FORGIVENESS MEANS HAVING TO SAY YOU’RE SORRY
(GENESIS 42:21-22, 44:33-45:8, 50:15-21)
The first time we experience clogging in our double-basin kitchen sink in the States was a nightmare. The water would drain from the left basin and come up on the right basin. Since our regular handyman was out of town, we waited until we could not stand the smell anymore and later asked a friend for the name and phone of his handyman.
When the husband and wife team arrived four smelly days later, they first unscrewed the pipes and collected the leftover smelly water with a bowl into a plastic bag. Later they used a 40-feet snake to drain the clogged pipes. They said with satisfaction that the 40-feet snake was close to tunneling its way to the main street drain. I was impressed! After collecting and washing the snake, the husband turned on the tap water to test the drain. He collected a pool of water in the sink and then unplugged the strainer, expecting to see the water whirling down the drain.
Unfortunately, the water still rushed up the other basin. He then went to his van to get a 100-foot long snake to finish the job. The man showed us the oil solids that were clogging up our pipes and advised us to use hot water more to drain the pipes. We paid $50 for an hour of work, but the money was well spent on fresh air, a clean home and a peace of mind.
The unforgiving person has been compared to a cesspool of still, dirty and foul water. It's been said that forgiveness is a choice not to hold a sin against a person any longer. The longer you leave the blockage alone, the more resistant it gets. What is stuck, decomposed and coagulated in an unforgiving heart is an ugly sight. Every hard-earned dollar you spend on cleaning up, flushing out and washing down the accumulated garbage from unforgiving is worth its long-term investment.
Seven years after the good years had passed, Joseph's brother traveled down to Egypt for food. The famine had not only affected Egypt but also the surrounding regions. The brothers had forgotten about him, but Joseph did not forget what they did to him years ago. However, he also remembered what God had done for him and recognized that the power of forgiveness was in his hands. The word “forgive” made its first Bible appearance in Genesis 50:17, a fitting end to the development of the book and a glorious start to the birth of the new nation.
What is the purpose of forgiveness? Why is forgiving better than avoidance, resentment or vengeance? How do we begin the process, and when does it end?
Don’t Carry Baggage; Apply Bandages
21 They said to one another, “Surely we are being punished because of our brother. We saw how distressed he was when he pleaded with us for his life, but we would not listen; that's why this distress has come upon us.” 22 Reuben replied, “Didn't I tell you not to sin against the boy? But you wouldn't listen! Now we must give an accounting for his blood.” (Gen 42:21-22)
The Los Angeles Times (2/26/93) reported that a high school coach mistakenly listed only one of the Stucky twins, Jon and Jay Stucky, in the official scorebook to play a basketball game with a rival school.
In the course of the match, one of the twins was injured just before the first half ended. At halftime, the coach wanted to use the other twin to substitute for the injured brother, but that would result in a technical foul because his name was not previously submitted. So the coach instructed the substitute twin to use his injured brother's jersey and assumed his brother’s identity, thereby avoiding a technical foul for using an unlisted player.
The Stuckys looked so much alike that even the other team's coach and players were unaware of the switch. The substitute twin helped his team win a tight game, 68-65. After the game, the coach knew he had done wrong and his conscience bothered him. He talked to the principal of the school and voluntarily turned himself in to the state. The coach and the substitute twin gladly submitted themselves to the punishment handed to them and sat out the one-game suspension.
Without coercion, Joseph's brothers finally confessed to a family secret they had harbored for more than twenty years. They were perennial hostages and prisoners to their hatred (Gen 37:4-5, 8), jealousy (Gen 37:11) and lie (Gen 37:11-12). Two decades after their senseless act of selling their brother, they used three words to confess and bury their previous nagging, mounting and indicting feelings that refused to go away or die down. The brothers were haunted and hassled by their actions: “Surely we are ‘being punished’ because of our brother. We saw how distressed he was when he pleaded with us for his life, but we would not listen; that's why this distress has come upon us” (Gen 42:21).The first NIV verb in verse 21 “being punished” appears like an action imposed on them as offenders, but the Hebrew phrase“very + guilty”– “guilty” appearing for the first time in the Bible - movingly reflects the shame, suffering and sorrow from guilt lodged within their hearts and pointedly described what had been scaring, stifling, strangling them. The verb “punish/guilty” described the torment and turmoil in their hearts, how ill at ease they were for the last twenty years.
