Connect the Dots
Keys to Continuing the Connection
11/12/03
I. Introduction
In a seminary Missions class, Herbert Jackson told how, as a new missionary, he was assigned a car that would not start without a push. After pondering his problem, he devised a plan. He went to the school near his home, got permission to take some children out of class, and had them push his car off. As he made his rounds, he would either park on a hill or leave the engine running. He used this ingenious procedure for two years.
Ill health forced the Jackson family to leave, and a new missionary came to that station. When Jackson proudly began to explain his arrangement for getting the car started, the new man began looking under the hood. Before the explanation was complete, the new missionary interrupted, "Why, Dr. Jackson, I believe the only trouble is this loose cable." He gave the cable a twist, stepped into the car, pushed the switch, and to Jackson’s astonishment, the engine roared to life. For two years needless trouble had become routine. The power was there all the time. Only a loose connection kept Jackson from putting that power to work.
We have to understand that there’s power in connections. And if we fail to make connections, or if we have faulty connections, we’ll never experience the power in the way it was meant to be experienced. We’ll continue to go through life just pushing ourselves off or parking on a hill or leaving the engine going and running out of gas. Connections with people are important. In fact, they’re vital to the growth of our organization!
And tonight, we’re continuing to talk about this issue. Last week we talked about how to make a “friend” connection. And in review we mentioned that connections don’t just happen and that it’s our job to make the first move in introducing ourselves. We said that we must remember people’s names. We have to ask questions, we can’t just sit there and be silent and expect a connection to happen, and we can’t talk their ear off and expect a connection to happen. The key is in asking questions to open and deepen the conversation. And then we said that we have to be interested in the person and who they are. It’s not about interviewing the person to find out their hobbies and interests so we can check off the questions on our list. It’s about being genuinely interested and caring about someone. And then we have to find the common ground. What do I have in common with this person? How can I include him/her in what I enjoy or what our group is doing?
Tonight we’re going to dig a little bit deeper on this issue of connections and we’ll learn some keys to continuing the connection!
II. The Process of Connecting
In order for us to continue the connection, we first have to understand that getting connected is a process. After the first time we’ve met someone, we can’t automatically assume that we’re connected.
Imagine this: I walk into the Lodge, and notice a new face. So I politely walk up and introduce myself. What’s up, man! I’m Pastor Nate, what’s your name? “Joe.” So, Joe, how’d you hear about our youth group? “My cousin brought me.” Cool, so where do you go to school? “Greenbrier High.” How long have you had braces? “Two years.” Yeah, man, I used to have braces, I guess we got something in common, huh? See ya, Joe. Then I walk off because I’ve done my job, and now we’re connected, right? Not exactly.
So there’s more to making connections than just doing those first steps I talked about last week.
Connecting with people takes time. It’s not like an electrical cord that we can plug into an outlet and poof we’re connected. It’s not like plugging this speaker cable into this speaker and bam we’re connected. It’s not like having a cable modem and with the click of a mouse, wowsers we’re connected. It’s going to take some time.
Getting connected with people is more like connect the dots. We’re going to give you some dots to connect. And in this process you move from one number to the next, drawing lines from the first number to the next consecutive number. And this takes some time, but as you go through this process, you begin to see a picture taking shape, and before long, you may recognize what the picture is going to look like, and the next thing you know, you’ve connected all of the dots and you have a vision of the BIG picture.
And in connecting with people, you’ll go through this process of time and energy, and you’ll begin to see a picture taking shape of who this person is and why this person is here, and before long, you may recognize what this person is about and begin to understand his personality, and the next thing you know, you’ve formed a connection with this person, and you have a vision of the BIG picture of how your lives intertwine together for an overall purpose.
III. What Do You Have To Offer?
Ephesians 4:16 (NIV) “16From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.”
Ephesians 4:16 (NKJV) “16from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.
That word joined can be defined as connected, so that we can come up with a paraphrase that says, “From Christ the whole body of believers, connected and held together by what each person brings to the table, grows and builds itself up in love, as each person does his share.”
Connections are formed and held together by what each person has to offer. A connection can’t be formed if one person is unwilling to do his part. If I tried to join two pieces of Velcro together, and one piece is turned away from the connection, I can try as hard as I can to get these two pieces to connect and stick together, but it’ll never happen. But when both pieces are faced toward each other, then the connection can be made and the two pieces are stuck until someone rips them apart. Well, if one person is unwilling to form the connection, then it won’t happen and you can try as hard as you can and you still won’t be able to force it, but if you have two willing people, the connection can be made and held together because they’re both willing to bring their supply.
So, in every connection, there must be willingness from both people. And each person must have something to offer, be it friendship, a listening ear, advice, fun, love, joy, or something else. So what do you have to offer? What can you offer someone to spark and continue a connection? If your answer is nothing, you’re wrong, because everybody has something to offer.
IV. Connection Keys
I’m going to give you some keys to continuing the connection. This is what happens after I’ve introduced myself, remembered his name, asked a few questions and was interested, and I’ve found something in common.
Now, the first key is this:
1. Look for Opportunities
When you’ve got your eyes open and on the lookout for opportunities, you’ll be more aware of how you can include this person in your world. For example, Get Real is having an event coming up, the Turkey Bowl. Well, you just met Bill who enjoys any and all sports. So, the next time I see Bill, I’ll make it a point to invite him to the Turkey Bowl, better yet, I’ll call him because that’s another opportunity to take the connection to the next level. So, I get on the horn. “Yo, Bill, it’s Nate Dogg from Get Real Youth Ministry at Good News Church. You know how we were talking about sports the other night and maybe getting together to play sometime? “Yeah.” Well, my youth group is having this deal called the Turkey Bowl, which is basically a youth vs. adult football game, up at Riverview Park next Saturday at 1:00 pm. I thought maybe you could come out and play on our team, dude. “Yeah, man, sounds like fun.”
