm passes by.
VULNERABILITY Ecclesiastes 4:12 And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart. (NASB)
WHAT TO DO? REPAIR THE TEAR
DECLARE A STATE OF EMERGENCY
When you first recognize that your family is at risk and that the cord has been torn, or has begun to unravel, that is the time to act. Too many families have been lost because its members did not take the first signs of disintegration seriously and allowed a gradual deterioration to get out of hand. If your marriage is showing signs of the cord tearing apart, what could possibly be more important than putting things back together?
DETERMINE A COURSE OF ACTION
Admit there is a tear in the cord - acknowledge that there is a problem.
Locate the cause of the tear – selfishness, anger, withdrawal, unfaithfulness, greed Immorality, ambition, words, unforgiveness, no leadership, past Etc
Assess the damage done by the tear - we need to understand that when we tear at the cord of unity, many people are impacted, injured, influenced by what we have done.
Take steps to make amends for the damage - seeking forgiveness is obviously a first step (as is offering forgiveness, even when it is not sought).Restoring what was broken or lost is not always possible but to the extent that you can do so, making restitution should accompany a request for forgiveness. Build bridges, mend fences, demonstrate love and kindness, selflessly serve them, and restore the foundations of trust by steadfast faithfulness.
Do what it takes to get rid of it - most people will admit the problem and quickly assign the blame, but not commit themselves to do what it takes to work on the solution. Repent? Remove a stumbling block? Make restitution? Seek counsel, or instruction?
Be patient while the strands re-unite - Usually the strands did not wear through and get torn overnight nor will they be re-united overnight. You will have to be patient and allow the wounds to heal, the breach to close and the strands intertwine once again. Do not give up or lose hope or lose heart while God repairs what has been torn!
Rejoice in your restoration! Christ must be the strand the binds all the others together. If He is pushed to the side or in other ways neglected, all that binds your household together will begin to come apart.
WE AT FOUNTAIN GATE CHURCH ARE COMMITTED TO
1. Building each other up – Hebrews 10:24 And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works,
2. Recognizing the value of every person – 2 Corinthians 5:16 Therefore, from now on, we regard no one according to the flesh. Romans 15:7 Therefore receive one another, just as Christ also received us, to the glory of God
Now some of our family may be obnoxious; they may be immature; they may be disagreeable, but Christ died for them. And don’t forget that! When you start to get upset with someone in your church, just remember: Christ died for that person. That shows how valuable and important he or she is to God.
3. Stay focused on what’s really important - Romans 14:16, 17 Therefore do not let your good be spoken of as evil; for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit
By focusing on the things that are internal – eternally important – we can then put up with a lot of external quirks, faults and faux pas.
4. Not insisting everyone agrees - Romans 14:22 Do you have faith? Have it to yourself before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves.
Do you ever think, if you don’t say it to another person in our church, “Believe as I believe, think as I think, drink as I drink, do as I do. Be like me! Only then can I fellowship with you.”
Paul says, on these disputable matters; keep them between you and the Lord.
Romans 12:18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men there are some who will be upset no matter what you do. You’ll never be able to please them. Paul says, God even admits there are some people you can’t get along with! In that case, it’s not so much your problem as it is theirs.
5. Accepting one another - Romans 15:7 Therefore receive one another, just as Christ also received us, to the glory of God.
How did Christ accept us? Unconditionally, non-judgmentally, no one’s acceptance is based on performance!
6. Realizing change is going to come but takes time - No church will ever be perfect, but it can be healthy.
Psalm 68:6 God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.
What God has put together, let no man tear apart!
