IT’S TIME TO GIVE MYSELF A HUG
Dr. David L. Haun
Hope Christian Church
Tamarac, Florida
January 18, 2004
Jeremiah 1:4-10, II Cor. 4:5-10
Introduction
Today’s message is a Request Sermon. It’s a topic that could have been submitted by about half of the congregation, and often plays a major part in depression. The request was this: "Self-esteem is an issue I have worked hard to achieve. It is hard for me to hear that I am not worthy." That could have been a request that I would have turned in. Chances are it could also have been yours. In my study for today’s sermon, there were two authors who proved helpful in their insight and direction, and I thank them: Travis Smalley (1) and Mike Fogerson (2).
I.
THE FEELING OF LOW SELF ESTEEM IS ONE OF HUMANITY’S
MOST CONSISTENT CONCERNS
A. All of us want to feel we are succeeding. However, we so often fall short of what we hope for
John Quincy Adams was the sixth President of the United States. He held more political offices than anyone in the history of our country. He was president, a senator, congressman, the Secretary of State, and United States minister to the Netherlands, Germany, France, Russia and England. After his retirement, he was reelected to congress, and was active in the opposition to the practice of slavery. John Quincy Adams was a statesman who molded the fiber of our nation. (3) At the age of 70, he made the following statement: "My whole life has been a succession of disappointments. I didn’t have any success in anything I undertook. (4) Now there is an individual who suffers from a low self esteem
B. To fail in our efforts has an effect on our perception of our worth. To be accused of failure by others can place a strain on one’s self esteem. It may not destroy, but the feeling and worry of failure can remain always.
Stephen Pile wrote a book titled The Incomplete Book of Failures. In it he lists various efforts that didn’t succeed, and no doubt weakened its advocate’s self esteem.
Thomas Edison’s teacher said, "He was too stupid to learn."
Albert Einstein’s teacher said "Albert was mentally slow, unsociable and adrift forever in his foolish dreams."
Decca records rejected the Beetles.
A newspaper editor fired Walt Disney because he lacked ideas.
Years later, Disney studios rejected "Star Wars" as a movie project, claiming it would flop at the box office. (5)
It’s this type of situation that can cause those in charge to begin to question their self-esteem and image.
II.
JUST AS MOST PEOPLE FALL SHORT IN THEIR POSITIVE SELF IMAGE, SO MOST HAVE COMMON HUMAN RESPONSES TO RESOLVE THE PROBLEM.
A. Some insist there is no problem. They claim "I’m OK." I’ve got no trouble in this area at all.
In the 1950’s the psychologist Eric Berne began to develop a psychological theory which he called "Transactional Analysis." Every human being, he said is made up of three alter ego states: Parent, Adult, and Child. These three states are always in communication within the mind of each of us. It was a new concept and popularized a new model in social relationships and psychoanalysis. (6)
From these concepts, a book was written by Thomas A. Harris titled: "I’m OK, You’re OK," Harris proposes four life positions from which most of us operate. The most frequent one is "I’m not OK, you’re OK." This position defines low self-esteem and low self-worth.
This book has been helpful to millions of people. However, what also has happened through the years is that the concept has become distorted into the good-feeling assertion that "I’m OK whatever I do." This "feel good" philosophy has become the theme of modern society. As long as it feels good and no one is hurt, there is no limitation on my life and actions. There need be no guilt or loss of self-esteem. Look at the current crop of sitcom entertainment and talk show discussions, and this is the message heard over and over. If it feels good, go for it! Don’t tell me there’s anything "wrong. It’s my life and I’m free.
The problem with this effort is that it doesn’t work. People stress it and live it, but in the dark hours of the night, that green monster of low self esteem continues to attack them.
B. Another common response to increase our self esteem is always to "succeed in all we do."
1. In this effort, one’s self esteem becomes related to one’s ability.
We become like the words of the song from the Broadway play "Annie Get Your Gun."
"Anything you can do, I can do better."
I can do any thing better than you.