Next, Joseph's brothers used the noun “distress” twice in verse 21. The regular KJV translations for this word are troubles (Deut 31:17), and tribulations (Judg 10:14), adversity (2 Sam 4:9) and afflictions (2 Chron 20:9).They remembered the total shock on Joseph's face, the physical pain, the emotional stress and mental anguish their brother suffered and witnessed his frantic, flapping but futile actions when they first stripped him of his robe, then threw him into a pit and finally sold him away to strangers.
Finally, the brothers moaned about how they “wouldn't listen” (v 21, “we would not listen”), seconded by Reuben who chided his brothers for not listening (v 22, “you wouldn't listen!”).
The two decades of bondage to guilt was not only felt by Reuben (Gen 42:22), but by Judah, too (Gen 44:18). Reuben’s admission of “blood” in verse 22 is interesting. The brothers actually did not shed any blood. Reuben's strong words to his brothers prevented them from shedding any blood or laying their hand on Joseph (Gen 37:22). In fact, they did not even hit him, though they did eventually cast him into a pit. But whether the brothers touched Joseph or not, struck him or not, hurt him or not, Joseph's blood was still stamped on their hands, fresh in their minds and counted to their record.
Forgiveness brings healing. It sets someone free from the chains, burdens and years of bondage. Have you hated, despised and begrudged someone for weeks, months, and years? Set them free, find relief for yourself and make brothers of your enemies.
Don’t Exact Blood; Embrace Brotherhood
18 Then Judah went up to him and said: “Please, my lord, let your servant speak a word to my lord. Do not be angry with your servant, though you are equal to Pharaoh himself. 19 My lord asked his servants, 'Do you have a father or a brother?' 20 And we answered, 'We have an aged father, and there is a young son born to him in his old age. His brother is dead, and he is the only one of his mother's sons left, and his father loves him.' 21 “Then you said to your servants, 'Bring him down to me so I can see him for myself.' 22 And we said to my lord, 'The boy cannot leave his father; if he leaves him, his father will die.' 23 But you told your servants, 'Unless your youngest brother comes down with you, you will not see my face again.' 24 When we went back to your servant my father, we told him what my lord had said. 25 “Then our father said, 'Go back and buy a little more food.' 26 But we said, 'We cannot go down. Only if our youngest brother is with us will we go. We cannot see the man's face unless our youngest brother is with us.' 27 “Your servant my father said to us, 'You know that my wife bore me two sons. 28 One of them went away from me, and I said, “He has surely been torn to pieces.” And I have not seen him since. 29 If you take this one from me too and harm comes to him, you will bring my gray head down to the grave in misery.' 30 “So now, if the boy is not with us when I go back to your servant my father and if my father, whose life is closely bound up with the boy's life, 31 sees that the boy isn't there, he will die. Your servants will bring the gray head of our father down to the grave in sorrow. 32 Your servant guaranteed the boy's safety to my father. I said, 'If I do not bring him back to you, I will bear the blame before you, my father, all my life!' 33 “Now then, please let your servant remain here as my lord's slave in place of the boy, and let the boy return with his brothers. 34 How can I go back to my father if the boy is not with me? No! Do not let me see the misery that would come upon my father.” (Gen 44:18-34)
Once upon a time, two brothers who lived on adjoining farms had a serious conflict. They had farmed side by side, shared machinery, and traded labor and goods without a hitch for 40 years. A small misunderstanding had widened into a major difference and exploded into an exchange of bitter words.
One morning a carpenter knocked on the older brother's door. “I'm looking for a few days of work,” he said. “Perhaps you would have a few small jobs here and there.” “Yes,” said the older brother. “Look across the creek at that farm. That's my neighbor, in fact, he's my brother. Last week my brother took his bulldozer to the river levee and created this creek between us from what was a meadow. So I want you to build an 8-foot fence so I won't need to see his place anymore.” The carpenter said, “I think I understand the situation.”
The older brother helped the carpenter get the materials ready before he disappeared. The carpenter worked hard all day measuring, sawing, nailing. About sunset when the farmer returned, his eyes opened wide, his jaws dropped. A bridge -with handrails and all - stretched from one side of the creek to another. His younger brother was crossing the bridge, his hands outstretched, and said, “You are quite a brother to build this bridge after all I've said and done.” The two brothers stood at each end of the bridge, met in the middle, took each other's hand. They turned to see the carpenter leave. “No, wait, stay a few days. I've a lot of projects for you to do,” said the older brother. The carpenter replied, “I'd love to stay, but I have many bridges to build.” (Adapted)
Barbarians, cavemen and headhunters do not forgive. It takes a wise, kind and godly man to forgive. Joseph saw that his brothers really meant what they said. They tore their clothes (Gen 44:13) upon the realization of losing Benjamin - just like their grieving father Jacob did when Joseph was supposedly dead. Judah (44:38), who proposed selling Joseph to slave-traders for profit (Gen 37:26) in a previous era, shared that they had seen how their father had suffered for many years (44:27-33) and offered himself as a hostage to Joseph in place of Benjamin, as compensation for the way he had mistreated Joseph, Benjamin’s brother. Judah's willing sacrifice showed his heartfelt sincerity, radical transformation and true conversion. Joseph was touched by the heart-to-heart, eye-to-eye, word-to-word confrontation with his offenders.