So there you have another opportunity to continue the connection. And Get Real events aren’t the only opportunities that come your way. Maybe somebody hooked you up with 4 tickets to the hockey game. You don’t particularly like hockey, but you like going out with your friends, so you give a couple of your girls a call, and you still have one ticket left. Then you remember that you just met Holly at church last Sunday, so you decide to call her up and invite her to come with ya’ll. There’s an opportunity to continue the connection.
Maybe you found out that somebody that came to church on a Sunday goes to your school, so look for that opportunity when you see her in the hall to at least say “Hey” and if you’re really bold, strike up a conversation and invite them back on Wednesday. Keep your eyes peeled for opportunities like that to continue the connection.
2. Connections Take Courage
Any time you try to make a connection with people, it’s going to take courage. A lot of people fear the unknown. And what’s more unknown than this mysterious person that’s never been here before? We don’t know his background. We don’t know where she’s from. She looks different than us. He seems kind of weird. All these things pop in our heads because we fear the unknown. And it’s even scarier if we’re the least bit shy. I mean, when I was younger, I was scared to call the pizza guy. I’d starve to death before I talked to a stranger on the phone.
But if we’re going to make connections, we’re going to have to overcome that fear.
Another reason connections take courage is because we’re scared to try something new. “We saw this very thing at work when we were kids. Remember standing around with your friends, daring each other to do something?” “I dare you to throw a rock at Mrs. Dickerson’s mailbox.” No way, man, Mrs. Dickerson is a mean, old hag. She’ll boil our gizzards and eat them for breakfast. “I double dog dare you.” Oh, no, you didn’t. Give me that rock! Then suddenly, somebody went first and everybody followed. Making connections is going to take the courage to act. And it’s the courage to act without somebody pushing your buttons with a double dog dare. It’s a courage that’s fueled by a desire to love people and carry out the Great Commission of making disciples.
It’s this courage that drives us to get out of our comfort zone and reach out to someone in need of a friend. It’s this courage that pushes us to face the risk of rejection, of somebody telling us “No” or “leave me alone.” It’s this courage that compels us to look past our fears of the unknown and trying something new, so much so that we boldly step out and do our best to show love and offer acceptance. It’s this courage that we need to make connections!
3. Cool Off the Conflict
Whenever people are involved, conflict is bound to come up.
James 4:1-2 (MSG) “1Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. 2You lust for what you don’t have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn’t yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it. You wouldn’t think of just asking God for it, would you?”
Conflict happens because we want our own way. We all want to be right and we won’t give in until we get what we want. Conflict happens when somebody hurts our feelings or makes us angry. Conflict happens when someone offends us in some way. Conflict is inevitable. But in order to continue the connection, we have to learn how to cool off the conflict.
To handle conflict, first of all, be honest and open. If somebody hurts your feelings, tell him about it. Say, “You know what, you hurt my feelings when you said such and such.” When somebody makes you angry, ask yourself, “Why am I angry?” and if you discover that you’re angry because somebody hurt you, tell her about it without trying to punch his lights out. When somebody offends you, tell him about it. To cool off conflict, you have to be honest and learn to talk things out.
Chances are, somebody in here is going to tick you off, and you’ll have a choice to make. You can hold your feelings in for so long until he finally pushes you over the edge and you just explode on him. You can sever the connection, completely cut it off and leave the church and never come back. Or you can cool off the conflict and talk it out. I encourage you that whenever you have a beef with someone, go to that person and tell him how you feel. It may be tough and it may hurt a little, but if your relationship can handle conflict, it will be a relationship that will go the distance.
4. Have Fun
Connections become stronger with shared experiences. If you go to summer camp with somebody, you’ll always have something to talk about. Remember that time that Johnny almost blew off his toe with that firecracker…that was awesome! And what about the time when Jill threw up after she saw Johnny’s almost blown off toe…that was awesome! And then there was the time that Bill ate 3 sticks of butter in the Fat Man’s Eating Contest…that was awesome!
When you have fun with somebody, your connection is going to grow. You’ll become better friends and people will be drawn to you, which will lead to opportunities for new connections.
So, have fun, but don’t let your relationship be so shallow that you don’t have time to talk about serious stuff. You know, what are your plans after you finish school? What’s it like to live at your house? What are your parents like? How’s your relationship with your boyfriend/girlfriend? You can learn a lot from each other, and you can also be there for somebody during a time of crisis.
5. Lean On Me
You have to have somewhere to turn when life is kicking you in the rear. When mom and dad are fighting so much that it looks like divorce is on the way, you need somebody to talk to, somebody to encourage you and comfort you, somebody to pray with you. When you’re about to fail PE because you don’t feel like dressing out, you need somebody to point the finger and laugh at you because you’re an idiot. No, you need somebody to get in your face and tell you to stop slacking off. When you lost your lunch money and you’re about to starve, you need somebody that will share his peanut butter, jelly and cheese sandwich.
But also, you need to be the one who listens, encourages, comforts, prays, points the finger, laughs, gets in their face, and shares your PB and J. Make yourself available to somebody whose in need of a friend, and you’ll make a connection for life.
Recap:
The Connection Process. Be Willing to Do Your Part
Keys – 1. Look for Opportunities, 2. Connections Take Courage, 3. Cool off the Conflict, 4. Have Fun, 5. Lean On Me
Let’s pray.
