Building Better Fathers
June 15th - Father’s Day
Dads, do you we need to be rebuilt? Remember the TV show “the Six Million Dollar Man?” The hero, Steve Austin, was all mangled up in an accident and some super-scientists built him into a better man using bionic technology for six million dollars (hence the name). He could run faster than speeding cars, leap over security fences and bash through walls. You could always tell when that show had been on because all the kids in the neighborhood were running around in slow motion going, “nanananananah!” pretending to leap over trees.
As a group, the fathers in our country are pretty bad off today. Countless moms, by necessity, have become the physical, emotional and spiritual mentor for their children because the average father spends about 17 minutes with his children on the weekends. Fathers aren’t taking responsibility for raising their children “in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Last month a Barna study found that 85% of parents believe that they have the primary responsibility for teaching their children religious beliefs. However, the same research revealed that a majority of parents do not spend any time during a typical week discussing religious matters or studying religious materials with their children. Now, to a certain extent, the church has done a poor job of helping them out, but where are the dads pounding on pews, demanding assistance with their god-given responsibility? All too often they’re busy with other matters while mom is dragging bedraggled and sleepy children to worship, teaching them to pray and showing them Jesus. And how do we get off the hook by saying that we’re busy supporting our family, earning a living, tinkering in the garage or on the computer? Could it be that the missing generations of young people in our church are partially the result of our neglect?
The reality is that fathers need to be rebuilt, like Steve Austin. We must learn better how to father in a way that gives God glory and raises children to be what he wants them to be.
But how do we Build Better Fathers? Barna writes this: “…parents are not able to guide their children spiritually because the parents are struggling with their own faith development. “When it comes to raising children to be spiritually mature, the old adage, ‘you can’t give what you don’t have,’ is pertinent for millions of families. The rebuilding process comes as fathers renew their relationship with the heavenly Father. That’s why we’re going to look at a little of the Lord’s prayer today.
Matt 6:9 Jesus said, "This, then, is how you should pray: "`Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, (NIV)
Your Father is no ordinary dad!
I don’t know how much time you’ve spent contemplating the Lord’s Prayer before, but its beginning is very significant. How does Jesus instruct us to address God? Not “Mighty Master,” not “Great One,” but “Father.” You’d think we should address him more formally, but Jesus tells us to call him “Father.” Besides that, Jesus instructs us to call him “OUR” Father. The God you pray to is YOUR Father, YOUR Papa, YOUR Daddy. There may be a lot of daddies out on the Soccer field, but only one of them is mine. The Almighty God is MY daddy.
I know that this concept of “our Father” is difficult for many of you. That’s because your earthly father gave you a bad impression of your Heavenly Father. Maybe your father reclined in a lazy boy all afternoon, ordering you to run for more beer. Maybe your father was a drunk and made a fool of himself. Maybe he held you one night and hit you the next. Maybe he fathered you, but never was a father.
But this Father is different. As powerful as he is, don’t be afraid of him. Yes, we were born his enemies, victims of sin, orphans of our own disobedience. But he loved you, chose you and adopted you to be his own child. Galatians says, “But when the time had full come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under law, to redeem those under law, that we might receive the full rights of sons.” God made his own Son give up the mansions of heaven, so that you could be his adopted son/daughter forever.
And he sticks to that commitment. Remember the Prodigal Son? How did the Father greet the rotten, rebellious boy? He ran out to meet him. Max Lucado writes, “Though the boy is willing to stop being a son, the father is not willing to stop being a father…One arm holds the boy so he won’t fall, the other holds the boy so close he won’t doubt…The child may have been out of the house, but he was never out of his father’s heart. He may have left the table, but he never left the family. Don’t miss the message here. You may be willing to stop being God’s child. But God is not willing to stop being your Father.” (Lucado, p. 12) No matter how much we screw up, he will not give up. That’s why 1 Corinthians says (when talking about God’s love), “Love is patient, love is kind…it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs…It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” Psalm 103 adds this: “As far as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him. As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a Father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him.” There is no failure he will not forgive, no mistake he cannot mend. When we come limping back with the baggage of our belligerence, he runs out and embraces us with total forgiveness. Sure, he chastises us, but always with the goal of drawing us closer to him and training us for life.
