“Profitable Slave”
It was a spontaneous act. The temptation was more than I could bear. If you were in my place, I’m sure you would have done the same. I mean, if you saw the things that Philemon had, I’m sure you would have understood how much more I needed it and how little Philemon did.
It was mid-afternoon, and during that time Philemon is always at the market doing business with people. Rarely am I inside during that time of the day but it was pouring rain so I took the liberty of entering into Philemon’s house uninvited. It was risky, but I did it anyway. I just needed some time to dry off a bit. I stood in the house where Philemon and his group of Christian friends held their worship meetings. These friends came from all over, some from as far away as Rome, but most lived fairly close to the area. Philemon never had anything bad to say about his friends. He always spoke fondly of a man by the name of Paul. Paul was a devout Christian man who was a strong influence in Philemon’s life. I had seen Paul coming and going many times.
I had only been in this place a few times. What if Philemon were to ever walk in on me? I could just imagine how angry he would be. What would he do? He would probably whip me, that’s what! Yes, I was taking a considerable risk. It was a nice house. I never understood why anyone needed this much stuff. If it were me, I would be content with just half of what he owned. Oh well, some people are just lucky I guess. There was an oven on the other side of the room. Perhaps, I would dry off quicker if I stood over the oven for a while. As I made my way over my attention was shifted elsewhere. The greatest temptation that I had ever encountered was lying right there on Philemon’s table. I could feel my heart racing, the palms of my hands were clammy in no time. I couldn’t believe what was going through my mind.
Forget the oven, I was being warmed by sheer enticement. I understood the risk I would be taking, no I was taking a risk by just being in Philemon’s house. What I was thinking of doing was suicide. But I was completely blinded to what I knew to be right. But then I started asking myself what I really had to lose? I had nothing to live for anyway. My desire to take advantage of this once in a lifetime opportunity overwhelmed me and so I chose to look past my fear.
My body was cold, my arm numb as I reached for my prize. What was I going to do now? I was too bold for my own good. The deed was done and I had stolen a great deal of money, I had defied my master and now there was only one thing I could do now . . . run, run for my life. I knew I had to leave quickly because it wouldn’t take my master long to discover that his money was missing. I quickly packed what belonged to me and rushed off.
Beads of sweat were rolling down my face as I ran as fast as I could further and further from the only place that was home to me. I was at war with my conscience thinking about the magnitude of the decision that I had made. Now the question was, what now? Where do I run to? The odds were against me. Philemon knew more people than I ever did. No one would feel pity on me. And frankly, I wouldn’t blame them. Where do I go?
My name is Onesimus and I am a servant from Colossae of the household of Philemon. I am the exact opposite of my master, a man of no reputation. Nor will I ever have any. I have nothing to offer.
I don’t try and fool myself, I understand that someone like me isn’t considered a person really, but more like a living tool. In this world you learn to live with what you have been given in life. It’s not easy. I have learned to accept the scars and bruises that seem to come regardless of how hard I try to please people. The simple fact is my life isn’t worth the sandals that I wear.
My journey brought me to a large wheat field where I figured was secretive enough that I could relax privately. And so I attempted to sleep. Needless to say, I didn’t sleep well at all. I was too busy trying to come to grips with what I had just done. Never had I ever done anything this horrible. Perhaps the only time that came even remotely close was when I failed to meet stable requirements. I’ll never forget that day. I failed to clean the oxen stalls to Philemon’s satisfaction. I could have made excuses to try and defend myself, but it would have done me no good. Excuses are only excuses. I knew that and Philemon did as well. And I was punished severely that night.
But me stealing Philemon’s money was twice as bad as that. Not only did I steal what rightfully belonged to him, I ran away as well. I’ve heard stories of what happens to slaves who have misbehaved. I have heard of people like me being stamped with a hot iron on their forehead. They burn a letter ‘F’ on the person and that tells everyone around you’re a fugitive, a runaway. The worst I have ever heard of is slaves being crucified. I wonder if that would be me some day?
But I refused to dwell on that right now. At this point I needed to clear my mind so I could figure out where I was going to go from here. I felt so lonely . . . so isolated. I had no one now. Nobody to confide in. What had I done? What was to become of me? My spirit was broken. All of a sudden the money that I had taken didn’t seem that important. At that point, I wanted peace of mind more. Not only was what I did unforgivable. Even if it was forgivable, I just wasn’t worth forgiving.
The sun was high above me. I must have slept. I slowly rose, feeling the effects of lying on the rocky ground for hours. I brushed off the dirt that had gathered throughout the night and was quickly on my way.
I had to go to a place where I wouldn’t be recognized. The only place I could think of was Rome. Everything important took place in Rome. I knew that the chances of being discovered would be less likely if I surrounded myself in a large crowd. The only problem was Rome was so far away. But really, what else was I going to do? It’s not like I was pressed for time. I was in for a long journey. I had to find a ship that was going that way. I guess I was going to be spending Philemon’s money sooner than I had planned.
