“Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church. He himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.”
There are a couple of things I want to make crystal clear before proceeding into this portion of Paul’s letter. This is an area of scripture that has been misused, avoided, watered down, and debated. It touches people right where they live; and quite frankly, our society has come to a place where the spiritual principles taught here run diametrically opposed to the conclusions that the modern day world thinks marriage, and the man/woman relationship should be.
So I’m going to say first of all, that to the very best of the ability God has given me, and backed by more thought and study than I’ve done for any part of this letter so far, and prayerfully, I am going to endeavor to bring to you what the Spirit of Christ has said through His Apostle. I don’t know how much of it you will like. But how you receive and apply it will be between you and God.
Secondly, I want to observe that there will be people hearing this and later reading it who are not presently married, and have either never been married, or have been in a relationship that died and they are now alone, and some who have had spouses who have passed away, and they do not intend ever to marry again.
Having made that observation, I want to say to you that the things you have an opportunity to learn here apply, nonetheless. They apply very simply because they teach much about the relationship between Christ and His church, and therefore between Christ and the individual. And in addition to that, they teach things that you may one day be able to refer to in helping someone you know who is married, or about to be married, and may be in need of some sound Christian counsel concerning what the marriage union is all about.
Let me interject here, that where teachers get off track I think, is when they take this passage and turn it into a symposium on marriage. Certainly there are some things to teach about the marriage relationship, but not to use as a spring board to tout some kind of ‘women are from Venus and men are from Mars’ philosophy about getting along in the home.
Teaching about the marriage relationship from these verses is only valid as long as Paul’s original intent is adhered to, which is, clarifying and magnifying the relationship between Christ and His bride, the church. Paul is applying the type of marriage, which it was intended to be, to expound these truths; not as a cure-all for marital squabbles and disharmony.
“You’re supposed to submit to me as to the LORD!” “Oh, yeah? Well you’re supposed to love me enough to DIE! SO DO IT!” We’re not going to get into that here.
True, if we understand these things and model our marriage after the relationship between Christ and the church we will enjoy great benefits. But that is secondary to the intended message.
Finally, I want to say something specifically to the wives. I want to ask you to pay careful attention to what you will hear today, not worrying about the man you live with and his problems. This is for all of us, but it is especially for you.
Please just be comforted by this; Paul addresses his exhortation to you, all in 3 verses. When he turns to the husbands, he needs 5.
SUBJECTION
To place or rank under. To obey. New American Standard Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible.
Now wives, I have good news and bad news. Which do you want first?
Good news: This word ‘subject’ is not in the Greek manuscripts in verse 22.
Bad news: The verse is a continuance of the thought of verse 21.
So Paul says, “…and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ” speaking to the fellowship of Christians generally, then gets more specific and says, “Wives, to your own husbands; as to the Lord.”
Husbands, I am not going to talk to you much today. But I want to pause right here for just a moment and call something to your attention. I hope you will get a sense of the burden of responsibility that this exhortation to the wives places on your shoulders.
If the Holy Spirit of God instructs wives to be obedient to you and under your authority, what does that say about the kind of husband you should be?
I hope you will contemplate that question off and on during the coming week, with great fear and trepidation. We’ll talk.
Ok, back to the wives.
I want you to consider today, wives, what a wonderful privilege is being given you in this exhortation of Paul’s.
In order to help you see it clearly, I have to back up to verse 21.
“…and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ”
This says a great deal to a very fundamental failure of the modern church. How often, if ever, do we witness a congregation of people truly submitting to one another?
And what wonderful blessings are we missing by not obeying this principle?
A few years ago I preached a seven-part series entitled, ‘Love As Christ Loved Us”. In the sermon there on Ephesians 5:21, “Subject to One Another”, I made this statement followed by a quote from Ray Stedman, which bears repeating here. I said,
Subjection to one another is being first, subject to Christ. In an article entitled, “The Cure For Conflict”, written in 1966 by Ray C. Stedman, he said:
“The great issue for the Christian must never be ‘what I want versus what he wants,’ but ‘What does Christ want me to do? What does He want out of this situation?’ The great question must ever be, ‘What does Jesus Christ, living in me, expect of this relationship?”
I like the way Stedman worded that, because his last question, “What does Jesus Christ, living in me, expect of this relationship?” reminds us that it is Christ living in us whom we must ever seek to please; to emulate; to be transformed by.
We cannot be consciously cognizant of His presence in us and with us; we cannot be seeking to emulate Him or obey him, while the primary focus of our efforts is to get what we want as opposed to what the other person wants.
Christ lived His life in obedience to the Father’s will, putting our needs before His own and making our interests (that is, what’s best for us) His highest concern.
He spoke of the need for us to die daily to self, to seek to serve, to lay down our lives for our brethren; and He asked nothing of us that He was not doing.
Philippians chapter 2 is a great proof text of what I’m saying here.
In verse 3 & 4 of that chapter, Paul says,
“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”
Then, following this exhortation, Paul shows us in almost poetic fashion, how our Lord set the example by doing just that. He speaks of Christ emptying Himself. Becoming humble. Being obedient even to the point of death.
