“Put Away Bitterness”
Ephesians 4:31-5:2
(My thanks to Jim Wilson for his article “How To Be Free From Bitterness”, which provided valuable information for this sermon.)
INTRODUCTION: Ephesians 4:31-5:2
The message this morning is on BITTERNESS, which our text says is “to be put away from you”.
Have you ever known someone who was BITTER?
o Maybe BITTER at GOD … blaming God for the bad things that has happened to them.
o Maybe BITTER at a MATE … blaming them for what they had done to them … perhaps ending a marriage in divorce … bitter at a PARENT … a CHILD …
o Maybe BITTER at an EMPLOYER … because they didn’t get the promotion they thought they deserved.
Let’s take a look and see what BITTERNESS really is. Maybe YOU are bitter … maybe you know someone who is … maybe you are on the RECEIVING end of BITTERNESS.
I. WHAT MAKES A PERSON BITTER? Perceived Sin
When we THINK someone has sinned against us, we harbor resentment towards that person … which can turn to bitterness. We wait for an APOLOGY … if it doesn’t come … we harbor RESENTMENT against that person.
We’ve gotten this idea that … BEFORE we can forgive someone … they have to APOLOGIZE. Do you know that the word “apologize” isn’t in the Bible?
When someone sins against us, we wait for an apology … if we don’t get it, we get bitter toward that person.
WHAT IF the person DOESN’T REALIZE that they have sinned against you? OR … ACTUALLY HAVEN’T sinned against you (but you think they have)? THEN … they’ll never apologize … AND … you’ll be bitter, waiting for an apology that can’t ever come.
EX.: Someone came to me and let me know (in uncertain terms) that I never visited them when they were in the hospital. They harbored resentment toward me because of my apparent lack of interest. I didn’t know they were in the hospital. I asked them why they didn’t let me know that they were in the hospital. They said that they didn’t want to bother me! Since I hadn’t APOLOGIZED for not seeing them, they grew BITTER. How could I APOLOGIZE when I didn’t know I had done anything wrong?
SO … I APOLOGIZED (even though I had nothing to apologize for). What if I had never found out that they were BITTER … and APOLOGIZED? They would have been resentful to me FOREVER!
It doesn’t matter if someone has ACTUALLY sinned against you or not. It is the PERCEIVED sin that causes BITTERNESS.
II. WHAT ARE THE CHARACTERISTICS OF BITTERNESS?
How can you tell if someone is BITTER? Bitterness remembers details!
Most of what you have done, or what was done to you, you have forgotten a long time ago … you don’t remember details of most events. BUT … when you are BITTER about something, you can remember EVERY DETAIL! Every word that was said … the tone and inflection of the voice used … the time, place and circumstances of the event. You know EXACTLY what happened.
Why is this true? Because you have reviewed it over and over in your mind … a thousand times! We don’t normally review the GOOD things like that. We remember them, and enjoy them … then we set them aside. BUT … when you are BITTER over something, you can’t let go of it … and it haunts you … and you play it over & over again … you become OBSESSED with it.
EX. – I’ve counseled people who are going through a divorce. They are BITTER. There have been thousands of good times in the marriage. They wouldn’t have gotten married in the first place, if they hadn’t loved each other at one time. BUT … something happened … and they are BITTER. They can’t remember the good times. All they can remember are the things that they have been rehearsing in their minds over and over and over again. That’s BITTERNESS!
When a person is BITTER, no detail is forgotten. Some details are even EXAGGERATED after awhile. The more you analyze and scrutinize them, the worse they become.
How do you know if you are BITTER? Your resentment causes you to be obsessed with all the sordid details of the event.
I. WHAT MAKES YOU BITTER? Perceived sin.
II. WHAT ARE THE CHARACTERISTICS OF BITTERNESS? Remembering details.
III. WHY DO WE BECOME BITTER? Because we think we have a RIGHT to be bitter.
BITTERNESS isn’t based on how BIG the offense against us is … BUT … on how CLOSE the offense is to us.
EX. – MURDER is a BIG OFFENSE. We can read about someone who wipes out a whole family in California. We might be appalled, but we don’t feel any bitterness. WHY? Because we don’t know them, and it hasn’t affected our life.
