Preacher, Is Your House In Order?
1 Tim 3:4-5
4 One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;
5 (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?) (KJV)
Over the years, I have known and have heard of various circumstances in a pastor’s life that has made him consider whether he should leave the ministry or not. Some did and some did not and some that did should not have and some that did not should have done so. It gets to be a sticky situation and often the support or lack of support of the church makes the final determination.
While pastors are expected to live to a "higher" standard they are not and should not be expected to be perfect. Should perfection be required then no one should be a pastor as there are none that fit the specifications to the jot or tittle. I have known some really good pastors and some not so good but the one thing they had in common were feet of clay. One major difference between the good ones and the bad ones is that the good ones knew their frailty and humanity while the bad ones thought they had already apprehended what Paul said he had not apprehended after thirty years of ministry.
I have had to consider the "ruleth his own house well" qualification of a pastor recently due to a situation involving a dear friend of mine. Sadly, the whole question of his "suitability" and "scripturalness" comes about due to a change in our society for it involved an adult child living at home. Had the "child" been involved with the same problem and lived in an apartment there would have been no issue at all. It seems that the location created the "offense" and accusation of another minister that my friend did not live what he preached. A bit extreme considering that this minister had an openly rebellious child as well. The big difference, at least in his mind, is that his "child" does not live at home.
I question the locality issue. If I am responsible, and I don’t believe that I am, for what my adult children choose by their free will to do then does their location really matter? I don’t think so. In Deuteronomy 21:18-21, we are told to bring rebellious and stubborn sons to the elders and they would stone him to death. We are not told his age or place of residence only his sins. He was at the age of accountability at least. Did he live with his parents or just in the same village? We do not know, but I for one am glad that we are in the New Testament or I would not be here to consider this subject as my mother would have had me stoned long before my twenty first birthday, which was the age considered as adulthood then. I lived with her until I was eighteen and then entered the military. Today, eighteen is considered an adult. I disagree with that law, but that is the law.
I waited until my son was twenty-one and then I released him from my authority and placed him directly under the authority of God as an adult even though he was still living under my roof. His mother and I gave him a ring and I prayed over him both blessing and releasing him. I told him that from that day on he answered directly to God. I would always love him and be there for him, but he was a man with all the responsibility that goes with it.
He is still living with me and he has made some errors in judgment and we have discussed some of them and worked through them, but I have not thrown him out (thought about it at times) nor stoned him. Maybe that makes me a bad pastor and maybe it doesn’t. I have made some bad judgment calls and my Father has not cast me out though we have had discussions about those bad calls. Since the earth is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof I live in my Father’s presence if not in the main house.
Our bad boy in Deuteronomy was flagrantly and openly drunk and a glutton, which by the way doesn’t mean he had a larger frame than others do because he overeats. The word in the Hebrew speaks more of a moral looseness and being prodigal. The eating issue may be part of his "par-tay" lifestyle as a drunk resulting in vomiting as was the case with Romans that went from party to party eating and drinking then forcing themselves to vomit to make room for the next party’s entrees. In any case, this lad is openly in sin and the parents have tried to get him to turn around to no avail.
This a far cry from the child that is obedient and loving in every other way but comes to the parents in tears to inform them that they are pregnant or that they have impregnated someone. This is the bullet you don’t hear as we would say and does kill you in some ways. Even if there is no pregnancy, the pain is the same for all involved. Trust has been severely wounded and is near death. Faith is stretched beyond its normal limits while hearts are grieving over the loss of purity. The self-recriminations of the parents who have loved and taught the child will go on perhaps until death though the pain will be eased by the grace of God.
I guess the bottom line is does to rule one’s house well mean that there will never be problems? Again, then no man alive can pastor for no one has a perfect house. Or rather does it mean that you rule it well when the problems come up and handle them according to Scripture? I think so, since your home life is deciding whether you can deal with a church and there is no church that is perfect and is without problems. Anybody can oversee a home or church when all is well, but when trouble comes is when you find out the character and abilities of a Dad or pastor.
Let’s take my friend’s problem. His daughter had been going with another church kid for a long time and all that knew them expected that they would one day marry. As is the danger with a long- term relationship passion overwhelmed logic and training and she became pregnant. She and her beau had sinned. No if, ands or buts about it sin is what they committed. No one condoned what the couple did.
The daughter sought forgiveness from God and her earthly father and received it from both. The boy did likewise. The couple also came before the church and confessed their sin to the church and asked forgiveness and the church forgave them. So far, I do not see anything being done that is unscriptural here. Sin was committed, repented of and forgiveness sought from all parties affected.
