Avoiding Over Reactions to Situations (Proverbs 19:11)
We live in an age when people are easily provoked toward anger or fear. However, the Bible teaches us: "A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense." Here are ten guidelines to help us avoid over reacting to irritations." (Proverbs 19:11)
"Love overlooks a fault." (I Cor 13:4-7)
We all have a tendency to over react when provoked. However, no temptation that has taken you will not also be given with a way of escape so you can bear up under any irritating temptation. (I Cor. 10:13)
Perhaps this is may be one of the reasons that James wrote, "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." (James 1:19)
Illustration: IRRITATION
Imagine all of the obstacles a person might have to overcome if he were to walk from New York City to San Francisco. One man who accomplished this rare achievement mentioned a rather surprising difficulty when asked to tell of his biggest hurdle. He said that the toughest part of the trip wasn’t traversing the steep slopes of the mountains or crossing hot, dry, barren stretches of desert. Instead, he said, "The thing that came the closest to defeating me was the sand in my shoes."
C. Swindoll, Growing Strong, p. 163.
Only when our mind, will and emotions are under the control of the Spirit of God can we accomplish His perfect will. In our fast paced world there are many temptations to respond quickly without weighing our words. However, the following principles can help prevent many problems caused by uncontrolled over reactions.
1. CHOOSE YOUR WORDS carefully before you react. Solomon wrote, "A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered." (Proverbs 27:17) Practicing the discipline of restraint is especially important in our conversations.
Illustration: David practiced restraint when he was cursed by Shimei in 2 Sam 16:5-14:
"So David and his men continued along the road while Shimei... cursing as he went along and throwing stones at him and showering him with dirt."
Yet David said, "It may be that the Lord will see my distress and repay me with good for the cursing I am receiving today." (2 Sam 16:12)
Application: Let us ask God for a greater ability to look beyond those who oppose us and fix our eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, not minding the shame and is now set down on the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who endured such sufferings of sinners against Himself lest you be weary and faint in your minds. For you have not resisted to the point of shedding of blood in your striving against sin." (Heb. 12:2-4)
Sometimes God permits provocations for His greater good, even though it might mean hurt, tears and feelings of anger. Remember that we are in God’s hands and nothing comes to us unless He allows it to happen.
"Vengeance is mine says the Lord, I will repay." (Rom. 12:19) Allow God to repay those who are irritating you in the proper time and in the best way for His greater purposes.
2. CHOOSE YOUR COMPANIONS carefully before you react out of bad peer pressure. The first Psalm writer wrote, "Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord." (Psa. 1:1,2) It is too easy to conform to the negative pressures of carnal friends who can influence one to become cynical.
3. CHOOSE WHAT YOU WANT TO ACCOMPLISH before reacting. Solomon once wrote, "Any enterprise is built by wise planning. Become strong through common sense and profits wonderfully by keeping abreast of the facts." (Prov. 24:3,4) Think about what will be accomplished by your contribution before offering your opinions.
Illustration: One day a famous midwestern lawyer became so discouraged with his productivity that he despaired of everything in life. He wrote in his diary,
"I do not know if my life is worth anything to anyone. I often wonder if my life will ever be worth anything and I am afraid that it will not."
Even his close friends and family members removed all knives and razor blades from him fearing that he would commit suicide. Through prayer, meditation and the quiet assurances of his friends, this young man overcame his sense of depression. That man became the finest president of the US. His name was Abraham Lincoln. Honest Abe took those same hard earned lessons with him to the White House where he learned not to over-react in times of great civil war. God used his calm ability to deal with problems one at a time with wisdom and God’s guidance.
4. CHOOSE WHAT KIND OF EFFECTS you want to have with others. People gain a reputation by how they react under pressure situations.