So you see, believer, we can say that simply because He is God he has the right and authority to demand from us any thing He wishes. But praise Him forever, because of His willingness to lead the way down that path of obedience and humility and sacrificial love, He has earned the right to demand it, not only as our God, but as our Leader who has already, Himself, gone that route.
That’s why the Holy Spirit says, ‘…and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ’. For clarity’s sake, the NIV says, “…and be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
Will you allow me my own amplification of that? “…and submit to one another, putting each other first, as those who consider your brethren more important than yourself, out of reverence for Christ who put us first”
Folks, in a church where everyone is constantly taking the good of everyone else into consideration, and wanting to meet the needs of others whenever they can, and wanting for all interaction and decision-making to benefit the whole, and desiring to know and strive for what Christ in them would want their relationships to be, how could that congregation not be joyful, and Godly and fruitful in ministry, and attractive to others? Second question; how could any selfish, unloving, contentious, worldly person ever feel at home there?
PRETTY PICTURES
Married guys, do you have pictures of your wife around the house? In your wallet? I hope so. I hope seeing her face takes your breath away, no matter how many years you’ve been together.
I hope that when she walks into the room your eyes are drawn to hers like magnets, in admiration and appreciation of what you see there.
I have lots of pictures of my wife. We’re a visually oriented lot y’know…us guys.
And wives I want you to see and understand today, that God has made you into a pretty picture. One that takes His breath away.
He has made you a picture of His bride, the church.
It was His intention from the very beginning, when He blessed the first man with the first woman.
“So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh at that place. And the Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man” (Genesis 2:21,22)
A brief side note here. We are given this scene as through God’s eyes as he did it, or as a third party standing by and watching. But just for a moment, put yourself in Adam’s place. Imagine that you are alone, and you fall asleep, and when you wake up, there is Eve. Beautiful, smiling, and not only that, but smiling at you! What a present!
God did this so that we would understand, when the Christ hung in the sleep of death on the cross, and using the tool of the unwitting soldier He brought forth blood and water from His side to provide for the establishment of His church.
The blood for justification, and the water for sanctification.
And this is why it is vital, wives, that as believing wives you fill this role and fulfill this type with your subjection and obedience.
Wives, in a family where the wife is constantly taking the good of everyone else into consideration, and wanting to meet the needs of the others whenever they can, and wanting for all interaction and decision-making to benefit the whole, and desiring to know and strive for what Christ in them would want their relationship with their husband to be, how could that family not be joyful, and Godly and fruitful, and attractive to others?
And I submit to you, attractive to God. Because this is what He intended for the family and the role of the wife in the family to be. A picture of his church.
HEAD OF THE WIFE
Now there are three things we have to highlight from verses 23 and 24. The first is that the husband is the head of the wife.
Modern contemporary thought bristles at this declaration as chauvinistic, old fashioned, out-dated, small-minded, and probably a few less socially acceptable words that I wouldn’t say here anyway.
But the Holy Spirit says that the husband is the head of the wife. So we will deal with it.
First, Paul did not say, the man is the head of the woman. Splitting hairs? No. The man is not head of the woman.
The husband is head of the wife. Paul is talking, again, about that relationship that typifies Christ and the church.
Now I’m going to make a statement, and I want you to listen carefully to every word and understand me.
The husband is the head of the wife; her leader, her guide and protector; in the marriage relationship. As soon as he begins lording it over her as though superior by nature; as soon as he begins to mistreat her and bully her emotionally, physically, sexually, then he steps out of that husband/wife relationship and begins to try and be her head and ruler as man over woman. At that point the type of Christ and the church has been abandoned, the union ceases to be scripturally-based and managed, the man has over-stepped the bounds of his authority, and therefore surrendered his right to ask God’s blessing on his leadership of the home.
Now I’m getting awfully close to addressing the husband here, and that’s for next time we meet, God willing. So let me take this once more back to the wife.
Wives, you are commanded by the Holy Spirit, to be subject to your own husband, as to the Lord. Not that he is your lord, but as you are subject to the Lord, so be to your own husband as the one God has given you for guidance and leadership and protection.
He cannot properly fulfill his role as your husband, if you will not submit to him as wife to husband.
This doesn’t mean that you have to kowtow to his every stupid whim. When there’s two hundred and fifty dollars in the bank account, and the rent is coming due, and he wants to buy a two hundred and ten dollar video game, you are not bound by scripture to let the clod go out and buy it. I’ll even go farther and say if he comes home with it, you will not violate this dictate of scripture if you send him right back to the store for a refund.
Let me tell you very simply where the boundaries are. In so far as his action toward you and interaction with you fall within the scope of his being the protector of your body, you must submit to him. Because that’s what I see Paul exhorting you here, to do.
That can cover some decisions concerning management of a household, where you will go when alone and what time of day, business decisions and vocational changes; it can cover a lot of your daily life together. Not just protecting you from muggers or from vehicle accidents.
