Today, as you know, is Father’s Day. It may surprise you to learn that Father’s Day is not a Christian holiday. By that, I mean it’s not recognized as one of the special days of the Christian Year which have been celebrated by the church for centuries, such as Christmas, or Easter, or Pentecost. In fact, the first observance of Father’s Day didn’t occur until 1910, when a woman named Sonora Dodd came up with the idea to honor her father. He was a Civil War veteran who had raised six children alone, after the death of his wife. Sonora Dodd proposed a day to honor fathers with religious services, special meals, small gifts and flowers. [Now, apparently, the flowers never really caught on. The gifts did, though. Especially the "small" part. Oh, you know what I mean. On her day, Mom is treated to dinner at a nice restaurant, and she gets all kinds of presents – flowers, and candy, and possibly even appliances. But on June 15th, it’s a different story. "Happy Father’s Day, Dad! Here’s your card! I put a stick of gum in it for you." Right? But that’s OK, ladies. We’re not bitter. You can have all that stuff, because we get the remote control.] The first President to support Father’s Day was Woodrow Wilson, but it wasn’t until 1972 that it was established as a permanent annual observance by presidential proclamation. So there you go. A little history with your sermon this morning. No extra charge. However, even though Father’s Day is technically a civil, rather than a religious holiday, honoring fathers is a very Christian thing to do. This goes back to the Ten Commandments:
"Honor your father and your mother . . . so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you." – Deuteronomy 5:16
How do we do that? How do we "honor" our fathers, as God intends? In several ways. For children and teenagers, those who are under the authority of their parents, honor is closely tied to obedience. And by "obedience," I mean not only outward compliance – doing as one is told, following the rules of the household – but even more important, a heart attitude of submission to one’s father, a willing acceptance of his authority. Paul highlights the importance of obedience in Ephesians and Colossians:
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ’Honor your father and mother—which is the first commandment with a promise—’that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’ – Ephesians 6:1-3
"Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord." – Colossians 3:20
And so, if you are a young person here today, and you desire to obey God in the matter of honoring your father, it’s pretty clear what you need to do – obey him. Submit to him, whether you agree with his decisions or not. The Scriptures say that children are to obey their parents "in everything" – that is, in every area of life. And so, although cards are nice, and even flowers wouldn’t be a bad idea, the best way to show respect for your father is to respect his authority. And that pleases God as well.
Now, does that mean fathers can rule over their households as petty tyrants, ordering their offspring around and barking out orders like a drill sergeant? Of course not. Because right after the admonitions to children that we read in Ephesians and Colossians come these words aimed at fathers:
"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." – Ephesians 6:4
"Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged." – Colossians 3:21
Fathers, we need to take this to heart. We need to be careful that when we instruct and discipline our children, we do it with patience, and kindness, and gentleness. How easy it is, to break a child’s spirit by being too harsh or too critical, or by treating him with anger and contempt. It is not OK to vent our frustrations on our kids. Yes, we need to be firm. But we also need to speak and act in love; to treat our children as we would want to be treated in their place.
Let me ask you a question: Have you ever apologized to one of your kids? Have you ever realized, after the fact, that you punished them unfairly, or too severely – and have you then gone to them to ask forgiveness? I have. In fact, just about a month ago I had to do that. My youngest son had been on my nerves all day. I don’t know why, it was just a series of little things, but by late afternoon I had just about had it. Finally, he said something that struck me the wrong way, and I scolded him, loudly and emphatically. Immediately, I could see in his face that I had gone too far. It wasn’t what I said, or even the fact that I threatened to give him a spanking. But there was too much anger in my voice. My tone was too harsh. And he was crushed. He didn’t respond or talk back, he just left the room. A few minutes later, my older son came to me and said that he was lying on his bed, crying. And right away, I knew what I had to do. I went in and lay down on the bed beside him, put my arm around him, and said, "I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you the way I did." We talked back and forth a little bit; after a while, he hugged me and said he was OK, and I left.