Anything you can be I can be greater.
Sooner or later, I’m greater than you." (7)
Even more sad, parents sometimes excessively push their children to succeed in some area of life, such as sports, performance talents, achieving high grades, or most anything else. Have you ever been to a little league game or a fine Arts recital or a spelling bee contest, and observed parents loosing control as they shout at their kids to do better. So often, mom or dad are pushing junior to succeed in areas the parents could never accomplish in their own lives. It’s as if their self-esteem is based on what their children accomplish.
2. This emphasis to succeed leads people to exaggerate the extent of their successes.
"I went fishing the other day. I caught a fish ’this’ big." (NOTE: arms are spread wide, with the left palm held fingers closed together and on the right hand the thumb and index finger spread showing a couple of inches. Give your attention to your left hand. Then, as you talk, slower your left arm to your side and switch your attention to the right to draw attention to the two inches on your right hand fingers.)
Now, the first indication of the size of my fish may not be a "lie," but it certainly is an exaggeration. So often when people share experiences in their life, their retelling of their experience portrays them in a more favorable light than may have been the case. "I really told that policeman off when he stopped me the other day on the highway."
There are two realities in always trying to succeed in my life.
a. First, whatever it may be, I won’t succeed a well as someone else can. No matter how hard I might practice, I’ll never be a concert pianist or a world class bridge player. I’ll never preach as successfully as Billy Graham, play basketball like Michael Jordan, or... well... you get the point. If we base our self worth on how we do something better than someone else, we’ll always be struggling to prop up our self esteem.
b. Whatever it is we do, the point will come when mother nature, or father time, or just plain old age will catch up with us. We won’t be able to do what once we did. If I base my self-image on the fact that I can climb a tree faster than any other kid in the neighborhood, the time will come when that just won’t happen any more.
C. A third human response too common in life is to attempt to boost up my self esteem by tearing yours down.
1. We’ve all experienced it. Some bully who enjoys nothing more than making comments that destroy our value or attack our positions.
2. It may be we’ve done it too. The truth is, however, that tearing down someone else doesn’t successfully build you up.
D. Each of these human efforts to build our self esteem is a black hole from which many people never escape.
III.
What is God’s intention for our developing a positive self-esteem?
A. Recognize our Self-Worth.
1. I read an account of an American tourist in Paris, who purchased an inexpensive amber necklace in a trinket shop. When he was back home, he took the necklace to be cleaned and repaired. He was shocked when the jeweler offered him $25,000.00 for it. The man decided to have the jewelry officially appraised, and was even more surprised to hear an appraisal of $35,000.00. When he asked why such a value, the appraiser pointed to a small inscription on the class, and translated its message. The inscription said: "From Napoleon to Josephine." The value of the necklace came not from its stones, but from the inscription on the clasp. (8)
2. What gives us our true value and self worth is not who we are, but whose we are. We are worthy because God in Christ has claimed us and written his name on our lives. And that claim began before we were born. We have worth because we were born in the mind of God even before we were born from our mother’s womb. Our worth is because of the Spirit of God that lives in us.
3. There is no one in the world like you. Just as our fingerprint is unique to us, our whole being is unique to God. You and I look the way we do because that is the way God wanted us to look. We have exactly the amount of potential intelligence and ability as he planned us to have.
You and I are God’s gift to the world just exactly as we are. There will always be someone with better looks, ability and learning than we have, but there never need be anyone exactly like us, or more worthy than us. As the Scripture says, "God called the foolish (like you and me) to confound the wise of the world." (9) However, remember that these strengths and values are given to us in clay pots "to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." (II Cor 4:7)
Don’t allow Satan to plant in your mind a feeling of low self esteem. You and I are not perfect (Rom. 3:23), but we have been purchased with the blood of Christ. (Rom. 3:24) From a human perspective, every one of us have flaws and weaknesses.
