“The Unwanted Christmas Guest”
Psalm 118:19-29
A Christmas Monolog
December 14, 2003
Central Baptist Church
Mark D. Umbehagen
“It’s the most awfulness time of the year.”
(Singing to the tune of “It’s the most wonderful time of the year.”)
O hello, I did not know anyone was here.
I often come her just to think, walk around and see what’s going on.
In fact I would love to help you conduct your business or mission at hand.
O how rude of me, I have not introduced myself to you.
I am known by many names.
At one time I was the highest-ranking angle in heaven until God became confused over a simple misunderstanding.
For power to be appreciated by others it must be share with everyone.
It is not good for one person to make all the rules.
And anyway rules are made to be broken
It is never good to have the same person holding all the power even if he is the creator.
O well that is another story back to the task at hand.
I am known as Lucifer, Satan, The angle of darkness, and the devil himself.
And it is surely a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
You must be asking yourself why it is the most awfulness time of the year.
Well it’s that baby; all he did was to cause more problems.
His birth made life more complicated.
He made life more difficult.
It all started after the victory in the Garden of Eden.
A decisive victory for mankind if you ask me.
Just one step closer for me becoming God, the object of worship.
That is when The Lord Almighty began this foolish talk about Messiah, salvation, and a personal relationship with God.
I had worked for years proving to God that a strict set of rules and regulations could not possibly keep by mankind.
I was in favor of getting ride of the rules and just allow man to do as he pleases.
God just had to put his Holiness, Rightness and Justice aside and accept man without any conditions.
And if he couldn’t then I offered him my services to become the Supreme Being of the universe.
He could step down and I would be willing to take over.
Man could do what ever he wanted and I would accept him every one of them.
No rules and no conditions.
Except for one, that each one of them bows down and worship me as God, Supreme Being, and Creator.
After all I am worthy of the praise.
I am far more intelligent then God.
It started with an announcement made to Mary, a peasant girl that she would give birth to God’s son.
Rejoice, highly favored one, the Lord is with you; blessed are you among women.
“Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God.
And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bring forth a Son, and shall call His name Jesus.
He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Highest and the Lord God will give Him the throne of His father David.
And He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of His kingdom there will be no end.
Foo wie, if I had anything to say about this so-called kingdom it will come to an end and the sooner the better.
I just knew this baby was going to be problems.
Can you believe that a peasant giving birth to God’s son.
If it where me it would a powerful ruler in the world that would give birth to my son.
But a plan old simple ordinary low life giving birth to the Son of God.
All because she found favor with God.
A goody two shoes.
Following the rules and regulations that God set up.
O well I just knew this baby was going to be trouble and I had to do what ever I could to not let this happen.
What could I do…Joseph her betrothed ……yes.
Joseph how could this be.
Is impossible for anyone to have a baby unless that had been with a man?
Joseph you beloved Mary has been unfaithful to you.
She is not worth to be called your wife.
Joseph what would your parents think.
Joseph what would your friends think.
Put her away and move on with your life.
It is better for her to live in shame that for you to carry this shameful action for the rest of your life.
Joseph, Mary is not as innocent as what you think.
She has betrayed you.
You must turn you back on her.
I had him totally convinced until my replacement in heaven came down as a messenger of God and told him.
Joseph do not be afraid to take to you Mary your wife, for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit.
And she would bring forth a Son and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins.
I can’t believe he took her to be his wife.
I would have and I know people as smart as you would have not done it either.
Right?
Ok now what can I do.
I know I would appeal my case to Caesar, I think it is time for a census and taxes.
Yes Caesar each family should have to go back to their city of origin to register for the tax.
You know Caesar you can never have enough money.
Enough said.
Mary was great with child and I knew that this long journey would do that child in.
But if the journey did not work well…I know no room form them to rest.
They would have to stay outside in the weather.
That would be the end of Mary and this problem child.
I did everything I could to slow them up enough so that all the rooms would be taken.
Every where they went the story was the same, “I sorry but we have no room.”
Until they came across that poor simpleton of an Inn Keeper he offered them his stable.
Well it wasn’t outside in the harsh elements of the night, but I guess it would have to do.
Still I could not stop it from happening.
That evening in that dirty, smelly, animal infested barn she gave birth.
