INTRODUCTION
Opening Statement: A home is more than a house or the place where one lives; that’s merely space. A home is family, it’s security, it’s provision, and it’s love in the relationships that are found there; it is more than space – it is a place where life is fleshed out in all of its variegated forms. It’s so important to have excellence in leadership and service there.
Title: Excellence in Family Living
Theme: Leadership and Service Excellence Series
Text: Colossians 3:18-21. Colossians offers us some help in establishing a home of excellence.
Background: Colossians is one of the most Christ-centered books of the Bible. Anyone who has ever searched for an answer to the question, “Who is Jesus?” must eventually come to Colossians. Colossians answers this question with “Christ is Supreme over all persons and things!” And, if He is supreme, then He is sufficient for all of our spiritual needs. Jesus does not need supplemented. We need not seek other mysterious religious experiences outside of knowing and encountering Him as Savior and Friend. And, if He can hold together and sustain a universe (1:15-17) as Paul asserts in Colossians, can He not also hold my life together, hold my family together, hold my marriage together, hold our society together and sustain us?
Just a surely as the principles that govern this great universe reveal a system of order and structure, even so, God also has a system of order and structure within the family unit. This order and structure is meant to make life better for everyone.
Key Word: Four #1 PRIORITIES are given in this passage that govern this great universal idea of the family unit. We will look at 2 of them today. Then we will look at 2 of them the next time I speak.
Recitation: 18 Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. 20 Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.
I. Number 1 Priority for Wives
II. Number 1 Priority for Husbands
III. Number 1 Priority for Children
IV. Number 1 Priority for Fathers
I. Number 1 Priority for Wives
A. Recitation: 18 Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
B. Exposition: This verse is not just about subjection or submission; it is primarily about leadership. What Paul is saying to the Christian ladies of Colossi is that when your man is a godly man, let him lead.
II. Number 1 Priority for Husbands
A. Recitation: 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.
B. Explanation: The husbands’ number one job is to love his wife (not the wife of another or another woman).
III. Number 1 Priority for Children
A. Recitation: Paul said in Colossians, "Children, be obedient (active imperative) to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord."
B. Observation: Paul talked or addressed children directly. I am grateful for that. It shows that in these early church meetings whole families were present.
C. Definition: The word "obey" comes from Greek words which mean "to hear under someone."
D. Explanation: Thus, children are exhorted to listen to their parents, recognizing that they are over them and have authority in their lives. Again, the theme of authority is present. Parents should point out to their children that they can please God by their willing obedience to them. Why is that pleasing to God? Because it preserves peace in the home, for one thing. Disobedient children are always a cause of strife and difficulty. Further, because it teaches respect for all authority. God knows that this is an immensely important part of life and ought to be taught to children as they are growing up. To teach your children to obey is extremely important, especially for the strong-willed child. The obedience is to be total, not governed by your wishes, but by the very fact that you are in a position of submission.
E. Amplification: Remember how the book of Proverbs puts it. The Living Bible states it beautifully:
"Young man, obey your father and your mother. Tie their instructions around your finger so you won’t forget. Take to heart all of their advice. Every day and all night long their counsel will lead you and save you from harm; when you wake up in the morning, let their instructions guide you into the new day. For their advice is a beam of light directed into the dark corners of your mind to warn you of danger and to give you a good life."
F. Illustration: This reminds me of something that one set of parents were going to share with their children when they were old enough to understand. Children, listen up. "I loved you enough to ask where you were going, with whom, and what time you would be home. I loved you enough to insist that you save your money and buy a bike for yourself even though we could afford to buy one for you. I loved you enough to make you take a Milky Way back to the store (with a bite out of it) and tell the clerk. I loved you enough to stand over you for 2 hours while you cleaned your room, a job that would have taken me 15 minutes. I loved you enough to let you see anger, disappointment and tears in my eyes. I loved you enough to let you assume the responsibility for your actions even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart. But most of all, I loved you enough to say NO when I knew you would hate me for it. These were the most difficult battles of all. I am glad I won them because, in the end, you won something too. With Love, Your Parents"
IV. Number 1 Priority for Fathers
A. Recitation: "Fathers, do not exasperate your children, that they may not lose heart."
B. Definition: The word exasperate (erethizo) means "to make very angry or impatient; annoy greatly; to stir up, arouse, or irritate."
C. Explanation: That does not mean that parents are never to say or do anything that makes their children feel irritated. Discipline can often irritate a child. We must not seek to avoid every instance of that. But this word is given in the present continuous tense. Thus, it is really saying, "Fathers, do not keep on irritating your children. Don’t keep hammering away at it, nagging them, or they will become discouraged. Don’t overcorrect them. Don’t use a canon when a BB gun will do." This is an important lesson for fathers.
D. Amplification: Three things which fathers do that are particularly irritating to children.
1. The first is to ignore them. A father who has no time for his child soon creates in him a deep-seated resentment. The child may not know how to articulate or explain the problem, but he feels unimportant and worthless.
2. A second source of irritation is to indulge your children, giving them everything they want. That soon will make them restless and dissatisfied. Children long for guidance and direction - for intimacy - not for superficial indulgence. Such indulgence will frequently create a deep-seated, sometimes lifelong feeling of resentment.
3. A third source of resentment is insulting them, calling them names and putting them down. They will become discouraged and be put off from the things of God.
E. Application: Fathers, if we are going to avoid exasperating our children, we owe at least 6 things to them.
1. We owe them unconditional love. Even if you have a prodigal child, love them and find the 1 or 2% that you like about their lives and focus on that.
