No Pain, No Gain!
(Sometimes the Truth Hurts)
Ephesians 6:10-18
Open your Bibles to Ephesians chapter 6.
Introduction: No pain, No gain! We’ve all heard it. We all know what it means. Especially when it comes to the arena of exercising and working out. Without the pain and the stress of working out, there is no physical gain. You don’t get a strong, healthy, attractive body by avoiding pain. Pain isn’t fun, but when you know what the results are going to be, when you know that there is purpose for the pain, it can be endured, even embraced, because the long-term benefits outweigh the short-term pain.
When you push those weights it hurts, but that pain brings increased strength. When you get up at 5:00 in the morning to make sure you get in your two-mile walk, there is pain or inconvenience in getting up that early, but the result is a healthier heart and a habit of discipline.
Pain is a part of the process of getting stronger. In fact, no one has truly increased their strength without pain. Like it or not, pain is essential to the process of getting stronger. In fact, people who have never experienced pain in their lives can be described by two words, fat and lazy!
Now, not all pain makes us stronger. But pain with a purpose is necessary at times if we are going to have stronger bodies. Pain with a purpose is also necessary from time to time if we are going to have stronger, healthier relationships.
This morning I want to take a little bit of time and consider some of the necessary pain that results in stronger relationships.
We are continuing in our series “Eight Essential Exercises for Building a Better Body.” Last week we considered the truth that we must allocate strength from the Lord if we are going to build the body of relationships around us into a healthy body. We don’t have the strength needed to keep all of our relationships healthy. We need to turn to an outside source for strength, and that strength comes from the Lord.
This week I want to consider the exercise of “Acting with Integrity.” Integrity (truthfulness in what we do and who we are) is an essential exercise in building a better body. How does integrity fit in with necessary pain? It fits in because the old cliché that “the truth hurts” is often true. Many times our truthfulness and our integrity cost us pain sometimes a great deal of pain, but it is still necessary to build healthy relationships. Thus, no pain-no gain!
Look with me at Ephesians chapter 6 as we consider the essential nature of integrity if we are going to have healthy relationships.
Ep. 6:10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.
Ep. 6:11 Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.
Ep. 6:12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Ep. 6:13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
Ep. 6:14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled round your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,
Ep. 6:15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.
Ep. 6:16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.
Ep. 6:17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
Ep. 6:18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
Last week, as I began this series, I didn’t take the time to give any of the background, or context, of this passage of scripture. The Apostle Paul wrote it while he was under arrest, awaiting trial before Caesar. It is believed that he was under house arrest in Rome for about 2 years before he went to trial. While under arrest he was not put in a jail or a prison, but was allowed to have a house to live in, but he was chained to two Roman soldiers the entire time.
It was undoubtedly Paul’s constant exposure to the Roman soldiers and their ever present equipment that inspired Paul to use the soldier’s armor as an illustration for the resources the believer has at their disposal as they battle the enemy, Satan. Since we live in the world of relationships, there are few targets more appealing to Satan than the relationships we have. If he can sabotage and destroy our relationships, he can sabotage and destroy our faith. Thus these tools and weapons that are available to the Christian can and should be used in defending and strengthening our relationships.
The first item Paul mentions is “belt of truth.” The belt of the Roman soldier served to provide support and protection for the soldier. It supported his back and his mid section in battle. It protected his kidneys from a blow from the enemy. The belt was essential in supporting and protecting the soldier. Paul calls this the “belt of truth.”
Truth and integrity are essential if we are going to have relationships that are well supported and protected. Without integrity, our relationships begin to crumble.
As I said, I want to discuss some necessary pain for building better, stronger, more God-honoring relationships. I want to take just a moment and point out some truth that we often like to overlook when we’re talking about integrity.
Often, integrity is costly.
At times, being truthful brings pain.
The fact is that being a man or woman of integrity is counter culture. And anything you do that goes counter to the culture you live in can, and usually will, bring some degree of pain. But just like working out brings pain with a benefit, so being a person of integrity brings pain, but with a benefit. It is costly, but the cost always, always, pays off.
I want to take a few minutes and consider the need to act with integrity if we are going to have healthy relationships.
When we act with integrity in all of our relationships, it supports those relationships in three ways.