Joseph saw that his brothers were stricken in their hearts, scared out of their minds and shaking their heads in disbelief. More importantly Joseph knew that they cared for their father and youngest brother. Besides calling himself “thy servant” (vv 18*2, 30, 31), Judah said they had an aging father, a dead brother and a youngest surviving brother (v 20). Their father’s life is closely bound up with the boy's life (Gen 44:30). Judah was most willing to be a slave forever than to return home empty without Benjamin (v 33). He would rather bear the blame than see the agony (Gen 44:32-34).
Two words stirred and moved Joseph. Judah recalled his father’s “sorrow” (Gen 44:31), which is specific to Jacob alone in the book (Gen 42:38, 44:31), and his previous “guarantee” (Gen 43:9, 44:32), which is exclusive to Judah in Genesis. Joseph heard that his father Jacob was hit so hard by the news of his death that he wore sackcloth (Gen 37:34), the first person to do so in the Bible. The breaking point and turning point for Joseph was Judah’s passionate concern for the well-being of his “father,” a word that occurs 14 times in the chapter, doubling the seven times the word for “brother” (Gen 44:14, 19, 20, 23, 26*2, 33) and “boy” (Gen 44:22, 30, 31, 32, 33*2, 34). Conventional wisdom says the foremost person the brothers cared for is their brother Benjamin, but the truth is that they were more concerned for their father’s health. The words “brother” and “boy” each occurs seven times in the chapter, but the word “father” doubles it to 14 times in the chapter, as demonstrated by Judah’s tender and touching reference to his father: we have an aged father (v 19), his father loves him (Gen 44:20), his father will “die” without the boy (Gen 44:22, 31), father…life is closely bound up with the boy's life (v 30), and misery/evil would come upon his father (Gen 44:34). Further, all four ominous references to the grave (Gen 37:35, 42:38, 44:29, 44:31 ) in Genesis are reserved for none other than their father Jacob’s fate that was bound in the two youngest sons he loved. Judah began and ended his passionate plea with two jussives in each verse (vv 18.33): let speak... not be angry (v 18)… remain … return (v 33).
Witnessing Judah’s attempt to secure his brother’s release, Joseph could no longer react negatively, answer rudely and behave cruelly. Physical, emotional and mental abuses were not his options and obsession. Joseph lost the will to berate them, punish them and warn them to shape up or ship out and not to count their chickens or blessings so fast. He did not have it in him to make them write lines, do community service or take hatred, jealousy and lying management classes. A forgiving person offers a bandage to people in bondage - the kind of bandage that heals wounds, scabs and incisions.
Are you still throwing eggs, bricks or daggers at others? Have you applied bandages on yourself or on those who hurt you? Have the suffering and salvation of Jesus affected your relationship with the unloving, the unkind and the ungracious?
Don’t Keep Blacklists; Close Books
15 When Joseph's brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, “What if Joseph holds a grudge against us and pays us back for all the wrongs we did to him?” 16 So they sent word to Joseph, saying, “Your father left these instructions before he died: 17'This is what you are to say to Joseph: I ask you to forgive your brothers the sins and the wrongs they committed in treating you so badly.' Now please forgive the sins of the servants of the God of your father.” When their message came to him, Joseph wept. 18 His brothers then came and threw themselves down before him. “We are your slaves,” they said. 19 But Joseph said to them, “Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? 20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. 21 So then, don't be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them. (Gen 50:15-21)
A long time ago, a newly married girl named Li-li couldn't get along with her mother-in-law who lived with the newly-weds. Their personalities and habits clashed. They never stopped arguing and fighting. And traditionally, Li-li had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish. Finally, Li-li could not stand her mother-in-law's bad temper and dictatorship any longer.
Li-li went to see a family friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs, told him the situation and asked for some poison to slip into her mother-in-law's meals. She even agreed to do whatever Mr. Huang told her. Mr. Huang then gave her a package of herbs and told Li-li, “To eliminate suspicion, I have given you a number of herbs to slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare some pork or chicken and put a little of these herbs in her serving. Also, act very friendly towards her so that nobody suspects you when she dies. Don't argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen.”
