How to Pray for My Relationships
(Approach Christ in Prayer)
Introduction: This is week eight in our series on building better relationships. Today we’re going to wrap up this series. We’ve been studying how we can build healthy, god-honoring, Christ-centered relationships. All of life is lived out in the context of relationships. In fact, the most important thing in life is relationships. As hard as it is to believe, nothing else really matters. Everything boils down to relationships.
Christianity is not a religion. It is a relationship with Jesus Christ.
Marriage is not an institution. It is a relationship.
Parenthood is about relationships.
The Church is about relationships.
At work, you must focus on relationships.
People come to know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior because of relationships.
Everything is about relationships. That being the case, where do you think the devil will hit you in an attempt to derail your faith and damage the church? He will target your relationships. That is exactly why we have been studying Ephesians 6:10-18 and applying it to the context of relationships.
Ephesians chapter 6 is Paul’s well-known passage on spiritual warfare and the Christian’s armor for fighting the battle that we call life. Every aspect of that armor can be brought to bear on our relationships and that is why we have called our study over the past two months, “Eight Essential Exercises for Building a Better Body.” We’ve taken the armor that God provides for the believer and used each individual piece as an exercise that can be used to build up the body of relationships through which we experience life.
Read with me from Ephesians 6:10-18 again.
Ep. 6:10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.
Ep. 6:11 Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.
Ep. 6:12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Ep. 6:13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
Ep. 6:14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,
Ep. 6:15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.
Ep. 6:16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.
Ep. 6:17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
Ep. 6:18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
As we have studied this passage of scripture, we’ve talked about allocating strength from the Lord. We’ve covered the need to ground our relationships on and wrap them in integrity and truth. We’ve explored the need to access the righteousness of Christ. We have studied the role that faith plays in our relationships. We have examined the power of the Gospel in our relationships. We have considered the need to allow Christ to change our thoughts, our minds, so that our relationships honor him.
Last week we explored the role that the Word of God plays in our relationships. There can be no positive, Godly changes in our lives or in our relationships if we do not make the Word of God a central component of our lives. The Word of God, the Bible, is what enables us to change our minds. The Bible is God’s Word, it is living, it is powerful, it penetrates to the heart of the matter and it changes us from the inside out allowing us to build relationships that honor Christ.
Today we are wrapping it all up and tying all of these exercises together as we study how prayer impacts our lives and our relationships. It is through prayer that we put on the armor. It is through prayer that we are able to practice the various exercises needed to build this body of relationships into a healthy, God-honoring body. If we really want to make godly change happen in our relationships, we must approach Christ in a true spirit of prayer. Prayer is the greatest weapon we have in defending and strengthening our relationships
Much of what Paul wrote about dealt with relationships. He was always very practical in his application of spiritual truths. Consider the last half of the book of Ephesians.
Ephesians 4:1-16 … Living in unity and co-operation in the local church.
Ephesians 4:17-5:21…Living a life of holiness and purity
Ephesians 5:22-6:4…How we live with our family
Ephesians 6:5-9…How we conduct ourselves at work.
All of these themes deal with relationships and then the passage we have been studying the past seven weeks continues the theme by telling us what tools we have been given to build up and defend those relationships. Paul then caps it all off with a look at how we ought to pray in order to maintain healthy, God-honoring relationships.
So how do we pray in order to have the kind of relationships that God has called us to have? How do we pray so that we find joy and fulfillment in our relationships and thus honor God and open others to the truth of a relationship with Jesus Christ? For the sake of building stronger, healthier, more Godly relationships, how do we approach Christ in prayer?
Pray in the Spirit
Ep. 6:18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints
The first step in approaching Christ in prayer is to pray in the spirit. What does praying in the spirit mean? How do you pray in the spirit?
The concept of praying in the Spirit is closely tied to the concept of allocating our strength from the Lord. Remember that unless we find our strength in Christ we will be unable to practice the exercises and use the necessary tools for building healthy relationships. By the same token, unless we pray in the Spirit we will not be able to offer up adequate prayers for our relationships.
