Anger Management
How To Tame Your Temper
9/24/03
I. Introduction
How many of ya’ll have ever been angry? What happened when you got angry? How did you respond to people around you? Did you say things you shouldn’t have or things you didn’t mean?
A lady once came to Billy Sunday and tried to rationalize her angry outbursts. “There’s nothing wrong with losing my temper,” she said. “I blow up, and then it’s all over.”
“So does a shotgun,” Sunday replied, “and look at the damage it leaves behind!”
Getting angry can sometimes be like leaping into a wonderfully responsive sports car, gunning the motor, taking off at high speed and then discovering the brakes are out of order. We need to learn to control our anger. That’s why tonight’s message is called “Anger Management: How to Tame Your Temper.”
II. What is Anger?
Anger defined- a God given emotional response usually tied to a goal, value or expectation.
There are generally two ways to express anger: exploding or imploding.
Exploding usually takes the form of yelling, screaming, or hitting people or things.
Imploding usually holds the anger in and the person may huff and puff or say something under his breath.
James 1:19-20 “19My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”
What are some things we think of when we say the word anger?
What makes you angry?
Have you heard of road rage?
The phrase "road rage" officially entered the English language in 1997 when it was first listed in the New Words edition of the Oxford English Dictionary.
In Atlanta, Georgia a two-year old toddler was shot through the neck by an irate motorist engaged in an argument over a road incident with the toddler’s father (The Atlanta Journal & Constitution, 30 June 2000).
In Denver, Colorado a 51 year-old man used a .25 caliber semi-automatic pistol to kill a 32 year-old bicyclist who cut him off on the road (The Denver Post, 21 June 2000).
Near Cincinnati, Ohio a 29 year-old woman cut in front of a 24 year-old pregnant woman and slammed on her brakes in an irate gesture following her anger about the latter’s driving. The mother-to-be lost control of her car in a violent accident in which her unborn child was killed (Newsweek, 02 June 1997).
In Florida, a 41 year-old man who pulled into an exact change lane at a toll booth was shot and killed as he exited his truck to confront an irate driver behind him who was annoyed at the 41 year-old’s delay in paying the toll (Car and Driver, September 1998).
It’s amazing to see how different people control or lose control of their anger. It’s been said that, “Your temper is the only thing you can’t get rid of by losing it.” So the other option is to tame it and be in control of your temper.
III. Temper, Temper
Proverbs 25:28 GNB “If you cannot control your anger, you are helpless as a city without walls, open to attack.”
Proverbs 25:28 MSG “28A person without self-control is like a house with its doors and windows knocked out.”
The Bible says that it IS possible to control our emotions.
Galatians 5:22-23 “22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.”
Ephesians 4:26-27 NKJV “26"Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath, 27nor give place to the devil.”
The first principle for taming your temper is…
1. Admit that you’re angry
Verse 26 is a command. “Be angry” (can you obey that one?) Isn’t anger wrong?
Anger isn’t inherently wrong; in fact, even God gets angry.
When Christ was in the temple turning over tables, He didn’t do it with a smile on His face.
When He called the Pharisees a bunch of white washed tombs and a pit of vipers-- He wasn’t just trying to be politically correct. He was mad.
The Bible does say though that God is slow to anger (Ps 86:15). God’s anger lasts a moment, while his favor lasts a lifetime.
We said that anger is a God-given emotion, so if you don’t get angry, check your pulse because you’re not in touch with reality.
So, the verse is a command, but what is this command?
The command isn’t don’t get angry, its don’t sin in your anger.
There is some stinkin thinkin that says anger is always wrong, but God isn’t forbidding anger, He says “Go ahead, get mad.”
We’re emotional beings and we’re allowed to feel our feelings. We love to deny we’re angry because we feel guilty about it or we’re afraid of what we might do if we admitted to being angry.
Have you ever heard this one? “I am not yelling! I am not angry,” veins popping out all over.
Go ahead and admit it. I’m angry. I’m mad. I’m upset. I’m frustrated.
The 1st step in taming your temper is admitting that you’re angry...
The second principle for taming your temper is…
2. Understand your anger “…and do not sin”
Understand that there’s a difference between sinful and legitimate anger. Between helpful/hurtful, appropriate and inappropriate anger, what determines if your anger is sinful is why you’re angry and what you do with those feelings…
Aristotle said, “Anyone can become angry, but to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way – that is not easy.”