Acting with integrity will PROTECT your relationships. (Prov. 10:9, 13:6)
“The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out.” Proverbs 10:9
“Righteousness guards the man of integrity, but wickedness overthrows the sinner.” Proverbs 13:6
Healthy, intimate, life-enhancing relationships are an endangered species. More and more we are living in isolation and it is taking a toll on us. We are designed to be social creatures but we are becoming more and more disconnected from one another. In a sea of thousands and thousands of people, we drift alone with very few real, meaningful relationships.
Since good relationships are so rare, it is essential that we actively seek to create more. But it is also essential that we aggressively protect the relationships we do have. One of the greatest means of protecting our relationships is to make certain that they are marked with integrity. The truth must be a central focus of our relationships.
As I mentioned last week, the enemy, Satan, wants to destroy our relationships. He knows that we must live out our faith in the context of our relationships and if he can wreck our relationships, he can wreck our faith. He can destroy our witness by destroying our relationships. He can destroy our credibility by sabotaging our relationships.
Our enemy, the devil, is actively and intentionally attempting to destroy the church one family at a time. And folks, if you know Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, I assure you that you and your family are in his cross hairs. Thus, we need to make certain we can protect our relationships and one of the greatest means of protecting those relationships is with the truth.
How is it that the truth protects our relationships?
Integrity builds trust.
When your relationships are marked by integrity trust will be present. When you do what you say you’re going to do people trust you. When you are the same person at home when no one is around as you are here at church on a Sunday morning, trust is the result. When you continue to live an upright life when no one is working, trust is earned.
Trust is an essential element in building a healthy relationship, but it is also a powerful tool for protecting a relationship.
Merita and I have a relationship that is built upon trust and is protected by trust because integrity is a key ingredient in our relationship. If I have to come in to the office on a evening and catch up on work, and it gets late and I give her a call to tell her I’m going to be a while longer because I’m working on a sermon, or I’m preparing a report or developing a Bible study, or whatever, she doesn’t have to wonder what I’m really doing. Do you know why? Because she trusts me. And she trusts me because every time I’ve said that’s what I’m doing, that’s what I’ve been doing. That’s called integrity. She trusts me because she knows who I am when no one is looking and it’s the same person I am when everyone is looking and that trust protects our relationship.
It protects us from jealousy
It protects us from envy
It protects us from uncertainty
It protects us from false accusation
It protects us from all sorts of attacks brought on by the enemy because we know each other, we love each other, we have integrity in our relationship and as a result we have trust in our relationship.
The same is true for you in your relationships. And it doesn’t just have to be the relationship you have with your spouse or your children. It goes for the relationship you have with your fellow employees, or your employer, or your clients. If you are a person of integrity, if every time you open your mouth you are speaking the truth and if every time you are working you are doing everything in your power to do your job right, then it shows up and trust is the result and you begin to have stronger work relationships that allow you to do a better job and be blessed, and it allows you to be a witness.
By the same token, when integrity is not an essential part of your relationships, when your life is not marked by the truth, then trust is destroyed and your relationship sits on shaky ground, ready to collapse at the slightest tremor from the enemy!
A lack of integrity undermines trust.
And when you are not honest with your spouse about what you’ve been doing, where you’ve been going, and what you are thinking you jeopardize your relationship. When trust is undermined they the enemy has a foothold in your relationships. The devil can come in and rip a home apart and shipwreck your faith because trust was gone and the lack of integrity in the relationship left you open to attack. Integrity protects your relationships against such attacks.
If you routinely lie at work, or “bend the truth” you lack integrity and the relationships you have with co-workers and employers and clients are at risk and your Christian testimony is worthless. God won’t bless you life, you’ll be spiritually stunted. But more than all of that, you put your relationships, at work and at home, at risk. Because that lack of integrity cannot be compartmentalized into your work life. It carries over to every area of life.
I recently heard the story told of a minister who was asked to counsel with a family regarding a teenaged son who had made some bad choices and was making a mess of his life through drug use. While in their home, speaking to the family the father lamented that drugs had made his son a liar. He was lying about where he was, what he was doing, who he was with etc. During the course of the meeting the phone rang and the daughter answered it in the other room. She came in and told her father it was for him. The father responded, “I’m busy, tell them I’m not home,” and the minister realized at that point that it wasn’t the drugs that had made the son a liar. It was the father. His lack of integrity was being passed on to his children.
Friends, when we lack integrity in any area of our relationships, home, school, work, church, we destroy our witness, we pass the curse on to others and we leave our relationships without protection. We become easy prey for the enemy!