When we pray in the Spirit, we are allowing God to control and direct our prayer life. I believe that so often we miss the mark in prayer. We pray but we pray weakly or without and sense of believing that prayer will have an impact.
Last week I said that most Christians don’t really believe that the Bible is living an active. You may be defensive at hearing that or maybe your offended by it, but its true. Because if we believed the Bible were truly living and active we would spend more time reading, studying and learning it than we do. The same is true with prayer. Most people don’t believe prayer really changes things. We know we should pray. We even do offer up a prayer when things get difficult, but a majority of people don’t believe prayer works. I know this because I know that a majority of people don’t spend much time in prayer. Remember what we learned a couple of weeks ago. All behavior is based on belief. If you really believed prayer were powerful and able to influence the kind of changes you need in your relationships, you would spend quality time in prayer.
Part of the reason we don’t believe prayer is powerful and effective is because, when we do pray, we don’t pray in the power of the Holy Spirit. So often our prayers are self-centered and watered down.
But when we pray in the Spirit, we allow God to direct our prayers. We spend time in His presence asking him how we should pray for the situations we know we need to pray for. We ask Him what His will is so that we can pray for His will rather than just praying for what we prefer.
Look with me, briefly, at Colossians 4:2-4
Col. 4:2 Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.
Col. 4:3 And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains.
Col. 4:4 Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should.
When Paul penned these words he was in prison, facing a trial before Caesar and possible execution. He had been arrested because of false charges. The false charges were brought against him in an effort put an end to his preaching of the Gospel of Christ. He was being persecuted for his faith. Yet notice what Paul did not pray for or ask the Colossians to pray on his behalf.
He did not pray for a release from prison.
He did not pray for an end of suffering on his part.
He did not pray for his circumstances to change.
Most of us would have asked for all three of these things. But Paul understood that God uses all of our circumstances for HIS glory. Rather than praying for a change of circumstances, we should pray for a change of us in the circumstances so that we may be used of God to further his kingdom.
Paul asked for strength and opportunity to minister. Nothing more, nothing less. Paul was able to pray like this because he was a man who prayed in the Spirit. He allowed God to direct his prayers and as a result, he prayers were markedly unselfish. His prayers always focused on Christ and upon brining glory to Christ. His focus was on helping others to know Jesus Christ personally and he was able to maintain that focus because he was a man who prayed in the Spirit.
When we pray in the Spirit we pray in the strength of God, allowing God to direct our prayers.
Pray Continually
Ep. 6:18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints
We are called to pray “on all occasions.” We are to be people who are in a spirit of prayer at all times. Paul says in I Thessalonians 5:17 “…pray continually;”
If we really want to make a difference in our relationships, we will be in prayer on a continual basis. That does not mean that 24 hours a day, 7 days a week we are on our knees praying to God. We can’t be. It’s not possible.
What is meant by these passages of scripture is that we must be willing to pray on every occasion and in every situation and we must be ready to pray on every occasion and in every situation.
Often, rather than making prayer our first response, we tend to make it our last resort. But if we are always willing to pray, in every situation, then prayer becomes the first avenue we take when dealing with hurts, confusion, and problems in our relationships. However, our standard mode of operation is to take our hurts and our problems and to try to fix them ourselves. We work on them, we take them to a friend or a counselor, we take them to the pastor, or we read a good book and then, when nothing seems to work, we go to God in prayer.
Now, it’s not wrong to read a book, call the pastor, talk to a counselor or seek the advice of a friend, but these should all come after we have gone to God in prayer. We need to be in prayer, on all occasions. We must “pray continually.”
Often, we only pray during the crises of our lives.
But we need to pray daily for strength, for guidance, for protection, for wisdom, for opportunities to minister, for boldness in our witness, etc.
Praying during the crisis is fine, but we need to quit limiting our prayers to crisis times. We need to be people who pray continually.
In order to be able to pray continually, we need to make certain that our hearts and our minds are always ready for prayer. You see, when you come to God in prayer, you actually are entering into the presence of God. You go into the Holy Place and enter the throne-room of the King when you are praying. But to enter God’s presence, your attitude and your heart have to be right.