Who are the likely candidates for our BITTERNESS? ANSWER: Those CLOSE to us. You’re not going to be BITTER toward the guy who killed those people in California. The most likely candidates for BITTERNESS are: Your husband, wife, mother, father, children, brother, sister, boss, co-workers, friends, family, relatives … even GOD!
We don’t get bitter about evil outside of our immediate contact. BITTERNESS is based upon how CLOSE the sin and the sinner is to us … NOT on how BIG the sin is.
It doesn’t have to be a BIG sin … it can be a LITTLE sin. If your husband doesn’t take out the garbage once or twice, you won’t get bitter over it. BUT … if he doesn’t take out the garbage 1000 times, then RESENTMENT begins, and it turns into BITTERNESS.
AND … you think you have the RIGHT to be BITTER. Someone has sinned against you … and there’s been no APOLOGY! No REMORSE! No CHANGE in behavior.
You will continue to be BITTER … UNTIL … they get down on their hands & knees and make things right. AND … UNTIL THEY DO … you think you have the God-given right to be BITTER!
What if they don’t ever “see the light” and APOLOGIZE? What if they don’t even KNOW that they have offended you? (they will never apologize!) What if they DIE and they never came crawling to you to ask your forgiveness? (once their dead, they can’t!) THEN … you will be BITTER for the rest of your life! AND … it will eat you up like a cancer.
It doesn’t make any sense to be bitter the rest of your life … because of the real or perceived sin of somebody else.
After months or even years of bitterness, you are waiting for an apology. You won’t forgive them until they do. THEN … out of the blue, one day they come to you and apologize. You have spent years being bitter against them … waiting for them to come crawling to you. Finally they apologize. Are you going to forgive them? They’ve finally said they were wrong. That’s what you’ve been waiting for.
NO WAY! You can’t just let BITTERNESS go! It has become an obsession … a way of life … it’s tentacles have wrapped around you and has cut off all compassion. BITTERNESS doesn’t forgive.
What does this tell us? BITTERNESS is YOUR problem … not somebody else’s problem.
IV. WHAT CAN YOU DO ABOUT BITTERNESS?
There are 3 things you can do with BITTERNESS:
1.- Keep It Inside – AND, when you do, it will make you sick … physically, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. Eventually, it can kill you … it’s that deadly. You can see BITTERNESS in the face of a BITTER person.
2.- Let It Out – Many Psychologists will tell you to go to the person you are bitter against, and let it out. Don’t keep it in … SHARE IT! Why keep it in & make yourself sick … Let it out … Get everybody else sick!
God has a better plan!
3.- Dig It Up. Hebrews 12:15 – all turn
The Bible describes BITTERNESS as a ROOT. A ROOT is underground … it can’t be seen. BUT … you can see the EVIDENCE, when the root cracks a sidewalk. Just because you can’t see the ROOT, doesn’t mean it isn’t there. ROOTS don’t always stay ROOTS … eventually they will come up and bear FRUIT. The ROOT of a lemon tree will bear the sour FRUIT of a lemon tree. It won’t bear the sweet FRUIT of an orange tree.
ROOTS grow … they spread. “thereby many be defiled” BITTERNESS can spread through a church … it can spread through an office, or school … it can spread through a family …
BITTERNESS is like a MAGNET … it draws in those around the bitter person. BITTERNESS is like a piece of TAPE … it sticks to those who come in contact with it. BITTERNESS affects everybody that gets around it.
V. HOW DO YOU GET RID OF BITTERNESS? You have to dig up the bitter root.
HOW DO YOU DO THIS?
1.- Recognize Your Bitterness – The temptation/tendency is to look at the offender and the offense … to obsess with how you have been wronged … what they did to you.
Before you can ever get rid of BITTERNESS, you have to confess that you hold resentment for that person … and resentment that has been held onto becomes rancid & rotten.
2.- Realize that it’s YOUR PROBLEM … not the problem of the person who has offended you.
The BITTER person always thinks that it’s the other person’s sin that’s the problem. The TRUTH is … BITTERNESS is the sin of the BITTER PERSON … no matter what sin the offender has done to you (or you THINK they have done to you).