The belt of truth, real integrity, supports our relationships by offering protection. But the belt of truth supports our relationships in another way as well. When we act with integrity it is easier for us to pilot or steer our relationships.
Acting with integrity will PILOT your relationships. (Prov. 11:3)
“The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.” Proverbs 11:3
We all know what a compass is. It’s a device that helps us to know what direction we are going. If we’re lost in the woods and we know that there is a road somewhere to the north of us, a compass can be a huge help. We look at the compass, we turn until the needle is pointing north and then we begin to go in that direction. Eventually we will cross the road and we can find our way to safety. But did you know that over a long distance a compass is not truly accurate? A compass does not really point to the North Pole of the earth, at least not the True North Pole. The earth has two north poles, a geographical North Pole and a magnetic north pole. The geographic North Pole is a fixed point. It doesn’t move, it never has. However, the magnetic north pole of the earth is moving. In fact, it moves an average of 10km or roughly 4.5 miles a year.
The compasses that you and I use don’t point to the geographic or true North Pole. They use the earth’s magnetic field and point to magnetic north. That means that what my compass says is north today, was not north 50 years ago, or 25 years ago or even 2 years ago. It’s close, it’s in the general vicinity, but it’s still a moving target. If I have to make a precise measurement or if I have to navigate an exact course using my compass, I’m in trouble because my compass reading will vary. In fact my compass reading will vary daily because what we call the magnetic north pole is really an average of the location of the magnetic north. It can move as much as 80km in a day, but it generally rotates around a single point. So my compass heading can vary greatly. That’s not very reassuring, is it?
Our relationships work in much the same way. If we are only going to have short term, surface level relationships, then a relative degree of integrity might work. (I’m not Okaying part-time integrity, God doesn’t allow for it.)
But God designed us to have relationships that are long term relationships. We must consider the long view. That means we need an extremely accurate guide. We need to navigate by an unchanging standard.
Our compass isn’t absolutely accurate. However, there is a means of navigation that is based upon an accurate and fixed point. Polaris, the North Star, is a fixed point in the sky. It is the star that is at the point in the sky that most closely lines up with geographic or true north. Thus, as the earth spins on its axis, the North Star appears to stand still in the sky as all of the other stars revolve around it. It’s an unchanging, fixed point. We can navigate by it over long distances and remain accurate.
Over the long haul a compass isn’t going to be accurate because it is based upon a moving or changing anchor point. However, the North Star is an unchanging point that serves as a means of accurately guiding those who choose to navigate by it.
When it comes to steering our relationships, integrity and truth are the North Star.
They are a fixed point that help us to guide or pilot our relationships in a way that is pleasing to God and honoring to the people we are in relationships with. We need integrity and real, unchanging truth to be the centerpiece of our relationships.
When all else fails use the truth. When our relationships are marked by integrity it is much easier to pilot them. We can navigate the rocky, treacherous waters of our society successfully only when we act with integrity in all of our relationships.
If you need help in knowing where to steer your relationships, rely in integrity and the truth. Now, I’m not going to sugar coat anything here. Doing what is right, integrity is often a costly proposition. Getting your relationships on the right track, headed in the right direction is sometimes a painful ordeal. But it’s always worth the pain.
Following truth north puts our relationships on a track that bring out the best in others and brings glory to God!
When our relationships are marked by truth and integrity they can and will be successfully piloted through the difficult passages of life.
Integrity, the belt of truth, serves to support our relationship by protecting them. It serves to support them by helping us to pilot them. It also supports our relationships in another way. Putting on the belt of truth will support our relationships by preserving them.
Acting with integrity will PRESERVE your relationships. (Psalm 41:12)
“In my integrity you uphold me and set me in your presence forever.” Psalm 41:12
Integrity will protect our relationships from the attacks of the enemy. Integrity will allow us to be successful in piloting our relationships through the dangers of this life. But integrity will also preserve our relationships.
Preservation equals staying power.
When a relationship is preserved it is a relationship that will finish well. Like it or not, all relationships in this life will come to an end. They may end because of distrust, they may end because they are broken, they may end because one person walks away, they may end because you “drift apart,” they may end because of distance and losing contact or they may end because of death. But eventually every relationship, in this life, will finish.
However, we need not let our relationships finish poorly. In fact there is no reason for relationships to end due to distrust, or broken-ness or “drifting apart.” The only real reason a relationship has to end is because of death. And relationships that are preserved, that have “staying power” are relationships that don’t end by being dashed on the rocks of a stormy sea.