In order to be able to pray without ceasing, we need to keep the relationship between God and us in good standing. Too many of us never communicate with God until we’re in trouble and we need something “right now!” Too many of us don’t keep our lives clean and our minds clean and our attitudes right, and then we want to come to God when we have trouble and we wonder why we struggle to have our prayers answered. We need to be people who are seeking to keep the relationship with God clean and open so that at any time we can enter his presence and carry our needs and our joys to him.
If we are going to pray in such a way that it impacts our relationships in a way that honors God, we must always be ready to approach Christ in prayer. We must have the right mind, the right attitude, and the right spirit so that we can pray continually.
Pray with Diversity
Ep. 6:18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints
I believe that many people have weak and anemic prayer lives, not only because they doubt the power of prayer, but also because they are convinced that they have to have boring prayer lives.
We humans are creatures of habit. It’s easy for us to get stuck in a rut. For example, at mealtime what do you pray? I bet that 90% of you could quote your standard mealtime prayer for me right now. You may not all use the same one, but you most likely all have one that you use consistently and can pray it, and often do, without even considering what you are saying.
That’s the danger of being in a prayer rut. We begin to recite the words and our minds and our spirits are a thousand miles away. When that happens, we aren’t really praying. We’re simply wasting time.
We need to be people who pray with diversity. We need not pray for the same thing every time we pray and we need not pray in the same way every time we pray.
Now, if you’re praying in the Spirit, being led by God as you pray, you won’t be praying for the same thing all of the time. You’ll be praying for the needs that God brings to mind, and the needs in our church, in our community, and in our families are diverse.
In the Colossians 4 passage we read Paul calls for us to be “watchful” in prayer. The term that Paul uses for “watchful” literally means, “to keep from falling asleep.” Paul could be specifically referring to sleeping during prayer. How many of us have fallen asleep when we meant to be praying? But more than likely he’s talking about having our spiritual eyes, our moral eyes, open.
We need to enter prayer with our eyes open.
We need to understand our times
We need to understand what the needs of our church are
We need to understand what the needs of our fellow believers are
We need to understand what Christ needs us to be praying for
We need to understand that our enemy the devil is lurking about seeking to destroy homes, marriages, lives, churches, etc.
When we enter prayer with our eyes open, there will be diversity in our prayers. Jesus criticized the religious elite of his day for their vain repetition in prayer. We don’t have to worry about being vain and repetitious if we are entering prayer with our eyes open. Being aware of the needs that we should be praying for helps us to have true diversity in our prayers.
On a more basic level, let there be diversity in your style of prayer so that you don’t become ritual bound.
Pray out loud
Pray silently
Pray alone
Pray with a group of friends
Pray scripture
Don’t be afraid to recite some of the traditional, liturgical prayers of the church
Pray when you exercise
Pray in the morning
Pray at night
Sing worship songs during your prayer time
Kneel for a while
Stand for a while
I think you get the picture. Don’t be afraid to add variety to your prayer life. Pray with your eyes open. We need to offer all kinds of prayers in all kinds of situations so that we can approach Christ in prayer, allowing us to defend and strengthen our relationships.
Pray Persistently
Ep. 6:18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints
Far too often we are not persistent in prayer. Because we live in an instant society we are have lost patience in prayer. We are used to fast food, instant coffee, QuiKTrip, microwave ovens, instant messaging, pagers, cell phones, and a myriad of other instant get results now gadgets. We are used to not having to wait for anything. If it takes 5 minutes to get our meal at McDonald’s we think its bad service. But I remember when mom would spend 1-1/2 to 2 hours preparing a meal. And the big ones took longer.
I remember when you had to wait until you got home to make phone call. Now you just call from your car. I remember when leftovers were heated in the oven. Now you pop them in the microwave and have yesterday’s lunch in 2 minutes. It’s not wrong that we have developed ways of doing things more quickly. However, our reliance on the instant, quick-fix, technology we now have has made us impatient people. And impatient people don’t pray well.
We are not persistent in prayer because, usually, we don’t have to be persistent in any other area of our lives and we are not in the habit of persistence. But we must learn to persist in prayer.
