“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church because we are members of His body.”
Just as I needed to make some fundamental points clear for the wives, in beginning the last sermon, so also do I need to be sure we husbands begin on common ground today.
I want to assure you, men, that as I talk to you, I am talking to myself. Not by any stretch of the imagination, do I suppose that I have a better grip than any of you, on being on any consistent basis, what I ought to be to my wife.
That is not to say we don’t have a great relationship. We do. I often wonder if it’s possible for anyone else to love so much, although being realistic, I have to conclude that of course they do. Someone. Somewhere.
But we’re being told in these verses today that we should love our wives as Christ loved the church. We’re going to talk about that in detail. But I have to begin, acknowledging that neither you nor I measure up to that admonition; at least, not consistently.
We are fallen and in need of a Savior. Only the Christian can be properly aware of that, and no one understands our need better than the mature Christian.
What I mean by that, is that the farther we go with Christ, and the more we know and understand Him by the enlightening power of the Holy Spirit, the more we come to see how utterly helpless we are to live the God-life apart from Him.
The common misunderstanding is that the closer we are to Christ the less we need His help on a day to day basis. This is precisely the opposite of the truth.
When Jesus walked this earth, one of the reasons He placed Himself in a position of utter dependence on the Father, was to show us that we will never come to a place of being independent of Him.
In short, the more like Jesus we become, as the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit continues in us, the more dependent we will be on the Father in and for all things. That is the example of the Author and Perfecter of our faith, and we depart from that path to our peril.
Therefore, when it comes to our relationship with our wife, and hearing this exhortation to love her as Christ loved the church, we must first acknowledge in all humility that even to the pathetic degree that we obey that command, we only do so with the help of Jesus.
So with that foundation laid, come with me now, men, and let’s go before the Throne that we may receive mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.
HUSBANDS LOVE YOUR WIVES
We may as well start at the beginning. “Husbands love your wives”. Paul exhorted the wives to be subject to their husbands in all things. Y’think maybe he didn’t say ’love your husbands’, because he knew he would be demanding the near impossible?
Frankly, I think it was because he knew that if husbands lived out these things being taught in verses 25-30, wives couldn’t help but love them.
But to the husbands he says, ’love your wives’. Now there are two forms of the Greek for this kind of love; agape, the noun, and agapao, the verb. Here the verb is used.
Husbands, love your wives actively. When I looked this up in Vine’s Dictionary of New Testament Words, there was a footnote from “Notes on Thessalonians”, co-authored by Hogg and Vine. I didn‘t copy the whole thing here, but the first line was,
“Love can be known only from the actions it prompts”
Husbands, Paul’s first exhortation to you, then, is to look for and perform acts of love toward your wife. But I want to be careful to point out here that he didn’t use the word for sexual love (eros) or friendship love, (phileo), but agape love. Let’s talk about that.
AGAPE/AGAPAO
As most of you have heard, probably many times, agape is originally associated with Christians. It denotes an utterly sacrificial, unassuming love, expressed independent of any outside stimulus, and asking nothing in return.
You may have heard the 13th chapter of I Corinthians preached before, and from various angles and motives. But have you ever read it with Ephesians 5:25 in mind?
Men, have you ever read these text verses of ours today, and then asked yourself what kind of love that is you are supposed to be loving your wife with?
I suspect that all of us will be convicted on more than one point; not all on the same point, but on more than one each, to be sure, if we take a little side journey today and read I Corinthians 13.
As we read, please bear in mind that ‘love’ is repeated 9 times in this chapter, and the word ‘agape’ is used every time.
1 If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
2 If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.
3 And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,
5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,
6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away.
9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part;
10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.
11 When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.
12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.
13 But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.
Can you begin to understand why I say that if we loved our wives with this kind of love they could not help but want to be subject to us as the church is to Christ?
Christ loved the church with agapao; a love that expressed itself in action, as is indicated in the words, ‘…and gave Himself up for her.”
There is no shortage of biblical proofs that Christ gave Himself up to die.
It was in the plan set by the Trinity before the world began.
Isaiah 53:10 “But the Lord was pleased to crush Him, putting Him to grief; if He would render Himself as a guilt offering.” (Italics mine) Then in verse 11 the prophet says, “As a result of the anguish of His soul, He will see it and be satisfied; by His knowledge the Righteous One, My Servant, will justify the many, as He will bear their iniquities.”
