How to Help the Hurting
2 Corinthians 1:4-7
Intro
1. Driving through Texas, a New Yorker collided with a truck carrying a horse. A few months later he tried to collect damages for his injuries. "How can you now claim to have all these injuries?" asked the insurance company’s lawyer. "According to the police report, at the time you said you were not hurt." "It’s like this," said the New Yorker. "I was lying in the road in a lot of pain, and I heard someone say the horse had a broken leg. The next thing I know the sheriff pulled out his gun and shot the horse. Then he turned to me and said, "Are you okay?"
(from James Buchanan, Sermon Central contributor)
2. A lot of hurts go undetected. The church is supposed to be a safe place where we can share our hurts with friends.
3. But a lot of folks do not know how to respond to hurts.
Romans 12:15 reads: "mourn with those who mourn" or "weep with them that weep" In Greek, the word for "mourn" or "weep" means to "sob, wail aloud."
4. 2 Cor. 1:4 says that we are to, "comfort those in any trouble."
5. Now these commands were written NOT to the elders or to church leaders, but to all Christians. God demands that you weep with those who weep and that you actively comfort others.
6. So let me ask you this question: How good are you at comforting others? How good are you at weeping with those who weep? Some of you are probably skilled in these areas; many Christians are absolutely awful in this department, while most Christians are probably somewhere in between.
7. Now despite the fact that many Christians have their own job description of a pastor, anywhere from a Chaplain to an evangelist to a hired hand, many of us prefer to find a pastor’s job description in the Bible.
8. Notice what Eph. 4:11-12 says, "It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God’s people for works of service"
9. I wish I had more time to disciple more people one on one. I do not. But part of what church is about is to give me an opportunity to train you. It sounds egotistical and simplistic, but I think this is implied in Eph. 4:11-12. Church is supposed to be a place of training.
10. So today I am going to train you in helping those who hurt. This is an important skill to learn, for you will use it not only within the context of our church family, but also your biological family and among your friends.
11. I am not training you to be counselors. You have to decide what you are doing: are you trying to feel with others, or are you taking the role of a counselor?
12. I am training you not to give answers, but to learn to sympathize, empathize, and help those who are hurting. As we shall see later, offering answers can be counter-productive.
MAIN IDEA: God commands you to comfort others. If you really want to help others during times of crisis, grief, tragedy, personal loss, or even depression, it helps to know what you are doing.
TS------------„³ Here is some Biblical advice that works in the trenches in the battlefield of everyday life.
I. The Most Important Piece of Advice: Shut Up and Listen (Job 2:11-13)
1. I am a talker; but there are many times when it is better for me to be quiet and just listen.
2. Let’s read Job 2:11-13
(1) Job’s counselors were wonderful--until they opened their mouths and tried to fix things; they told stories of their experiences and thought they had everything figured out, and boy, did God intimidate them in the end for their foolishness!
(2) So take my advice. Stop at verse 13. Comforters are welcome; counselors should come by invitation only
God commands you to comfort others. If you really want to help others during times of crisis, grief, tragedy, personal loss, or even depression, it helps to know what you are doing.
The first thing to do is to be quiet and listen. Let the other person talk himself or herself out.
If you feel like you need to say something and fear you might forget, jot thoughts down in a notebook and bring them up later.
II. Do Not Minimize Problems In Any Way (Proverbs 25:20)
1. Singing songs to a sad heart
(1) Proberbs 25:20, "Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart."
(2) By trying to get a sad person to become happy, you are adding insult to injury.
2. Encouraging Denial
(1) Jeremiah 6:14, "They dress the wound of my people as though it were not serious. `Peace, peace,’ they say, when there is no peace."
(2) The best thing you can do is help a person honestly face reality, "You are right. It is a problem, a bad one."
3. Example:
Grieving Person: It is so depressing being out of work so long, sometimes I wonder if life is worth living. Not that I’m planning on committing suicide or anything, but this really gets me down.
Right Response: I don’t blame you for feeling the way you do. It is bad, and I would probably have some of those same thoughts as well. I’ll pray for you about this. Tell me some more.
Dumb Response: What are you so down about. Don’t you realize it could be much worse. Take my friend Tommy. He got laid off and now he has lung cancer.
Dumber: The Bible tells us to rejoice in the Lord. Set your eyes on Him and don’t fret about being out of work.
Dumbest: You are not trusting God and need to confess that to Him now. He must have brought these troubles to you to punish you.