The trip at sea to Rome wasn’t good at all. The conditions on the boat were average at best. After weeks of sea sickness and bad sleeping conditions, I had finally arrived in Rome. It took about all the money I had taken from Philemon to get a ship to take me to Rome. Now it was official. It wasn’t worth the risk taking Philemon’s money. It all ended up being used to get away from Colossae and Philemon. I had no money for food, I had no money for shelter. I was worse off now than I would have been if I had just resisted the temptation and stayed in Colossae working for Philemon. I understood that Philemon had a friend named Paul in Rome. He always seemed so approachable. I guess if things got really bad, I could find him. But I wasn’t at that point yet. For now, I would fend for myself.
The problems I was facing were temporarily forgotten as I stood there in wonder like a wide-eyed child overlooking the magnificent spectacle that was Rome. I had never seen anything like it. How could anyone possibly prepare for something like this? The size, the buildings, Rome just wreaked of power and prestige. I could hear at a distance the sound of trumpets and flutes echoing in the background as players announced the presence of someone. Who was it? The emperor perhaps? Wow!
I could see thousands and thousands of people. Men with parcels and women with their baskets all preoccupied with their next order of business. Nobody had time for nobody. The greatest task would be staying out of the way of each other.
The comfort in all this pandemonium was that Rome was so immense and the likelihood of anyone recognizing me as Philemon’s slave was unlikely. This is where I would be able to blend in best with the rest of the world. This is where safety could be found.
Several months passed and the last bit of money that I used was for food and other small things. I hadn’t eaten in over two weeks and there was no reason to believe that I would find food any time soon. I was sleeping in dark alleys constantly being bitten by rats who I guess mistook me for food. It was awful and I was ready to take some risks. I was going to die if this continued. I had to make a choice, do I die out here on the streets or do I go and find Philemon’s friend Paul and see if he will help me? I knew that it was unlikely that Paul would help Philemon’s slave. He would probably call Philemon to come and get me. Either way, bad things were going to happen to me, so I decided to go find Paul.
After much searching I found out where Paul was. He was under house arrest. What on earth was he doing under house arrest? A nice guy like Paul? I couldn’t imagine him doing anything wrong. I went to him and it was true, Paul was being detained.
When I walked in Paul recognized me. He was unsure why at first but when I explained that I was Philemon’s slave, it all came back to him. At first he was taken back. I don’t know if he was more surprised that I wasn’t with Philemon or that I was in Rome. But he found out quickly when I explained to him what I had done and how I had come to him out of desperation.
I explained to Paul that I now understood having freedom from Philemon was not enough to make me happy. I was only living in fear. I stole what rightfully belonged to another and I was disobedient. This was a horrible act that could never be forgiven and it was eating away at me. I was wrong in what I did and now I was living as a slave to my own wrongdoing. I thought I was free but now I realize that I only exchanged slavery for slavery of a different kind. Every day that I walked the streets of Rome, I would always be looking over my shoulder wondering if the person that passed me actually recognized me.
There, I had done it. That was my whole story and now it was out in the open. Paul knew everything. I sat down, exhausted from my long admittance of guilt. My emotions were mixed at this point. Part of me was happy that I was able to release this burden to someone. At the same time though, I was anticipating what Paul was going to say and do with what I had just shared. I guess it was taking a while for Paul to process everything that I had just confessed. The room was quiet for a minute. It seemed much longer than that. I was dying to hear Paul’s response. Say something . . . anything!
Paul cleared his throat and then spoke. “I’m not going to sit here and tell you I agree with what you have done,” he said, “you deserve to be punished. How severe, I don’t know, that is not my decision. But I want to help you, as a friend, make the decision that is right for you.” With that, a tremendous sense of peace came over me. Paul was not condemning me, he was helping me. He was my friend at a time when I needed a friend the most. And for that I was grateful.
Many days passed and our friendship developed into a strong one. It is hard to explain the friendship that we shared. I guess I was just getting used to being respected and appreciated by another. There was something about Paul that made him different. He was so sincere, so honourable. Even in the midst of his circumstances, he never got angry at the world or with himself. He seemed to be at peace with everything. Jokingly, I asked him one night why he never seems to be downcast. He assured me that he has his bad days as well. But there have been fewer of those since he accepted Christ. “Can you tell me about Jesus?” I asked. And he told me his story of faith.
Apparently Paul was put in this situation for teaching against Jewish law. He told me that he believes and teaches that a man named Jesus was the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Jesus Christ, a man who lived for a short time apparently changed many lives before His death. Paul said he used to persecute Christians because their beliefs went against everything that he thought was true. I only knew a little bit about Christians. I was fairly certain that Philemon was one of them. I only knew what Philemon had said and frankly all of this Christian talk left me with more questions than answers. Because of this, I was willing to listen to what Paul had to say.
Paul told me about how God met him on his travels which was the moment that changed the way he viewed things completely. Paul explained to me that God requires a payment for sin. I immediately thought of the wrong that I had just committed just a short time ago. Paul said that because all people have done wrong only a perfect person could pay the price, and that person was none other than this Jesus.
