Marriage, Divorce, Remarriage, & Singleness
Marriage is God’s gift to humankind. It is intended to meet our innermost needs – physically; emotionally; and spiritually. What God intends is not always what people experience. When we live as children of the light it impacts the sacred covenant of marriage
Look Back – Paul’s Passion for God’s People
1 Corinthians 1: The Cross of Jesus
1 Corinthians 2: The Spirit of God
1 Corinthians 3: A Temple of God
1 Corinthians 4: A Spiritual Father
1 Corinthians 5: A High Calling
1 Corinthians 6: Free From Sin
Quick Scan:
About Marriage: 7:1-9
About Divorce: 7:10-14
About Remarriage: 7:15-16
About Singleness: 7:17-40
What does Paul Say about Marriage?
A Good Marriage is in Debt
3 The husband should give his wife all that he owes her as his wife. And the wife should give her husband all that she owes him as her husband.
4 The wife does not have full rights over her own body; her husband shares them. And the husband does not have full rights over his own body; his wife shares them.
In marriage there is a shared ownership of life
It’s not about what you get from being married. It is about what you owe in marriage. It is about the debt you owe the person you have vowed to make your soul mate.
People think that love is two young people stuck together.
That is not love. It is attraction. It can be lust. It is often brief.
A group of small children were asked, "What can men and women do to get along better?" Here are their responses:
(Neil, age 8) "My mom should try ice hockey."
(Chris, age 9) "Girls like to stay clean and healthy and brush their teeth, and boys don’t care."
(Jennifer, age8) "They should just understand that women are more mature than men."
(Julie, age 9) "Men and women shouldn’t talk about money."
(Kate, age 8) "They could understand better if they listened better."
Good marriages come from both partners being focused on the other person.
Almost every marriage begins with hope and high expectations. (There are a few exceptions. Shotgun marriages in the twentieth century and television reality shows in the twenty-first century come to mind)
Marriage is the establishment of a fence of protection called a covenant that surrounds the relationship of a man and a woman built on the bonds of love
The Four Bonds of love are:
Eros – Erotic and physical attraction
Storge – Nurturing care and concern
Pheleo – Friendship and common values
Agape – Sacrificial love
It takes all four to make the bond strong and vibrant. The covenant of marrage protects the bond and gives it the space needed for the relationship to grow and prosper. The vow "til death do us part" is important to the ability of the relationship to breathe and live.
So what does Paul Say about Divorce? Simply put: Don’t Divorce – Remember your Vows.
10 Now I give this command for the married people. (The command is not from me; it is from the Lord.) A wife should not leave her husband. 11 But if she does leave, she must not marry again, or she should make up with her husband. Also the husband should not divorce his wife.
My wife and I are an imperfect example of this. We are celebrating 32 years of marriage on July 31st. The only reason that this is happening is that we have walked, crawled, and drug ourselves through the driest and most barren deserts in our relationship. It has not been easy but it has been worth it. We have so many shared memories of times past. We have a family that is together. We enjoy children and grand children that are the result of our marriage and they are all a blessing to us. It is for a variety of reasons. It is mostly because we made the decision to stick it out.
It reminds me of the reporter that asked a couple in there 90’s who had been married for 70 years if they ever considered divorce. The woman answered, “Divorce? – No. Murder? – Yes.”
If you are married – No matter how bad it is today you can survive it and it can get better tomorrow – but only if you will be committed to your promise.
Remember that God hates divorce – Malachi 2:16 (NCV)
16 The LORD God of Israel says, “I hate divorce. And I hate people who do cruel things as easily as they put on clothes,” says the LORD All-Powerful.
So what does Paul say about Remarriage?
He speaks of the unequally-yoked relationship
12 For all the others I say this (I am saying this, not the Lord): If a Christian man has a wife who is not a believer, and she is happy to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a Christian woman has a husband who is not a believer, and he is happy to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 The husband who is not a believer is made holy through his believing wife. And the wife who is not a believer is made holy through her believing husband. If this were not true, your children would not be clean, but now your children are holy.
15 But if those who are not believers decide to leave, let them leave. When this happens, the Christian man or woman is free. But God called us to live in peace. 16 Wife, you don’t know; maybe you will save your husband. And husband, you don’t know; maybe you will save your wife.
If you have an unbelieving spouse who stays – stay
The family is blessed when one spouse is a believer. The other spouse and the children are all made holy – blessed – by the faith of the believer.
Your example may well lead them to a saving faith in Jesus.
If you have an unbelieving spouse who leaves – let them leave
You can’t make someone love you. Not even God can do that.
Donna and I went to the movie "Bruce Almighty" recently and it was better than I hoped. There were some things in it that weren’t good but on the whole there was a lot of truth in the film. (The worst parts of the movie are in the trailer!)
There was one part where Jim Carrey’s character (Bruce) discovered that not even God can make someone love you. All you can do is love the person and let them respond - if they choose to. Sometimes in an unequally yoked relationship the unbeliever leaves. Paul says when that happens - let them go.
Don’t make them go. Don’t manipulate them into leaving. In fact, do all you can to keep the marriage because the believer is a blessing to the unbeliever and to the children. But if they choose to leave - let them go.
When that happens there is the freedom to remarry. Divorce is simply the legal recognition of a broken bond. And divorce gives the freedom to remarry.
15 But if those who are not believers decide to leave, let them leave. When this happens, the Christian man or woman is free. But God called us to live in peace.
But what then does Paul say about Singleness?
There are certain advantages to being single
35 ”…I want you to live in the right way, to give yourselves fully to the Lord without concern for other things.”
I wish we had the time to discuss this completely. Essentially, singleness is a gift that allows a person to focus on God completely - no distractions. And according to Paul - this is far better than marriage. Marriage is not wrong but singleness is better - because of the ability to focus on God.
So what is the Critical Key to making a good life?
Be content - Live as God Called You
17 But in any case each one of you should continue to live the way God has given you to live—the way you were when God called you.
The answer is God not a man and not a woman. And it is not a family
The Critical Key is God
Leadership magazine carried a short item sent in by Cathryn Paxton that illustrates the importance of letting God be uppermost in the marital relationship. She wrote, "A braid appears to contain only two strands of hair. But it is impossible to create a braid with only two strands. If the two could be put together at all, they would quicklyunravel. Herein lies the mystery: What looks like two strands requires a third. The third strand, though not immediately evident, keeps the strand tightly woven." Then Paxton concluded, "In a Christian marriage, God’s presence, like the third strand in a braid, holds husband and wife together.“
I would add this thought. For a single person the second and third strand is Jesus and the God the father. He holds up and makes you strong.
The rod of strength that holds you upright
Prayer Time! Decision Time!
