The family, as instituted by God, has been under attack in our Society for almost two generations. Many have forsaken the Lord’s guidelines in defining the roles of family members and executing our duties within the home. The results have been disastrous.
In this message, we are going to review roles and duties of each member of the family as revealed in the inspired Word of God.
Vs. 18 "Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord."
The status of the woman, being in subjection to her husband, seems to be founded on the basis that (1) she was created after and for man, 1 Corinthians 11:3, 8-9, and (2) it is the penalty for the leack of proper leadership the first woman showed when she was first to transgress in the Garden, Genesis 3:16; 1 Timothy 2:12-14.
This status was faithfully observed by the godly women of the Old Testament period, as is stated in 1 Peter 3:5-6, "For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands. Thus, Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him ’lord’, and you have become her children if you do what is right...."
We read in Ephesians 6:22-24, "Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the Head of the Church... But as the Church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything."
A wife’s submission is not born out of slavish fear neither is it forced upon her by a demanding domestic despot, but is voluntary. It is from the principle of love (Titus 2:4) and respect (Ephesians 5:33). Just as the Church is to submit to Christ with cheerfulness, fidelity and humility - so also should be the service of the wife toward her husband.
Indeed, as King Lemuel writes in Proverbs 31:10-12, "An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all of her life."
This is a far cry from the behavior of some wives; Proverbs 21:9, 19, "It is better to live in a corner of a roof, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.... It is better to live in a desert land, than with a contentious and vexing woman."
"Ill thrives the hapless family that
shows a cock that’s silent, and a hen that crows;
I know not which live most unnatural lives,
obeying husbands or commanding wives."
Francis Quarles
Vs. 19 "Husbands, love your wives, and do not be embittered against them."
The husband must assume his God-appointed position of authority and responsibility over his wife. However, it should be noted that Ephesians 5:25, 29 infers that the husband brings forth love and submission in his wife by first manifesting love and care towards her: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the Church and gave Himself up for her." The husband is head of the wife but the husband must love his wife as Christ loved the Church.... with a love which never exercises a tyranny of control but which is ready to make every sacrifice for her good. Jesus brought the Church to His feet by His great care, not by threats nor fear nor any such thing; so likewise the husband should conduct himself towards his wife.
Real love loves not to extract service, nor to ensure that its own physical comfort is attended to, it cherishes the one it loves. There is something far wrong when a man regards his wife, consciously or unconsciously, as simply the one who cooks his meals and washes his clothes and cleans his house and trains his children and satisfies his sexual desires.
1 Peter 3:7, "You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; " meaning, as I take it, giving due consideration to the needs that are peculiar to a woman.
Back to Ephesians 5:29, Paul says that the godly husband "nourishes and cherishes" his wife. Some Greek scholars believe that the ’nourishing’ refers to meeting psychological, emotional and spiritual needs, while the ’cherishing’ has reference to meeting physical needs.
Sorry to say, some husbands are so insensitive that they find it astonishing to learn that their wives have any needs beyond food, clothing, shelter, and sex.
Many husbands who actually want to satisfy their wives’ various needs have difficulty discerning them.... let alone meeting them. We husbands often lack empathy and intuition. Wives need to understand that their husbands are built differently. Therefore, wives need to explicitly reveal what are their needs to their husbands. It is unreasonable and, at times, a mark of immaturity for wives to hold to the idea that they shouldn’t have to tell their husbands what their needs are. It is irrational to think that their husbands should automatically know all their needs.
With regard to meeting the wive’s inner needs, 1 Peter 3:7, says the husband should "grant her honor", which means (according to the Greek time) ’regard her as being precious like treasure’. Proverbs 31:28-29, states that this appreciation should, at the least, be expressed in vocally ’praising her’. This is the opposite of being "embittered against" the wife, which means being unkind, using harsh language and severe treatment.
Vs. 20 "Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord."
Showing disobedience and disrespect towards one’s parents has always been something very evil in the sight of God. The punishment for such behavior in the period of the Old Testament was nothing short than death:
Exodus 21:15, 17, "And he who strikes his father or mother shall surely be put to death. And he who curses [speaks evil against, see Matthew 15:4] his father or his mother shall surely be put to death."
Dueteronomy 21:18-19, 21, "If any man has a stubborn and rebellious child who will not obey their father or their mother, and when they chastise him, he will not even listen to them, then their father and mother shall seize them, and bring them out to the elders of their city at the gateway of his hometown. Then all the men of his city shall stone them to death; so you shall remove the evil from your midst."
If this penalty seems severe, it is nothing compared to the New Testament penalty for such behavior (mentioned in Romans 1:30, 32) which is spiritual death - ultimately eternity in Hell.
Thus, we see that the Lord places great importance to obeying our parents.
However, there are other more noble reasons to obey and respect one’s parents than just to avoid Hell’s torment.
We should obey our parents:
1. To follow the example of Jesus and please Him.
Luke 2:51, "He [Jesus] went down with them [Joseph and Mary], and came to Nazareth; and He continued in subjection to them."
Colossians 3:20, "Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord."
2. To help us live long and successfully in our adult years.
Proverbs 19:27, 20, "Cease listening, my son, to discipline, and you will stray from the words of knowledge. Listen to counsel and accept discipline, that you may be wise the rest of your days."
Ephesians 6:1-3, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth."
Vs. 21 "Fathers, do not exasperate your children, that they may not lose heart."
There is always a problem, it seems, in the relationship of a parent and child. If the parent is too easy-going and lenient, the child will grow-up undisciplined and unfit to face life. But, there is a contrary danger, which Paul alludes to here, in Verse 21, and that is ’exasperating’ children to the point that they ’lose heart’.
By being overly corrective, too demanding, excessively strict, perpetually fault-finding, parents can make a kid feel worthless and feel themselves unable to please anyone. They are so discouraged that they quit trying, they give up. Oft times, resentment creeps in, too. This is alluded to in Ephesians 6:4, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger."
Its been noted, and I certainly have witnessed, that the more conscientious a parent is, they are likely always to be rebuking and disciplining the child. Simply because they wish the child to do well, they are always on the kid’s back. There is a certain kind of constant criticism which is the product of misguided love.
Nevertheless, the Scriptures do teach the necessity of training and disciplining our children:
Proverbs 22:6, "Train up a child in the way he should go."
Ephesians 6:4, "Fathers, ... bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."
Proverbs 29:15, "The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother. 13:24, "He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently."
Hebrews 12:7, 9-10, "What son is there whom his father does not discipline? ... we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them.... For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them... All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness."
The Scriptures also relay the fact that discipline must be tempered with compassion and balanced with encouragement and affirmation -
Psalm 103:13-14, "Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him. For He Himself knows our frame (or ’knows what we are made of’); He is mindful that we are but dust."
1 Thessalonians 2:11, "just as you know how we were exhorting and encouraging and imploring each one of you as a father would his own children."
We all desire rich and rewarding relationships within our families. Applying the commands of the Lord to our lives will go a long way toward producing a family where needs are met and God is glorified.