Since Jesus is God’s only Son, He took the punishment for sin by being crucified for everyone. But Paul explained that Jesus only stayed dead for a short time. He actually rose from the dead three days later. Now Jesus was offering freedom from sin’s slavery to everyone who believed this story. That’s all that it took to become someone like Paul. If I accepted what this perfect human being did by faith, I would go to a place when I die where I would never have to worry about being a slave again. It sounded too good to be true. But if Paul was accepted by Jesus, maybe I would be too.
The story overwhelmed me and I wanted to believe. I admired Paul for his dedication and because of the respect I had for Paul as a person, I decided to believe the story that he had just told. So with Paul assisting me in the process, I fell on my knees and prayed for forgiveness for all the bad things I had done. I committed my life to God. It wasn’t much of a life, but it was all I had and I thanked God for accepting someone like me and I promised God that I would strive to make him proud of me. Tears started to swell up as I recognized what I had failed to see after all these years.
As soon as I took that step, a sense of calm fell over me. It was impossible to explain, but it happened. I was at peace with the world and with myself. I knew now that there was someone who could love even me, a lowly slave deserving of death. Now my focus was on what God wanted of me and not what people around me wanted.
I was assured for the first time in my life that somebody loved me unconditionally. That meant that it didn’t matter how many times I failed to meet people’s expectations, God would always love me as a son. God was never going to whip me or crucify me no matter what I did. My spirit was overjoyed. I was caught up with this newfound faith that Paul introduced me to. I was free, but with that freedom came the need to make the right choices.
It was important that I face Philemon, Paul said. And I knew that to be true. I realized that the only way I could offer thanks to God was to go back and serve my master with the same love and faithfulness that Jesus promised me, regardless of what happened. At that point, that calm feeling was gone. Was I afraid? No, I was terrified. But God gave me the strength and courage to look past my fear. I soon discovered that serving God is not always smooth saying. How can I explain this. It’s like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.
Paul applauded my decision to confront Philemon and he wrote a letter that I was instructed to take back with me. Paul spent several hours writing this letter and I was beside myself trying to figure out what the content of this letter was. Every now and then I would try to sneak a peak but Paul would have none of it. He asked me to leave his side while he wrote. Paul looked very serious as he concluded his letter writing. It worried me. After completing the letter, Paul allowed me to read it. I was grateful. The letter went like this . . . (read Philemon)
Paul made every effort to instruct Philemon to welcome me back as a fellow Christian. Paul went so far as to suggest to Philemon that he welcome me as an equal. I swallowed hard when I read that. I didn’t understand why we needed to ruffle Philemon’s feathers any more than necessary. Paul offered to pay back to Philemon whatever price he deemed necessary in order to make up what he lost because of me.
I left Paul with his blessing and made my way home with fear and trembling. But I went back with something that I didn’t have before . . . Jesus Christ. Oh, the peace that filled my heart during the journey home. Don’t get me wrong, I was still nervous, but I knew God cared for me and would look out for me.
Philemon was surprised to see me. The tension was unbearable. With my head lowered I offered him the letter and he snatched it from my grasp. I always knew when Philemon was angry. His face would always get red and his eyes looked like they could jump out and bite you. He opened it and read it carefully. After reading it, I could tell that Philemon was fighting a battle in his mind. I could see the anger in his eyes as he read and so I expected the worst, but the worst never came.
Philemon excused me to my chores without disciplining me and with that my heart was calm. The Philemon whom I confronted was not the same man I expected, he forgave me. I learned that day that even the worst acts can be forgiven if you really want to forgive. I don’t think he ever forgot what I did but he never brought the issue up again.
Although I was still Philemon’s slave, it was not the same. I was no longer a slave to sin. I had no desire to please myself, I wanted to please Jesus. I believed and was set free from sin. I was still a servant, but a free servant of the greatest master, Jesus Christ. I never expected forgiveness but I received it.
There were two people who deserved my appreciation. Philemon deserved my hard work and Paul was worthy of my thanks. But Jesus, because of His sacrifice and acceptance, was entitled to my life. And for the rest of my life I would seek to give God everything.
Many years would pass and my relationship with Jesus grew stronger each day. I didn’t remain a slave in Philemon’s house forever. God would call me in a different direction and Philemon gave me his blessing in pursuing that direction as I would become the Bishop of Ephesus in the first century church. My life was changed as the result of forgiveness from others.
Through all the acts of forgiveness, I learned several things. I learned the importance of seeing people as Jesus sees them. There are people around me who are hurting, people who have made mistakes in their lives. But it is not our responsibility to condemn. It is our responsibility to forgive. The way I see it, if God can forgive people like me and Paul with all the bad things we have done in our lives, the least I can do is forgive when put in the position to do so.
To close I would like to read a poem by Rosamond E. Herklots:
“Forgive our sins as we forgive,” You taught us Lord, to pray;
But you alone can grant us grace to live the words we say.
How can your pardon reach and bless the unforgiving heart
That broods on wrongs and will not let old bitterness depart?
In blazing light your cross reveals the truth we dimly knew:
How trifling others’ debts to us; how great our debt to you!
Lord, cleanse the depths within our souls and bid resentment cease;
Then, by your mercy reconciled, our lives will spread your peace.
