Last week, we discussed the foundation of great, built-to-last relationships. It’s unselfish, unconditional love.
But it’s one thing to talk about this love – but what does it look like in real life? How does this REAL love ACT? Well, we’re going to look at several ways it acts and DOESN’T act today. . .
NEW KING JAMES
4 ¶ Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;
NEW LIVING TRANSLATION
4. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud
LOVE IS PATIENT:
Do husbands ever need patience? Just before I moved here, I was at work, and a song came on the radio. . . it was called “Work In Progress”, and part of the verse went like this:
“I’m sorry I got mad, waiting out in the truck/
But it seemed like hours, you gettin’ all dressed up/
Just to go to Shoney’s on a Wednesday night.”
But to be fair, the chorus ends with these words:
“I even asked the Lord to try to help me/
He looked down from heaven, said to tell you please/
Just be patient – I’m a work in progress.”
(Alan Jackson, Work in Progress)
If you’ve been married over two weeks, you know that BOTH the husband and the wife need patience.
I found this poem while I was doing research for this sermon:
Patience is a virtue,
Possess it if you can.
Found seldom in a woman,
Never in a man.
Now, wait a minute! That’s discrimination!
It’s easy to sit here and talk about patience here in a church where husbands and wives aren’t in the middle of paying bills or disciplining kids or discussing the in-laws. . . but patience isn’t just for here in church!!
What about next time you get angry with your spouse?
What about the next time THEY are not acting patiently toward you?
I suggest that THOSE are the times when patience is needed MOST of all!!!
Fosdick points out that no one treated Lincoln with more contempt than did Stanton. He called him "a low cunning clown", he nicknamed him "the original gorilla" and said that Du Chaillu was a fool to wander about Africa trying to capture a gorilla when he could have found one so easily at Springfield, Illinois. Lincoln said nothing.
Lincoln made Stanton his war minister because he was the best man for the job and he treated him with every courtesy. The years wore on. The night came when the assassin’s bullet murdered Lincoln in the theatre. In the little room to which the President’s body was taken stood that same Stanton, and, looking down on Lincoln’s silent face, he said through his tears, "There lies the greatest ruler of men the world has ever seen." The patience of love had conquered in the end.
Let me give you several tips to help you in developing patience:
1. Remember that no one is perfect – including you!
2. Remember how much you need others to be patient with you.
3. When you have a smart comment, don’t say it.
4. Practice NOT interrupting – even if they do.
5. Seek first to understand, THEN to be understood.
This didn’t really happen of course, but if it had. . .
How many of you would go to that doctor? OF COURSE NOT! I’d be frustrated – because he didn’t take the TIME necessary to understand my problem! I’d never go back to a doctor like that. . .
But how often do we as husbands (and guys, usually we are the worst at this!) listen for 30 seconds, do a quick diagnosis, and then give our “Mr. Fix-it” advice?
That’s why this last one is HUGE in the developing of patience! If you can do that, you’ll be a large step closer to developing the part of real LOVE that is patient!!!
LOVE IS KIND:
What is kindness? Kindness is actively showing your love by treating the other person gently, whether they deserve it or not.
Simple Kindness is powerful! Alexander Maclaren once said, “If you want to win the world, melt it, do not hammer it.” The same could be said of your wife. . . simple kindness will do more for her than a million times of hitting her with a verbal hammer – EVEN IF YOU ARE RIGHT!!!
Kindness is a POWERFUL thing! But how can we develop kindness. I know that some people had a background where they never received kindness from their father – I know that really makes it difficult to give that kindness! Someone said, “When the only tool in your box is a hammer, you tend to see everything as a nail! However, I am convinced that kindness can be developed!
Tips for developing Kindness:
1. Make a habit of thinking of your mate’s feelings.
It may seem like I’m hitting the men hardest here today – but honestly, guys. . . we don’t naturally do this. But I KNOW this: If you set aside 15 minutes at the beginning of the week, and ask yourself, “What would make him/her feel special this week?” it will begin to revolutionize your relationship.
2. Double-check to make sure you’re giving kindness in the way that they receive it best.
Have you ever seen someone who gave kindness by staying at the office late to make more money for his wife, when all she really wanted was an evening at home so she could talk to him? Or have you ever seen someone who gave gifts to their spouse, when they really wanted to hear “I love you?” Or have you ever seen a woman that always fixed the husband’s favorite meals, when he really wanted to know his hard work was appreciated instead?
Kindness is thinking of them FIRST – sometimes, that means communicating love in a way that wouldn’t be our first choice!
Recommended book: The Five Love Languages
3. When you feel angry with your mate, deliberately treat them more gently than you feel like.
LOVE DOES NOT ENVY:
The basic idea here is you don’t dislike it when someone has more than you have.
