An interview with Tia and Tamara Mowry, the stars of WB’s Sister, Sister yielded a very mature comment from these then 19 years old. One of them said (they’re exact twins); “A lot of girls expect this prince to come into their life on a white horse and make everything wonderful. What the Lord told me was, ‘First you have to get right with me then I’ll send the right person.’” Now I mention this not because of the comment on dating or God’s will but because it demonstrates a proper approach to life as a whole. It reminds me of what Jesus’ words, “Seek first the Kingdom of Heaven and all these things (the things you need) will be added to you.”
Integral to our being a disciple, a follower of Jesus, is the notion of “fellowship”. Now fellowship isn’t a word heard much outside of religious gatherings. In fact, 33 of the first 40 hits in an Internet search all came up with religious links for the word. In the Bible fellowship means “to have in common”. And here is the beginning of our problem with fellowship both in and outside of the church.
Let me paint three very broad pictures for you of people who walk out of churches every week. These folks leave Presbyterian, Baptist, Catholic and independent churches and often the excuse they will give will center on the “fellowship” they didn’t feel they had in that particular church. Of the hundreds of examples let me mention three types of people who I have dealt with and visited with others pastors about.
The first group are those who attend church but always keep “their own beliefs” equal with what God says is true. They never let the Bible, the Holy Spirit, or other sisters and brothers in Christ challenge them. They may describe themselves as “open-minded, progressive, or non-dogmatic” when in fact deep down they just don’t want to submit themselves to Jesus.
They hear Jesus say, “I am the way, the truth and the life” and say, “but I believe there are other ways to get to God.” They may be friendly enough to others but when theology or the Bible is begun to be taken seriously they bail because it feels as if the people aren’t ‘thinking for themselves’.
A second group pulls away from the church because they are comfortable in a lifestyle of sin. If you haven’t discovered it yet folks, sin is fun! Sin feels good! If it didn’t we wouldn’t be so prone to do the same things over and over and over again. But these folks have decided that they want to continue in actions and thoughts that dishonor Christ and soon they find themselves with less and less in common with the people in the church. And the sin can be anything from adultery to gossip from envy to racial hatred. They can be addicted to a job, cocaine, a desire to have a good family, or alcohol. They can show to the world a nice middle-class family and at home live lives of hatred toward their spouse and children.
What happens is that when God’s word is preached and the Holy Spirit starts to talk to these folks about changes that need to take place they withdraw. I had a person who was living in an adulterous relationship confront me in my office with the statement, “Well you think I’m living in sin.” To which I responded, “I never used the word sin you did!” Others have accused the church of being judgmental or not loving.
In short they often complain about a lack of fellowship among the Body of Christ. They will say things like, “well what I’m doing isn’t as bad as what so and so did.” Or “I don’t see what the big deal is, after all it’s my life.” What actually is happening for many of them is that their own guilt moves them away from others and since they don’t want to blame God they blame other people.
The third group leaves their congregations because it’s not doing what they like or want it to do. As they leave the comments usually heard by their friends and pastor are, “things use to be…” Their desires and wants, their tastes and liking had been the norm for so long that they had equated them with what is right, best, and the only way of being. These folks will listen to a sermon on the great commission and think if we could only find 200 more people who looked like us, dressed like us, behaved like us, etc. And let me quickly add that these type of people can be 30 years old as well as 80 years old.
When they hear Paul tell the church, “If anyone is in Christ they are a new creation” they think, “but I like me the way I am. I don’t want to change. I don’t have to change after all I’ve been a member here since…”
Basic Problem
The problem isn’t the style of worship. The problem isn’t whether we welcome people who are actively sinning (church could get pretty empty if we didn’t). The issue isn’t whether people should be able to think for themselves. The root problem is that each of these types of people begin with a faulty theology of “Fellowship” They have become convinced that fellowship is first and foremost about them and the person next to them in the pew. They have defined it in human terms of what is comfortable to them and what promotes the stability in their life that they need.
For such people fellowship happens whenever the preacher prays over any food. It’s a get together of old friend who can relive the old the youth group and young couples memories one more time. It’s that committee that we complain too when the coffee’s not strong enough or is too strong.
Yet that’s not fellowship at all. Fellowship is the intimate sharing of our life with God and our receiving his life into our own. It’s having in common with God his desire for us. It’s having in common with God his dreams and future for us. It’s having in common with God His transforming, challenging and changing power of the Holy Spirit actively at work in us daily.
John, the disciple whom Jesus loved, describes this in the beginning of his letter. When he writes this letter he is either the last or close to the last of the original disciples. He wants his readers to know that what he’s telling them isn’t “his own beliefs” but what he knows from first-hand experience. John uses the words we, us, and our over and over again to describe the personal contact that John and others had with Jesus.
And those who read this letter would have remembered others they had either met or heard about--people whose lives had been transformed and challenged by the call to have fellowship with God. Peter became the centerpiece for the early church even though he’d been plagued with saying the wrong thing at the wrong times because God had called him to have fellowship with himself. Paul was challenged and transformed into the apostle to the Gentiles by the fellowship he shared with God. Fellowship wasn’t about feeling good but about living for God.
And before you start saying, “oh, well that was then and this is now” you only have to look to those like Mother Theresa, or Tia and Tamara Mowry to see how one can have very fundamental parts of their lives changed by having fellowship with God.
First Steps
Here are three beginning steps for living with a sense of “fellowship with God”.
First, recognize that God wants you to be close to him more than you’ll ever want to be close to God. His love is greater than you can imagine and I don’t believe we ever come to a place were God’s love won’t try to woo us back to himself. That’s what Jesus’ death was all about it is a testimony to God’s love for you and his desire to have you with him.
Secondly, realize that you’re not going to do this on your own. If you think as soon as you have this problem licked then you’ll have time for God you won’t. You won’t lick the problem and even if you do something else will take its place. Have you ever tried to wipe off a greasy windshield with an oily rag? It doesn’t work and that’s what it like when we try to clean up our own lives. If we claim there’s nothing wrong with us then we’re lying to ourselves and to God. And that brings me to the third step.
Third, give up! Quit trying to fool God and yourselves into thinking everything is just fine and dandy. Give up your old way of thinking and doing things and do it God’s way. I’ve used a definition of insanity before that says, “Insanity is when you do things over and over again the same way and expect different results.” The Atlanta Braves found this out last week when they twice pitched to Barry Bonds in extra innings. They didn’t learn and it cost them a ball game. What will it cost you if you don’t learn to let go of the ways you’ve always done things?
Let me share with you the simplest start to a new life. In prayer, give up to God! Surrender your life to him. Surrender your expectations, your view of the world and your beliefs. Accept the fact that His love for you is greater than your love for him and that ask him to forgive and accept you right now. That’s the secret to a great life and a life of fellowship with God.