As decisions have to be made or actions taken that in any way take into consideration what is best and safest and most profitable for you; that build you up and honor you and lead you more closely to the Lord, and he is honestly before God attempting to fulfill his role and his duties in that role, you must be subject to him, as to the Lord. Because the Lord is the Savior of the Body. Let’s talk about that, as the second thing to highlight from these verses.
SAVIOR OF THE BODY
Please notice here, that in this verse Paul has said that the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church. So as he goes on and says, “…He Himself being the Savior of the body”, this implies very clearly to me that He sees the role of the husband to also be the savior of his wife’s body.
Now what do I mean by that?
Well, without actually turning there, we can begin by referring back to Genesis. If you read chapters 2:18 through 3:25, you can glean from the wording and the progression that God intended for man to take care of the woman, and to be her guide and protector.
She was created for him, to be at his side. When she was deceived, the man was held responsible for perverting the order God had specified. Rather than correcting her and getting her back on the right track, the man indulged with her.
When their sin was found out, the man, instead of defending her and treating her with honor, pointed a finger and tried to put his failure all on her head. In fact, he tried to implicate God in it too, as the One who had given the woman to him.
All through the scriptures, God’s laws, His reactions toward men who fail to fulfill their proper role and duty with their women, all these things clearly put forth the message that God expects the man to be the woman’s protector.
In addition to that, there is the natural inclination in men, generally, to be protective of the weaker sex. When they are not, when the inclination is not there, we see that as a problem. A short-coming. Maybe even cowardice.
Especially in the marriage relationship, where God considers the man and the woman to be ‘one flesh’. Gen 2:24
Wives, to live your role according to biblical principle, and to faithfully maintain the type of Christ’s bride in your relationship, you must allow your husband to protect you, and when necessary, to give you guidance in areas that concern your safety and well-being, and the defense of your honor.
Something that makes this difficult in our modern day society, is the larger percentage of women working outside of the home. Necessarily, in most cases, to be sure. I’m not here to criticize working wives and mothers today.
But one area in which this type of Christ and the church is put to a strenuous test, is that the working wife often finds herself in a position where it is impossible for her husband to act in that role of protector and defender.
It has not happened for a long time, and it has only happened on a couple of occasions since we came to this area; but there have been times when my wife was unjustly maligned, and came under vicious verbal abuse by one or two of the doctors working at our hospital.
Now folks today would say, ‘Well, that’s just the workplace. We all have supervisors, and sometimes supervisors have a bad day just like everyone else,…”, etcetera, etcetera.
But Christians I want you to know that when Lynn has come home and shared those things with me, as a man and as her husband, I have experienced a great deal of frustration and a sense of impotence, at not being free to search out those individuals and tell them that they will treat my wife with respect and honor, or suffer my wrath.
Even the laws of our government protect them from my indignation, and allow them to continue their abuse, within limits, unhindered by anyone outside of that workplace. It has not always been so.
There was a time when men fought the battles outside of the home, in order to survive and bring home the fruits of his labors. Now things are often turned around, and the woman is tossed out there to fend off the wolves and be her own protector, or allow her honor to be disrespected because she must keep her job, and she is defenseless against the bullies around her.
It should not be this way, but it is. But wives, I want you to be aware today, that your husband has been designed to want to protect you. And sometimes his actions and responses to things in your life may seem a little strange. He may seem a little too intense; a little too insistent, but in those times, if you stop and consider whether those strange actions may in some way reflect his desire to protect you and guide you and honor you, please let him. God made him that way.
Christ is the Savior of the body. And from the eyes of flesh it doesn’t make much sense; what He did; but He knew what was best, and He went nobly to a cruel death to be our Savior. As His Bride, His church, we must submit to Him as our Head and Savior.
SUBJECTION IN EVERYTHING
Final thought. Paul said, ‘…in everything.’ Darn. Don’t you just sometimes wish he’d end his sentences while they’re still fairly easy to digest?
Christians, I’m remembering a quote, I’ve used it before. If I remember correctly it was D. L. Moody, who asked, “If a man is hanging over a precipice by a chain of ten links, how many links must be broken in order to dash that man to his death?” The answer of course, being, only one.
He said this to emphasize that if one is to trust the Law for salvation, he must keep it perfectly. And of course, as Christians we know that it is impossible for us, in our own strength, to keep God’s laws perfectly. That is why Christ died for us; to fulfill the requirement of the Law, and accept the believer by grace through faith.
But the basic principle applies here, that if we as the Bride of Christ would call Him our Lord and our Savior to whom we owe all, and owe all allegiance, then to ignore His guidance or reject His protection or despise the honor He lends to us at any point, is to reject the whole.
He is either Lord of all, or He is not Lord at all. Is He your Lord?
Wives, the scriptural admonition is for you to allow your husband to be those things to you; guide, protector, honor-giver, in every area of your marriage and life together. There are some hard things coming up, to be spoken to the husbands. They will be said soon.
But I want to impress upon you in closing today, wives, that if you will let him be that man, you will inspire him to be what God intended for him to be toward you; and you will be blessed, and as a Christian couple, you will be a blessing.