Illustration: Jesus was known as a man who did not respond to provocation out of uncontrolled anger. One day, people were comparing Jesus unfavorably with John the Baptist. They said, "For John came neither eating nor drinking and they say, ’He has a demon.’ The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ’Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners. But wisdom is proved right by her actions." (Matt. 11 :18,19)
5. CHOOSE YOUR ATTITUDE to irritations in advance. Many times when I am irritated by critics I have chosen ahead of time to follow the words in James 1:19 that states, "Let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger for the wrath of man does not work the righteousness of God." We can endure all of life’s wrongs because we know that God will make things right. We want to be an instrument of God’s righteousness, truth and grace. Let us put away anger and put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience, forgiving one another even as God in Christ has forgiven us.
6. CHOOSE GOD’S GREATER PURPOSES than pyrrhic victories. Sometimes you may be able to win a battle, but lose a bigger war. Many words said in anger are zingers that can bring short-term gain, but long term pain. Let people know you by the fruits of your good deeds. Jesus said, "Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven." (Matt 5:16)
Illustration: Charles Swindoll tells about how fishermen learned that a special breed of tastey fish on the east coast lost their flavor unless they were kept in the company of their natural predator, the cod fish. Whenever the shipper tried to deliver the tastey fish without the cod, they grew lackadaisaical and lost their fresh taste. However, when they were shipped with cod, they kept their delictable flavor. Sometimes, we need certain people in our life to bring out the best in us.
7. CHOOSE TO CONSTRAIN YOUR TONGUE until you have gotten Godly counsel. It is always good to get a second opinion before deliberating on all points of an issue.
Illustration: Jesus said, "If any of you has a sheep and it falls into a pit on the Sabbath, will you not take hold of it and lift it out? How much more valuable is a man than a sheep! Therefore, it is lawful to do good on the Sabbath." The disciples were wise to consult Jesus regarding such an explosive issue as doing work on the Sabbath. The Lord gave them objective wisdom when subjective emotions could have easily let a smaller issue erupt into a greater conflict.
8. CHOOSE TO PRAY ABOUT YOUR RESPONSE before speaking off the top of your head. Solomon wrote, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own insights. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." (Proverbs 3:5,6) God’s Spirit is ready, willing and able to give you supernatural wisdom for every situation, if you will only ask Him.
"The plans of the diligent lead surely to advantage, but everyone who is hasty, comes surely to poverty." (Prov. 21:5) Hasty decisions are often caused by over reactions to problems.
9. CHOOSE TO PONDER YOUR DECISION for a time before responding. Many wise men have chosen to spend at least a day considering all of the alternatives, implications and costs of a decision before committing themselves prematurely. Solomon wrote, "The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty." (Proverbs 21:5) Hasty over reactions are the cause of many poor decisions. Haste makes waste. God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, love and self-control. (2 Tim 1:7)
10. CHOOSE WHICH BATTLES ARE WORTH FIGHTING. Many problems are just not worth fighting about. Paul wrote, "I have fought the good (worthy, honorable and noble) fight. I have finished the race. I have kept (firmly held) the faith." (2 Tim 4:7)
Realize that there are many irritations, provocations and criticisms that are just better to let go and let God deal with the problem or the person. He fights the battles for us. God is able to deal with our critics in a far better way than we. He is able to use irritations to make us better as sand paper refines, smooths and shapes us in to more of a Christ like person.
The apostle Paul was an outstanding example of one who learned to not be overcome by evil, but to overcome evil with good. He easily could have chosen to defend himself against all kinds of irritating critics or annoyances. Instead, Paul wrote,
"Do all things without grumbling and fault-finding and complaining (against God) and questioning and doubting (among yourselves). That you may show yourselves to be blameless and guileless, innocent and uncontaminated, children of God wihtout blemish (faultless, unrebukable) in the midst of a crooked and wicked generation (spiritually perverted and perverse) among whom you are seen as bright lights (stars or beacons shining out clearly) in the dark world." (Phil. 2:14,15)
Be bigger than the problem through the power that Christ gives you. I have learned to be content in every situation. I can do everything He asks me to do with the help of Christ who gives me the strength and power. (Phil. 4:13)