Anger is not a cause, it’s an effect.
In order to understand your anger, you have to ask yourself, “Why am I angry?” You have to get to the root of the matter.
We get angry for three reasons.
1. We are hurt. Emotional or physical hurt can cause feelings of anger (Ask your self, “Am I hurt?”)
You hammer your thumb. Someone steps on your foot. Somebody punches you in the eye. Someone calls you a name or makes fun of you. Those are things that hurt you, and that can make you angry.
Sometimes our anger is vented on people we love even though they are not the reason. Have you ever blown up at your mom or dad for what seems to be no reason? Man takes it out on his wife who takes it out on her kid who takes it out on the dog who takes it out on the cat who takes it out on a bird who takes it out on a worm.
If you are the object of anger, realize there is something deeper. And if you’re the one getting angry at someone you love, get to the root of the problem.
2. We are frustrated.
Sometimes nothing goes as planned. Traffic delays us, people fail us, things break on us, and we get ticked. Long lines at grocery stores, trainees at the counter, kids crying. It is easy to get frustrated. But ask yourself two questions.
*Would getting angry change the situation?
If you can’t change the situation, why get angry about it. Either fix it or forget it. When you lose your temper, you ALWAYS lose.
Will Rogers said, “Whenever you fly into a rage, you seldom make a safe landing.”
*Is it really worth being upset over?
Our culture has lost its sense of what is really a crisis. Getting cut off in traffic, your mom making you clean your room, or missing your favorite TV program are not reasons for a nuclear explosion.
3. We are threatened.
When you back an animal into a corner, he comes out fighting. People can be the same way. If we’re teased, or people pick out our personal insecurities, or question our motives, we feel threatened and get mad.
Anger is a choice, we get angry because we choose to. You say, “You don’t understand, when I get angry, I can’t control it. I just explode and then it’s all over with.” I’m like THE HULK. You won’t like me when I’m angry. Well, if you saw the movie, the Hulk could control it. When his woman came on the scene, his attitude changed immediately.
You can control it, but first you have to admit it, understand it and then…
3. Resolve your anger quickly
“Do not let the sun go down on your wrath.”
Don’t finish the day with anger unresolved, it turns to resentment and bitterness and that is always sinful (never justified). Do not prolong or put off settling the issue, you should do it quickly. Resolve each day’s anger by the end of the day. If you get mad at somebody and blow up at him or her, first of all calm down, and second of all, talk it over and apologize.
*Principle: Never go to bed angry. Don’t cultivate a grudge!
Admit it, understand it, deal with it, and finally…
4. Control your anger
“Do not give place to the devil.”
Uncontrolled anger gives the devil a place to work from and will control you instead of you having control over it.
Here are a few practical steps on how to control anger.
Like you were taught to cross a street, remember these three words next time you start getting angry.
1. STOP and think before you speak.
When we get mad we say things we cannot take back.
A sharp tongue is the quickest way to cut your own throat
Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger (NLT).
We can deal assertively with others without disregard to their feelings. Christ got angry, but did so in a way that ultimately expressed value in others. Name calling doesn’t belong in a believers household. Calling another person “stupid” or treating another person disrespectively shouldn’t even be a part of our lives.
There is a Chinese proverb that says, “The fastest horse cannot catch a word spoken in anger.”
Object Lesson : Toothpaste Squeeze (paper plates and three tubes of toothpaste) First person to squeeze all of his toothpaste out of the tube is the winner. Offer $10 to the first person to put all the toothpaste back into the tube!
Just like it’s impossible to put that toothpaste back into the tube, it’s also impossible to take back those angry words once they come out of our mouths.
2. LOOK at the situation from God’s point of view.
Anger is temporary insanity; we need to see things God’s way. More often than not, we need to overlook the issue to prevent problems.
Proverbs 12:16 A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult (NIV).
3. LISTEN to those you’re getting angry with.
Hear each other out.
James 1:19-20 “19My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”
The last verse sums everything up: Man’s anger fails to fix anything.
Taming your temper.
Admit it. Understand it. Deal with it. Control it.
Controlling your anger.
Stop. Look. Listen.
Let’s pray.