Now, did that somehow undermine my authority? Not at all. A willingness to admit mistakes is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness. And if you were to think, because of that story, that I’m soft on discipline, or that I don’t expect my kids to respect and obey me, you’d be mistaken. Proverbs 29:17 says, "Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul," and I believe that. I believe in discipline. I believe in parental authority. But I also know that we need to be careful in how we exercise that authority, lest we embitter, and discourage, and alienate our children. Parents, we need to do unto others – including our own children – as we would have them do unto us.
How else can sons and daughters honor their father? By showing that they respect and value his advice. This applies to grown children as well, those who are no longer under the authority of their parents. Honoring your father involves listening to his views, and seeking out his opinions. Will you always agree? No. Of course not. Nor, as an adult, are you obliged to follow his advice. But if you take the time to listen, and genuinely consider what he has to say, you may find that he’s accumulated more wisdom than you gave him credit for. Mark Twain once said this: "When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in 7 years." For some people, it takes many more years than it did for Twain, to come to the same realization.
In the book of Proverbs, we have several admonitions for children to give heed to their parents’ instruction. And these are worth considering, because they come from the pen of the wisest man
who ever lived, king Solomon.
" Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction; pay attention and gain understanding. I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my teaching." – Proverbs 4:1-2
"A wise son heeds his father’s instruction, but a mocker does not listen to rebuke."
– Proverbs 13:1
Here’s a question: If children are to honor their father by giving heed to his instruction, then what is the father to do? What is his corresponding obligation? To instruct! To teach. To pass on what he’s learned. Now, our church provides Christian Education in the form of Sunday School, and Vacation Bible School, and Bible Adventure Club, and Youth Group. But none of that can take the place of a father’s instruction. All it’s intended to do is augment what the parents are teaching in the home; to help moms and dads fulfill their responsibility to train up their children. Nowhere does the Bible say that it’s the church’s responsibility to teach children. Listen:
"These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates." – Deuteronomy 6:6-9
According to this passage of Scripture, where and when is instruction to take place? At church, on Sunday morning? No. At home, throughout the week. And who is to do the instructing? A Sunday School teacher? Not unless you want one of the Sunday School teacchers to come over to your house every evening when you go to bed, and every morning when you get up, and have her move in with you, and travel with you everywhere you go, so that she can teach your children the way this verse describes. Hear what I’m saying: Sunday School is a wonderful program. We are grateful beyond words for our teachers, and for their hard work and dedication. I thank God for those who taught me the Bible when I was growing up in this church. And Sunday School has been a great blessing to my own children. But ultimately, the responsibility for bringing up children in the faith belongs to their parents.
What does that mean in practice? Well, it means that parents, and not just mothers, but fathers, need to be aware of what their children are being taught in Sunday School, and reviewing it with them to make sure they understand it. Dads, look at the papers your kids bring home from church. Ask them what they learned. Discuss it with them. Show them that you take it seriously. Because if you demonstrate little or no interest in what they’re learning, then they’re going to conclude that it must not be very important. Your actions speak more loudly than your words.
And at home, fathers need to be instructing their children in the faith. They do this both formally and informally. Informally, fathers should always be seeking opportunities to relate life experiences, their own and and their children’s, to the word of God. You can’t be heavy-handed about this, or you’ll turn them off. But be on the alert for that "teachable moment," when they might be receptive to hearing what God has to say about their situation. When your children come to you with questions about life, take them to the Bible for answers. This is what the Deuteronomy six passage was talking about. ". . . when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." Teaching is something that should happen wherever you are, and whatever you’re doing.
