Learning to Give Honor
5-12-02
Intro: Text= 5th commandment as recorded in --Deut. 5:16
1. Here we have an INSTRUCTION for living that’s full of promise.
How many would like for your “days to be long” and for it to “be well with you”?
Sounds like a life full of blessing & happiness.
2. The Hebrew word translated honor is “Kabad”. Its basic meaning= “Weighty”. It is a call to recognize & esteem the Value of one’s father & mother.
N.T. word Greek is “Time” (pronounced “tee-may”) which basically means value or price paid.(1)
To Honor another person is to Value that person- to respect & esteem that individual-to regard the importance of him or her.
3. The Essence of Life is our Relationship-with God, with Ourselves, and with Other people.
If that is working everything work. If that’s Not working no amount of money, fame, prestige, or anything else will make us happy.
An Essential Key to living a long, fulfilling life is right here in our text. That key is learning to give honor to others.
4. Today, we want to see how this Commandment is a Training for Life- (How it teaches us a most fundamental Lesson essential in all our Relationships).
Three Lessons Learned in the Process of Obeying 5th Command
I. We learn How to Relate to Others!
Vital to effective relationships is this giving to them appropriate Honor.
1. I’m not talking about giving Flattery. That is a terrible perversion to the real thing.
Flattery is insincere and manipulative. It is motivated entirely by Self Interest.
Scripture strongly warns us against flattery.
On other hand, we all need affirmation, encouragement, and respect.
2. The Husband/Wife Relationship is built upon mutual trust and respect.
A Wife honors her husband by expressing respect for him—a kind of awe and regard for his ability and leadership. She does not belittle him —although she knows his weaknesses better than anyone else. But she supports & encourages him and Brings out Best in him by honoring him before others and valuing him as her husband.
A Husband honors his wife by loving her and Cherishing her. That which is of great value to us we protect, we guard, we nurture. In both husband and wife we’re talking about giving honor. It’s just needed in a little different way as a general rule for each gender.(2) The husband who has learned to properly honor woman in his life will cherish her and “it will go well with him” in the home.
But, where does he learn to treat a woman like that? Hopefully from his father’s example.
He also learns it by the process of honoring his mother. “Honor your father & mother as the Lord has commanded you…”
Where does a wife learn to treat her husband with respect and high regard? In home as little girl who obeys the command “Honor your father & mother as the Lord has commanded you…”.
Parents, whether we choose to or not, we are teaching our sons and daughters how to relate to their future husband or wife. We are doing it by example and by Expecting them to obey the 5th Commandment with promise. The child who learns to honor father and mother will be well trained to cherish his wife or to respect her husband. Knowing how to give honor in the home is essential to a healthy marriage. That’s one way it “goes well with us.”
1 Peter 3:7 “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”
Here is another way goes well for us: our prayers get answered.
“Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding…”. What kind of understanding?
Understanding her needs, understanding how to appropriately cherish her and love her.
“…giving honor to the wife, as the weaker vessel..”—not weaker emotionally or intellectually but physically. Recognizing you are on equal ground before God as “…heirs together of the grace of life…”. We’re not saying a person can’t have a good marriage if these principles weren’t leaned as a child. But it is exceptional for that to happen.
We do our children a great service by teaching them to honor us as parents. We don’t require the respect to somehow bolster our fragile ego. We require it as a training and preparation in their life.
That means any disrespect must be addressed and corrected—not ignored—but addressed in love.
3. Now let’s broaden the application by turning to I Peter 2:17 “Honor all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king.” Here is a radical call to honor all people. Now how in the world can I do that when some of them are blasphemers, adulterers, thieves, etc.? I do it based on a world-view developed while I honored my father and mother. Does the 5th commandment say, “Honor father and mother if they deserve it”? No. There is no qualification to the command. The honor is given simply on the basis of who they are in relationship to me.
By God’s sovereign design they are my parents. As my parents they are my first relationship with authority and the first representatives of God that I encounter in life. I learn to give them honor not on the basis of performance but on the basis of their position and human dignity. I may not respect some of their behavior—some of their behavior may be reproachful. But their God-given office as parents is an honorable office and there something about them I can appreciate and respect.
So I learn to look for that in others that I can esteem and appreciate and give them honor in that.
Matthew 7:12 “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
4. As we do that a wonderful thing happens. We begin to reap what we sow. We have sown honor and encouragement and we begin to receive that back in our relationships with other people. On the other hand, if we sow criticism, if we belittle and attack—that is what will rebound into our lives.
If we grew up not giving honor to our parents, but to the contrary disrespect and reproach—we will tend to mirror that in our adult relationships and wonder why people reject us. The fundamental key to human relationships that is learned in pursuing the 5th commandment is a healthy perspective toward others and the skill of giving them honor.
While obeying the 5th commandment we also learn
II. How to Relate to Ourselves!
We develop a wholesome attitude of self-respect.
1. There is an intimate relationship between who I am and who my parents are. If I learn to give honor to my parents—guess what?—I am indirectly learning to honor and embrace who I am.