If your BITTERNESS is the fault of the person who has offended you, then you wouldn’t be BITTER anymore once they apologized. BUT, an APOLOGY won’t get rid of the BITTERNESS.
3.- Confess It As Your Sin - The only thing that will get rid of bitterness is to confess it as a SIN before God … YOUR sin.
BITTERNESS isn’t based upon what somebody did to you … it’s the result of what you have done with that offense.
Before you can get rid of BITTERNESS, you have to see that it is a SIN against God … it is EVIL … it comes from the pit of HELL … it is a destructive TOOL of Satan.
You deal with BITTERNESS like any other SIN in your life.
HOW ARE YOU TO DEAL WITH SIN IN YOUR LIFE?
o You REALIZE it is a sin … against God. Until you do this, the ROOT will continue to grow, and spread. You have to quit focusing on the sin of the offender … and focus on your BITTERNESS as YOUR SIN.
o You CONFESS your sin. You DIG UP THE ROOT. You present this ugly, rotten, cancerous root to God … and you CONFESS it as the SIN it is. BITTERNESS is a SIN PROBLEM … YOUR sin problem … not anybody else’s sin problem.
o You RECEIVE GOD’S FORGIVENESS. 1 John 1:9 – “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
Jesus is always listening, waiting to hear the sinner come to Him in repentance. His love, grace, and mercy is waiting to heal and cleanse.
CONCLUSION: Maybe you are on the receiving end of a BITTER person. Maybe you ARE the person who is holding resentment and bitterness in your heart for another person.
In Jesus, you can find rest … and peace … and healing … and forgiveness. Jesus knows all about BITTERNESS … it nailed Him to the cross. AND … on the cross, He nailed its forgiveness. AND … when He rose from the dead, He brought victory over all BITTERNESS. It’s available to you this Morning.
STAND – PRAY
HYMN #349 – “Have Thine Own Way, Lord”
OUTLINE FOR HANDOUT:
“Put Away Bitterness” – Ephesians 4:31-5:2
INTRODUCTION: Some people are bitter at God … a mate, parents, child, friend … an employer …
I. WHAT MAKES A PERSON BITTER? Perceived sin.
- Resentment is harbored when an apology doesn’t come.
- Maybe they don’t realize they have sinned against you … or maybe they actually HAVEN’T, but you think they have.
- You will be bitter, waiting for an apology that never comes.
II. WHAT ARE THE CHARACTERISTICS OF BITTERNESS?
- Bitterness remembers the details!
- Bad things are reviewed over & over … you become obsessed with the sin you think they have committed.
III. WHY DO WE BECOME BITTER?
- We think we have the RIGHT to be bitter.
- Bitterness is based on how CLOSE the offense & offender is to us … NOT based on how BIG the offense is.
- If they don’t apologize, you’ll be bitter the rest of your life.
- Even if they apologize, you can’t forgive … because bitterness doesn’t forgive.
- Bitterness is YOUR problem … not somebody else’s.
IV. WHAT CAN YOU DO ABOUT BITTERNESS?
1.- Keep It Inside – And, it will make you SICK.
2.- Let It Out – And, you will make everybody else sick.
3.- Dig It Up – Hebrews 12:15
- Bitterness is a “root” that can spread … it must be dug up.
V. HOW DO YOU GET RID OF BITTERNESS?
1.- Recognize YOUR Bitterness – Don’t look at the offender or the offense, but recognize your own bitterness.
2.- Realize That It’s YOUR Problem – Bitterness is the sin of the bitter person, not the offender.
3.- Confess It As YOUR Sin – It is a sin against God … it is evil, it comes from Satan.
• REALIZE it is a SIN … focus on your sin of bitterness.
• CONFESS your sin …It’s YOUR sin problem.
• RECEIVE God’s forgiveness – I John 1:9
CONCLUSION: Jesus is waiting to give you healing, forgiveness, rest & peace.
- Only Jesus gives victory over the sin of bitterness.
PRISCILLA BAPTIST CHURCH – Ray Scott, Pastor