Of course, we could go all the way back to the third chapter of Genesis to find our very first proof text, when God announces to the serpent that the One He would send would be bruised on the heel by the devil, but that in turn his own head would be crushed.
But taking it to the New Testament, and Jesus’ own words, we see that He “…came not to be served, but to serve, and to give (His) life a ransom for many” (Matt 20:28)
And “For this reason the Father loves Me; because I lay down My life that I may take it again. No one has taken it away from Me, but I lay it down on My own initiative. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again.” (Jn 10:17,18)
When the mob came to arrest Him in the garden, His absolute control of the situation was demonstrated in the fact that He spoke the large crowd backward to the ground, and then submitted himself to their custody.
On the cross, after all things had been accomplished that the Father had given Him to do, He declared triumphantly, “It is finished!” and then He said, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit”, and bowed His head and died. Deliberately. He was done, and it was time to go home to prepare the way for His bride to follow.
Men, there is no way to accidentally love your wives correctly. It doesn’t just happen, because you come home from work every day and live in the same house with her.
Men, there is no way anyone can force you to love your wife the way you should. No law, no physical threat, no cleverly devised and delivered guilt trip can make you love her.
Like Christ, and in order to effectively live the type you are of Christ to your wife, you must lay down your own selfishness willingly, and make her the most important person in your life; your most prized and precious friend; your only lover; your queen. A widespread incongruity I see in our society, is that so many men seem to want to be treated as the king of their domain, but they treat their wives like chamber maids.
Before we move on, let me note that your love, agapao, toward your wife cannot be born of a sense of duty; it can only come from delight.
God didn’t consider it duty to crush His Son, putting Him to grief. He was pleased to. Does that sound harsh? Never think it.
What pleased Him was what it would accomplish for us. For His bride.
Let it be your delight, men, to give of yourself one hundred percent for the good, and the comfort, and the honor of your wife. Love her as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.
PURIFICATION
We’re moving into an area now that may pose a little more difficulty in grasping.
It is easy for us to see the type of the man giving himself completely to and for his wife, as a type of Christ who gave Himself up for the church.
But as we move on to words like ‘sanctify’ and ‘cleansing’, the question pops into our mind, ‘in what way are we to cleanse our wives? Isn’t this taking the symbolism a bit far?’
Not really; we simply have to look at the doctrine first, not try to figure out how we’re supposed to act toward our wives and then make the doctrine fit.
So let’s make sure first, that we’re clear on the doctrine of sanctification. Paul said, “…that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word” in verse 26.
In that one verse we have a picture of both, positional sanctification, and progressive sanctification.
When we came to Christ by faith God set us apart unto Himself. There are several ways we hear it said. “Set apart for His use” “Set apart as vessels of honor”, whatever.
God calls us holy as we stand in Christ’s righteousness, and we now stand before His throne as adopted children, heirs of God and Joint-Heirs with Jesus Christ. We are His forever, and to the praise and glory of His name.
But sanctification does not stop or end there. We are set apart and saved from the guilt of sin; that’s positional. But we must continue to be sanctified, or cleansed, from the pollution of sin.
This is a good place for me to remind you that I said I have known people who think that when the Christian sins, the Holy Spirit leaves and only comes back into the person after he or she has repented.
This doctrine of progressive sanctification is precisely why that cannot be true. The work of the Holy Spirit toward us, is to grant us repentance bring us to Christ, and indwell us as God’s redeemed. But then His work continues in us, to purge us of sin’s pollution and progressively conform us to the image of Christ.
Thus, in verse 26, we see both of these terms, ‘sanctify’ and ‘cleanse’.
And what is the means the Holy Spirit uses to do His work? The Word. When Jesus prayed for His followers, and therefore for us, He said to the Father, “They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. Sanctify them in the truth; Thy word is truth.” (Jn 17:16,17)
Christians, you live in a world that is steeped in sin. It is ruined by sin. Sin permeates every height and hue of every society on the planet, and it accosts you every day from every quarter. As a believer in Christ, saved by grace and indwelt by His Holy Spirit, you can only be cleansed and kept from the stain of sin by the constant cleansing of the word of God.
There is no other way. If you neglect His word, then you cannot know Him. And if you do not know Him, then you only have a religion, and religion neither justifies, nor sanctifies.
Jesus said that it is truth that sanctifies, and God’s word is truth. You must know it and the Holy Spirit must apply it.