Li-li began serving the specially prepared food to her mother-in-law. She controlled her temper, obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother. For the next six months, Li-li was almost never upset or had an argument with her kindler and friendlier mother-in-law. They were like mother and daughter.
In horror, Li-li came to Mr. Huang and pleaded tearfully, “Mr. Huang, please help me to keep the poison from killing my own mother-in-law! She's changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not want her to die.” Mr. Huang comforted her, “Li-li, I never gave you any poison. I gave you vitamins to improve her health. The only poison you had was in your mind and your attitude.” (Adapted)
Forgiveness is not cheap grace, empty talk or trouble-free. Many years had passed since the brothers arrived in Egypt. Their father Jacob passed away in Egypt after seventeen years in the new country (Gen 47:28). After the funeral, the brothers again panicked and begged Joseph for forgiveness. They were afraid that reality, regret and repercussions might set in, and Joseph would show resentment, demand reparation and pursue revenge. The brothers did not understand that the path to forgiveness was completed 17 years ago (Gen 41:46, 53) when they returned with Benjamin. The death of their father did nothing to cancel or annul Joseph’s forgiveness.
Amazingly and aptly, the last imperative in Genesis is “forgive,” not just once but twice the imperative in verse 17. It implies that forgiveness must be dealt on the double, time and again, unceasing in effort. The brothers confessed to their trespass, sin and evil (KJV) in verse 17, the words that the brothers failed to acknowledge previously in their first encounter (Gen 44). Trespass is against others, sin is the act and evil is its nature.
The gracious Joseph never regretted forgiving his brothers. When Joseph forgave his brothers 17 years ago, he forgave them consciously, compassionately and continuously. No one in the Bible wept as often as Joseph (Gen 42:24, 43:30, 30, 45:14, 14, 15, 46:29, 50:1, 3). He meant his word, decision and stance - not for his father's sake, but for their sake, not out of his sympathy for them, but out of God's kindness to him, and not because their father instructed but because Joseph insisted. In his sincere and selfless forgiveness, Joseph walked the second mile. His words before and after their father’s death were the same: “I will provide for you and your children.” (Gen 45:11, 50:21)
Joseph made a decision to commute his brother’s sentence, shorten their sorrow, and expunge their record there and then. Amazingly, there is no record of Joseph ever mentioning to Jacob his betrayal, slavery or imprisonment. His message to his brothers for their father was terse and positive: “Tell my father about all the honor accorded me in Egypt and about everything you have seen” (Gen 45:13). The past that haunted the brothers for the22 years of Joseph’s disappearance was more than adequate punishment by itself. Joseph did not know that they were still carrying the guilt with them for the 17 years their father was in Egypt, and he again released them from carrying their guilt to their deathbed, assuring them “don’t be afraid” twice (vv 19, 21) in a chapter, which is rare in the Bible. Altogether, they had carried the burden for 39 years – 22 years before meeting Benjamin (Gen 37:2, 41:46, 45:6) and 17 years of Jacob’s sojourn in Egypt (Gen 47:28).
Forgiveness is not based on merit, but out of grace and love. The barriers were removed and the bridge was built 17 years ago when Joseph reunited with his brothers. There was no reason to rehash, revisit or reverse the past.
In two conversations with his brother, Joseph fixed his eyes on what God did, not how he suffered. First, God “sent” (Gen 45:5, 7, 8) Joseph to the place of Egypt for the dual purpose to preserve a remnant and to save their lives (Gen 45:7). Second, God gave Joseph an unsurpassed position- God “made/appoint” him lord of all Egypt (Gen 45:9). Finally, God’s plan to turn things around: God “meant” it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people (Gen 50:20).
Conclusion: Lucy explained to his manager Charlie Brown at the end of a game why she lost sight of the baseball: “Sorry I missed that easy fly ball, manager. I thought I had it, but suddenly I remembered all the others I've missed, and the past got in my eyes.” Is the sight, talk and recollection of a time, a person or an accident in the past stuck in your eyes? Has it stirred up anger, pain or resentment? Have you become cynical, calculative or cold in your heart? Have you asked the Lord to help you to forgive the past, to dwell on the present and to pray for a new day? Forgiveness is based on God’s faithfulness and not man’s feelings. It is a choice and not a compromise. The key to the future is in living in the present and not the past.
Victor Yap
Bible.ryl.hk (Grammar Bible)
preachchrist.com (Sermons)