Formally, we need to revive the idea of the "family altar". The family altar isn’t a piece of furniture; it’s a time when the family gathers together, once a day, for Bible reading and prayer. It doesn’t have to take a long time, maybe fifteen or twenty minutes, and it doesn’t have to be boring and tedious. What works with our children is simply to read a Bible story, or a brief passage from one of the gospels, and then to ask questions about it, or ask each of the children to make an observation on what they heard. Sometimes they ask me questions about the passage, and sometimes they ask questions that I have a hard time answering. But that’s OK. Now, admittedly, there are times when the kids get antsy, or they’re tired and don’t pay attention, or they get home late from a ball game and you just decide to skip it. We have to be realistic and flexible. Sustaining the practice of a family altar, with everyone’s busy schedules, and with so many things clamoring for our time and attention, is difficult. It takes commitment. But the reward, of children who bring honor to their parents by walking with God, is worth every ounce of effort. Listen to these words of wisdom from Proverbs:
"The father of a righteous man has great joy; he who has a wise son delights in him." – Proverbs 23:24
"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." – Proverbs 22:6
Is that an ironclad guarantee? No. God’s word is true, and without error. But Proverbs is a book of wise sayings, not a book of promises. What Solomon is telling us is that, generally speaking, children who are taught with wisdom, and who are lovingly and consistently disciplined, will turn out well. That brings great joy to their father. Now, we all know of cases in which, despite the best efforts of the parents, a son or daughter makes poor choices and goes down the wrong path. Even Billy Graham’s son, Franklin, rebelled for many years. But the rule is still valid. Children who are brought up "in the training and instruction of the Lord" are much more likely to follow Christ as adults than those who are not. And therefore, fathers, the instruction of our children is not something we can leave to chance. Nor is it something we can delegate to someone else and then forget about. It is vitally important, and it deserves all the thought, and planning, and prayer, and labor that we can possibly give it.
I’d like to make one more point concerning this topic. Fathers, you are responsible to teach your children. But you can’t pass on what you don’t possess. If you don’t possess wisdom and knowledge, you can’t pass it on. In order for you to be a faithful and effective instructor of your children, you must yourself be a student of God’s Word. Because that’s where the truth, that you need to teach them, comes from. You have to read the Bible. Memorize it. Study it. And put it into practice in your own life. Otherwise, all you will have to pass on to your children is the world’s wisdom, or your own wisdom, and that’s not what they need most from their father. What they need most is God’s wisdom. Make sure you have it stored up in your own heart and mind, so that you can pass it on to them.
There’s another important thing that children need from their fathers, besides instruction and discipline. We see it in the gospel of Matthew, chapter three:
"As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, ’This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.’"
– Matthew 3:16-17
Now I realize that none of us will have sons that turn out quite as well as Jesus. But if God is our model for fatherhood; if he is our example, then we need to consider what’s happening here. God not only tells Jesus that he’s pleased with him; he announces it to the whole world. Fathers, let me ask you a question: are you proud of your sons and daughters? If so, do they know that? Have you ever told them? Moms do this all the time. But for some reason, it comes harder for dads. Have you ever said simply, "I’m proud of you"? ["Well, I’m sure they know I’m proud of them . . ."] No. They don’t. Not until you say it. Whether your children are five years old or fifty-five, they need to hear you say those words, "I’m proud of you." It’s a sad fact that many people spend their whole lives longing for, and striving for, their father’s approval, but never receive it. I remember several years ago watching an interview with Paul Simon, the singer. Here was a man with gold records, and grammy awards, and fame, and wealth – but in the interview, he spoke of how disappointed he was that his father had never told him he was proud of him. If you read through the book of Genesis, and the accounts of the patriarchs, you see that the father’s blessing had tremendous power; it was something that was greatly desired. Think of how bitterly Esau wept when he found that Jacob had stolen his father’s blessing.
So fathers, give your children your blessing. Tell them how proud you are of them. Don’t send them out into the world without that suit of armor. Or, if they’ve already gone, make sure you tell them as soon as you can. If you do, I think you’ll find that they’ve been waiting for those words a long, long time.
And finally, children need their fathers to pray for them. Not just their mothers, but their fathers as well. Pray for their safety. Pray that God would bless them and give them success. Pray that He would uphold and strengthen them during times of struggle. But most of all, pray that God would draw them to Himself in salvation; that He would make Himself real to them, that He would be a constant and abiding presence in their lives. Pray that they would come to know Him as their Father in heaven.
Let’s close with a final word from king Solomon:
"Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them." – Psalm 127:3-5
This Psalm reminds us that despite all the work, and expense, and worry, and heartache, and aggravation, and sheer messiness that children bring into our lives, and despite the fact that the job of father often seems thankless and pointless and endless; nevertheless, our sons and daughters are a great gift and a tremendous blessing from the Lord. Let’s remember that, on Father’s Day and every day.