Job’s ’comforters’ put it this way: Job 4:5-8
"But now trouble comes to you, and you are discouraged; it strikes you, and you are dismayed. Should not your piety be your confidence and your blameless ways your hope? "Consider now: Who, being innocent, has ever perished? Where were the upright ever destroyed? As I have observed, those who plow evil and those who sow trouble reap it."
3. In all those responses, the person’s feelings are not taken seriously...
4. Trying to Come Up With A Quick Fix
(1) Eccl.5:3. As a dream comes when there are many cares, so the speech of a fool when there are many words.
Job 11:13-16, "Yet if you devote your heart to him and stretch out your hands to him, if you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil to dwell in your tent, then you will lift up your face without shame; you will stand firm and without fear. You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by."
(2) if we have useful advice or information, best to give it after the person is through expressing himself.
God commands you to comfort others. If you really want to help others during times of crisis, grief, tragedy, personal loss, or even depression, it helps to know what you are doing.
III. Give the Person Permission to Hurt Without Feeling Guilty; Become Comfortable With Human Feelings
1. Agree where you can
2. Do not condemn except when you absolutely must -- but even that can be done with sympathy.
3. Express that it is okay for a Christian to feel afraid, worry, or be angry...
(1) fear: Psalm 56:3, "When I am afraid, I will trust in you."
One thing to be afraid, another to be strapped by fear
(2) an example of holy worry, I Thes. 3:5, "For this reason, when I could stand it no longer, I sent to find out about your faith. I was afraid that in some way the tempter might have tempted you and our efforts might have been useless."
One thing to feel worry, another to be strapped by worry (worry is actually a sub-category of fear)
(3) an example of anger: Eph. 4:2627, "In your anger do not sin" : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
4. Pretending, playing word games, redefining to maintain a front gets in the way of real growth. God made you with the full range of feelings. Learn to control them, submit them to God -- but don’t be afraid to FEEL.
5. Remember, the times you hurt are meant to train you to empathize and help others... (2 Cor. 1:3-6)
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
"For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer."
6. Example
* "My 18 year old son has run away from home and I’m afraid he’s mixed up in drugs. I’m scared something is going to happen to him."
Good response: "It is scary. There are no guarantees that he will be safe. We have to pray for him and hope that he’ll call. It is so sad you have to go through this; it is so awful."
Dumb response: Don’t worry. I’m sure he’ll be okay.
Dumber response: The Bible tells us not to worry. God is Sovereign, and worry will not do any good.
Dumbest: I guarantee you he’ll be back soon. But you know, if you had spanked him more as a youngster, he wouldn’t have turned out that way. But you wouldn’t listen. I tried to tell you.
7. Feelings are good, as long as we do not make decisions on the basis of them.
John 11:34-35, "Where have you laid him?" he asked. "Come and see, Lord," they replied.
Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, "See how he loved him!"
God commands you to comfort others. If you really want to help others during times of crisis, grief, tragedy, personal loss, or even depression, it helps to know what you are doing.
IV. Even if People Bring Troubles Upon Themselves, Remember, They Are Still Hurting
1. "You made your bed, now sleep in it" can be an appropriate response -- sometimes
2. Some people act wrongly and foolishly, and it doesn’t hit them; they have seared consciences and they will likely repeat their folly; their hearts are hard...
3. Most people struggle with guilt at that juncture
(1) Lead them to Christ if they are open
(2) If they are Christians, lead them to I John 1:9
4. God loves even foolish people
5. Now that does not mean we should try to alleviate all the consequences of wrong behavior
(1) if there is one thing people need to help discipline their lives, it is consequences
(2) but we should not add to the consequences
6. Your adult son crashes the car and is arrested for DUI; don’t buy him a new car!
7. But if they understand how their wrong or foolish behavior has had consequences, they need help restarting their walk with God and the pain is just as real!
8. For example, some women who have had abortions end up sterile. Do you say, "Good for you?" No, you help her find forgiveness in Christ and deal with the guilt of her past choice. And then you help her deal with the present consequence.
9. Jesus did not come to rub sin in, but to rub it out.
Conclusion
1. God commands you to comfort others. If you really want to help others during times of crisis, grief, tragedy, personal loss, or even depression, it helps to know what you are doing.
2. The Holy Spirit is called the "Comforter." God is described as the "God of All Comfort."
3. If we are to be His representative, we need to learn the art of comforting.