Now, I know that usually, we don’t envy our mates in terms of their MONEY – we share that. We don’t envy their promotions – it benefits us both. We don’t envy their furniture or their car or their house – because we both own it.
So how does this apply to marriages?
Here’s an interesting thought. *Don’t raise your hand on this one*. Has anyone ever thought, “I wish they’d just treat ME like I treat THEM!” ??!!
For instance:
• “I work hard ALL day, and come home, and THIS is the welcome I get??! Dirty house, squalling kids, and a grumpy wife?
• OR: “I give him a back rub, fix supper for him every day, and compliment him often, and the best thing he can say about this outfit is ‘Yeah, it’s fine??!’”
The danger in marriage is not that we’ll covet the other person’s money. . . it’s more likely that we’ll covet the APPRECIATION or the TREATMENT that we feel like we give.
Now, I don’t know if there’s anyone here like that or not. . . let me just say this: “Built to last” love — True love – is not so concerned about it’s own rights! It’s more concerned with the other person than with self!
LOVE IS NOT BOASTFUL OR PROUD:
Does pride ever get in the way of marriages?
Have you ever seen a husband or wife or a friend who was:
• Too proud to say “I’m sorry.”
• Too proud to say “I was wrong.”
• So proud that they said, “I told you so.”
• So proud that they won’t let an argument go, because that would mean losing!
Pride is a very sneaky thing – Ben Franklin said, “If I ever conquer pride, I think I would then be proud of my humility.”
I once heard a story about an Amish farmer who bought a new pair of overalls. Of course, the Amish are famous for their simplicity, and trying to avoid pride. As he put on his new overalls and looked in the mirror, he said, “Oh, this will never do! I’ll be proud in these!” So he removed the new overalls and put on the patched, worn, and dirty ones. He stood again in front of the mirror and said, “Ahh, you’d look good in anything!”
Pride is sneaky – and it’s not the way real love acts. It will sneak up on you.
1 Tip for avoiding pride in your marriage
—> Ask yourself: Why am I doing this?
Pride will eventually kill your marriage, if you don’t realize why you do what you do, and make the appropriate changes.
You heard about the general in the Civil War who was standing up walking around? One of his men said to him, “Sir, I don’t think it’s wise to be standing up!”
The general said, “Ahhh – They couldn’t hit an elephant at this dist. . . . . .”
Pride will sneak up on you and hurt your marriage!
HANDOUT
♥ Built to Last - Part II ♥
How True Love Does (and Doesn’t) Act - Part 1I Corinthians 13:4 “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud.”
LOVE IS ____________:
Tips for Developing Patience:
1. Remember that no one is _______________ – including you!
2. Remember how much you need others to be ___________ with you.
3. When you have a smart comment, _________ _________ _______.
4. Practice NOT ___________________ – even if they do.
5. Seek first to _______________, THEN to be __________________. Remember, you wouldn’t go to a doctor who didn’t take time to understand the problem!
LOVE IS ______________:
Kindness is treating the other person ___________, whether they deserve it or not.
“If you want to win the world, ________ it, don’t _____________ it.”
Tips for developing Kindness:
1. Make a habit of thinking of your mate’s _____________.
2. Double-check to make sure you’re giving kindness the way that they ______________ it best.
Have you ever seen someone who:
• Stayed at the office late to make more money for his wife, when all she really wanted was an evening at home so she could talk to him?
• Gave gifts to their spouse, when she really wanted to hear “I love you?”
• Always fixed the husband’s favorite meals, when he really wanted to know his hard work was appreciated instead?
Kindness sometimes means communicating love in a way that wouldn’t be our first choice!
Recommended books:
The Five Love __________________ ~ By Dr. Gary Chapman
His Needs, Her Needs ~ Willard F. Harley, Jr.
3. When you feel angry with your mate, deliberately treat them _________ ___________ than you feel like.
LOVE IS NOT ______________:
The basic idea here is you don’t ______________ it when someone has more than you have.
For instance:
• “I work hard ALL day, and come home, and THIS is the welcome I get??! Dirty house, squalling kids, and a grumpy wife?
• OR: “I give him a back rub, fix supper for him every day, and compliment him often, and the best thing he can say about this outfit is ‘Yeah, it’s fine??!’”
True love welcomes the opportunity to give without expecting ______________ in return! False love gets ______________ when it gives and doesn’t receive back.
LOVE IS NOT __________:
Have you ever seen a husband or wife or a friend who was:
• Too proud to say “I’m sorry.”
• Too proud to say “I was wrong.”
• So proud that they said, “I told you so.”
• So proud that they won’t let an argument go, because that would mean losing!
To avoid Pride in your marriage: Ask yourself: “_______ am I doing this?”
