Conflict Management:
The Source of Conflict
Matthew 10:34-37
By: Donny Tatimu
doni_t@yahoo.com
These verses can be one of the most difficult verses in the Bible to explain. I know that many of you will agree with me. Let see this verses in its proper context:
34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. 35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. 36 And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household. 37 He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. 38 And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me. 39 He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it. 40 He that receiveth you receiveth me, and he that receiveth me receiveth him that sent me.
These verses in the context of love Him or love Him not. Let’s see another verses in the other side of The Bible that has the same message with Matt 10:34-40,
Luk 14:26-27
26 If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.
27 And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple.
Let me take an explanation from column-difficultsayings@studylight.org , edition 12-18 October 2003, to explain Luke 14:26-27;
“In this context the word "hate" does not carry the meaning it normally has in English usage, but seems to be used in a Hebraic sense. In Hebrew "hate" can also mean, "love less" or "put in second place." For example, Genesis 29:31 states that Leah was "hated," but the context indicates that Leah was not unloved but rather loved less than Jacob’s other wife Rachel. Note that the preceding verse specifically says that Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah.
A second illustration of this particular Hebraic shade of meaning of the word "hate" is found in Deuteronomy 21:15: "If a man has two wives, one loved and the other hated…." Here too, the context shows that the "hated" wife is only second in affection and not really hated in the English sense of the word. Likewise in Jesus’ statement, he was saying that whoever did not love him more than his own family or even his own self could not be his disciple. “
Every man in this world, deep in their heart, want to be love, want to be appreciate by someone else – at least by the people who closed to them. – When this not happen, and they will feel jealous, angry and it will rise a conflict in their life.
Jesus not just a Great Comforter for our soul, but He also can be a Confronter. Don’t misunderstand me, I don’t mean Jesus is the source of the conflict or the confrontation. Jesus confronts something in us that is not right. He talked about “love” (Matt. 10:37), which in 1 John 2:5, talks about do what is righteousness/truth. There is something in our heart that is not right before God’s eyes, and without confrontation we can’t see it clearly.
If Jesus is not the source of conflict, and what is the source of conflict?
They are:
1. Interests
Interests can be the primarily cause of conflict around us. For example: The Eternal Conflict between Jesus and Devil (John 10:10). Thief (devil) has an interest in what we have but Jesus has an interest in what we are. This different interest can raise a conflict!
Different interest can be a result of:
- Benefits (Matt 19:27; Mark 11:17-18)
- Goal, or purpose. Ex.: Sarah and Hagar (Gen. 21:9-10)
- Need. Ex.: Bartimaeus and the crowds (Mark 10:46-52)
- Power. Ex.: Miriam, Aaron and Moses (Num. 12:1-2)
- Possession. Ex.: Esau and Jacob (Gen. 27:41)
2. Value
Value is something that we believe as a ‘standard judgment’ for what is right and wrong, what is importance and what is not, and what is worth and what is not. (of course this definition is just my own definition).
Yes, everyone has their own judgment about others based on their own value. And because those differences of value, conflict can be arise.
Conflict because of differences in conflict can be recognizing by a saying like this: “I don’t feel good to …”, or, “That’s not the way it should be”, or, “I don’t have peace with my consciousness”, or something like that.
Example:
Church in Corinthians
1 Corinthians 5:9-13
(Note: These verses never meant to make the Church as such a bunch of exclusive people. These verses talked about people in the congregation, and not out of it!)
3. Relationship
Relationship can be a source of conflict, especially for family relationship or friend relationship.
Family external conflict:
Usually people in a relation-circle will stand together as one, when they are facing an external opposition that attack one of their member.
Ex. Absalom and Amnon (2 Sam. 13:22)
Amnon never do something wrong toward Absalom, but he did a mistake toward Absalom’s sister (Tamar). But because the relationship between Absalom and Tamar, the conflict between Amnon and Absalom can’t be forfeit.
Family internal conflict:
But usually people in a relation-circle are fragile in rising conflict between them.
Another example showed to us that people who in the circle of relationship can be easily draw to a conflict between themselves.
Ex.: Joseph and his brothers (Gen. 37:4)
You also can take conflict between Cain and Abel as a good example. Learn about why it was happen!
Special case:
Acts 15:35-41, Paul and Barnabas, about Mark
We have a case about a conflict cause by value-relationship. For Paul, it was a matter of value, but for Barnabas that was a matter of relationship (Col. 4:10).
4. Information
Luke 14:28-33
Information can make a different when we are facing a conflict with others. It can enlarge the conflict, or it can decrease the conflict.
Let me explain, about people response to the information they received in connection with the conflict they facing.
- Response #1: enlarging-conflict response
Example: I have a conflict with Mr. Smith. One day I have information from my other friend about Mr. Smith bad habit, or faults in the past (i.e.: lying, etc). I can use this kind of information to humiliate him and to show to everyone that he is a bad guy and I am a good guy. Guess who is the winner in this conflict? I am. But, did I resolve my conflict with Mr. Smith? Absolutely not! Why? Because my winning is by killing Mr. Smith character and not by solving the problem between us.
Does the conflict end? No, the conflict enlarges!
- Response #2: reducing-conflict response
Example: conflict between Mr. Smith and me.
I can use Mr. Smith’s bad habit in the past as a reference for me to know what kind of person he is. I can’t ignore this information, but I can’t use this kind of information to attack Mr. Smith personally.
In a war, there are two main weapon that can destined your victory:
1. Weapon (what you’ve got in your hand)
2. Strategy (what you got in your head)
Listen, information never meant to be a weapon, information meant to be your strategy. When you make information as a weapon, you just launch your frontal attack to the equal enemy. You can win, but many people will die because of your bad strategy.
But when you make information as a strategy, you can win with minimum casualties.
The choice is yours!
5. Resources
Resources can brings a feeling of insecure in every heart. People with many resources will feel insecure; people with less resource will feel the same.
Feeling insecure can draw you to be someone who looks tough in the outside, but fragile in the inside.
Feeling insecure can make you build a self-fortress with many of canons in it, and everyone who trying to enter your property (area that you feel insecure), you will shot him to death!
Feeling insecure is when you shout and yelling to everyone without a good reason why.
Feeling insecure is when a little mistakes your friend do to you, and as sudden you feel no one ever understanding me, even your best friend.
Listen, the true resources it’s in your heart. Poverty is a state of always being in need no matter how much comes in, more always seems to go out. But it is more than not having; it is an attitude that is always fearful of not having.
That’s why Jesus told us to, “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matt 6:33. What is Kingdom of God? “For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost.” Rom 14:17. Yes, the kingdom of God is never define as a natural possession, it’s about living in freedom (the truth will sets you free), peace of mind –no fear, perfect in love of God, not feeling insecure -, and joy; all of this works by The Holy Spirit in our life, He is our genuine resources.
When He is inside of us, we will bring peace where there is no peace; love to those who are hateful; hope to those who are hopeless; joy to those who are mourn; smile to those who are reject. When you do these things, you are reducing the conflict!
God bless you!
(If there is any comment, you can send an e-mail to my address, I will appreciate that.)