The child who dishonors his parents is learning to dishonor himself. He will mirror that in his attitude toward himself. (3)
2. It is very difficult to give what don’t have. I said earlier that giving honor to others is basic to healthy relationships. But we need the security of self-respect to draw upon. What if I have no sense of honor to give? What if all I feel is shame and inferiority and disgrace? Then I will tend to assume rejection and defend myself by attacking others rather than affirming them. That draws a counter attack. If I am in that kind of vicious circle I need God’s healing in my life. The good news is—He is our Healer—He restores that which the cankerworm has eaten—He leads us in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.
All of us grew up in dysfunctional homes—it’s just a question of how dysfunctional. That’s why our minds must be renewed so that God’s thinking gets into our thinking.
3. A healthy, Biblical view of self is “sober”, honest, and realistic. Humility (Not Pride) leads to self acceptance. Pride demands more than we could ever give.
Pride produces a sense of inferiority and causes us to be terribly disappointed with who we are.
Sometimes that is mistaken for humility.
But humility is empowering. It enables us to take the lower seat and let God raise us up in due time.
“Godliness with contentment is great gain.”
That’s why scripture always calls us to humility when it talks about of attitude toward self.
Rom 12:3 “For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.”
When we think too highly of ourselves we begin to compare ourselves with others and go into a performance mode rather than a grace mode. Paul said “By the grace of God I am what I am.”
I’m not a nobody—I’m somebody created by God for His eternal purposes, redeemed by the precious blood of Christ—valuable in the eyes of God. But, so are others. And we are to esteem them accordingly—not pushing and shoving, trying to prove something to ourselves.
Phil 2:3-8 “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. 4Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. 5Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, 6who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, 7but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. 8And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.”
The world will never understand that kind of thinking. Self-acceptance is not trying to be better than others—but humbling ourselves and letting God make us what He wants us to be. Humility frees us from the pursuit of our own honor and paradoxically that brings a sense of honor. Prov. 25:27
“…to seek one’s own glory is not glory.”
We learn to honor others—beginning with father and mother—rather than focusing entirely upon ourselves. We learn to seek the glory of another—and low & behold glory comes to us. A sense of honor, dignity, and self-acceptance is found in that way. Out of that flows honorable behavior.
4. One of the greatest discoveries any person can ever find is How to Live with one’s self. I’m stuck with me forever. I can’t divorce myself and leave me. Even if I die I’ve still not escaped from myself. For all eternity I must live with me. So I need to find a way to do it.
Heb 13:18 “Pray for us; for we are confident that we have a good conscience, in all things desiring to live honorably.” I want to have a good conscience and live honorably, don’t you?
Someone has wisely said, “The man who can’t stand himself can’t stand much else.”
The is a French Proverb that says “When a man finds no repose in himself, it is vain for him to seek it elsewhere.” (4) The life we live between our ears can affect everything around us.
This poem that says it well:
Am I True to Myself? by Edgar Guest
I have to live with myself, and so
I want to be fit for myself to know
I want to be able, as days go by,
Always to look myself straight in the eye;
I don’t want to stand, with the setting sun,
And hate myself for things I have done.
I don’t want to keep on a closet shelf
A lot of secrets about myself,
And fool myself, as I come and go,
Into thinking that nobody else will know
The kind of man I really am;
I don’t want to dress up myself in sham.
I want to go out with my head erect,
I want to deserve all men’s respect;
But here in the struggle for fame and pelf
I want to be able to like myself.
I don’t want to look at myself and know
That I’m bluster and bluff and empty show.
I can never hide myself from me;
I see what others may never see;
I know what others may never know,
I never can fool myself, and so,
Whatever happens, I want to be
Self-respecting and conscience free.(5)
In obeying the 5th commandment we also learn
III. How to Relate to God!
1. The first representative of God a person meets is his parents. He arrives in this world totally helpless. He arrives hungry and there is Mom to feed him. He arrives defenseless and there is Dad to protect him. As an infant he has not yet developed his theology. All he knows is his parents are there to love him and care for him.
How is he to respond to that? He is to learn to give appropriate respect and honor to Mom and Dad.
Then one day he comes to realize and know a source beyond Mom and Dad. He comes to know God as his Heavenly Father. How will he relate to God?
2. He will tend to Relating to God in Same Way he learned to relate to God’s first representatives in his life. “Honor your father and mother, as the Lord has commanded you…”
How do you spell honor? R-E-S-P-E-C-T!
Now we come to his relationship with God which is significantly impacted by his relationship with father and mother.
3. “The Fear of the Lord is the Beginning of Wisdom…”(6) The Living Bible says “For the reverence and fear of God are basic to all wisdom…” We learn to give appropriate honor to God through learning to honor our father and mother. That world-view, that skill, that life orientation is basic to all wisdom—basic to our relationship with God.
4. Think about the Promises of 5th Commandment –Deut. 5:16 “Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may be well with you in the land which the LORD your God is giving you. (NKJV) There are two aspects of that promise:
a. “…that your days may be long
b. and that it may be well with you…”
How does that happen? It is ultimately fulfilled in the person’s relationship with God. It happens as the lessons in respect toward Mom and Dad flow into a healthy respect for God as our Heavenly Father.