Like I said if it were my Son….He would have come into the world differently.
Let me tell you about the baby’s first guest.
I laughed until I though I would pass out.
Shepherds, low life shepherds, no one would believe their story.
Can you image them telling the average man or woman that they were in the fields keeping watch over their flock by night when an angle came unto them.
Saying, “Do not be afraid, for behold I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people.
For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.
And this will be the sign to you:
You will find the Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.
I did not worry too much who would believe a bunch of rough necks shepherds.
It was not until I heard about these rich wise men for the east that were seeking the child that I really became worried.
I had to get ride of him quickly before the news was been spread through a means that people would believe.
These wise men would be the ones who could ruin it all for me.
What could I do, confuse them, hold them up until they would never be able to find the child.
But the just kept coming.
I could not discourage them.
The hard I worked the more persistent they became.
Then came one of the greatest miracles that I have ever preformed.
I caused three grown, wise men to stop and ask directions.
Can you believe that a feat that I have not be able to perform since.
I let word get out to Herod the King that these wise men were seeking the King of the Jews.
Herod became insanely jealous because they were not seeking to worship him but this new baby.
Herod this child will overthrow you.
Herod they have brought gifts to honor this baby and to you they brought nothing.
You must find out where he is so that you can destroy him.
If not he would destroy you.
Make these wise men your friends and ask them to return and tell you where this child can be found so that you too may worship him.
Let them as much assistance as possible.
Win them over and then get rid of the child.
The wise men found Mary, Joseph and the baby and the brought gifts of Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh to him and then warned them about Herod.
The wise men returned to their home another way and did not go back and report to Herod.
This made me so very angry and I filtered my anger to Herod.
And together we punished the people of the region.
Some one had to pay for the slip up of these so-called wise men.
Every child male child up until age three would have to die.
And Herod placed the order.
However we did not get him.
To top it all off an angle came and told Joseph to flee to Egypt
He was still here and something had to be done.
I made the finding of that child Herod’s driving force.
Until the day he died I made this one thing the driving force of his entire life.
After Herod died they came back and settled in Nazareth.
And I continued to work hard.
He was a growing child about now somewhere about 12 years old and a trip was coming up.
A trip to Jerusalem to worship with his family.
I know I will separate him form them
He would not know what to do.
You know what he did he went to the temple and began to teach the priest.
This kid is big trouble he has to go.
He grew into a man and went into the desert to pray and I was there after forty days I went to appeal to him.
His human hunger but that did not work.
Testing God and that did not work.
Then I offered to give him everything I had control over.
The kingdoms of this world and that did not work.
I could see there was no way he was going to follow me.
So I would have to work hard to get people to turn against him.
Not to listen to him.
He must be killed and they needed to do it.
I appealed to selfish power of the religious leaders and that seemed to work.
He is not like you.
He teaches against the teaching that you uphold.
He walks among those who are not worthy of God’s love.
There is no way He is God’s Son
Just look at him.
For three years I worked to complete my task and then it appeared to be finished.
Even Jesus himself said it was finished.
He even asked his Father to forgive those who did this to him.
Like I needed to be forgiven.
Not me I don’t need his forgiveness.
He needed my forgiveness.
I had him right were I wanted him.
Tacked up on a cross dying.
He was going to be forgotten.
I had the greatest party you could ever image.
Until that cursed morning that Sunday morning when everything fell apart.
The Day that he rose up from the dead.
Completing God’s plan for Salvation.
Yes the day is going to come when I like all of God created creatures will bow and confess that Jesus Christ is Lord.
Yes that is the truth.
But that is not for me.
No and I plan to take as many men, women, boys and girls with me.
Only the weak minded buy into that salvation and heaven business.
But not me.
I too smart for that.
And I know you are also.
Just keep on listening to me.
Keep on doing those things that feel good.
Don’t worry about keeping the ways of that old ancient book.
It doesn’t work.
You can never work your way in favor of God.
So don’t try.
Just keep on thinking about yourself and what you want.
Just keep on following me.
Just keep on saying no to Jesus.
And we will spend eternity together.
I promise it will not be a mistake.
Well I need to go now.
I have an appointment with another Baptist Church.
Just remember everything I told you.
Hope to see you soon.
Bye now.