I still remember my mom walking through customs at the airport holding my new, adopted sister from Korea. Beth was screaming at the top of her lungs, eyes squeezed shut and bugged out like a praying mantis. She was squirming with fury, and my mom could barely hang on to her. But the look on mom’s face was what really caught our attention. It was the biggest smile I had ever seen. That is how your heavenly Father feels about you in spite of your failures and shortfalls. If we want to build better fathers, we must start with that smiling Father at the foundation. It cannot be done without him.
But now, empowered by the Holy Spirit, you must take the next step.
Your children must see how extraordinary he is!
Have you ever spent time trying to figure out what “Hallowed be thy name meant?” I have. I had heard of hollowed logs and hollow chocolate bunnies, but never of hollowed names. No. “Hallowed” comes from the word “Holy.” It means to make something holy. And the Greek word for “holy” is the opposite of “common.” God is telling fathers (the rest of us, too), to keep his name from becoming common, ordinary in our homes since he is such an extraordinary God! The ordinary is no big deal; the extraordinary is worth treasuring and honoring. It’s the difference between, “Oh, it’s just you, dad.” and “Hi, dad!” and running into his arms. It’s the difference between chinette for the neighborhood kids and china for the Mayor. This is no ordinary guy, no ‘buddy’, but the extraordinary Father of heaven and earth, the King of kings and Lord of lords.
But how do we keep this extraordinary Father from becoming ordinary to our children? How do we keep him from becoming irrelevant, someone to be avoided instead of embraced? Martin Luther wrote about this in the Large Catechism: “How does [God’s name] become holy among us? The plainest answer is: When both our teaching and our life are godly and Christian.” We must become extraordinary fathers in word and deed if we are to keep the Father from becoming ordinary to our children.
Our words are so important in the home. When we use God’s name to express frustration after stubbing a big toe, he’s ordinary. When we only talk about God during the meal prayer, he’s ordinary. He’s extraordinary when we mention him on the family trip or read about him before bed. He’s extraordinary when we have the courage to talk to him and praise him in front of our family.
My dad rarely talked while we were growing up. It had a lot to do with his hearing problem and all the talking he did at work. But he was always sure to talk about our extraordinary God. We would often snicker a little bit while he stumbled through devotion books and tried desperately to think of things to pray about. But we will never forget the impression he made on us: Our God is so extraordinary that he is always worth our effort, even if it’s not the best.
Our actions are just as important as our words in making God look extraordinary. Remember this: Their perception of God the Father is molded by what they see in their earthly fathers! In 1997, 78% of teens said that parents have a lot of influence on their lives (Barna). (Yes, teens said that!) Whether you like it or not, we’re God’s representatives. Your children will judge God’s love in part on your love. They will judge God’s kindness in part on your kindness. They will judge God’s worth in part on your character. Why do you think again this year that only a few collect calls will be made from prisons on Father’s Day? If we are impatient (a sin I struggle with daily), we give the impression that God is impatient. If we have no time for our kids (even if we say it’s for other, important things), they give the impression that God won’t have time for them. If we only have time for them when we are interested (sports or music), they will start to think that they must do something for God to love them.
Our words and actions must show what an extraordinary Father we have. But where do we start? By reviewing our great heavenly Father and his expectations for us. Read through the gospel of John this week to better understand the relationship between Jesus and his Father. Read Proverbs, since it is basically a message from a father to his child about godly living. Find a good book on Fatherhood at the Christian bookstore this week. Get busy building better fathers!
It is no coincidence that the heavenly Father calls you father. You are his representative, and you have an enormous job before you! Yes, we will sometimes fail. For that there is complete forgiveness. But the Holy Spirit will give you the strength to show your children how extraordinary your God is! Through his power, we will build better fathers!