2. We owe them constructive discipline. The goal should never be mere punishment; it should be correction and instruction. We do a child a disservice when we fall to lovingly correct behavior that will later get him in trouble down the road.
3. We owe them time together. That means doing things they want to do. A child spells love, T-I-M-E.
4. We owe them a Christian model. Are you living the kind of life that you would like your children to emulate?
5. We owe them mutual respect. See things through your child’s eyes. Value their opinions.
6. We owe them prayer. Your influence will be felt for a time until they leave home. Then, we pray hard.
F. Illustration: The parents of Oswald Chambers must have accomplished these things. On July 24, his twenty-first birthday, Oswald Chambers, author of My Utmost For His Highest, paused to make an emotional diary entry before leaving London: "I’m going away from my home now, like a bird leaving the old nest, and I’m fond of home. This room with its four plain walls has opened out into Heaven. Here have I drunk in God, here have I prayed, here have I wept, here have I worked, here have I agonized, and now Farewell Home! I smile because all you know and have seen, God has known and seen too. How grand, you’ll never tell the secrets whispered by me in the ear of God, and God’s whispered words in mine. No, you’ll be secret. Dear room good-bye!" You can be sure he came from a great home that implemented the six things mentioned above.
CONCLUSION (Points III and IV)
Suggestions: Someone polled a youth group along with their parents.
A. The question posed to the teenagers was "What would you really like to ask your parents?" I’ll list some of their responses.
1. Are you glad you had me or was I a mistake?
2. Why did you two marry each other?
3. Why do you treat me like a baby?
4. Why do you make everything so complicated?
5. Why do you wear such dorky outfits?
6. Why do you yell at everything I do?
7. Why do you make me feel guilty?
8. Are you proud of me?
B. The question posed to the parents was "What I really wish my teenager would ask me?" I’ll list some of their responses.
1. How was your day. What’s bothering you, mom?
2. How did you feel as a teenager?
3. How do you decide what is right from wrong?
4. How do you feel about my friend?
5. What more can I do to help the family? How can I help out more around the house?
Applications:
1. Church, let’s stand behind our families with children, especially those who are trying to raise their children without the help of their former spouse. Let’s stand behind our youth leaders and youth group with our time, resources and finances.
2. If you’re contemplating parenthood, don’t rush into it. Examine yourself. Be honest about your maturity.
3. Parents, determine to have a home and to live without any regrets. You don’t know sadness until you’ve talked with a father that blew it when his children were small and now his children want nothing to do with them.
Quotation: A song that rips my heart out every time I hear it is "Cat’s In The Cradle" by Harry Chapin.
A child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talking before I knew it
And as he grew he’d say I’m gonna be like you dad
Ya know I’m gonna be like you.
And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home dad (son),
I don’t know when
But we’ll get together then
Ya know we’ll, (we’re gonna) have a good time then.
My son turned ten just the other day
He said thanks for the ball dad come on let’s play
Can you teach me to throw I said not today
I got a lot to do he said that’s okay
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said I’m gonna be like him, yeah
Ya know I’m gonna be like him
Well he came from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
Son I’m proud of you can you set for awhile
He shook his head and he said with a smile
What I’d really like dad is to borrow the car keys
See ya later can I have them please.
I’ve long since retired my son’s moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said I’d like to see you if you don’t mind
He said I’d love to dad if I can find the time
You see my new job’s a hassle and the kids have the flu
But it’s sure nice talkin’ to you dad
It’s been sure nice talkin’ to you.
And as I hung up the phone
It occurred to me he’d grown up just like me
My boy was just like me.
Illustration: Patsy Clairmont tells about meeting a young Marine whom she calls Michael on an airplane who was coming home from Operation Desert Storm after a year and a half of active duty. In their discussion, she found out that he was very nervous and even scared about all the "hero stuff" and that he didn’t want his family to be disappointed. She encouraged him that all that his parents wanted was for him to come home safe.
During their plane ride, they talked about some of his experiences. Michael noted that when he was home, he and his mother were friends. When he joined the service and was moved to a remote location, they became good friends. But when he went to combat in the Gulf War, they became best friends. He spoke of how he had learned to pray, like his mother.
He spoke of the time when there was a four-month space when he had not seen a woman or a child. Michael noted: "The day we drove into Kuwait was very emotional for us. The women stood in the doorways, waving, but the children ran to greet us." He continued, "Since I’ve been stateside waiting to go home, I’ve been thinking about my nephews, and I can hardly wait to hear them call me Uncle Michael."
Pasty Clairmont writes: "The pilot came on the intercom and said, ’We are making our final approach into the Detroit Metro Airport.’ She said, "I looked up and saw that Michael’s eyes had filled with tears. He said softly, ’I just don’t want to cry.’ I told him ’It’s okay. I checked the Marine manual on this one, and it’s all right to cry. Some of the most admirable men I’ve ever known have shed tears at appropriate times, and Michael, this is a right time.’"
She observed: "As we walked out the jet way, we could see a lineup of relatives armed with video equipment, flags, cameras and banners. His family began to chant, ’Michael, Michael, Michael.’" Patsy says "Even from a distance, I could identify his mom. She was the one leaping the highest in the air. As we got closer, she stopped jumping, and her hands went over her mouth to muffle the building sobs. Tears poured down her arms and dropped off her elbows."
Les Clairmont, Patsy’s husband, unaware of what was really going on, saw her staring and told her, "That’s tacky and rude to stare." She said, "Mr. Manners guided me over to the escalator and prompted me on. I turned backward so I could watch for as long as possible. As the moving steps drew me away from the celebration, I saw Michael still holding his mother, and he held her for a very long time."