It seems that so many relationships either sour or fade over time. There are very few people who have the joy of experiencing deep, life-long relationships.
It has been said that the only things we can take from this world into the next, are the relationships we have with other people. That being the case, shouldn’t we seek to preserve, or give staying power, to our relationships?
Do you have relationships that will last and last and last? Do your relationships have staying power? If you want to preserve the relationships you have then you need to make certain those relationships are supported by truth and integrity at every point.
Integrity is a relationship preservative.
Think about it. The relationships you have that are marked by integrity and truth are relationships that last. Not only do they last but they are relationships that improve over time.
Why? Because when your relationship with another person is marked with integrity and truth, when you have the belt of truth strapped around you, you can speak into another person’s life.
When you have a friend that is risking their family because they have an inappropriate relationship with someone at work, you can sit them down and speak to them in honesty about it. It hurts, they may pull back a bit, but if you have a relationship that is built on the truth and is marked by integrity you can speak into their life and correct them.
When you have a friend who is risking their career by making some unethical choices at work, if there is integrity in your relationship, you can speak into their life and help them correct the course they are on.
Is it difficult? Yes.
Can it be painful? Yes.
Does it mean taking a risk? Yes.
Is it worth the risk and the pain? Yes!
Speaking into one another’s lives helps to preserve your relationships because it deepens and strengthens them. But it can only be done when the truth is a cornerstone of your relationship.
As we read in Psalm 41:12 “In my integrity you uphold me and set me in your presence forever.” When integrity is a part of our life, God will preserve or “uphold” us. He does the same for the relationships in which we live out our daily lives.
Relationships are a valuable, essential, part of our lives. They need to be preserved.
Application: Paul, addressing the Christians at Ephesus, told them to strap the belt of truth around them just like a Roman soldier who wore a belt for strength and support when going into battle. Paul knew that we, as believers in Jesus, face a battle against a dangerous enemy.
That enemy, the Devil, would love to destroy our relationships and thus shipwreck our faith. In fact, one of his most powerful and successful means of destroying the church and destroying individual Christians is to destroy relationships. Your relationships are under attack. I don’t care if it is your relationships at home, or at work, or at school, or right here in the church, your relationships are under attack. Those relationships need support if they are going to withstand the attacks of the enemy.
The best support we can find for our relationship is the support that comes from making integrity and the truth a cornerstone for each and every relationships we find ourselves in.
The title of today’s message is “No Pain, No Gain: Sometimes the Truth Hurts.” And herein lies the rub. Integrity, truth, is essential if we are going to protect our relationships, if we are going to pilot them through the rocky waters of life and if we are going to preserve them. But integrity often hurts.
Integrity is not easy. Integrity will cost you. When lying at work is “just the way of doing business” and you start being truthful it will cost you. It will cost you financially, it will cost you in ridicule, it could cost you your job. When integrity marks your marriage it will cost you. It will cost you humiliation at times, it will cost you convenience, it will cost you in time. Integrity is expensive. Make no mistake about it. It’s not an easy fix, it’s not a magical cure, but it is necessary.
However, the gains we pick up from living lives of integrity far outweigh the pain. Having God’s hand of blessing on your life, having your relationships protected. Being able to pilot them through the rough waters of life. Preserving those relationships. The gains far outweigh the cost. With integrity there is cost, but there is always a greater pay-off.
When integrity is a hallmark of our relationships we find that they are
Protected from the attacks of the enemy and protected from self-destruction.
More easily piloted and guided through the dangerous waters of our culture.
Preserved, built to last and designed to help us live out our faith in a way that glorifies God on a daily basis.
Relationships are where we live our faith. Relationships are where the enemy seeks to shipwreck our faith. If we will base those relationships on and fill those relationships with true integrity we will find that they a stronger, last longer and are much more effective in brining glory to God.
What relationships do you have that need a healthy dose of integrity?
What step can you take this week to begin infusing your relationships with the integrity that God expects of us?
Ask yourself:
How much integrity is there in my relationships?
Am I willing to risk being a person of integrity in order to improve all of my relationships, even if that integrity means cost and pain?
If I am not acting with integrity in my relationships, what is keeping me from doing so?
Today, make a commitment to make certain your relationships are marked by integrity. Buckle the belt of truth around you and allow Christ to support you!