Beloved, does this help you to understand why so very many churches have gone off track and left the word of God? It’s not just laziness; it’s not just neglect or worldliness in the leadership; although it is that too.
It is a spiritual attack, and those ignorant of that fact lose, because you can’t fight an enemy you are ignorant of.
If Christians are sanctified by the word of God, and progressive sanctification is vital to a thriving, successful, victorious Christian walk, then how do you retard that progress? How to you thwart the forward movement of the church and the spiritual growth of the individual?
You trivialize the importance of the word of God. You get people’s attentions turned toward what they can see with their eyes and touch with their hands.
You get them thinking about themselves and those around them. You cause conflict between personalities. You get them busy with projects and self-serving goals.
You convince them that true spirituality is being proud of the things that set them apart from other churches and denominations.
Oh, there are so many ways! But the aim and the end result never changes. Get them away from the word of God.
Keep it out of the pulpit, and you will by and large keep it out of the pew. And once you’ve done that, you have effectively kept it out of the home.
People, you are sanctified by the truth, and God’s word is truth.
Christ died for you, to make you His bride, and He did so that He might set you apart, continue a cleansing process in you, and present you to the Father, holy and blameless. Stay in His word. Devour it. Pray over it, and in your prayers, use the scriptures. You can’t pray wrong if you’re praying the scriptures; and when you do that, you will find yourself praying like Christ. “Thy will, not mine”
Now how does that apply to husbands and wives?
Husbands, you have been admonished to protect and honor and love your wife sacrificially. But you have a greater responsibility toward her, as her head.
You have a responsibility for her spiritual well-being. You have a responsibility to make sure she is exposed to the word of God significantly.
Now you may be fortunate, as I am, to have a Godly wife who studies the scriptures on her own and prays daily.
I personally don’t think I’ve taught Lynn anything new from the scriptures for a very long time. We’re pretty much on equal ground there. I may occasionally say something that is a helpful illustration for her; that causes her to say ‘yeah, that’s a good way to put it’ but I don’t think I’ve taught her anything new for a very long time.
But if there came a time that I was beginning to notice a serious departure from the word in her life, and she seemed to be losing interest, or getting too involved with worldly pursuits and not spending time there, scripturally, the responsibility would rest on me as her husband, to lead her back to the word and watch over her spiritual well-being.
It’s what Christ did and is doing for His bride the church, and it is what we must do for our wives, or we fail to live out the type we are of Christ as head of the bride.
Now what other implication is there in that for us, husbands? That we must develop and diligently maintain a devout study of God’s word in our own lives, or any shallow and hypocritical effort to lead them to the word would be ludicrous at best.
YOUR OWN BODIES
Now go on to read verses 28 through 30 and let’s tie some things together in closing.
“So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body.”
See that word, ‘so’? Continuing his theme. Not a new topic being started here.
In verse 25 Paul wrote, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her”, and here he repeats, “So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies”
Husbands, call her what you want; spouse, lover, friend, confidant, partner; God says she’s part of you. Joined to you as significantly as your arm or leg. We’re going to talk about that in detail, so I won’t go into it today.
But the thing I want to encourage you to see today, and if I can do that then I will have been successful, is what a wonderful and precious gift you’ve been blessed with, and what a solemn and holy calling you’ve been given.
Christ, the perfect bridegroom, literally laid His life down for the church, for the very purpose of setting her apart for God, cleansing her and making her fit for Heaven, continuing the work of sanctification through the application of the word of God so that in the end He might present her as perfect and beautiful and holy and blameless.
He considers her a part of Him. “Members of His body“, we are called. And we are cherished by Him and nourished by His word.
And right here in Ephesians 5, the Holy Spirit is telling us, husbands, to be all of that to our wives.
Husbands, God made woman with the capacity to complete you. And I am bold, because I take my stand on God’s sanctifying word, to promise you, that if you will cherish her and protect her and honor her and be the spiritual leader of your home, you will receive blessings poured out without measure, both from her, and from God’s own hand.
If you will commit these words of Ephesians 5:25-30 to your heart and ask God to help you live that way toward your wife daily, you will be to her, and to your extended family, and to your church, and to many who pass through your life, a living example of Christ and how He sees His church.
More than this, and I believe I would get a hearty ‘amen’ from the wives in this; you will find your home the most wonderful place in the world to be.