Let’s come to Dad, the pastor. He is heartbroken. He is well known for his spirituality in many places. Only recently a travelling musician (who did not know anything about the current situation) made a public comment that one thing about this man is that he is the same man no matter wherever he goes. So, was he living some kind of spiritual double life preaching chastity and obedience to Scripture in the pulpit and at home putting his daughters on the pill and giving his sons condoms? Of course not, he did what good parents and especially Christian parents do. He taught, warned and prayed his children would never fall to this or any other sin.
He called a staff meeting and informed them of the situation and asked them if they wanted him to resign. He was willing to do so if they deemed it proper. Fortunately, he had a group of Deacons and an Associate that knew him well enough and were aware of their own successes and failures that refused to hear of resignation. They prayed and asked God to give the pastor and the children wisdom to do what was needed and those prayers were answered.
The couple is now married and faithful in attendance and seeking to grow and put the past behind them as Paul enjoins us to do in Philippians 3:13. Sadly, the other minister appears to have the Prodigal’s elder brother syndrome. The couple was married in the church and she wore white and that ate his lunch and thus he left and accused my friend of being unscriptural not living what he preached.
First of all, how long after the prodigal returned and confessed did he have to wait to receive any blessings from his father, a month, a year? No, he got them immediately. Shoes and robes were necessary, but not the ring or the feast. He could have just made an announcement that the prodigal was back and forgone any party or gifts. This young couple did what they were supposed to do so that means they have to sit on the back row of the church in sackcloth for a suitable time and cannot partake of anything "spiritual"? Balderdash and downright Pharisee poppycock is what that is called.
Frankly, I am not sure that church weddings are at all necessary. A justice of the peace will do just fine. Weddings did not have a formal religious ceremony for centuries though there were blessings given and a covenant made with God. Most likely the Roman Catholics who made it a sacrament or a means of obtaining grace because weddings would be profitable to the institution brought it from secular or familial jurisdiction. Marriage ceremonies are mostly for men’s eyes as it is quite possible that God sees a couple as married once they engage in intimacy. (Gen. 2:24, 1 Cor 6:16, Eph 5:30, 31) Hence our couple was already married in God’s eyes when they came to make it public so what does it matter where they make it public? As to the white dress, she was a virgin when she came to the man she married so it is far more appropriate for her than the lady getting married for the fifth time. It is just a tradition of men, so big deal. Personally, I’d rather do funerals at least I know the person won’t be back in a year or so wanting me to do it again.
Some might say should not sin have consequences? It is not necessary. We may sow, but sometimes God by His mercy causes a partial or complete crop failure. In this case, there are consequences. The couple knows that they hurt their parents. Many people know about it. They will bring forth a child that when it knows that it takes nine months for a child to be born and thinks about his/her birthday and his/her parent’s anniversary date it will know that he/she was conceived out of wedlock. Anyone else that comes into the couple’s life will also figure that out. Therefore there will always be some Pharisees or older brother syndrome folks in their life to judge them silently or openly for their whole life and the child’s. Don’t worry about consequences or that they have gotten off Scot-free. Perish the thought that would happen. They will always know and the devil or his cohorts will always remind them should they by the grace of God forget.
So there we have it the big problem that caused my friend’s fitness for service to be questioned. The only lack of spirituality I see in this was on the behalf of the other minister who chose law over grace and unjustly condemned my friend. I know that many other ministers have faced similar problems and thought about leaving the ministry. If they dealt with the problem squarely and Scripturally like my friend did then I pray they stayed. This was a problem and it was handled rightly so the house is still ruled well.
Now, if you would have sent her off for an abortion or to say that she is attending school and then adopted out the child and hid the matter then you are not living up to what you preach unless you preach child murder and deception. In that case, then you need to leave the ministry for many reasons.
If you have non-adult children living at home and they are juvenile delinquents, then you should consider leaving until you can get things in order. If your wife is a gossip and or is out of control emotionally then you should leave and get help for her and yourself. However, if all you have is a problem that you are addressing then you are just in the same state as all of us. When God gives you the solution to your problem(s) you will be better equipped to help your members or maybe even a fellow minister when they face a similar trial.
2 Cor 1:3-4
3 Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;
4 Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. (KJV)
There are many people out there that need the comfort that God gives you. Don’t quit now. Good pastors are hard to find especially ones that can meet problems with God and bring them to a godly and scriptural resolution. Keep in the fight! Keep looking up!! Maranatha!!!!