Ps 34:11-12 “Come, you children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
12Who is the man who desires life, And loves many days, that he may see good?”
Do you see the connection between the fear of the Lord and a long life filled with goodness?
Prov 1:7-8 “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, But fools despise wisdom and instruction. 8My son, hear the instruction of your father, And do not forsake the law of your mother;
Do you see the connection between the fear of the Lord and hearing instruction from parents?
Prov 9:10-11 "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. 11For by me your days will be multiplied, And years of life will be added to you.”
Prov 10:27 “The fear of the LORD prolongs days, But the years of the wicked will be shortened.
Prov 19:23 “The fear of the LORD leads to life, And he who has it will abide in satisfaction;
He will not be visited with evil.” NKJV
I want to suggest that in general the way the promises of the 5th commandment become effectual in our lives is this:
--Learning to respect and honor our parents as a child teaches us to give appropriate respect and honor to God.
--That produces a life of obedience that God can bless and protect.
5. There is also a relationship between honoring Parent, honoring God and carrying dignity and honor in our own soul.
Prov 14:26 “In the fear of the LORD there is strong confidence…”
Do you want to be a confident person? It is found here.
Prov 15:33 “The fear of the LORD is the instruction of wisdom, And before honor is humility.”
This suggests what we said earlier about respecting ourselves—it comes through humility, not pride.
Conclusion (7)
1. A successful, blessed life is founded upon how to give honor.
2. Through obedience to the 5th Commandment we learn how to give appropriate honor. We learn
-- How to Relate to Others!
-- How to Relate to Ourselves!
-- How to Relate to Our God!
3. What a blessing it is to have parents who teach us that as a child. This Mother’s Day is a great time to tell them how much we appreciate and value that. I trust that every Parent here sees the importance of that training in your kids lives.
4. There are perhaps many who would say, “Pastor, if I were to be honest I would have to say that I struggle in all the areas you’ve talked about this morning. I struggle with my own self-acceptance and esteem. I struggle with this thing called the fear of God. I struggle in my relationships. What about me?” I’ve got good news—it’s never too late to do the right thing. By the grace of God it is possible to recognize what’s wrong and change it. We are not doomed to defeat just because we didn’t learn these lessons early in life. It would have been nice, but the past cannot be changed. What can be changed is the present. Rom 12:2 “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”
The word of God energized by the influence of the Holy Spirit can change our view of ourselves,our view of God, our view of others. He can teach how to honor God, how to appropriately honor others, and how to appropriately honor the way God has made us.
I want to invite you to join with me in prayer as we ask God to do that.
“Heavenly Father, be the teacher in our lives. Teach us how to “Honor all people.” Teach us how to give you glory and honor. Teach us how to live in humility and grace and simple be what you’ve called us to be.”
NOTES:
(1) Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance O.T. # 3513 and N.T. #5091
(2) Ephesians 5
(3) In our society there is a frantic pursuit of self-esteem and self-acceptance. It is my opinion that pursuing this directly as the goal is self defeating because it keeps the focus in the wrong place.
The problem of “low self esteem” is really a reflection of the break down of family in our society and a failure to give appropriate honor to God-which in turn brings honor into our lives. (Jn 12:26)
Obedience to the 5th commandment would empty a lot of counseling offices.
(4) From a sermon preached by Pastor Gary Henry on March 29, 1999 www.brasstacks.org
(5) Developing The Leader Within You by John Maxwell p.45
(6) Prov. 9:10 An extensive series concerning the fear of the Lord is available in tape form and can
be obtained by calling our offices (417-887-5625).
(7) When I look at Daniel I see a person who must have had outstanding parents. That is never said in
in scripture. We don’t even know his mother’s name and that’s about all we know about his father.
But his life reflects something marvelous about them.
(1)st Take Daniel’s relationship to himself. He know who he was. He had a strong personal identity that even the diabolical wisdom of Babylon could not destroy. Dan 1:8 “But Daniel purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself with the portion of the king’s meat, nor with the wine which he drank: therefore he requested of the prince of the eunuchs that he might not defile himself.” That is a powerful example of godly self respect.
(2) Take Daniel’s relationship with God. He was loyal to God when all the pressures were otherwise.
His regard, obedience, and respect for God was unchanged by temptation, unchanged by prosperity and advantage, unchanged by persecution. Dan 6:10
(3) Take Daniel’s relationship with other people. How could Daniel manage his relationships with heathens in Nebuchadnezzar’s palace? He knew how to “Honor all people” without compromising the honor of God. Look at his relationship with Nebuchadnezzar—a most ungodly tyrant. Yet Daniel not only gave him appropriate respect as king but out of his uncompromising honor of God and his relationship with Nebuchadnezzar led that most unlikely candidate to the Lord. What we have been talking about in this sermon not only has a direct bearing on the quality of our lives as Christians—but it also has powerful implications for life style evangelism.
Richard Tow
Grace Chapel Foursquare Church
Springfield, MO
www.gracechapelchurch.org