We may not be worth much from a human perspective. When you get right down to it, our body, with all of its bones, muscles, organs and skin, is worth about $4.50 (10) But from God’s perspective, we are made in God’s image (Gen. 1:27). How much more value can we need than that?
B. Accept our strengths and weaknesses.
In today’s Scripture, Jeremiah was a child ....
but God put words in his mouth and used him.
Moses felt unable to ever lead the nation ....
but God was, and used Moses to do it.
Paul confessed that he fails God every day .......
but God used Paul to bring the Gentile world to Christ.
King David was one of the most complex characters in the Bible: poet, musician, warrior, rebel, traitor, adulterer, terrorist. David was certainly no paragon. But God is always in control, and since David usually gave God control, he later would be revered as Israel’s ideal King, and an ancestor of the future Messiah. (11)
C. What are some steps you and I can take today?
1. Positively deal with the past and preparing for the future. Don’t condemn ourselves and deny our worth. Forgive ourselves and learn from our mistakes.
Paul explains it: I am still not all I should be, but I am bringing all my energies to bear on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God is calling us up to heaven because of what Christ Jesus did for us. (Phil 3:13-14 The Living Bible)
Tom Watson founded IBM and guided the company for over 40 years. One of his most impressive moments in leadership occurred when a junior executive lost ten million dollars on a risky venture for the company. Watson called the man into the office. The man entered and nervously blurted out, "I guess you want my resignation?" Watson replied, "You can’t be serious. We’ve just spent ten million dollars educating you." (12)
There will be times when you and I as believing children of God will "blow" it. But that doesn’t mean we have "blown" who we are. We are chosen by God, and He has spent a lot more than ten million dollars to save us.
2. Remember who is the master and who has chosen to be the chess piece. You and I chose to align our lives with Jesus Christ. Now, allow God to place and use you for godly purposes. Determine to be fruitful and comfortable in the life where God has placed you. God will use you where you are and with what you have.
Jesus’ first miracle was changing water into wine at the wedding feast. John, in his Gospel (chapter 2) said that the servants not only poured water in those water pots; they filled them to the brim. It was as if Jesus said to the servants, "give what you’ve got, but give all you’ve got. I’ll take care of the rest."
Where you are today, take what you have today, do what you can do today and fill it to the brim for Christ.
Love your spouse to the best of your ability, and trust God for the rest.
Do your best for your family, and let Jesus take care of the rest.
If you can’t make Money like Donald Trump, fill the water pots with what you have.
If you can’t write music like Mozart, fill your water pot and let Jesus do the rest.
If you aren’t as funny as Bill Crosby, then bring laughter and joy where you are, and let
Jesus take it from there. (13)
3. And then finally, help others as God desires to feel good about themselves and their worth. That was the goal of Harris’ book mentioned earlier. It was the purpose of Paul when he wrote to the Philippian Christians with directions of how to live as a worthy person.
"Don’t push your way to the front’ don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help[ others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand. (Philippians 2:3-4 The Message)
If you and I can be free and secure enough to love God, love others, and put God and others ahead of ourselves, we will be free indeed. And when we recognize our freedom in Christ, and his love in us, then we’ll see ourselves as we truly are, and have a strong sense of self-esteem and worth. Amen.
Footnotes
(1) Travis Smalley. "The Answer to self-esteem." www.SermonCentral.com
(2) Mike Fogerson. "Facing Your Failure." www.SermonCentral.com
(3) Bemis,S.F. (Yale University) Grolier Presents American Presidency
www.gi.grolier.com.
(4) Smalley. Op Cit.
(5) Fogerson, Op Cit.
(6) www.businessballs.com/transact.htm
(7) www.songlyrics.com
(8) Brian Moon, "Breaking Free From Negative Thoughts," www.SermonCentral.com.
(9) I Corinthians 1:27
(10) www.sillystory.com/trivia
(11) Karen Armstrong. Jerusalem. (Harper Audio) 1966.
(12) Mike Fogerson. Op Cit.
(13) Ernest Flores "When the Wine Runs Out," www.sermoncentral.com.