God’s timetable is usually much different than ours. When we pray for something and don’t see the results we wanted or expected to see in a day or two we assume God has said no or that he wasn’t listening and we move on.
But we must persist in prayer. God develops patience in us that way. Often God changes us when we take the time to persist in prayer. When we spend days, weeks, months, even years in prayer for a person or a situation, often God uses that time to change us and prepare us for what he is going to do. And often the change that needs to take place is in us and can only happen as we patiently wait upon the Lord and persistently keep the need before him.
When we give up on prayer, we give up on our relationships. We need to make certain that we are persistent in prayer as we approach Christ with our relationships.
Pray Specifically
How many of you are hunters? If you are a hunter you know the difference between a shotgun and a rifle. A shot gun sprays lead pellets over a wide area hitting whatever is in that pattern out to about 100 yards tops. When you’re going after pheasant or quail or even rabbits, a shotgun can be effective. The prey is moving, often erratically, and so you point and shoot. Aiming is often kept to a minimum. You just hope you to hit what you’re pointing at. A shotgun is pretty indiscriminant in what it hits. If you’re in the path, watch out!
A rifle, on the other hand, is used very differently. A rifle is used to take intentional aim at a specific, single target, often hundreds of yards away. A rifle fires just one projectile, one bullet, at that target. And if your aim is accurate, you can drop your target from a great distance.
Both guns are appropriate for their intended uses.
When it comes to prayer, however, far to many of us use a shotgun when what we need is a rifle. Far to many of us are generalists and not specialists when it comes to prayer. Where a shotgun can be fired quickly, almost blindly at times, and still fall it’s pray, a rifle takes time and careful aim.
Too many of us pray like we’re using a shotgun. We pray quick general prayers and then move on, hoping we’ve hit the target.
“Dear God, Give me and the kids and the wife all a good day today. You know that our church needs some help so please bless it and the pastor. Please take care of those that are sick and need you and please help us to be more effective for you. Amen.”
That prayer is pretty general and pretty common.
But if we are going to effectively approach Christ in prayer then we need to pray rifle prayers, not shotgun prayers.
Look with me again at the passage we read out of Colossians 4.
“And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should.” Colossians 4:3-4
We noted earlier at what Paul didn’t pray for. Now let’s look at what he does pray for.
He prays for God to open a door for the message
He prays for opportunity to proclaim the Gospel
He prays for clarity as he proclaims it.
Paul is very specific in his prayer. We too need to be specific when we come to Christ in prayer. Vague generalities won’t do the trick. We need to be specifically praying.
“God bless my marriage.” No! God, strengthen my marriage and raw my heart to my wife and draw her heart to mine. Help us to fall in love with each other every day.
“God help our church.” No! God, our church needs to reach out to our community better than we do. Help us to discover what the specific needs of our community are and then give us a vision and creativity and workers to help us meet that need.
“God watch over my kids.” No! God, please protect my son or daughter from the bad influences at school. Help them to be able to distinguish between right and wrong when the time comes. Give them courage to say no to sin and help them to stand for you.
You get the idea. We need to stop being general. Our relationships are worth fighting for and they are worth praying very specific prayers for. We need to be specific when we approach Christ in prayer.
Application: We all need and desire to have healthier relationships; relationships that honor God. God has given us some wonderful and powerful tools; some exercises that we are to use to build a better body of relationships.
We are to put on his strength
We are to ground our relationships in truth and integrity
We are to be right with God so that we can be right with others
We are to advance the Gospel of Christ in our relationships
We are to maintain faith in Christ
We are to align our thoughts with Christ
We are to immerse our lives and our relationships in the Word of God
And we are to be praying for our relationships.
We are to pray in the spirit. We are to pray continually, we are to pray with diversity, we are to pray persistently and we are to pray specifically.
Outside of the Word of God, there is no greater thing you can do to improve every relationship of your life than to commit yourself to prayer.
Let me encourage you this morning to cover every relationship you have in prayer. As you pray over your relationships, God will begin to take over your relationships, giving you greater fulfillment, greater joy, greater peace and greater opportunities to serve and honor him than you can ever imagine.
